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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Will he ever like me again?
Q. Erm I really like this guy and i mean when i think of him my heart goes weird i proper love him. we did go out but his granny died and he wanted to be alone and that was a couple of days after he asked me out and it was like i got my dream boy and ...
A. 16 May 2010: This boy has a girlfriend so leave him alone. You cannot make him like you or change life circumstances like grandparents dying. If he wanted to date you then he would, but he has another girl. She maybe pushy but he must want to be with her or else ... (read in full...)
She said I was a stalker! Is she mad?
Q. right i like this girl so much . we have been talking for about 3 months and that included text , msn , phone and meeting up . she called me the cutest and sweetest guy she has ever met and she told me when she got to know me better we would talk ...
A. 16 May 2010: Mike, you texted her friend looking for sexual favours so the girl you like is just mad with you - you have humiliated her. To rationalise things out in her own mind, she has decided that you are a 'stalker'. She probably liked the fact that you ... (read in full...)
Is it common for a man to lose his sex drive after childbirth?
Q. Recently, I seem to have read a lot of problems, on this website and in magazines etc, about men losing interest in sex completely after they've had kids. I really want to have kids in the future with my boyfriend and I know he wants them too. ...
A. 16 May 2010: I think the question should be 'is it common for a woman to lose interest after childbirth'...a baby is delightful but very hard work - feeding, changing, waking at night...it can make men and women feel that there are more priorities in life than ... (read in full...)
I'm 35 with no money, no job, living with parents and a broken relationship. How do I get out of this?
Q. I'd really appreciate some advice please. After being made redundant a year ago and only managing to secure a few temporary contract jobs since, my life has seemed to have taken a downward spiral, as have my finances and relationship. I'm 35, w...
A. 16 May 2010: I think that now you are on the mend then you need to make a plan of action to improve your quality of life. Firstly you should think about ditching the boyfriend. If he has been unsupportive then it probably means there is no future in the ... (read in full...)
I told my sister I would have a baby for her but my fiance wants not part of it!
Q. Hi everyone my sister is 31 and unable to have children without ivf Soon she will be trying with ivf but the doctors say there is a very small chance of it working as she has lots of problems in her reproductive area. We have known this for many...
A. 16 May 2010: On the infertility issue, I hope that your sister has been getting a second and a third opinion on her medical condition. The reason I say this is because various doctors told me I would never have a baby when I was in my late 20's due to ... (read in full...)
Having an affair but scared to let my husband go.....
Q. I have been married for 15 years, have two children aged 18 and 12, and I have been having an affair for the last 7 months, and now im in a total dilemma! My husband is generally a good, honest, man, but he plays golf on his days off work and me and ...
A. 16 May 2010: I think if you are leaving your husband then you should do it for yourself, not the other man. There is no guarantee of a future with the other man in your life - the relationship started as an affair and you may get bored of him, or he may move ... (read in full...)
How can you trust a boy who broke your heart?
Q. I just got out of a relationship with a boy i really loved and i still do..we tell each other we love each other every night..the thing is he has a girlfriend but i made a promised him i wouldnt go with anyone else if we break up..and he told ...
A. 15 May 2010: You can overcome the sadness by regaining control of the situation and reasoning things out. Actions speak louder than words - he is with another girl and if he wanted to he could ditch her and date you instead. I am sorry to say it sounds like you ... (read in full...)
Does my lecturer have feelings for me?
Q. I have a crush on my lecturer at university, i find myself thinking about her all the time, I know its wrong but i look for reasons to speak with her and see her i cant help it, but shes in a relationship and i would never dream of ruining this, or ...
A. 14 May 2010: I cannot tell you if your lecturer likes you in that way or not. Lecturing can be a fairly boring job due to the repetitive nature (I personally hated it). I think if you have students in your class who are awake, not listening to their ipod or ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend with the wanderlust!
Q. Things have been going ok for a little while with my boyfriend, until a couple of weeks ago where now all i feel is a mixture of love and resentment. He's planning on going travellng around southen france in a few months time. This all sounds ...
