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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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15, pregnant and don't know what to do. Can someone shed some light on my situation?
Q. I found out I was pregnant about a week and a half ago. I told my parents the next day I found out. My mother has become supportive to non supportive to some-what supportive within this past week and some. My parents boyfriend are also aware, ...
A. 6 August 2009: I have worked with teenage girls who have found themselves pregnant in similar circumstances to yourself. They told me how much hard work was involved and what sacrifices they made (they also said their babies were wonderful!) - I am a mother to a ... (read in full...)
How can I convice my daughter that she'd be aborting for the wrong reasons?
Q. My 17 year old daughter is pregnant. We have always talked openly about keeping the baby should she ever become pregnant. Her boyfriend does not want her to keep the baby. I am so upset she is now considering abortion. We took her down to her ...
A. 5 August 2009: I don't think you personally can give her impartial advice on the subject - as you say you don't want her to terminate. She is probably very confused right now and the boyfriend imposing conditions on their relationship is obviously a bad thing. But ... (read in full...)
Help, I don't know when / how to start Potty training my twins?
Q. Hey i am 15 i was 13 when i found out i was pregnant and i was 2 mounth of being 14 when i gave birth anyways i was wondering i have got twins boy '[names removed]' and girl ' [names removed]' and they are one and a half and i do not know when to ...
A. 5 August 2009: I have a 20 month old son. He never took to a cot and sleeps with us in an extra bed next to ours with a side panel on the bed to prevent him rolling out. As for potty training, I have a potty in the bathroom next to the main toilet and I let him ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me in a very mean way, my mom's not accepting that I'm gay and I don't have a job! I feel like my life is falling apart!
Q. Hello, I'm new here and I need help, I'm gay and I have a bunch of problems now, I feel really stressed and lost, first of all my boyfriend broke up with me in a very very mean way, he told me really mean things that destroyed my heart, I really ...
A. 5 August 2009: You are overwhelmed because there are lots of things going on at the moment. You need to see a counsellor - not because you are mentally ill but because you need someone 'objective' to speak to and unload all these problems onto. There are lots of ... (read in full...)
For women 50 and upwards, I need ideas for a fragrance for my partner!
Q. ..... For the attention of women between 50 upwards.... What sort of fragrances do you think you like to wear in the evening? Other than "Lilly of the Valley", I would like to get my partner something a bit more different....
A. 5 August 2009: I like poison and obsession perfumes by calvin klein...I don't think it matters what you buy her so long as it is a reasonable brand. Just don't buy her Olay or anything dire like that and she will probably still be talking to you afterwards!... (read in full...)
I need ideas for a job for me!
Q. Hi, I am a 13 year old girl and I am looking for ways to make money. All the jobs I have found so far appear to be scams and they ALL turn out to be just that. I need money because my mom is married to a jerk and he won’t pay for anything so and she ...
A. 5 August 2009: I had various jobs at your age - paper and leaflet delivery, working in a shop and at 16 I worked part-time as an administrative assistant. Terrible money but still...I never had any pocket money from parents as we were a poor family. Try asking ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my "skinny jeans" skinny?
Q. I have a few pairs of "skinny jeans" that are pretty loose, especially around the ankle. They look like regular jeans. Would you know how to make them tighter around the ankle? When back to school shopping time comes, I don't want to buy ones that ...
A. 5 August 2009: If you boil cotton in a very high temperature - either in a bath tub by hand, or a boil cycle on a washing machine - they will shrink all over and may lose their colour. If they fit at the top end now...they may not afterwards. Take them to someone ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? My dad's behaviour toward me?
Q. My parents are divorced, and my Dad moved out 3 years ago. When I was younger, my Dad touched me and looked at me in ways that I'm now slightly nervous about. For example, he'd walk into the bathroom when I was having a shower (we didn't have a lo...
A. 5 August 2009: I have worked in child protection in the past. I think any behaviour such as you describe is inappropriate (particularly given your age). It is not so much what he has done in terms of invading privacy and touching, but the very fact that he makes ... (read in full...)
