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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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My online 'Juliet's' parents are trying to break us apart!
Q. My relationship start off long distanced online. We started cam dating just a few days after we met on a website. She confessed to me that she loved me and wanted to try dating. I accepted and fell in love with her also. We had no real problems ...
A. 7 June 2010: As a parent myself I can tell you that if I discovered my child (when he is older of course) having an internet relationship then I would be concerned. With all the horror stories you hear in the media and a bit of common sense thrown in for good ... (read in full...)
I'm 13, he's 18 and I don't know how to proceed because he says he loves me.
Q. I am so confused. i know this boy that is 18, i'm 13. tonight he told me he loves me. out of the blue. i like him a lot and have for a long time, he is intelligent and very mature for his age. we met at church and i told him i wanted the pastor to ...
A. 7 June 2010: This could be a totally innocent remark by a young man who genuinely has respect and affection for you. However, I would really be worried if I were you. An 18 year old young man telling a younger girl such as yourself that he 'loves' you maybe a ... (read in full...)
Pregnant girlfriend...adoption, abortion, or keeping it.. I need advice when none are options!
Q. hi, so i have been going out with my girlfriend for a year and two months. This past week she took a pregnancy test and it came out positive. We discussed our options with ourselves and somewhat agreed that we were going to keep it. The next day i ...
A. 7 June 2010: Adoption is a terribly hard process to go through - women bond with their babies during pregnancy so to part with them afterwards is a real trauma for many. Your girlfriend is probably terribly scared of having a baby so young and a bit emotional ... (read in full...)
My dad was such a jerk! How do I deal with this and stop my annoyance from consuming me?
Q. Grrr.. In so frustrated at what happened last night after going for a meal with my family! It was my boyfriends birthday and we decided to take him out to eat, I said it'd be my treat because my bf always pays for everything when we go out. ...
A. 7 June 2010: I don't think you can say anything about this without making yourself seem bad - you did invite him out as a treat (I know you didn't expect him to break the bank). I don't think your father behaved like a gent, but I am guessing this wasn't a 'one ... (read in full...)
Help with getting rid of blackheads?
Q. Hi everyone, I have an issue with blackheads. Blackheads are the only type of acne I have, but they're horrible. I have them on my nose, cheeks, forehead, everywhere. They're not really noticeable except up close, but I'm sensitive about them. I've ...
A. 6 June 2010: I think you have had plenty of good advice on this subject. I thought I would add that a good quality diet will have an impact on your skin. You could think about taking zinc too. The black head is debris trapped inside the pore. If you get a facial ... (read in full...)
How does a large penis feel? Can a smaller guy satisfy a woman?
Q. I have a question for you women out there who have had a large penis (like 9"). What do you feel when it is all the way in? Is the sensation of being "filled completely" so overwhelmingly erotic to you that you long for it, or is it no big deal? ...
A. 6 June 2010: Contrary to what you might think, big sausages can be a real pain (literally!). Mother nature was only designed to accommodate so much and anything that hits a cervix is not fun for ladies...not to mention the recurrent cystitis and soreness ... (read in full...)
He is unemployed and steals my money. Do I stay?
Q. should i still stay with him hi all heres the thing I've given my bf chances, well I think too many chances but i have given him chances to prove to me that he wants to be with me . see hes not working and hasnt been for the 2 and half years...
A. 6 June 2010: I want you to look in a mirror and see if you have the words 'welcome' marked on your forehead. Sorry to be blunt but someone obviously needs to tell you that there is a difference between being a supportive aid to someone and their doormat to walk ... (read in full...)
I'm falling in love, but he wants an open relationship. Do I wait and see if he will return my feelings, or cut and run?
Q. Should I wait and see if our feelings develop or cut and run? Hi, I met a guy two weeks ago online. He said from the beginning that he did not want anything serious because he ended his marriage of 6 years to his childhood sweetheart only ...
A. 6 June 2010: In one respect this man is a decent guy - he hasn't cheated behind your back and has been honest about his intentions from the start. However, you say in your post that you weren't looking for a serious relationship yet feel awkward about what he ... (read in full...)
