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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Should I come clean and tell him the truth?
Q. Ok, I need some general help here, I am really into this guy, who says he's into me but nothing too heavy, I didn't want a FWB but it's what we have, all we have done is kissed and some oral, he now wants sex but I have told him I am not ready yet ...
A. 20 November 2009: If you just want sex with the guy then go ahead. If you think having sex with the guy will keep him interested and start a proper relationship then you are wrong and will be disappointed. I think you need to decipher between lust and love here. He ... (read in full...)
Problem - evil step mum!
Q. I was adopted by my stepdad when I was 8, he is the only father I have ever known.. We have always been close, but became even closer when I was pregnant with my son and my husband left me, my mum and stepdad were there will I gave birth and ...
A. 19 November 2009: First of all, try to calm down as you still seem angry. I don't blame you for being angry as I think I would feel the same way since the step-mum seems difficult. But leave it until the steam is no longer blowing out of your ears before taking any ... (read in full...)
He never does his fair share around the house!
Q. My husband says he is not taking care of any chores because he has to work. When I tell him, that is not right and he needs to do something too around the house etc, he says you are bitching at me all the time, why would I spend time with you? He ...
A. 19 November 2009: He probably does love you or else he would have left. He sounds stressed out and exhausted. That is no excuse for not helping at home though. You could go on strike and do nothing at home for a while, then he may appreciate just how much you really ... (read in full...)
Christmas alone...
Q. I have no family and all my friends have their own lives/families at Christmas. Can anyone recommend ideas how to spend christmas without having to spend a fortune on hotels? One would think there must be lots of other people alone at Christma...
A. 19 November 2009: Why not volunteer to do some charity work over Christmas...the homeless shelters run loads of programmes for needy people at that time of year and are usually glad of help (you can often get free perks for your effort like christmas lunch and a ... (read in full...)
Please help me... he hits me on a regular basis...
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years, i love him very much even though he hits me on a regular basis, I'm 17 he is 23 so when he does this to me i cant stand up for myself because hes too strong, i cant leave him because i have no one else to ...
A. 19 November 2009: I used to work on a domestic violence project so I have heard of many women in the same situation as yourself. You are not alone, family violence is at epidemic proportions across the world but is often not spoken about. There are lots of services ... (read in full...)
What are "bang bang" shoes?
Q. What are "bang bang" shoes as in that n-dubz song where she says "you left me standing in my bang-bang shoes" And where can I get some? lol x...
A. 16 November 2009: I cannot say I am well-versed in street slang but it probably means 'killer shoes/ heels'? Try shopping online as there are loads of traffic stopping shoe suppliers out there.... (read in full...)
I have slept with 44 girls can't stay attracted to any women!
Q. I have slept with 44 girls now and I can't seem to find the one. I dont want to settle for second best and I feel like the right girl hasn't come along. I am a male whore and I enjoy having sex. But I get annoyed with women quickly and little ...
A. 16 November 2009: Get some relationship counselling. This is not because you are mentally ill, but because you have commitment-issues deeply ingrained into your personality structure. If you haven't found one girl out of the 44 who you would like to have a long-term ... (read in full...)
Can anyone recommend a good contraceptive pill?
Q. I need some female advice, I am 27 (virgin) and currently not on the pill, I have been seeing this guy and we want to take things further, I have never really wanted to go on the pill because I think it messes with the female body, but I also don't ...
A. 15 November 2009: I have personally never used the pill because I have other medical conditions so it was unsuitable for me. I would say most of the brands have similar health risks (rare) and effectiveness issues, but your GP would probably want to check your blood ... (read in full...)
Do boys like large breasts?
Q. heyy...... i am 14 years old and i have larger tits than my friends ... i am 1 38dd and i am still growing will lads like em cuz the are so big ??? ...
A. 15 November 2009: It doesn't matter if they like them or not. The question should be 'Do I want to be with boys who like big breasts?' because frankly if all they want you for is what nature intended for feeding babies then I suspect your future dating experiences ... (read in full...)