Don't average people get real love too?
Q. i'm so sad! no one likes me enough for me to be their girl. I met a guy once, but he stopped contacting me after a few dates, another made it clear all he wanted was sex, another was way too clingy and i had to let him down. and so it goes on ...
A. 5 August 2009: There is no such thing as an average person. Basically most people are special in one way of another - talented, attractive, intelligent...whatever you like! If you go out to clubs then you will find there are lots of players looking for ... (read in full...)
I'm 13, I want this 20-year-old to like me, is this OK??
Q. So im 13 going to be 14 and theres this guy that i like but hes 20 and he always come over or we always text my uncle knows that i like him and he says im not supposed to but i seriously like this dude and we he always listens to my problems and ...
A. 5 August 2009: Normally I would say age doesn't matter, but that is when both people are adults! It is normal for a teenager of your age to have crush feelings on an older male but it is NOT normal to act on them, or have a man take an over-friendly interest in ... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently so she won't turn nasty on me?
Q. Im a gay female, im quite isolated in the gay community and amd alone and am attempting to make friends/dates through a dating website. over a year ago I was chatting to X on an online dating site, X seemed nice initially and we were ...
A. 5 August 2009: You shouldn't worry about X gossiping about you whatever you say to her. Basically if people know her to be a nasty gossip then they hadn't see her as credible or important. I would lose the anxiety about being talked out and treat your recent ... (read in full...)
I'm a victim of "sexting"
Q. i really need help i am a victim of this "sexting" and i have been for the past 3 months i hate it and i regret doing it i did it coz my bf wanted a pic of me nd he sed he wld never ever show any1 but when we split up he sent it 2 his mates it was ...
A. 4 August 2009: You should read the bbc website today, there are lots of tips on how to deal with the situation. There are two things to learn from this: never sent private photos to anyone and develop the self-esteem to say NO to anyone who wants you to do ... (read in full...)
Having sex outside - is this legal?
Q. Hi The thought of sex outdoors really turns me on and i really want it. However is it legal to have sex outdoors what would happen if we got caught? Thanks...
A. 3 August 2009: There are a number of possible charges that can be issued by the police. These include public indecency charges if found by the police (or recorded on CCTV), to on-the-spot fixed penalty fines for anti-social behaviour that can be issued by the ... (read in full...)
Should I move on?
Q. i was with my partner for nearly two years. Mostly we were fine. Our arguments were mainly about his obnoxious interfering mother. Two weeks ago i ended it because i felt upset he was annoyed with me for falling out with his mother. I tried to at ...
A. 3 August 2009: Forget about him - if he puts his mother first over you then he is a mother's boy still tied to those apron strings. It is ok to love and stick up for your mother, but grown adults should be able to balance their parents wishes against their ... (read in full...)
Why did he go cold, after we were having such a good time?
Q. hi there.i was dating online, and got talking to someone who i was interested in. we hit it off straight away and had so much fun talking every night, and speaking on the phone. he wanted to meet so he could spoil me. told me all the time how ...
A. 3 August 2009: Jennifer Aniston has recently spoken out about online dating in an interview - she says it is a messed up way of meeting people that invariably leads to disappointment when you meet them in the real world (or words to that effect). I tend to agree ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant, but I feel that if my boyfriend doesn't want a baby with me then he shouldn't be involved. Is this right?
Q. I was planning to get married shortly but my boyfriend has 2 children and doesn't want anymore. I did want another child and have tried everything to get him to change his mind but he will not budge. Although we have been very careful and used ...
A. 2 August 2009: When you are pregnant, your emotions can be all over the place...it can be hard to think clearly about things. Of course there are increased risks of pregnancy as you get older but that doesn't mean you will have any problems personally. I don't ... (read in full...)
What will happen when she finds out I'm pregnant with her brothers baby?
Q. my best friend has polycycstic ovaries which makes it difficult for her to have children she isnt happy that i am engaged to her younger brother.shes always wanted children and said if she found out i have a child with her brother she wont see us ...
