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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Who do I choose, Guy A or Guy B?
Q. Okaay guys, I need help and fast! I fell in love with this guy, lets call him Guy A. We had something so special and a lot in common. However I listened to a small rumour, said by a friend who I know liked my Guy A. Now I realise she could have bee...
A. 3 September 2009: I have a suggestion - pick neither A nor B. Take a break from dating as it is taking its toll on you, frankly teen dating should be fun and not to be taken too seriously. If you are stressed about this and asking us for advice, neither boy is right ... (read in full...)
Help! I'm worried about smelling "down there"!
Q. help! ive been hooking up with this guy and hes really lovely. but ive never had anything done to be by a guy before (if you know what i mean) and im really paranoid about smelling down there! sorry to be graphic. but i think something might be ...
A. 1 September 2009: I am going to be blunt...vagina's don't smell of flowers...they sweat and secrete hormonal stuff...in moderation it is ok and normal. Wearing cotton underwear and washing daily is usually enough to keep it under control. If it stinks to high heaven, ... (read in full...)
I'm 10 weeks pregnant and very worried about childbirth! Has anyone got any advice?
Q. Hello.. This isent a relationship question but i need a little reasurance!! Im 10 weeks pregnant with my first child and all of a sudden ive become very scared/worried about childbirth! So hear are some things i want some opinions on... How do peopl...
A. 1 September 2009: I had an epidural as I delivered my son by c-section due to breach position. You don't feel a thing but the pain-relief makes you feel very drugged up afterwards if you do have an operative delivery. For women delivering naturally an epidural can ... (read in full...)
It's the wrong time of the month, so should I postpone this date, or go?
Q. What should I do, this amazing guy has asked me to his house on Friday to watch a DVD so we can spend some time together, we have known each other for a while and we have a lot of chemistry (I know that he want sex, throught a friend of a friend), ...
A. 1 September 2009: You could say 'not tonight dear, I am not that sort of girl' or something like that! If you just want to use his body for wild passion, make an alternative time with him. However, if you are looking for a relationship go on a date - outside his ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my dad that I'm pregnant? I don't want him to be disgusted with me
Q. Im 26 and just found out im pregnant. Its a suprise but im overjoyed. The father is a guy who I was seeing for a short while casually but im no longer with him. However I have told him and hes happy and says he will support me all the way. My next ...
A. 29 August 2009: I think the introductions to extended family can wait until the baby comes along - I am sure there will be enough social gatherings for that to happen informally. The best thing to do is just tell him - you are not a teenager and you can make your ... (read in full...)
If he is sent to prison, should I go and visit him? I still love him and feel bad about all of this...
Q. hi i have just won a criminal court case, against my ex for stealing fraud and driving offences whilst banned. he was an alcoholic, he pleaed guilty to all 5 charges against me. at first he tried to blame my by pleading not guilty, but come...
A. 29 August 2009: I think you did the right thing - he needed a clear message about his behaviour. As you probably know, prison is full of addicted, mentally ill people and the prison service does offer some (arguably not enough) services for prisoners with a view to ... (read in full...)
Why does my friend have to borrow everything from me?
Q. i know this isnt a love question but im hoping for some advice. i have a very clingly friend..we have been mates about 6 months.The issue i have is whenever we go out she always asks to borrow my things whether its a dress or jeans or jewelle...
A. 29 August 2009: The good thing is that she is paying you back, so she does respect the friendship from the sounds of things. I would say this girl has made you her role-model - she admires you and therefore she wants to borrow stuff from you to emulate your style. ... (read in full...)
My wife is childish, I want her to be more mature!
Q. Hi, I am getting only little sex in marriage because 1. When we have sex, my wife would complaint bout pain and would ask me to slow down and other cues which discourage me from having sex next time for the fear that it would repeat 2. ...
A. 29 August 2009: I don't think having sex in marriage has got a lot to do with maturity to be honest. Very childish people can like sex a great deal and there are probably mature people who would prefer not to bother. Firstly you have to focus on why your wife is ... (read in full...)