What would you say if your 16 year old daughter asked for a hotel room?
Q. Hey, this question is mainly aimed at mum's opinions but any others are welcome, and I'd rather you say what you think within reason and without too much of a lecture thanks. Basically, I've been with my boyfriend 1 year 8 months, I'm fifteen and ...
A. 14 November 2009: There are a number of potential problems with your birthday request. Firstly as a Mum I don't think I would want to be involved in such a personal decision of my child. There is a difference between knowing your child is being sexually active ... (read in full...)
My b/f is in the middle of a divorce, his wife is making my life hell, help?
Q. Ok, I am near my breaking point and need an unbiased opinion. My bf is in the middle of a divorce, yet they still live in the same house, both for financial reasons(hers) and both lawyers are telling them not to leave until one is ordered to. They...
A. 14 November 2009: Honestly this is a desperately sad situation...for his children. The rest of you are probably all sharing the blame for a horrible situation. His wife tried to get evidence on him of cheating, you cheated with him and now there is a divorce. I am ... (read in full...)
Crisis with boys and my best friend! Help!!!
Q. Dear Cupid, I am having a huge crisis with boys and my best friend Holly!! A few weeks ago she asked out a guy that I really like, but before she did... I never told her I liked him. He accepted and now I am really confused. In school they ...
A. 11 November 2009: Hello, don't tell her that you like him because it may spoil the friendship. The same thing happened to me years ago when I was at school - agony at the time but a lesson learned in the long run about being careful who you tell those 'secrets' to. I ... (read in full...)
Am I freaking out over a pimple or could it be something more serious?
Q. So I just noticed this bump on my lip a few days ago and at first I didn't take it into consideration since I've suffered from acne for several years now, but it has gotten bigger and it hurts when I put pressure on it or touch it (like how it feels ...
A. 10 November 2009: It could be a pimple or a cyst. However, it could also be a cold-sore stemming from a herpes simplex virus lurking in your body. Cold-sores often break out when you are feeling 'run down' or stressed. They are nothing to be ashamed about as lots of ... (read in full...)
Do I take a chance with this man even although I'm 10 years older than him?
Q. I have been with a man 10 years younger than I am for nearly two years now. We were living together and made plans to get married, but I ended up backing out because I was too concerned about the age difference. Neither of us has children (I'm 39, ...
A. 9 November 2009: Advice? I had all the same concerns about the age gap when I met my husband...I am 38 and he is nearly 28. His friends told him he was marrying his surrogate 'mother' and mine said he was after a visa and my money. Six years later we are still ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm wasting my life away. What can I do?
Q. Hi there, my problem is this. I think i have some sort of social disorder. I've been thinking of getting a job but just the thought of having to interact with another human being just simply scares the life out of me. On top of that i have no ...
A. 9 November 2009: Social phobia plus clinical depression...you need to seek urgent treatment from your GP. You are young and there is plenty of help out there if you ask for it. Pick up the phone and ring MIND for a chat on their helpline as a first step - find out ... (read in full...)
How can I stop all these nasty jibes about my boyfriend just because he's dyslexic?
Q. So, about two months ago, I started dating a guy. He's my first boyfriend, and the one I lost my first kiss to. He's unbelievably nice, kind, and sweet. He always treats me well and makes sure I am alright. He calls me all the time just to make sure ...
A. 9 November 2009: Being dyslexic is definitely not a sign of low intellectual ability. In fact the diagnosis generally depends upon have a high enough IQ to see an obvious discrepency in reading ability. Dyslexia can affect someone in a variety of ways and it is a ... (read in full...)
I've lost respect for her seen as she barely even looks for work! I want to help her but I don't want to miss out on fun experiences in life
Q. So I have this girlfriend. We've been "together" for about 5 months but only spent a about 7 weekends together. She's so sweet and captured my heart big time. She lives a southwest airlines flight away from me. She doesn't have a job, barely looks ...