A. 26 July 2009: I have polycystic ovaries and I also have a child. Polycystic ovarian syndrome can make it more difficult to conceive and carry a baby to full-term, but there are lots of medications such as Metformin and lifestyle choices such as low-carb diets ... (read in full...)
He's so verbally abusive
Q. I'm so confused, me and my boyfriend have a relationship of 5 years. When he gets angry he says really hurtful things like " you bitch, your deaf, you dumb slut" he tells me he has a short fuse and can't controll himself. Last night I had enough a...
A. 26 July 2009: So, how long do you think it will be before those hurtful words turn into painful punches? Verbally abusive men have control issues and when putting you down with words doesn't work then the abuse can escalate into something more physical. This is ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my new employer that I am pregnant?
Q. Hi, I am happily married and my husband is a great guy. I just had a pregancy test and it is positive, however I am a bit worried because we did not plan to have a baby for another year or two and I have just got a job offered for a week and I am ...
A. 25 July 2009: You don't say what the job involves - if it is of a clerical nature then I don't think there is any real reason to tell your employer. I didn't tell my employer until I was about 3 months pregnant and needed to think about antenatal appointments. ... (read in full...)
His g/f is pregnant yet he's sleeping with me & other girls, is he happy?
Q. Hi everyone Ok i split up with my ex in october last year, anyway we have stayed good friends and since we split up we carried on sleeping together, untill januery this year when he got his gf who is now 3 months pregnent anyway before i found o...
A. 25 July 2009: You are asking the wrong question. It should be 'are you happy?'. If so, why are you settling for so little out of a relationship - he gets no strings attached sex from you, other women and then goes home to the mother of his child. It doesn't sound ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to handle myself and my neighbor?
Q. When I moved into my neighborhood, the first woman I met was very friendly and she and her husband were out immediate next-door-neighbors. We became very cordial, and exchanged cards, did samll favors for each other, such as taking in parcels and ...
A. 23 July 2009: Once you finished the fatal reverse action, can you please drive to my house and do the same thing to my stalker-neighbour? Joking aside, I am sympathetic as you can already tell from my reply I have an over-friendly neighbour too. However, ... (read in full...)
Always depressed, lonely, distant...
Q. I feel crap and I have tried talking to some adults about it. Just feel depressed all the time when I'm at home, but when I get to school or wherever then i'm usually really happy. I know you are probably thinking it's hormones, but it got so bad ...
A. 23 July 2009: You don't feel good about yourself because you are depressed, but depression can be treated through counselling (cognitive behavioural therapy) and antidepressants. Increasingly doctors are willing to prescribe antidepressants to adolescents, but ... (read in full...)
19 and looking to get my tubes tied
Q. I am currently 19 and looking into getting my tubes tied. I know that this is a risky operation and I can blow my chances of ever having children but I am strongly curious about this option. Does anyone know what the chances are of pregnancy after a ...
A. 23 July 2009: Given your age and lack of children I think you would find it difficult to locate a surgeon willing to perform the operation to be honest. Sterilisation is major surgery, even when performed via laparoscopy, and the failure rate is about 1 in 200 ... (read in full...)
What can I do to get my money back from my ex?
Q. I split up with my ex (we were together for 2 years)nearly a year ago because he stole money from my parents. He still owes me a lot of money and keeps on giving me excuses on why he can't pay me back! I have a new boyfriend and he has a new ...
A. 22 July 2009: Threats to get the police involved in the situation are not getting you anywhere because he probably knows that they would regard this to be a civil-law matter in the UK. The act of stealing from your parents, however, is a criminal matter and they ... (read in full...)
I met a Turkish man in Germany and now I'm very confused!
Q. hi All I have just returned from a holiday in Germany with some friends who live their. While in Germany I met a Turkish fela the same age as me 34- he has lived in Germany apparently for 12 years or so and seems to be quite successfull in h...