My best friend is dating a loser, I've got to the point where I'm sick of hearing about it
Q. My best freind has been dating a loser for 4 years. He's addicted to cocaine, is violent towards her and her 5 year old child (both physically and emotionally abusive), walks in and out of her life when he wants and basically treats her like dirt. ...
A. 23 August 2009: I appreciate that you are being a good friend, but unfortunately if you continue listening to her troubles then she may not act on the situation as she needs to. From what you are writing, the child seems to be in danger and it is a child protection ... (read in full...)
I thought we were getting back together, then he texted 'it ain't gonna happen'!
Q. me and my ex split up just over a month ago and its killin me. im so upset and cant stop thinkin about him. a week after we broke up he was with a new girl so that just hurt even more. feel like i ment nothing to him after over 2 years. but we ...
A. 21 August 2009: You cannot change his bad behaviour, but you can do a lot to change yourself. There are people who go through life being doormats for others to walk all over, and they never learn any lessons. They always blame other people for the sorry situation ... (read in full...)
My best friend might be pregnant! Her boyfriend is 21. How can I help her?
Q. hello. I am 15 yrs old and my bestfriend is my same age she is very cool to be around, me and her have been friends for almost 5 years. and recently she started going out with a guy who is 21 which means they are 6 years apart. is that illegal? ...
A. 21 August 2009: I think it is slightly worrying that a 21 year old man is interested in a 15 year old girl 'super cool' or not. Basically I don't have a problem with age-gap relationships (I am in one), I do think it matters a great deal when one of the partnership ... (read in full...)
Hairy Female!
Q. Hello, I'm a 18 year old female with a very hairy stomach! I even have hair all around my nipples. I feel so embarrassed when I go swimming at the beach. I always have to wear a rash shirt or a full piece bathing suit to cover up. I feel too e...
A. 21 August 2009: I think you definitely need to see a doctor. The reason is that 1 in 10 women (me included) have polycystic ovaries which is a medical condition associated with hair in the wrong places! I can testify to that - I feel like guy the gorilla some days. ... (read in full...)
Did my girlfriend plan this baby? Can I trust her?
Q. Hello everyone. Im really not sure how to put this really but my gf and i are expecting a baby in early feb, but the thing is im becoming more worried about this as when we both found out i didn't want a child as really we havent been out that lon...
A. 21 August 2009: I cannot tell you if your GF tricked you into fathering a child or not, and no-one on this website can do that. However, I can tell you that accidents do happen that lead to babies being made. Women do have contraceptive failure with the pill - they ... (read in full...)
4 years and 2 kids isn't enough for him to marry me?
Q. ok, im not sure where t start, i have been with this guy for 4 years and we have 2 kids together. i love this man with everything i have. well we live in his home town and my home town is 1200 miles away where all my family and friends live. i dont ...
A. 19 August 2009: I think you do need help because you are in a situation of domestic violence. Domestic violence is not just physical abuse, it can be emotional, financial and verbal abuse too. Bringing up children in such an environment is detrimental to their ... (read in full...)
He's going to leave me and our daughter to marry his other baby mama!
Q. Im 19 and currently my ex boyfriend/baby daddy are not together. He has a older son by his first baby momma and my little girl would be his youngiest child. Well when he comes home he's planning on marrying his first baby momma only to leave me and ...
A. 19 August 2009: Bringing up children as a single parent at any age can be tough, but you are also young. I understand that you may feel insecure and be looking for the happy family unit including the father. Unfortunately your affections are directed in the wrong ... (read in full...)
Coping with my jealous and hypocritical new husband. Any ideas?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I'm hoping you can all help me get some perspective and advice on how to deal with an extremely jealous and hypocritical husband... I recent got married to my partner of three years. We haven't had a perfect run, we we...
A. 19 August 2009: AS the others have written, his behaviour is unacceptable. Basically you have two choices: stay with him and change him by sticking up for yourself OR leave. If you are physically scared of him then you should leave because the domestic violence ... (read in full...)
My partner keeps having sex with me in my sleep, even if we have had sex before sleeping!
