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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I'm 14, have had one abortion with complications, and I think I may be preganant again!
Q. Well im 14 yrs old and will be 15 February 3rd. I am in a relationship going on a year january 3rd and had an abortion september 1st. For my follow up ii was told that there was a blood clot left in my stomach ! ii believe they got it out but the ...
A. 11 October 2009: An abortion at your age is a big deal psychologically as well as physically. To have put yourself at risk of another unwanted pregnancy quickly means that you are really not coping with doing adult things in a non-adult body. That is not intended to ... (read in full...)
Shattered and Lost!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm about to graduate high school and, unlike my classmates, I am dreading it! When I was 13 I was kidnapped and abused, I also suffered from amnesia for 5 years. I didn't remember anything about my family or even my last name. I end...
A. 11 October 2009: You have a lot going on in your life. If you have met the right man then wait before getting married as there should be no rush. Parental approval is not always necessary - I married my husband without their approval. They also hoped I would marry ... (read in full...)
Why do I attract pieces of shit?
Q. WHY DO I ATTRACT PIECES OF SHIT? I'm having a total break-down! I've been reflection on stuff and I want to scream...........is it me? what am i doing wrong? here's the story: I was with my ex for 13 years!!!(hs bf). He did NOTHING! I went ...
A. 11 October 2009: There is a clear reason why this has happened to you - because you have allowed it to happen. I am sorry if that sounds harsh but it is sadly the truth of the matter. I think Jerry Springer (the authority on all things sleazy) once said 'people ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend insults me and punched me in the back!
Q. My boyfriend of almost two years has a huge insecurity about how he compares to other men. I have reassured him (for these two years) that he is the man I want and who I want to be with - oh, and I am 26, he is 30. Last night we were out to...
A. 10 October 2009: What you have described in the classic domestic violence victim profile to be honest. I used to work on a housing project for DV victims and they all had stories like yours. He wants sex because it is another mechanism for control. While I am sorry ... (read in full...)
He suddenly started ignoring me and messing my head up!
Q. Hi, im hoping you could help me out here. Let me begin by giving you a little background info...but before i do theres something you must know. The guy im talking about is in NO WAY a player or anything, be is one of the nicest guys you'll ever ...
A. 10 October 2009: There are probably at least two explanations for his behaviour. Firstly, he still likes you but he is too scared of asking for a date in case he is rejected. He is ignoring you because he doesn't think he is getting anywhere fast and is trying to ... (read in full...)
Just "bad parenting skills"???
Q. If there is anybody out there in the legal profession, I would truly like to understand this. No, on second thought, I have no desire to understand this at all. Please tell me what I can do to fix this because it is sooooooo wrong! While I don't ...
A. 4 October 2009: I am not a legal professional, but I do have considerable experience of child protection work and the way the system works. If the police have not helped, contact Child Protection Services (social services) in your area and report what you have ... (read in full...)
She's not particularly pretty, so should I end it?
Q. I met a girl over the weekend that I've been talking to online since then. I think her personality is absolutely AMAZING. I LITERALLY can't remember the last time I've had THIS much fun talking to a girl. Ever. And we've both made it clear to each ...
A. 4 October 2009: Time to move on...for her sake, not yours. At 13 she may be no supermodel but by the age of 20 she might turn into a stunner! The fact that you already think her looks are a problem means you won't be going into the dating relationship with the ... (read in full...)
I still love him, should I tell him?
Q. Hi everyone, i have a problem, ok.... Me and my ex broke up almost 3 months ago after a year and a half relationship because he ended...to be honest i dont even really know why, something about me being clingy and moody and jelous of his best gir...
A. 29 September 2009: I think you shouldn't tell him how you feel, as those feelings will change in time. If he wanted to get back together then he would just ask you out and not hesitate. I think the relationship didn't work out and when you are older and more ... (read in full...)
8 years chatting with a man almost 30 years older than me!