A. 9 November 2009: You are fundamentally incompatible with this girl, and you have got to ditch the relationship before that inner resentment festers even deeper within you. Frankly you are her social worker making her life seem better. In some ways she may feel that ... (read in full...)
My period is two weeks late but I've never had sex
Q. Im 15 and started my periods 3 years ago. They have been regular and consistant until this past month where Im currently over two weeks late. Im definately not pregnant as I havent had sex so I know I shouldnt worry but its bothering me. Does anyone ...
A. 9 November 2009: Stop worrying because stress can interfere with your cycle. It is not that unusual for a girl of your age to be late. If you find that you miss a few periods then it would be time to see a doctor to exclude a medical cause like polycystic ovaries or ... (read in full...)
My academic performance is suffering because of my attraction - I'm afraid he'll think I'm mediocore!
Q. I have written before about a teacher's assistant that I have developed feelings for. He is a Ph.D candidate and I am in my senior year. We are both very shy people but we have been warming up to each other, being more familiar and communicating ...
A. 9 November 2009: Firstly, just because he is doing a PhD does not make him Einstein and you should get him down off that star-like platform you have built for him. I am sure he is probably intelligent and hard-working (the latter being a fairly essential requirement ... (read in full...)
Did he just hook up with me to boost my self-esteem or does he really have feelings for me?
Q. I started working at a nearby resort when I was 16 and instantly started to crush on one single manager.. We have always been able to talk and get along great. He is twice my age though and has a kid half my age. I am now 19 and he 39 and I've b...
A. 9 November 2009: Normally I would say an age-gap wouldn't matter but there are other issues here. You say you went to his home and 'messed around' which probably means some physical contact that crosses the boundary of professional conduct. People meet and have ... (read in full...)
I keep giving, but when I am in need, I get nothing in return.
Q. I can count only say 2-3 pals who I truly like overall and can say they are fairly good friends. But lately I feel like I am more of a friend to them than they are to me. I tend to overextend myself- sending them cards, giving them tiny gifts, ...
A. 9 November 2009: I think most people go through a stage of friendships like yours. I personally attract 'needy' people as friends who like to receive help in their hour of need, but are not so forthcoming when it comes down to returning the favour. Sometimes it is ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me for cheating, but I later found out he cheated too!
Q. ok, so basically i have split up with my boyfriend, we were going out for 2 yrs 3 months, he dumped me and the reason for it was that he found out the hard way that i cheated. i cheated back in february of this year but that was only kissing ...
A. 9 November 2009: Here is the answer to what you do: take yourself down to your GP or local family planning clinic and get screened for sexually transmitted diseases. You don't know who your ex was sexually active with and he may never tell you the truth. Unless you ... (read in full...)
Help me from the torture of my Psycho ex...Is there a womens organization or something that can help me?
Q. hi, i am 26yrs old female From INDIA, Andhra pradesh. i have this serious problem with my X-boyfrnd we broke up 5yrs ago but he just dosent seem to accpt it and keeps interfiering in my personal life, keeps threathning me to killing me.he t...
A. 6 November 2009: Also read this:http://www.indianchild.com/cyberstalking.htm... (read in full...)
Help me from the torture of my Psycho ex...Is there a womens organization or something that can help me?
Q. hi, i am 26yrs old female From INDIA, Andhra pradesh. i have this serious problem with my X-boyfrnd we broke up 5yrs ago but he just dosent seem to accpt it and keeps interfiering in my personal life, keeps threathning me to killing me.he t...
A. 6 November 2009: This is stalking and he sounds like a very dangerous person. There are a number of organisations that can provide assistance to you in India. These include the Women's Rights Initiative (see this website: ... (read in full...)
Anger issues with my LDR
Q. hi im 18 and i have been in a 2 month long distance relationship with a man from argentina who is 27. we met on the internet so we havent met in person yet. however we connect very well. im in love with him and he says he loves me to. but a cou...