Q. my partner and i have a very active sex life, we have been together 14 years, we still have sex 3-4 times a week, however he goes through phases, of having sex whilst im sleepin, my partner is quite a dominate man, and ive let him be, when i start ...
A. 19 August 2009: Technically it is rape - you haven't consented to it. If you continue to allow this to happen against your wishes then it will continue as he isn't respecting you or your body. Being sexually active with a partner is one matter, but sex while you ... (read in full...)
16 and pregnant
Q. I don't know wat 2 do should i tell my mom and dad who do i tell help me...
A. 18 August 2009: The first decision you have to make is whether you want to keep the baby or not, and I suggest you decide before telling your parents. However, do not delay in deciding on the pregnancy or telling your parents. You also need to tell the father of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's depressed and I'm wondering how I can help him?
Q. Hi, ive been going out with my my bf for about four months and as we were housemates and friends first we live together. hes just started full time work a few weeks ago and is often really tired and stressed out by the time he comes home. i know...
A. 18 August 2009: It sounds like you are very supportive already, but he may require medical treatment. Depression generally does not go away on its own - a combination of antidepressant medication and cognitive behavioural therapy seems to be effective for a lot of ... (read in full...)
What was the reason behind his rude behaviour??
Q. I met a man on a site I was networking on. We began talking on the phone and we seemed to hit it off. I am a single mom of two and I have a life. I noticed this man started being demanding and rude. He got angry with me because he assumed that we ...
A. 17 August 2009: Your post reads like a 'model answer' for everything that is wrong about internet dating...if the man has issues now, he would be a nightmare in real-life. Being used for sex is just half of the worry...with his control issues I would be surprised ... (read in full...)
We've just moved in together and it's me that's doing all the work! I can't move out, so what should I do?
Q. Hi, I just wondered if anyone has any advice...I've just moved in with my boyf, but we have been together three years. He doesnt do anything around the house. No cooking, cleaning, Nothing!!! I lend him my car to take to work every day, which cuts ...
A. 16 August 2009: I am surprised to read that you agreed to live with him in the first place if you were dating beforehand...did you not have some clue he was a slob? Anyway, we all make mistakes (I did...I kicked my mistake out as it was my place and found myself a ... (read in full...)
Husband's bad breath, horrible care make me only want to be friends with him!
Q. Hi all, just looking for some support. I love my husband a lot but only as a good friend/partner. we have been together 10 years and have 2 kids. I feel NO attraction to him whatsoever. The main thing is he doesn't take care of himself, showers only ...
A. 16 August 2009: I don't think anyone would blame you for being disgusted. Basic hygiene does not take much effort really and if you notice the smell, other people will too! I don't think you have been firm enough with him - if it was me, I would definitely be on a ... (read in full...)
My husband keeps taking money from our bank account and we're financially struggling!
Q. My husband seems to be doing better as of this week. But as a general rule he is constantly getting into the bank account and taking money. He doesn't tell me this or include it on the ledger so we have bounced numerous checks and have had repeated ...
A. 16 August 2009: I think you sound incredibly patient, as I wouldn't put up with this sort of behaviour - it comes down to a matter of respect. He shouldn't be placing you under financial strain or embarrassment from bouncing cheques. However some people have no ... (read in full...)
My sister's a binge eating bulemic and it needs to stop!
Q. Hello all, I have a question and I hope I can find someone who's in a similar situation. My sister is a bindge-eating bulemic. She eats everything in the house besides the cat then throws it all up. Recently I went into her room and found more than ...
A. 15 August 2009: Bulmia nervosa is a horrible, horrible disorder (been there, got the t-shirt)...I appreciate you are angry but you have to understand one rule about eating disorders - no one will be cured until they want to be cured. Forcing treatment does not work ... (read in full...)
My father in law stinks and we don't like to visit anymore!
Q. Me and my husband visit my parents some weekends, his others, alternating in between with a weekend for our own quality time together. Whenever we go down to my husbands' parents, it's my husband's dad that causes concern - he emits a foul odo...