A. 22 July 2009: I think you should forget about the Turkish man in Germany for a lot of reasons. You don't know him very well and you can only judge him on what you already know - he is married, perhaps separating (according to him) and not prepared to move ... (read in full...)
My nasty neighbour is making my life miserable!
Q. ok guys heres my problem . i have had a troubled life and having some mental health disoders does not help (ADHD ect) . its just lucky i have a lovely family who i can talk to . My problem is a nasty neighbour . it all began many years ...
A. 20 July 2009: I agree with the others comments. You can contact the police and your family need to keep a diary of harrassment events as they happen. You should also find out who the police community support officer is for your area and make contact with them ... (read in full...)
I read his emails and I think he will cheat! Why do men cheat?
Q. hi my boyfriend cheated on me during the first year we were together, i stayed around and convinced myself that we all make mistakes, but, i also found out his password to his email account, and since then i have occasionally had a look about and ...
A. 20 July 2009: There are probably lots of reasons why men (and women) cheat on partners...but it is usually to do with personal weakness on their part as opposed to anything about their partner's attractiveness. You have probably heard that old saying: once a ... (read in full...)
I am a tomboy and I have not had a boyfriend ever, I do wear make-up, do boys care if you are a tomboy?
Q. ummmm ok this is a weird question but like im a big tomboy most of my friends are guys and i luv tossing the football and wrestling and stuff like that but i still wear makeup and crap......do guys like that or care about that cuz i havnt hade an ...
A. 20 July 2009: It is ok to be a tomboy...I was definitely a tomboy at your age and I still am to a certain extent! Did it stop me having boyfriends, getting married etc...no! In my teenage years I did get teased by boys about not being very girly - I would only ... (read in full...)
Mom of four virgin sons, how common is this, can parents cause this, can I help?
Q. I have 4 sons ,all of them over 20 years old, 3 moved out from the house,one is living with us. I'm absultley stunned by the fact , that none of them ever had a girlfriend,and they are all virgin,they are also very self distractive on differen...
A. 18 July 2009: I don't think it is a problem, unless you make it a problem. Your boys are in their 20's - they are not 40 or 50-something batchelors! It doesn't have to be seen as a negative thing. If they were players messing about with lots of women you would be ... (read in full...)
Beaten and abused and I need a way out
Q. please help me..ok i am 16 years old and my mom is very physically abusive and verbally abusive towards me.i have been in state custody once because i reported her.i was in state custody for 7 mths and i loved it my foster parents were great.well ...
A. 15 July 2009: I don't think your mother will call the police because it would provide an opportunity for you to explain the situation to them and get her into trouble. She is resentful of losing 'control' over you now that you live with your father. Control is ... (read in full...)
She asked for a photo of my penis, I sent it and then find out she was humiliating me in front of her friends!
Q. I started online dating a couple of weeks ago. I have never done anything like this before - and found it really fun. I started it because I wanted to find a nice girl to date. Anyway, I started talking to this 24 year old girl. We were going to go ...
A. 12 July 2009: Hello, there is nothing you can do about your drunken error of judgement...you can learn a lesson for future reference about sending anyone your body parts by phone, email or whatever else. These things can come back to haunt you in the future as ... (read in full...)
He wants us to get married but he never spends any time with me
Q. Ok I am so confused and don't know what to do. To start off I'm almost 7 months pregnant and am having issues with my bf. Our relationship has changed since we have been together first off we bearly ever have sex. When I say something about this to ...
A. 12 July 2009: I am glad to hear you are not marrying right now. Although lots of people do marry when there is a baby on the way that is never a good reason. Basically having a baby is a huge change in your life at any age - let alone a young age! With fatherhood ... (read in full...)
He tried to rape me and I'll know he'll try again!
Q. I am a 14 year old male (15 in october :D) and my name is Dean. My best friend's parents and mine are childhood friends and my parents are out of town a lot, so I stay with my best friend's family whenever my parents are away. My best friend has an ...
A. 11 July 2009: You should tell your parents and notify the authorities because this man is a sexual predator who will victimise children repeatedly if not stopped. It is common-practice for child abusers to suggest threats or bribes to keep their actions secret. ... (read in full...)