A. 14 May 2010: You have a boyfriend with different goals and values to you. It doesn't sound like you are having much fun in this relationship at the moment. Perhaps the trip abroad will give you the perfect timing to call off the relationship and find someone ... (read in full...)
Should I stay? He has broken up with me 22 times since we first got together.
Q. Ok, I might bullet this to make it clearer I am 23, Female, been with my boyfriend for two and a half years We live and work together in a pub and I am currently finishing my degree He has broken up with me 22 times since we first got to...
A. 14 May 2010: Finish your degree finals and get that period of your life over and done with as priority number one. Once you graduate then you should leave him. He doesn't care about you if he messes you around 22 times, but he is not the problem here - the ... (read in full...)
What do you think of the crossdressing scene?
Q. Hi everyone. Iam a 42 yr old male who likes to wear girls panties an other girls underware an girls clothes. Yes iam a crossdresser. I was wondering what girls or other crossdressers think about the scene. My female cousin use to dress me as little ...
A. 13 May 2010: Ok I will be nice! Cross-dressing does not mean you are gay, mentally disturbed or anything too sinister. It is possible childhood experiences influence your adult interests but I am inclined to think not. If you really want to find out why you ... (read in full...)
My financial situation is making me depressed, what can I do?
Q. i really need some advice. i broke up with my fiance after 7 years last year. he left me on the verge of bankruptcy and didnt care. i was left with all the debt -55,000 now im at home living at my mums due to me having to do an iva. im so depre...
A. 13 May 2010: I think you have to stay where you are for now and be thankful for having a roof over your head. I think you need professional help to deal with your debt, and not from one of those parasitic private sector debt-relief companies that advertise ... (read in full...)
My mate was abused--how do I get her to go to counselling?
Q. Hi Me and my partner are engaged and we are hapy together. Although this, I want to know how best to cummunicate about the issue below:= My parner has gone through a touch sexual rough time and I feel that she is a bit too dependent on me...
A. 13 May 2010: If you want your partner to receive counselling there are plenty of services available through the NHS and the charity sector (try the MIND charity helpline for advice). However, before any counselling can commence she has to reach the stage where ... (read in full...)
I said I'd have sex with this player, and don't know how to get out of it
Q. So I'm 14 , and theres this guy I really like , hes 15 We had a little thing going on at the beginning but then he went out with one of my friends. He's a player and really only wants a girl to put out for him , thing is i said I would , it all star...
A. 13 May 2010: You are busy washing your hair this weekend so monkey-boy will have to go back to the zoo and play with his banana. Honestly this is nothing to get worked up about as this boy is a loser. You are underage and therefore should not be having sex with ... (read in full...)
My daughter is dating a co-worker that I don't want her to date!
Q. I have 4 children all adults and I have neve rtried to interfer in any of their lives before/. I think that kids need to learn from their mistakes, until now that is. I own a contracting compnat and have a lot of young men work for me. As guys will ...
A. 13 May 2010: I totally understand why you are frustrated that your daughter is dating a sleazy man. However there is nothing you can really do about it - if you interfere then your daughter may rebel and hang onto him tighter still. I think you just have to be ... (read in full...)
I think my colleagues are taking advantage of me!
Q. I have a really frustrating problem at work which I need advice on. I seem to be the only one in my office who has paracetamol for headaches, colds, pain etc.... So my colleauges instead of buying themselves any come and scrounge off me! I do...
A. 13 May 2010: I can see why you feel taken advantage of. I think you have to stop being Florence Nightingale of the office and keep your pain-relief in your bag. Quite apart from the question of being taken advantage of, it is never recommended to give other ... (read in full...)
Am I really attracted to my husband's best friend or is this only happening because my marriage is on the rocks?
Q. I fancy my Husbands best friend - is it just because my marriage is on the rocks? My husband and i have been together for 10 years but only married for 3. Earlier this year we began to have major problems in our relationship and therefore jointl...