Q. Hi, Aged 16 (just) I began going on internet chat rooms, it was a phase that lasted only a few months however, I began chatting with a man aged 48. We have continued chatting over the past 8 years(!) though have both long since abandoned going ...
A. 27 September 2009: I think the way you are feeling right now is perfectly normal and justified. Basically at 16 it is understandable that you used a chat room for a while and began an internet relationship with a man. What is not normal is his wish to meet you, ... (read in full...)
I'm having a second affair after I promised I would never leave him again, do I stay with him or follow my heart and be with the man I love?
Q. This could be a long post but I have to lay it all out. I am a married woman and have been with my husband for 13 years. He was my first serious relationship (I met him when I was 20). About 6 years ago I had an affair and told him I was leavin...
A. 25 September 2009: People make promises they cannot keep and in your case you made a promise that you shouldn't keep for the sake of your husband. I don't understand why you would contemplate having kids with a man you obviously don't want to be with in a marital ... (read in full...)
I was born with eczema, how to get over my embarassment?
Q. Hi, Im 14. I have a weird problem. I was born with eczema so ill have it all my life because in most cases it goes by the age of 7, my grandfather has it too. i dont like showing my legs because im embarassed by it because its on my arms and le...
A. 23 September 2009: Your problem is definitely not weird as skin disorders are very common indeed. I have had allergic breakouts since I was a teenager as it runs in my family. A doctor can prescribe steroid creams and shampoo if they are suited to you, or you could ... (read in full...)
I'm still a virgin but could I be pregnant?
Q. Im 14. Still a virgin. Problem is me and my boyfriend of 7 months now well we've been messing around. And, i know of cases where a girl can be pregnant yet still a virgin. I know how that happens. What im worried about is i should of had my period ...
A. 23 September 2009: Irregular periods are not unusual at your age, although if you find that you don't have one for a long time it is wise to see a doctor to identify if there is a medical explanation. Stress can also affect your cycles. It is possible for a virgin to ... (read in full...)
The girl I'm seeing has a very high sex drive! Please help!
Q. The girl I'm currently seeing has a very high sex drive. Yesterday, we had sex four times, and if she had gotten her way, we would have had it even more than that! Obviously I can't complain too much, as there have been times in my life where I have ...
A. 23 September 2009: It could be that she has a sex drive higher than most, but there could be other reasons too. It maybe that she is insecure or inexperienced at relationships and thinks that having sex all the time will keep you interested in her. If you are new into ... (read in full...)
He won't have a child with me, so I'm refusing to deal with the mother of his children. Am I being terrible?
Q. My question could possibly be viewed as spoilt and childish but it matters to me so here goes. For a long time I have wanted a baby with my new husband. He already has three children and doesn't want anymore children. He made this clear prior to...
A. 22 September 2009: I don't think this is childish, but rather behaviour motivated by deep seated resentment towards your husband. I think you should call the mother as I think her request is reasonable and the boy should not be punished for all the problems in the ... (read in full...)
We want to have a baby, I'm almost 17!
Q. Well I'm very confused. im extremely happy with my boyfriend, we've basically been together for a year and ive never in my life felt for anyone the way i feel about him, i understand this sounds typical for a 16 (almost 17) year old girl to say, but ...
A. 19 September 2009: It sounds like you have met Mr Perfect. So, now you can spend some happy times with him without the commitment of a child. You would be very young to have a baby. As lovely as it is to have a baby, they are hard-work and cost a small fortune! I am ... (read in full...)
Husband says anything in his life except food is bland
Q. For the past few weeks my husband has been saying everything in life is bland, except my cooking and anything food-related. He's stopped having sex with me - and I miss his emotional closeness he had with me as well, he's gone quiet. Yet he...
A. 19 September 2009: Lots of people who are depressed don't realise it. There is, unfortunately, a stigma attached to mental illnesses such as depression that make some people feel it is a sign of weakness or emotional instability. As such, they are reluctant to apply ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is wearing bikinis and wants a bikini wax
Q. My boyfriend told me he had something interesting to tell me last night, and I was interested to hear what it was. He announced he wanted a bikini wax and that I should have one too (or a Brazilian wax too), if he is. I don't get it - men don'...