Feelings for my boss...
Q. My boss is helping me to leave my job with dignity as it has not been working out witht he staff I manage. I personally would like the area really shaken up. One member of staff has made my working environment very unpleasant and has been issuing ...
A. 5 June 2010: Your boss is encouraging you to resign because he doesn't want the fuss and bother of a disciplinary procedure. He is being very nice to you to make sure you do what he wants. He is hardly fighting to keep you in his office, I think he is probably ... (read in full...)
How can I seduce my ex?
Q. I kinda want to know how can you make a guy want you back cause I want my ex back I just rather not talk to him right now, but better said he has me locked out of his life. Our break up was a random one, he one day said he just didn't love me ...
A. 5 June 2010: Stop yourself from getting into a degrading situation. I think you need to move on. You broke up with this guy for a reason - the relationship was not working. If he wasn't that interested then, his attention span for you won't be that good now. It ... (read in full...)
Sore throat, swollen, glands, fever etc after HIV scare - cause for concern??
Q. Unexpectedly and very regretfully I briefly had unprotected anal sex with another guy (I'm gay). I went straight to the doctor who thought the risk was exceptionally low on account of the person, the time, just the once and because HIV and other ...
A. 5 June 2010: I tend to agree with the previous post - a doctor who says that your sexual activity does not put you at risk of HIV and other STD's is one in need to retraining. There is a difference between low probability of risk at population level and low ... (read in full...)
I want her badly, but I'm afraid of being turned down
Q. There is this girl at work i would really love to date. I accually see her as someone i could marry but i am scared to ask her out. I have walked her home a couple of times and jokingly mentioned hanging out maybe going to the movies or someth...
A. 5 June 2010: I think you should ask her out 'as mates' and see what happens. Something that is no big deal like the cinema or the pub.Leave the marriage proposal aside for now! I wouldn't be too disappointed if she says she won't date you though. You should ... (read in full...)
Felt completely excluded among my b/f's colleagues; they made me feel like a loser
Q. Hi guys! This is a social-relationship question, and I appreciate all comments and suggestions :) Last night I joined my boyfriend and a few of his work colleagues at a bar in the city for "Friday night drinks". I wish I stayed at home! ...
A. 5 June 2010: I don't think you suffer social anxiety - that is a general response to all social situations (a pretty extreme avoidance-at-all-costs response too). I think you have hurt feelings because the colleagues did not make you feel very welcome. I think ... (read in full...)
Why am I so paranoid?
Q. hello cupids how does one stop themselves from being so obsessed and jealous about their new boyfriend. I've only been with him 3 months and I'm jealous of him even hugging a cat! I'm not joking either. I also get really jealous when he looks at...
A. 2 June 2010: I think this is taking over your life. You need to see your GP and ask for a referral to a cognitive behavioural therapist. Your jealousy is founded on low self esteem and lack of confidence. You need some professional assistance to learn how to ... (read in full...)
Ex may have non-consentual indecent photos of me.
Q. Hi. My problem is this. I was with my ex for 7 years. Last April he left to be with someone else. Now he wants me to sell the house to give him money. Things have gotten a bit nasty but the other day he e-mailed me to say he had 'found' his old ...
A. 2 June 2010: If he has been struck off for professional misconduct in social care, he is probably desperate for money. He is using extortion as a technique to hurry along the sale. You don't mention if you were married to this guy or not, or whether his name is ... (read in full...)
PLEASE give me advice and opinions on older successful man!
Q. would a successful older male ever be interested in a not-so-successful younger female?? we get on great, but its in his nature to be so friendly and pleasant. i only know him through work. he's ten yrs older, is divorced and has children. what ...
A. 2 June 2010: I guess what I am about to write is not what you want to hear. You don't sound terribly self confident. I think you need to work on those issues before you start trying to get into a relationship with a 'successful' (whatever that means these days) ... (read in full...)