A. 15 August 2009: I appreciate this is a very difficult situation but there could be physical or mental reasons for his condition. YOur husband should tackle the matter with his mother expressing it in terms of deep concern for his health rather than disgust for the ... (read in full...)
Will she resent me for my stance on smoking?
Q. I have been with my girlfriend for nearly a year now. After several weeks of dating she left for winter break. At some point over the break she told me she had a confession - she was a smoker but was trying to quit. I am staunchly opposed to ...
A. 13 August 2009: I have to say that I hate cigarettes and make my in-laws smoke outside whatever the weather. Having mentioned that, I should add that I smoked in my teens and I know how hard it can be to stop. I also smoked 'socially' (i.e. beer in hand at the bar) ... (read in full...)
Clexane to prevent pregnancy loss - has anyone had success with this?
Q. I have had three miscarriages (all before 12 wks) in the past year. After the third my partner and I were offered some testing (genetic, bloods, sperm etc)in order to eliminate possible "causes". Most things have come back "normal" except for a ...
A. 12 August 2009: I haven't had the treatment you mention, but I have had several miscarriages (as well as one successful one). I am not sure if they have run ultrasound tests of your uterus as you don't mention them. If not, I would recommend you go back to your ... (read in full...)
I drink a lot so I flush my waste a lot... but sometimes my pants "smell". Is this normal?
Q. hi this is rather embarressing i'm between 18-20 i'd rather keep it like that as i'm very embarressed by this. i've not got a weak bladder i wouldn't say i pee regularly i'm healthy there i drink alot therefore i flush my waste alot, but sometime...
A. 12 August 2009: Hello again. Just because you are registered with a male doctor, you can ask the reception staff for you to see a female doctor within the practice. Lots of young women are shy about seeing male doctors about 'female problems'. You could ask your ... (read in full...)
She's 13 and she wants me to have sex with her!!!
Q. Hi I'm 16 and my girlfriend has just turned 13 but she wants sex! What should I do? Is it ok to have sex with someone that age cos she has kept asking me almost every night for about 3 weeks....
A. 12 August 2009: It is possible that you would be charged with statutory rape for sex with a minor. I have known cases of parents pursuing this when they find out what is going on. Even if you didn't get charged with an offence, the stress of dealing with the police ... (read in full...)
Does the operation for bladder cancer create problems when getting an erection?
Q. i am going to be having an operation for bladder cancer soon i read that sometimes it does affect the dick to get an erection has anyone out there had a bladder cancer operation and had this problem as i just want to know what it would be like and ...
A. 12 August 2009: It is possible that your sexual functioning would be affected, but that depends on the nature of your cancer - stage of disease and if it has spread to other areas of your body. I suggest that you ask your consultant what the impact is anticipated ... (read in full...)
I drink a lot so I flush my waste a lot... but sometimes my pants "smell". Is this normal?
Q. hi this is rather embarressing i'm between 18-20 i'd rather keep it like that as i'm very embarressed by this. i've not got a weak bladder i wouldn't say i pee regularly i'm healthy there i drink alot therefore i flush my waste alot, but sometime...
A. 12 August 2009: You should go to see your doctor as it would be wise to identify if there are any medical causes for incontinence. However, you can get pads especially for urine problems from a chemist which will hide the odour (Tena?) and you maybe able to see a ... (read in full...)
My married lover went back to his wife when he said he wouldn't!
Q. I'm in love with a married man. he was thrown out of his home on several occasions. 4 out 7 times he came to live with me. so the last time he said to me he wasn't going back. he did!!! I'm so hurt over it but knows I got to move on ! please help me ...
A. 10 August 2009: You are a grown woman. As such, you should be able to figure these things out - you had an affair with someone who was cheating on his wife. At best, he would have left her for you...and then cheated on you with someone else once he got itchy feet. ... (read in full...)
I recently had an abortion...but now I can't stop thinking about the baby and baby stuff. Is there something wrong with me?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have had unprotected sex and i fell pregnant but i got rid of the baby. I'm only 15 and my boyfriend is 17. But now i cant stop thinking about the baby and i keep looking at baby chlothes . Is there something wrong with me ? Any...