A. 19 September 2009: Send him for a bikini wax...the pain may bring him to his senses. ... (read in full...)
Secretly going out with a waiter, my friend likes him
Q. hey, i have been going out whith a waiter who works in a Restaurant we go to quiet alot but no one no's about it i went there at the weekend with my family and my best friend and her family and he was working but didnt serve us my best friend n...
A. 14 September 2009: I cannot say if your waiter-boyfriend fancies your mate, but if you met him through dinner service then I would be careful of this boy until you get to know him better. He maybe a player using his job to 'pick up'. I think you should be honest with ... (read in full...)
My little sister walked in on us having sex, what do I do?
Q. Okay, so basically, last night me and my boyfriend were messing around, i had my trowsers down but my top still on when my little sister who's only 12 walked in, we managed to sort ourselves out abit before she completley saw everything but i feel ...
A. 14 September 2009: She is 12 and she will be thinking of other stuff soon. If you keep bringing it up then it is making an issue of something minor and may drag on. I would say that you should get a small lock for your bedroom door as you would probably not wish to be ... (read in full...)
I got out of an abusive relationship. How can I move on and meet someone else?
Q. I've come out of a very controlling, mentally abusive, unhappy relationship. And im still dealing with the pain and upset of how he used to make me feel. I've been to counselling and I am over the worst but not quite there yet. It was a year ago ...
A. 13 September 2009: I think you should abandon dating until you are feeling stronger - you are young and need to address your relationship issues and how you feel about yourself. As you say, if your self esteem is low then dating can be tough. I would say you need to ... (read in full...)
He called me a hoe -- does that mean he wants us back?
Q. im 19 years old and my boyfriend of 3 years is 29. yes thats 10 years difference. what could we possibly have in common right? well he spent 10 years in prison and his state of mind is truly that of a 20 year old at this point if you ask me so we ...
A. 13 September 2009: He called you a 'hoe' and you want him back? Now that should be the question - forget about what he wants as that is all about handing the power and decisions in the relationship to him. You say that you argue a great deal and he is clearly at least ... (read in full...)
A fancy this nurse - would I be foolish to ask her out?
Q. Hi, Im in a bit of a dilemna as to whether to ask a girl out or not. The thing is this girl is a nurse at the hospital where my mum is currently staying. My mum is very ill and they are not sure what is wrong with her, and she has been in hospi...
A. 13 September 2009: I think most hospital's disapprove of staff getting involved with patients and their relatives outside work to be honest. It is supposed to be a professional relationship after all. I think you should focus on your mum for now because if you ask her ... (read in full...)
Can you get infection from anal sex?
Q. hey i just need to know what would happen if my boyfriend's sperms came into my back side ... i need to know is there any infections would occour in the intestine or not .. please i need reply as soon as possible thanks...
A. 13 September 2009: I think the other post's have given you the basics on the possibility of sexually transmitted infections. I just wanted to add that your bottom is a host for e-coli bacteria which should live up there, and go nowhere else in your body. If you have ... (read in full...)
I think I have hit puberty, but why am I still small?
Q. I am 13 and I think ive already hit puberty and im 2.5" soft and about 4.5" hard why am I so little?...
A. 13 September 2009: For a start your body hasn't stopped developing yet. You need to put that measuring tape away as your dimensions are quite normal for mankind! Lots of teenagers have anxiety about various aspects of their changing bodies and you are quite normal on ... (read in full...)
We have been together for 16 years, but now he has lost interest in me and our daughter
Q. I am unsure what to do! I have been in love with the same man for 16 years since we were kids. Since our child was born 7 years ago we have not really had a proper relationship he has had a few other relationships none of which have lasted more than ...