Will an STD result come up in blood work or do I have to specifically ask for it?
Q. I have had a horrendous few weeks. My boyfriend of 6 years (I am 20) we got together when we were 14 has cheated on me. And at first I thought I could get over this but I found out there was a hell a lot of girls (sexting, kissing, meeting up ...
A. 2 June 2010: Blood tests look for specific conditions that a doctor might suspect you of having such as a thyroid or liver function for example. You would need to request a full STD screen which would involve blood, swabs and urine samples. If you prefer you can ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to overcome his principles and self control and give us a chance or am I wasting my time?
Q. Having been celibate for a long time, I met a guy I really like. The attraction between us is incredible but he will not give in to it as he thinks I have 'issues' (true!) and to see problems develop as a relationship grows is one thing but he feels ...
A. 2 June 2010: I think the operative words here are 'wasting MY time'. If he is finding fault with you already then the relationship would be doomed. If anyone has issues then it is him by the sounds of things. I appreciate that the prospect of some bedroom action ... (read in full...)
Should I break up with b/f, father of my child and never see him again?
Q. hi i broke up with my boyfriend for 9 months and now were back togeter for 5 months now!!! we have a 2 and a half yr old son! his father doesnt take care of us both and i dont think i love him or anything like that but theres something keeping me ...
A. 2 June 2010: There is no point in maintaining a relationship for the sake of your child. Eventually your child will pick up on your misery and it will affect him. Being a single mother is probably better than staying in a loveless, joyless relationship based on ... (read in full...)
What can I do to ensure my baby is safe while with his father?
Q. I have a three year old boy. His father and I have been apart since he was 4 months old. His father got weekend, overnight visitation about 6 months ago, because he finally completed the 20 hours of supervised visitation. Since then he gets Elijah ...
A. 31 May 2010: I think the welfare of your child should be paramount. You need to write to social services documenting every incident. You could withhold access and wait to take it back to court. Talk to your legal representative about this. Before the court you ... (read in full...)
Am I a tramp?
Q. I've been a very bad discusting person well i think so anyway :( ive had sex with two boys in the space of a month, and other sexual acts with them too spreading over 5 months im just realising now that i feel nasty and horrible, im sucha tramp...
A. 31 May 2010: I don't think you are a tramp. I think you feel this way because you have lacked the self confidence to say 'no' to sexual activity with boys that you were not emotionally ready for. I suspect you had sex with these boys thinking a relationship ... (read in full...)
Is this how scorpio men show love?
Q. Please help! I have been dating a scorpio guy on and off for two years and I am still lost. At the time we met in May 2008, we had just left our respective partners. He told me he wasn't ready to get serious because his last one lasted five ...
A. 31 May 2010: Astrological interpretations are not going to help you with this man...it sounds like he is having a permanent 'full moon' crisis. You are his surrogate parent/ social worker who is there to service his material needs - there is no love on his side ... (read in full...)
Weird vagina!!!
Q. Some background information, ever since I was 14 I have had one really large labia on my right side, I absolutely hate it!! It makes me so unconfident and especially around inexperienced guys as I'm worried they will just be like "ew, what's ...
A. 29 May 2010: I think there is probably nothing too weird about your downstairs plumbing department. All ladies are different in what they have down there and the media (particularly adult movies) have presented a perfect standard we are all supposed to comply ... (read in full...)
My colleague is becoming a real pain!
Q. Afternoon all! Can someone please shed some light with what's going on in my colleagues head?! My colleague is becoming a real pain! She does things on purpose to start arguments and get others in trouble amongst other things. Yesterd...
A. 29 May 2010: You have see this girl for what she is. Sooner or later it will all catch up with her. It is best to sit on the sidelines as the drama unfolds. Office's would be super-dull places without some 'lively' souls around. Don't do her favours, don't enter ... (read in full...)
Hi obsessed ex has been making MY life hell forever, is there anything I can do here?
Q. Okay i need some help with this one. I've been with my boyfriend just over a year. We're in a long distance relationship between the Uk and the US and ive just spent 5 months over there with him. (Let me explain the story) He split up with hi...
