A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have a very complicated situation. Most people would say it is very clear cut but to me it isn't. I married the man of my dreams, who I was very much in love with. Eight months after we married, he strangled me and beat me up. He called the police on himself and he has been in prison for two years. I have kept contact with him the entire time. I still have very strong feelings for him although I know he is dangerous. I have had several affairs during the time he has been in prison. One of the affairs was with his brother, which he found out about. That has been resolved. But I have been in another relationship for five months with another man. My husband is getting out of prison in 30 days and I haven't told him about this other man. I have such mixed feelings, I have this optimism that he will get out and things will be ok, but deep down I know they won't. He cannot live with me when he gets out anyway but that does not resolve the issue. Many people tell me that I am not cheating on him because he broke our marriage vows when he choked me. Any views on this are appreciated.
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female
reader, baybay +, writes (1 December 2009):
 thats so scary!what if he gets out and strangles you again or trys and kill the guy your with!get the heck outta there asap.protect yourself.
A
female
reader, sunray  +, writes (29 November 2009):
I would not like to be in your situation at all...and I'm sure this situation must be playing a number on your headtwo things..LOVE IS BLINDANDMOVE ONmuch love and luck
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (29 November 2009):
 OK, I guess that as you won't take any advice, your mind is already made up. In 30 days you will re-sume your relationship with 'the man of your dreams'. It will be hot and exciting, because, after all, he's been in jail for two years, and can't wait to get his hands on you. That time in the past, you know, the one where he strangled you and beat you, that was your fault, right? You provoked him. You pushed him. It was your mistake, and you won't do it again, because after all, he's 'the man of your dreams', and you don't want to lose him. Come on, he even called the police himself. Because even though your larynx was severely compressed at the time, and you were black and blue, and he done it to you, 'the man of your dreams' deserves a little credit right?WRONG! WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!What are you thinking? Are you actually thinking?You kept in contact with him. He thinks everything is ok, and that he is forgiven. You had some 'affairs', (what? you CHEATED on 'the man of your dreams?') one with his brother which he knows about. Do you think he has had time to think about that, and get a little upset, maybe angry? Hell yes. But the other aunts, and guys like me, who have seen my sisters subjected to YEARS of this type of abuse, we don't know what we're talking about. Your particular situation will prove the exception to the rule that once a woman forgives a man for violence, she can expect more regular and more savage beatings.But of course, you know best, and you know he won't do it again. You can change him, even if prison didnt. Because after all, he is 'the man of your dreams'. I would like to wish you luck, and give you advice on how to live a fear free life, but I feel I will be wasting my time. Because if you have really moved on, we wouldn't be typing here would we?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (29 November 2009):
 I'd tell him now. That way he knows the score before he gets out of jail. I agree with the other aunts and uncles here...the relationship is over. You need to forget those feelings you have for him, everytime they crop up think of all the bad he did. He must repent in his own way and learn to overcome his anger but he will not be able to do that with you as it's all gone too far.
Get yourself some protection, move away if you have too, it would be worth it to know he can never hurt you again.
AE x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2009): The people that have said that you are not cheating are right, you have been getting on with your life, although I am not sure his brother was a good idea.I agree with DrPsych is right it is over.Please tell me that you are not thinking of taking this man back?
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 November 2009):
 The relationship is over, but I am not quite sure about your personal safety. He maybe under the assumption that the marriage will continue and I strongly suggest you send him a letter in prison outlining how you have moved on and don't wish to be contacted. When he finds out about the affairs, especially his brother, then he maybe very angry indeed. If you meet with him, he may sweet-talk you into taking him back.
He has a history of anger and if he has been in prison then his anger and aggression may have escalated considerably. I think you need to cut all communication with him and call the police around his release date to explain the situation so they can support you if he attempts contact. Without long-term domestic violence specialist therapy this man will not have changed and you have to do all you can to protect yourself from further injury.
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A
female
reader, chiina +, writes (29 November 2009):
hi well to be honest I think you should just let him know honey. what he did to you was wrong and unforgivable. you just need to trust your heart and be with the man you love. you only get one chance to live, you must make the best of it and most of the time when you mess up there isn't a second chance so why should you give him a second chance? so he can mistreat you once again? move on honey
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