A. 8 August 2009: Many women who have a termination go through a similar experience. I suggest that you go to your GP and ask for counselling to talk through your feelings with someone neutral. It can help to talk things over and get your feelings in the open. ... (read in full...)
I am very concerned about a problem with my period
Q. Hi and thanks for reading, you don't know how scared i am at the point of trembling as i type these words. The truth is my period started when i was 11 (about 9 years ago) but since about nine months or so i haven't had a single regular one. Sin...
A. 7 August 2009: There is nothing to be scared of, but you do need a medical check. It is important to have periods regularly as it prevents a build up of the lining of the womb. This can lead to a condition called endometrial hyperplasia. The doctor can give you ... (read in full...)
Does education matter in a relationship?
Q. I met this wonderful man, fell in love, everything was going great until he told me that he would not marry me until I earned my bachelor's degree. At first I didn't care because I was in college when he met me and I intend to finish with or without ...
A. 6 August 2009: The research evidence suggests that educated people tend to marry educated people (more or less), but that is one of very many factors in relationship happiness and long-term compatibility. I have a PhD, but my husband had just a high school ... (read in full...)
Sister rivalry... should I go to her wedding or not?
Q. It's my sister's wedding this weekend and I really don't want to go. I'll tell you why. I got engaged to my fiance two and a half years ago and we're getting married in seven weeks. Around this time last year, my younger sister and her boyfrien...
A. 6 August 2009: Honestly, your sister is welcome to the cash because she is marrying a loser and no amount of money for the big day will make up for the heart-break that comes afterwards. You have to demonstrate some maturity in this whole situation - a wedding is ... (read in full...)
Why does my baby's father treat me like this?
Q. my baby father i been with him since i was 15 and we have two kids and he cheats he calls me names he dont come see the kids he dont care about me i never cheated he make me feel like im not worth it no man will ever want me what should i do do he ...
A. 6 August 2009: People treat you how you let them treat you. You can continue to feel sorry for yourself and dream about the sperm-donor to your children, or you can get yourself some self esteem and decide you are not putting up with this rubbish off anyone. If ... (read in full...)
Triplets at 15!
Q. hey i am 15 and pregnant i have already told my perants and have just had my first scan and found out i am having triplets!! i cannot believe it i have just found out this morning my mum cannot believe it .... i dont know how i am gonna cope mo...
A. 6 August 2009: ...and I forgot to add that you can claim a Maternity grant (about £500) from the Department of Work and Pensions - again get the form from the net and take it to your midwife for signing.... (read in full...)
Triplets at 15!
Q. hey i am 15 and pregnant i have already told my perants and have just had my first scan and found out i am having triplets!! i cannot believe it i have just found out this morning my mum cannot believe it .... i dont know how i am gonna cope mo...
A. 6 August 2009: Congratulations...triple trouble! Marvelous but must be worrisome for you. There are so many services available in the UK for teenage pregnant girls but you have to ask for help. I am assuming you have been booked with a midwife so ask this person ... (read in full...)
Are there any pills you would recommend to help me lose weight?
Q. how can i lose weight? are there any pills that you would recommend? i am 14 5ft2 and about 10 1/2 stone. i would really appreciate any advice. please don't recommend any diets because i am not allowed to follow any of them. ...
A. 6 August 2009: Many of the herbal remedies for weight loss that you see advertised in magazines and TV commercials are not clinically proven. I am not going to recommend diets - they are boring, short-term and sometimes dangerous if they are too calorie ... (read in full...)
15, pregnant and don't know what to do. Can someone shed some light on my situation?
Q. I found out I was pregnant about a week and a half ago. I told my parents the next day I found out. My mother has become supportive to non supportive to some-what supportive within this past week and some. My parents boyfriend are also aware, ...
A. 6 August 2009: I have worked with teenage girls who have found themselves pregnant in similar circumstances to yourself. They told me how much hard work was involved and what sacrifices they made (they also said their babies were wonderful!) - I am a mother to a ... (read in full...)
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