A. 13 May 2010: Remember the old saying 'the grass is greener on the other side'. You just think life would be romantic and fun if you had the other guy. To be honest, if your husband's friend even contemplated cheating with you then he would be an awful person. I ... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me with his ex since we have been together!
Q. me and my partner have been together for over a year, im 5 months pregnant with his daughter and we are so excited just one problem. i just found out from his ex he has been sleeping with her since we got together. we got together on bad terms ...
A. 12 May 2010: I don't think you are crazy, but I think you exhibit signs of the typical victim of domestic violence. I think you need to call women's aid as they can give you lots of advice and you need to tell your midwife there is domestic violence at home as ... (read in full...)
He won't tell me the results of his STD check--has he cheated?
Q. Hi all. Do you know when you are with someone and suspect that they are cheating on you but can't prove it?? It is the most frustrating thing ever. I've never been in this situation before, so I don't know if it is just me or if the signs are ...
A. 12 May 2010: If he cheated on other girlfriends there is every probability he will cheat again given the opportunity. It suggests a certain personality disposition and whether he has cheated on you or not is irrelevant - he may well do, and you clearly don't ... (read in full...)
He's let me down after this unintended pregnancy, and he's making me feel very low!
Q. Hi...im in a bit of a mess and dont usually do this sort of thing but my family are bias (obviously) and i feel i need some impartial and objective feedback and advice. I am 35 and have been in a relationship with my partner for 16 years. We ha...
A. 12 May 2010: Ultimately the decision to continue with the pregnancy is your own since this is your body. I have polycystic ovaries and was given similar (wrong) advice about infertilty. Accidents happen and if he was that against more babies he should have used ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants sex so how do I fix that?
Q. Help!! My bf is training for the marines, and now he never wants sex! Or anything to do with coming near me, this isn't like him, he used to b all over me and constantly wanted sex wot has happend to change this and how can I fix it? ...
A. 12 May 2010: I would hazard a guess that his training regime for the marine core is physically punishing so it may affect his sex drive. Professional sports people are sometimes advised not to have sex before a big event or competition. I suggest that you be ... (read in full...)
Stuck between two guys!
Q. Right... Well I broke up with my boyfriend months ago and I'm much happier. I've met this lad online who i've now started texting he seems perfect: He's sweet, funny, Gorgeous, Lives Close and He's the real deal. But he likes to talk dirty alot. Th...
A. 12 May 2010: Ok I shall 'unstuck' you...pick none of these boys and spend some time being single figuring out what you want from life and who you would like to spend time with. The sexy internet boy could be anyone - a fat, hairy, balding paedophile-type who has ... (read in full...)
I accidentally offended my colleague, what should I do?
Q. I have a workplace problem. I am a 40-year old male, and I have a female colleague of about the same age. It is very clear that neither one of us cares much for the other. A week ago, I got into a very embarrassing situation. I stood up to ask ...
A. 12 May 2010: Say nothing at all and it should all blow over. Mentioning it again would just be a cringe-worthy moment for both of you. If she reports you to your manager, deny you were looking at her sexually. You are obviously sorry about what happened and will ... (read in full...)
I am uncomfortable with the other woman he has in his life, yet he claims there is nothing going on!
Q. ive been with my partner for two years we live together and have a 8 month daughter. he keeps texing a girl he used to have sex with he got her pregnant once but she got rid of it. they split up on good terms but ive read the texts and he is always ...
A. 12 May 2010: I think I would be uncomfortable about the friendship too since they have history together. I feel sorry for the other girl to be honest - an abortion is never an easy thing and now her ex has a child with another woman. I don't think you can stop ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lied about her sexual past, what should I do?
Q. hey i dont know how to ask this but here goes ..... i have been with my girlfriend for some time and love every minute i am with her , i knew she has had sexual partners in the past one being her ex boyfriend and the other was a boy she was seeing a...