Best friend's boyfriend is coming on to me!
Q. i think my best friends boyfriend keeps coming on to me! He will say things like, i wish she was more like you, i think your gorgeous, can i pop round and see you etc! They have been together for 3 years and they have a little boy together, i know ...
A. 11 July 2009: I think this is a tricky situation for you. She may not wish to believe you if you tell her how he is behaving, particularly given the lack of clear evidence. However, if he is being this 'friendly' with you, there are probably other ladies in his ... (read in full...)
My stepfather to be wants me to call him dad, he is abusive and I don't like him, what can I do?
Q. Hey everyone I need a little help as some of you know my dad past away not to long ago. And my Mom seems to be over it already cause she's getting married and I just got out of the hospital a little while ago cause of my accident with a dirtbike. So ...
A. 11 July 2009: I understand that you want to protect your mother, but your first responsibility is towards yourself. I suggest you give serious consideration to living with your aunt or any relative who can care for you. If your mother is marrying someone who she ... (read in full...)
I want to get rid of my stepdad, he's making our lives a misery!
Q. AHH!, i need help on this one, my stepdad is becoming uncontrolable, well he and my mum got married about 3 years ago now, they dont have any kids together but he has ruined my ife so far. wen i was just 12 he strangled my brother and he got arre...
A. 11 July 2009: As you are in the UK, you need to identify your local social services department and call them to report the child abuse. As your step father has been arrested for assault, social services may be able to see this in the searches they will do as part ... (read in full...)
We fell in love with each other through Facebook, without meeting
Q. I met her on Facebook two weeks ago we became friends. She lives in another state we haven't seen each other apart from pictures. I fell in love with her she says she loves me as well. I noticed she doesn't want people to know especially her ...
A. 10 July 2009: You are in love with the idea of being 'in love'. You haven't met this girl and I recommend that you do not see her. You don't know her off-line at all - and that would be the basis of finding out if you love her. You think you are in love on the ... (read in full...)
He's going to be sentenced to 2 years, what do I do?
Q. Hey guys! About 6 months ago, i got talkin to a guy who i used to have a crush on! we got on really well and we had such a laugh together! he kept tellin me he liked me but he had a court case coming up and so he thought it would be unfair to ask...
A. 10 July 2009: You maybe looking at the situation through rose-coloured spectacles and should certainly take care not to get dragged into a relationship for the wrong reasons. If he is getting a sentence of that duration it must be for something quite serious - ... (read in full...)
Getting away from him after the summer will be a huge relief in one way, but in another, I won't be able to stand it!
Q. long story, so sit down, get a cup of tea or something, and get ready to read. me and toby have known each other since we were around 12. we started dating, actually, but obviously it was nothing serious. after a very difficult break up (he did...
A. 9 July 2009: Hello, moving away to University will open up a whole new world to you of places and people like you have never experienced before. You will become more independent and hopefully more confident as you develop into a young adult. Adolescence is a ... (read in full...)
I love him but I'm not attracted to him...he has hygiene issues!
Q. Hello Reader's My boyfriend and I been together for 4 1/2 years when I meet him I was only 18 and he told me that he was 26. After a year into our relationship he started looking older then he said he was. After snooping through his wallet I...
A. 5 July 2009: This is no basis for a long-term relationship - having children with this man would make you very unhappy. You have already cheated on him and therefore the relationship is doomed - no environment for bringing up happy children! If he is havin... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and she wants to be my secret love affair!
Q. first and foremost, i am straight,engaged to a beautiful man whom i have shared my life with for the past 4 years. 2 years ago, i met this really attractive woman at a party, she is my friend's cousin and because she is working in the same line and ...
A. 5 July 2009: You are right, it is totally screwed up. I suggest you post-pone the wedding as you seem carried away by the ceremony. Marriage is supposed to be a life-long faithful commitment, although the divorce rates in most countries indicate this isn't so ... (read in full...)
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