A. 29 May 2010: Sorry to hear about your situation. I think his ex is probably mentally disturbed if she feels the need to take things this far. I think the best way to deal with the situation is to feel sorry for her. I honestly think that is what your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Not in love with my wife, but have a young daughter.
Q. I'm 37 years old, married, and have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. I'm from the UK and my wife is from Hong Kong. We met in HK through a mutual friend while i was working there. Before we got together she was in another relationship and I knew both of ...
A. 28 May 2010: The relationship is over. You now both have to make the best of the situation for the sake of your child. As a PhD student with a child you will be able to claim some support from the Government (tax credits, income support). By the time you qualify ... (read in full...)
Is online release horrible?
Q. So here is my situation. I have a really high sex drive. Much higher than my wife's. And sure, it's been a bit of a problem, but I've accepted that people are different and since everything else about our relationship is great, I'm deali...
A. 28 May 2010: To be honest, cybersex has always appeared to me to be the pastime of sad, lonely, deviant people who are perhaps not getting too much physical or social contact in the real world. I don't expect your wife would be too impressed. If I caught my ... (read in full...)
Do I have the right to request he doesn't contact her on our romantic break
Q. I'm going away for the weekend with my boyfriend. He told me to bring a pen to write postcards with. He has a female friend whom he used to be in love with before he met me, and I know he will want to send her a postcard, he sent her one a year ago ...
A. 28 May 2010: It sounds like you are angry with the wrong person. The female friend is not enemy number one here. You feel insecure in your relationship because your boyfriend has contributed to these feelings. If he treats you less respectfully than his female ... (read in full...)
Are men attracted to overweight women?
Q. hey aunties and uncles. I'm going to be direct with this question because I've always wanted to know. is being overweight a real turn off for boys and do they get attracted to overweight girls? I myself am not overweight or anything but I am curious ...
A. 23 May 2010: There was a time in my late 20's when I was classified as 'overweight' because I had a medical condition making me fat. It never stopped me getting boyfriends though! I lost the weight for health reasons but I see enough larger ladies out and about ... (read in full...)
Colleague found out I was pregnant& everyone in my workplace& now denies it!
Q. I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a colleague of mine found out. I gave up smoking and was off with bad sickness so she put 2 and 2 together and figured it out. She asked me I told her I was and she promised to not say anything. I really wish I had ...
A. 22 May 2010: People at work know you are pregnant - it should have been you to tell the news but it wasn't. At least the manager can now do a health and safety assessment if that is appropriate for your job and you can make plans for maternity leave. It also ... (read in full...)
I am losing a lot of blood from problems maybe related to an implant, what advice can you provide?
Q. hello there. i have the impant (implanon) and i have done since September 2009. my periods have been really messed up from it, then i went on the mini pill to stop my ireggular bleeding from the implant. this messed them up even more. about 4 we...
A. 22 May 2010: It is not that unusual to have problems with your cycles when you are using hormonal contraception. However, it is very important that you see your doctor. You should consider using non-hormonal methods (a discussion with a family planning nurse or ... (read in full...)
My b/f is always looking for sex
Q. Hey! What should i do about my forever-horny boyfriend?? Its kinda awkward because hes always asking me to have phone sex with him and real sex but im not sure if im ready, can anyone help please??...
A. 22 May 2010: Lots of teenage boys are like that! However, it comes down to a question of respect at the end of the day. If you have made it clear that you are unhappy to get into that sort of relationship and he continues to pester you...it means he is more ... (read in full...)
Pictures of his ex on his bedroom wall! And porn-type ones with her on his phone and computer!
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for just under 2 months, and when i was over his i noticed on his phone and computer he has porn like pictures of him and his ex and a photo of her on his bedroom wall. so i gave him time to delete them etc. but he didn...
A. 18 May 2010: I think your boyfriend is still checking up on his ex, and perhaps in an unhealthy stalker-like way if he keeps pictures of her and hacks her email account! I would run away fast as he doesn't show you any respect and you are obviously just there to ... (read in full...)