A. 13 September 2009: I can see this must be a very hard situation for you, particulary since you have a child together. You have to detach those heart-strings as this man is never going to give you the 'happy ever after' story you are seeking. In fact by focusing on him ... (read in full...)
Could my daughter be lying that she is a virgin?
Q. My daughter has just turned 17 and she says that she is still a virgin. I believe her because when she gose places she calls me every five minutes, but my cousins all believe that she has had sex. I think that she has not because she dose not go to ...
A. 13 September 2009: I think you have got to stop worrying so much about your daughter and start focusing on the real problem here - listening to idle gossip from relatives in no way to conduct a parent-child relationship. I would stop asking her about it because if she ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is underweight, and I'm worried about him
Q. Ive always known my boyfriend is very small framed. Recently we were discussing weight, because I've been trying to lose a few extra pounds. And he stated that he weighs 110. He is only 5'10 in height.T his makes his bmi at 15.8! Is this normal and ...
A. 12 September 2009: Being underweight (as your boyfriend is) could present lots of health issues in later years. He needs to see a doctor to identify if there is any medical cause - it could be something simple like an overactive thyroid, parasite infection or problem ... (read in full...)
My children are being kept away from me against my will by my mother-in-law
Q. I am 24 years old. I have been married to my husband since April 13, 2007 and dating him since October 24, 2005. We have 2 kids together. The oldest turned 3 April 5, 2009 (I was about a month pregnant already when I started dating my husband. He ...
A. 12 September 2009: The family court is the place to determine custody of children. It is vital that you hire a family lawyer to represent you or seek legal aid if you are unable to pay. You should also call child protection services in the State where your child ... (read in full...)
Scared my eating disorder will return!
Q. i'm 4 months pregnant with my 2nd baby(planned), me and my fiance are both over the moon. I'm very excited and feel very blessed to be carrying our second child. I love being a mummy to be 10 month old little boy. He's my whole world and I love him...
A. 12 September 2009: Pregnancy is a good time to tackle eating disorders because you have someone else to motivate behavioural change. Ask your GP to refer you to the cognitive behavioural therapy service in your local area - this type of intervention is effective at ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure who the father of my baby is!
Q. This is abit long but can anyone possibly help me out...? hi guys before u judge me, yes it was silly but its done now so anyway here it is... i found out im pregnant tuesday (8th) but let me explain i came on my period last month a wk and 3 days l...
A. 12 September 2009: This is a judgement free post - you havent cheated on anyone after all and in today's day and age then you can sleep with who you like as a single girl! So, stop stressing about the morality issue. There is no way to tell for certain who the 'sperm ... (read in full...)
I want him to be part of our daughter's life after he gets out of jail ...
Q. My daughters father was brought up in an insane household.. honestly his mother believes in all types of religions and his father would cheat. when i found out that i was pregnant with my daughter he left and started dating numerous other girls. i ...
A. 12 September 2009: Sometimes the questions on this board are just staggering...I do not understand why any mother would want their child to be around someone capable of violence. He is in jail because he assaulted you and when your child throws a tantrum there is ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of this rash I have on my butt?
Q. Hi everyone. Please give a solution for my problem. I have dark rashes on my butt...i have tried many creams and did home treated but the rashes are still there. Due to this rashes im shy to have sex with my boyfriend. Coz i think my boyfriend will ...
A. 11 September 2009: See a doctor because there could be a range of possible medical conditions causing skin irritation - you could be allergic to washing powder, underwear fabric or something that can be easily identified and corrected. I would say that you should wear ... (read in full...)
She's bringing all kinds of men into my kids' lives.
Q. Hi can you help me? I split up with my partner 2007 we have 2 kids together, 4 and 3 years old. She's been dating and bringing all different sorts of men into my kids life; she can't stick to one man. I want to hear your advice and what negative ...
A. 11 September 2009: Although she is allowed to date and have a life, it sounds as if none of these relationships are very stable or long-term. Of course it could have an impact on children, particularly in terms of their emotional stability and understanding of ... (read in full...)
