A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a good freind (friend only) who I get along with, we get along well mostly. She is very self absorbed, as she has a few health issues and works only 2 and a half days a week, she has in past years been a workaholic.. she has had an abusive r/ship in the past, (years ago) and she also has to live with her parents and she is in her early 40s. A tough deal I know. Conversation seems to be mostly about her and what she is doing at work and the things happening in her life, what her parents are doing and how it annoys her to have to with them etc etc. She has recently broken ties with her part time business partner and i alway hear about that.. I listen and am supportive, I always am, and i've helped her a lot this past year. but.. sometimes I want her to listen to me too! and ask how i am, but she rarely does. I dont want get rid of her as a friend, we do have fun sometimes and we need each other as friends. Sometimes I say to her "hey can I talk now!?" or direct the conversation to me for a bit. She is the original smart ass and is very sarcastic and witty, being a smart ass back works sometimes, this hard for me at times as im quieter, (i have a couple of other freinds and yes i do see them too.) I dont have the gift of wit like her. How can I be more witty in my responses, how does someone gain the gift of witty comebacks? i really would like it and need it. What else can I do? We are very different but we get along. I guess some ppl are just into themselves and find it hard to listen?sorry its so longadvice appreciated thanks
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 There is no equality in this friendship and you have turned into her social worker to listen to her problems in life. Don't think about witty come-back's as they wouldn't be natural for you and if you feel the need to think ahead about what to say, she isn't a true friend. If she puts you down it is because she wants the attention and doesn't like sharing the stage with your problems. I appreciate you like her but don't feel you have to put up with needy people. It is good to help out friends from time to time, but if it is always one-sided then it is time to reevaluate the friendship and if it is worth the effort...
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (25 November 2009):
 You can't make yourself witty. We all come up with the perfect comeback, but only those of us who do it DURING the conversation and not an hour later, can be witty. You are who you are.
And the same goes for her. And maybe the reason you two get along is because you two are so different. Self-absorbed people can't become good listeners, it just ain't them. On the other hand, it can be really relaxing to be around them because you never have to try pretend since they can't be bothered to notice. Like posting on this forum, you can forget your own issues when dealing with someone else's.
If you want to forget about your own problems or have a reminder your life ain't so bad after all, talk to her. Want to confide in someone, find someone else. This relationship is as it is, and neither you or her can really change this. Accept it and appreciate it. Because having a friend who always listens can be very exhausting as well. Cause you can never just go 'aha' to her rant, she will want to know everything and sometimes you just don't to talk.
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