Why didn't he cum?
Q. Hi, i am 16 and recently lost my virginity to a lad that's 19 (he was not a virgin) im realy confused though, because it only lasted about 10 mintues, and when i asked him if he cumd, he sed nah he didn't, he was just giving me a 'tester' ? D...
A. 18 May 2010: You are 16 and legally able to have a sexual relationship with anyone you want. However, you should probably reserve such acts for boys that you are in the sort of relationship with that you can communicate with them. By asking these questions of ... (read in full...)
Is there's any thing I can eat or drink that would make my belly stop hurting?
Q. Hey, I'm 17 and i was wondering if there's any thing you can eat or drink that will make your belly stop hurting or not hurt as much when your on your period? I tried taken tums it dint help, Also is there drinks or foods that will make it worse ...
A. 17 May 2010: Hello, it is not your stomach that is hurting through your period but your uterus (womb). Indigestion tablets won't help because they treat an acid imbalance in your stomach. At your age I had very bad pains which were later identified to be an ... (read in full...)
Do you think I successfilly turned off this married man?
Q. My old teacher and i finally started talking about hooking up, especially now that i am graduating in 10 days. i know i shouldnt do this I only told him i liked him. i told him i never had a motive besides to just get that off my chest. in t...
A. 17 May 2010: I won't lecture you on morals. I will tell you that you are one of many girl's he has told the same tale to. 'My wife doesn't understand me...you are the first girl I have liked'. It is a ploy to make young girls feel flattered and then have sex. I ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm going to get Aids or HIV from him!
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 22 years old woman.I have sex with my ex boyfriend. We are dating about like a 6 months. and now we already broke up. The reason I broke up with him because I found out he's using drug. Like cocain, rock and all kind of drug. I dont ...
A. 17 May 2010: Drug users tend to be pathological liars - they are often in denial about their behaviour and the harm it does. I wouldn't trust his word about using needles or the range of drugs he maybe using. I think you need to see a doctor for a full blood and ... (read in full...)
Who is the father of my baby?
Q. hi ok i had sex with my x december 19,20 that is the last time i had sex with him then had sex with my friend the next day for the rest of december and january my last period was january 1st i want to the doctors and he told me i am 19 weeks and 3 ...
A. 17 May 2010: If you are absolutely certain that you had a proper period on Jan 1st then the father's baby has to be your friend (not your ex). The fact that you had a period signals that you were not pregnant in December thus triggering the period. Based on what ... (read in full...)
I want to message him but I'm scared people will make fun of me!
Q. Ok i have this group of mates that ive only started gettin to know for the past year, they're all practically the same, pretty snobbish. One had a quiz night a few nights back all was fine and i met my mates boyfriends mate, and kinda liked him i ...
A. 17 May 2010: Presumably he has given you his phone number. If he hasn't and you got his number from someone else then don't text him. If he gave you his number then he must like you a little bit. Just send him a message saying hi, how are you? and see what ... (read in full...)
I like two guys and I can't have either!
Q. please help me, my head is messed up. i like 2 guys and there best friends, im not using there names so im just gonna call the guy 1 and guy 2 , so guy one ive liked him for a long long time now he's one of those guy you cant get out of your mind , ...
A. 16 May 2010: Life can be unfair. You cannot date either boy. Firstly, you told boy1 you fancy him and he has not responded how you expected. He already has a girlfriend and if he was unhappy with her then he would leave that relationship. He is probably ... (read in full...)
Will he ever like me again?
Q. Erm I really like this guy and i mean when i think of him my heart goes weird i proper love him. we did go out but his granny died and he wanted to be alone and that was a couple of days after he asked me out and it was like i got my dream boy and ...
A. 16 May 2010: This boy has a girlfriend so leave him alone. You cannot make him like you or change life circumstances like grandparents dying. If he wanted to date you then he would, but he has another girl. She maybe pushy but he must want to be with her or else ... (read in full...)
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