A. 6 November 2009: First of all, you don't love him...you don't know him. You met someone online and you only know them online - you don't know what they are like in the real world. It sounds like he has emotional and control issues (as do many people seeking love ... (read in full...)
My fiancé won't spend money on the coming baby!
Q. hey, im 30weeks pregnant on sunday, me and my fiance are living in a rented house since august. we have no baby stuff yet, the only things we have got is the things iv paid for. he works and earns £1100 after tax, because of this i cant claim an...
A. 5 November 2009: I think you should see a benefits advisor at your local citizens advice bureau as there is lots of help for families out there. If you have been working anytime in the last year or so, check if you qualify for maternity allowance (it is an ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when someone is considered the "backbone" of a relationship?
Q. What does it mean when someone is considered the "backbone" of a relationship?...
A. 5 November 2009: To me that means the person is responsible for holding onto and maintaining the relationship. It doesn't always mean in a negative way, just a reference to someone being a strong character.... (read in full...)
My mum made me have an abortion but now I can't stop thinking about the baby I gave up.
Q. Im 14 years old, 15 in march. This February i had an abortion, my mom made me have an a abortion as i was too young to keep the baby, but i was too scared to tell my mom that i wanted to keep the baby. All i do now is think about what if i kept i...
A. 1 November 2009: I would say you need to ignore people who post here wanting to lecture you about your morality. I can totally understand why you might feel under pressure from your mother - I am still scared of mine at 38!!! I think there are several options you ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to the UK for university, and leave my b/f in Australia?
Q. I'm from the uk, and I moved to australia with my boyfriend a couple months ago. I'd quit university in the uk, after a year and a half, because I felt like I'd chosen the wrong course, under pressure from my family, and it was incredibly stressfull ...
A. 1 November 2009: There is an easy compromise - you could do a degree in the UK by distance learning and stay in Australia if you wanted to. You maybe able to trade in the University education you have already done (credits for modules passed) to speed up the time to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my best friend I cheated with her boyfriend?
Q. I am 20 years old the other night my bestfriends boyfiend Matt called me wanted to know if i wanted to come over to his and my bestfriend Dawns apartment. He told me she would be home in about 15 to 20 mins. so i agreed. well to make a long story ...
A. 1 November 2009: You have damaged your friendship with this girl by betraying her. I think the decent thing would be to tell her before he sleeps with someone else and puts her at risk of infections etc. He is a rat but you have to seriously question your friendship ... (read in full...)
Is it true he just needs time and no pressure to sort himself out?
Q. Basically its a very complicated story. Back in April I almost lost my job twice over and me and my partner were not getting on 2 well. on august the 9th he cheated on me for a week just kissing with one of my friends. I forgave him, but he went to ...
A. 1 November 2009: It seems to me that you are focusing on the wrong person here. You shouldn't blame the other woman as that misdirects you from the real person at fault - your partner. It seems to me that he is using a diagnosis of depression to account for his bad ... (read in full...)
I just want ONE night with him, I think that's all it would take to bring us closer then it could be the start of something new!
Q. There's a guy i've known for quite some time now and when we're alone i feel this 'connection' between us. We both become quite shy and although the eye contact is only brief, it is filled with such tension. Most of the time i avoid looking at him ...
A. 26 October 2009: I think you are a huge crush on him and that is ok - I felt the same way about someone in school at your age. While you can microanalyse your mutual behaviour for hours on end, if it was going to happen it just would...there is no point staging an ... (read in full...)
He has already proposed to me, do you think he could be using me just to get citizenship in America?
Q. i started talking to this guy over the summer and he is arabic. and i cant tell if hes using me for my greencard. im 18 and hes 22. he respects me and he treats me good. over the summer he asked me to get engaged but its just between me and him ...
A. 26 October 2009: I was in a very similar situation to you some 6 years ago. Friends and family told me my husband was a visa-hunter looking for a UK passport by marrying me. Having said that, all these years later after all his immigration settlement visa was sorted ... (read in full...)