A. 12 May 2010: What is really important is the here and now in your relationship, not the past. She may have been creative about her past because she thought you might look down on her for having a casual sexual relationship. If you start dwelling on this it will ... (read in full...)
Are these signals mixed?
Q. Me and my bf are both 16. We've been going out for 5 months. I'm confused about what he thinks about us 'doing stuff.' He's touched me everywhere but with the exception of a couple of times sticks to the outside of my pants when rubbing me 'down ...
A. 11 May 2010: He has been warned by someone (perhaps a parent) about the dangers of unprotected sexual intercourse and the consequences of that. He doesn't feel emotionally ready to have that sort of relationship and I think you should respect him for that. ... (read in full...)
He acts different toward me around his friends
Q. okay i need advice please. im close friends with a guy at work i really like him but i really dont know how he feelsa bout me. when he started the job he was very nervous and had a ear breakdown due to his wife leaving him. anyway ive spent the last ...
A. 11 May 2010: There are probably two separate reasons for his behaviour. Firstly, since it is a workplace he probably acts 'cool' because he perceives that as the professional thing to do. Office gossip and romances in the workplace can have a terrible effect on ... (read in full...)
Pain and bleeding whilst urinating (female)
Q. i am experiencing pain and bleeding during urination. i have researched it to see what could be wrong, as i know that pain is a common symptom of chlamidia. however, i didn't find anything that mentioned bleeding aswell, and i cant think of any pos...
A. 11 May 2010: Most likely cause is a urinary tract infection which is easily treated with antibiotics. Very important to see a doctor though as untreated urinary tract infections can turn nasty pretty quickly and you don't want those bad bacteria travelling up ... (read in full...)
My teacher won't mark my work!! What should I do?
Q. I did all my work. I went to hand it in and my teacher opened the door she said no. She then shut the door in my face. What am I gonna do?? if she doesnt mark it I've failed:(2 years in college(not university):( I dont know what I have done...
A. 11 May 2010: I agree with the others. Basically her behaviour is unprofessional. I had an art teacher at sixth form college years ago who hated me for no apparent reason and I had to go to the Head of Year to complain about her trying to kick me out her class. ... (read in full...)
All of a sudden he wants nothing more to do with me, only days after he told me he loved me!
Q. ive been going out with an older man for many years, we dont live together and as we are a bit apart we dont see each other that often, but weve always had a great relationship with its ups and downs not many downs,, id say, we talk a lot onlin...
A. 11 May 2010: I would say his lack of availability offline when you were dating should have alerted you to the possibility that he wasn't being 100% sincere with you. Have you considered the possibility that he maybe married with a family of his own? He may have ... (read in full...)
Why is the man I am having an affair with behaving this way?
Q. Could someone please explain what this guy is doing to me,by the things he is saying. Well for starters he is married and we have been having an affair on and off now for 30yrs, with some breaks in between. I know his wife but only on a very cas...
A. 11 May 2010: What is there to be confused about exactly? You have been having an affair with a married man for decades. You have settled for being second-best and always being the mistress rather than his wife. I honestly feel sorry for his wife if she doesn't ... (read in full...)
If we don't have sex now he gets mad at me!
Q. me and my boyfriend have been fighting alot and we love eachother. we're 15 and have been together for just about a year. a couple weekends ago we had sex for the first time and it wasnt his first time but it was mine, and now if we dont do things ...
A. 10 May 2010: You are feeling depressed because you are in an abusive controlling relationship. Sadly many teenage relationships are this way because one person or the other lacks the emotional maturity to date respectfully. I think you should see his behaviour ... (read in full...)
During sex he just stopped and said he'd had enough!
Q. I've been seeing this guy who seems really nice.He seems interested in everything I say. Hes very complimentary and affectionate. I got the impression that he really likes me but I'm starting to wonder if he does. The first few times we had sex ...
A. 10 May 2010: You need to listen to Lily Allen's song 'not fair'...it sounds like the situation you find yourself in. Frankly he doesn't sound that great in bed and a bit of a selfish lover. What goes on in the bedroom should be a two-way thing and if he shuts ... (read in full...)