We went out for two days and then he dumped me. I can't stop crying!.
Q. I need help, I'm 15 in year 11 and there's this lad I like at school I havent been talking to him long, and we got together a couple of days ago, he dumped me last night, but I have never felt like this before. I havent stopped crying, I can't ...
A. 11 September 2009: Yes, you need help...you are fretting over someone who isn't really worthy and he is just an average teenage boy with an average teenage boy attention span. This was a couple of days and you don't love him - it is a mix of the attention of having a ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me. He doesn't know I cheated on him too. Should I tell him?
Q. My boyfriend has cheated on me twice and I've forgiven him both times because he came out and told me I didnt have to find out or any other immature things involved. While he was cheating on me I kinda felt that something was going on so I cheated ...
A. 11 September 2009: I think your relationship is doomed - he cheated on you, you cheated on him...time to move on with both of your lives and learn from the situation. If he cheated twice you probably do not trust him anymore regardless of whether you have forgiven him ... (read in full...)
Is my ex just trying to be my friend or is he crazy?
Q. I am married and have two children. My husband and I have been married for 6 years. Our marriage is great but can be a little better. Before I met my husband, I was with a man that was a cheat and very dominating. Beside all the flaws, he was great ...
A. 8 September 2009: This could potentially be a very serious situation. It sounds like you and your husband are being very nice, but a bit too nice! There is no friendship here and the relationship you had with him is in the past. He may not be happy in his marriage ... (read in full...)
If my teacher broke up with his girlfriend would I have a chance with him?
Q. My last year teacher got involved with a senior girl two years ago and they've been dating since, but for the last year they've been kind of on and off. I really have a huge crush on him. He did get into trouble for dating a student but he got to an ...
A. 8 September 2009: I am surprised to hear this man is still permitted to teach as most Local Education Authorities recognise this as a criminal matter requiring a child protection investigation. In the UK it is against the law to have a sexual relationship with anyone ... (read in full...)
My pregnant partner and I keep rowing. Could it be down to her hormones?
Q. Good morning, Me and my partner are expecting a baby in 7 months time. We are going through a rocky patch at the moment, maybe its her hormones I'm not sure. We nearly broke up last night because things are getting in our way. She thinks e...
A. 8 September 2009: Having a baby is a lifechanging event. She is probably very anxious about the whole process of becoming a parent at quite a young age. Lots of women feel stressed when they are pregnant but it is not good for her or the baby. Therefore you have to ... (read in full...)
I've found pictures and messages on his mobile but I cant confront him because I was sneaky about checking his phone!
Q. my partner has an ex which he is in touch with as they have a daughter together .. i have been into his mobile phone without him knowing and found a pic of a female ... why ?.. i also found a message from another female . i dont think he is cheating ...
A. 7 September 2009: I would say that your post says more about you than him. It is not about what the aunts think your partner is up to as no-one here can know for sure. However, the fact that you feel any need to check his phone or anything about him means that you ... (read in full...)
Date raped and now pregnant..don't know what to do!
Q. Ive struggled to barley even say this, so i really do apolagize if it gets a little long. Ive just run out of people to turn to! And i need to talk to someone. Sorry. Im now 17, and i was with a guy for almost 18 months, aged 14-15, but at 15...
A. 3 September 2009: There are lots of services out there to help you, but you have to pluck up the courage to speak out about what has happened. It is important that you report the rape to the police - even if they cannot prosecute him, the intelligence will remain on ... (read in full...)
Who do I choose, Guy A or Guy B?
Q. Okaay guys, I need help and fast! I fell in love with this guy, lets call him Guy A. We had something so special and a lot in common. However I listened to a small rumour, said by a friend who I know liked my Guy A. Now I realise she could have bee...
A. 3 September 2009: I have a suggestion - pick neither A nor B. Take a break from dating as it is taking its toll on you, frankly teen dating should be fun and not to be taken too seriously. If you are stressed about this and asking us for advice, neither boy is right ... (read in full...)
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