Is raising my voice to him a legitimate reason for his physical attacks on me?
Q. After being verbally beaten down - and occasionally physically attacked - I have nothing left except for a hollow-feeling body. After one year of being accused of being a wh*re, a liar, and a cheater I am, I finally started to fight back and t...
A. 26 October 2009: YOu think you have no place to go because abusive relationships bring you down to a point where you feel life is pretty hopeless. You are not 'addicted' to him, just lacking the self esteem to get out. However, if you have written this post, you ... (read in full...)
My sisters say I am going mad!
Q. HI!! I am a Pakistani muslim girl of 26 years. My problem is that i recently got devorced from my husband who was a complete jerk. We didn't have any kind of relationship and i only spend 8 days with him. I am now doing my ph.d in genetics and some...
A. 24 October 2009: There is an old saying - you can pick your friends, not your family. Sound familiar? You have to put this in perspective. You are doing a phd and it may well be the most stressful couple of years (albeit rewarding). I personally think mine nearly ... (read in full...)
Is my boss looking for action or just playing?
Q. I work in a place that as long as customers aren't around we don't act very professional. One of my managers seems to have taken a fancy for me. He talks alot to me, bumps into me alot or touches me (hair... side... back, nothing crude). But he al...
A. 24 October 2009: He wants to screw around. I wouldn't be flattered - he is a boss guilty of sexual harassment and disrespecting colleagues. Imagine if you didn't fancy him and you had to put up with this in the workplace. It is inappropriate behaviour and he is ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and online friends with a 40 year old
Q. i recently became online ''friends'' with a man and i think everything heads in the wrong direction.i met him through an online game.he told me he needs someone to explain him the game,so i agreed to help him and added him in the buddy list,as he ...
A. 24 October 2009: Hello, I have professional experience of working in child protection here in the UK and I have recently completed a project on the law in relation to grooming. I can tell you in no uncertain terms that from what you describe the man is a predator, a ... (read in full...)
Do I need to take the morning after pill?
Q. ive had unprotected sex 5 days after i finished my period can i get pregnant and do i need the morning after pill or will i be ok?...
A. 14 October 2009: You don't say how long it is since you had intercourse, but it is possible to get pregnant at any time of your cycle (more common when you are ovulating though mid-cycle). The advice of the first aunt is very good and you can get the morning after ... (read in full...)
Almost 15, pregnant, can't tell my parents
Q. Im almost 15, theres a really good chance im pregnant, and i cant tell my mom. Me and the "father" aren't talking right now bc hes mad at me for thinking im pregnant. Me and him are illegal. He's over 18, and i love him and i dont want him to get in ...
A. 14 October 2009: Clinics will not call your parents without your consent. There will be free community services for family planning (that is the old-fashioned word for contraception, sexual infections and pregnancy matters). However, you can pick up a pregnancy test ... (read in full...)
The father of my 4 kids could be going to prison for a rape he didnt commit, and it is all my fault!
Q. Hi i was with my partner for almost 8 years we have 3 children when he just comes in from work one day and leaves, I thought he'd be back cause he always did. But a week went by and he wasnt coming back, I asked him why and he said he was fed up ...
A. 12 October 2009: I don't understand what being on dating sites has to do with an allegation of rape - people react to victimisation in many ways. If there is not substantial evidence to support the allegation then he will not be found guilty - the threshold of ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, have had one abortion with complications, and I think I may be preganant again!
Q. Well im 14 yrs old and will be 15 February 3rd. I am in a relationship going on a year january 3rd and had an abortion september 1st. For my follow up ii was told that there was a blood clot left in my stomach ! ii believe they got it out but the ...
A. 11 October 2009: An abortion at your age is a big deal psychologically as well as physically. To have put yourself at risk of another unwanted pregnancy quickly means that you are really not coping with doing adult things in a non-adult body. That is not intended to ... (read in full...)
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