I have been a player all my life but this women brought me to my knees
Q. Ok I recently moved to Southern California my brother owns a business I started working for him and I met one of his employees...love at first site she was beautiful my kind of people and just really cool...but she had a boyfriend of 4 years...he ...
A. 10 May 2010: This relationship will make you crazy and it is wrong for so many reasons. You are both cheating and it sounds like you have met your match in this lady. If she wanted a committed relationship with you then she would have grabbed it while she could. ... (read in full...)
He's sending explicit photos to me and wants the same back!
Q. This guy im talking keeps sending me non stop nude photos of him... they are veery explicit and wants the same from me. He sometimes begs for photos. I never have sent a picture but shouldi be worried? I have a feeling this guy is jut using me for ...
A. 10 May 2010: I think you have every right to be concerned. It is not just his overtly sexual interest, but the fact he is sending you (unsolicited) nude pictures suggests he doesn't have a great deal of respect for you or your preferences. I also think he is ... (read in full...)
Male co-workers g/f doesn't like us girls and gives us the evil eye! should we be worried?
Q. Morning peeps. My male colleagues girlfriend is jealous of his frienships at work. The guy in question joined our team about 7 months ago and we arranged a night out whereby we could bring our partners and he bought his gf. We all tried to ...
A. 10 May 2010: I think it was a really bad mistake for him to mix his private and professional life by bringing her to the office and have social evenings. It sounds as if they have lots of problems in their relationship and you really don't know what goes on ... (read in full...)
People bully me in school, about my weight! Help!
Q. Dear Agony Aunts and Uncles, Okay, i've been going through some tough things right now the biggest thing i've just accepted is my sexuality wich i'm now happy with! Well the problem thats been going on from when i was 08 until now which is...
A. 10 May 2010: I think you need to see your GP and ask for help. You have got into bad eating habits because food is related to emotions for you. It is important that you take your weight problem in hand now for all sorts of health reasons rather than for ... (read in full...)
Would I make a suitable foster parent?
Q. Im 18 years old Im a teaching assistant and i absoulutely adore it. I love children and they are my deepest intrest! i enjoy helping children to reach their potential and i enjoy supporting children to get the best out ogf their education! Recent...
A. 10 May 2010: At the age of 18 years you are allowed to foster provided that you meet the requirements of local social services (e.g. background check, accommodation etc). However, you would be expected to do a fostering induction course to prepare you. You also ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend being spiteful for something I have no control over!
Q. my boyfriend was meant to come and see me tonight (i live 30 miles away from him, at uni) but he isn't coming because his sister and his grandad are going to london tomorrow.. he said his grandad wouldn't appreciate him not being there. it ...
A. 9 May 2010: Your boyfriend is a control-freak and immature. I wouldn't be racing to get a flat with him - he will start controlling you even more then. He may have family commitments but it sounds like he doesn't have a lot of respect for you if he only tells ... (read in full...)
Disgusted and hurt but ultimately confused
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months and while we've had our ups and downs, he never gave me a reason to not trust him.. However, I found something suspicious on his facebook chat and my paranoia got the better half of me and I ende...
A. 9 May 2010: Your boyfriend is bisexual, but he may not have wished to share that side of his sexuality with you. If you are in a sexual relationship with this man then I suggest a trip to the doctors since he maybe sexually active with multiple partners. I ... (read in full...)
15 flat and a tomboy!
Q. Well, there's this thing. I'm 15 and well, I'm flat. All my friends are way more developed than me, which makes this problem even suckier. Guys in my school tease me for it and the guys who are close to me tell me that I'm pretty, nice and all, but ...
A. 9 May 2010: It is ok to be a tomboy - that can be an attractive quality because you have broader interests than some other girl's of your age-group. Frankly being a teenager in 2010 is no easy thing. You are under constant pressure to be this, that and the ... (read in full...)
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