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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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15 flat and a tomboy!
Q. Well, there's this thing. I'm 15 and well, I'm flat. All my friends are way more developed than me, which makes this problem even suckier. Guys in my school tease me for it and the guys who are close to me tell me that I'm pretty, nice and all, but ...
A. 9 May 2010: It is ok to be a tomboy - that can be an attractive quality because you have broader interests than some other girl's of your age-group. Frankly being a teenager in 2010 is no easy thing. You are under constant pressure to be this, that and the ... (read in full...)
Can I tell my teacher I love her like a mother?
Q. My Spanish teacher this year is like a mother to me. I love her like a second mom. Would it be weird if I told her that when I graduate next year? Do you think it would "creep her out"? Because I really want her to know how much of a positive impact ...
A. 8 May 2010: I think you can tell her that she has been a great support to you and that you have valued her input in your life. You don't need to tell her she has been a mother to you or go that far as she may not understand what you are trying to say. Buy her a ... (read in full...)
Why is this girl such a bully to me?
Q. basically this girl who is also my friend keeps debating with me on every single issue i say and will always take the opposite side. she keeps hitting and poking me even when i tell her to stop. and takes my stuff and puts it in her jeans pocket ...
A. 8 May 2010: I think she is a bit jealous of you - bullies usually target individual's who stand out from the crowd for some reason. Bullies are also people with low self esteem who express themselves through physically and verbally abusing others. It makes them ... (read in full...)
What was he trying to say in this text?
Q. hello, i recently went on a date (first time) with a man who i met online, on the date he treated me very well, we got along great and he checked that i got home ok and also text the next day to say that he had a great time and would like to go out ...
A. 8 May 2010: His text message means one of two things. First, it could be that he is just very insecure about himself and just wants some verbal reassurance that you find him attractive. Second, it could mean he is making it clear that he expects the dinner date ... (read in full...)
Will he leave if I keep the baby?
Q. im 19 years old, hav been with my boyfriend for 4 years, about two years ago he told me that he wanted to have a baby with me, i love kids so i said yes, i have a problem with my period i get it every 3 to 4 months apart, so it was hard for me to ...
A. 8 May 2010: If you want the baby then it is entirely your choice to go ahead with the pregnancy. Your boyfriend may leave you when you don't have an abortion but then would you really want him in the circumstances? He says lets make a baby, you made a baby and ... (read in full...)
Stressing that I can't get pregnant?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are dying to have kids although we'd like to wait until we're married first. Although if we were to have a child now we'd be over the moon. We haven't been using condoms and he came inside me 6 times last month over my "high ...
A. 7 May 2010: You should try to get pregnant for a year. It doesn't always happen right away, although you have age on your side. While you are trying for a baby, both of you should take a look at your lifestyle - diet, exercise, not smoking, alcohol, low ... (read in full...)
I feel embaressed of my new date..
Q. Hi everyone!! I have a question. I am a young looking 41 yrd old female who met a guy off an dating site last week. He was shorter than he stated in his profile, his teeth were more 'sticky outty' than in the photos, and he had this kind of ...
A. 7 May 2010: If you are this worried about him at the start I would say it was doomed. Generally if you are critical of him now then all the things you don't like will fester and be added to as the relationship progresses and you discover more character flaws ... (read in full...)
He's lying, playing games and I don't want to play!
Q. i was seeing someone i really liked for about three weeks, i felt something was not right in relationship, i started to feel insecure, and he told me he had no job, rubbish car and said he was not ready for a relationship, we sorted this out and he ...
A. 7 May 2010: He sounds very mixed up to be honest and best avoided! I don't think you should waste your time analysing his mind, he is a lost cause and you are best rid. When you met him he didn't have anything that suggested a stable lifestyle - job, car etc. ... (read in full...)
I look into my family life and it just gives me misery
Q. Hello,I feel really sad about my marriage.My husband is not intimate with me,and my grown kids have very messed life's. They are the result of an absent father. Who dedicated his whole life for his work. He is never making me feel pretty . And I do ...
A. 7 May 2010: I think it is ok that you have identified a problem with your marriage and your life. I think that you need to draw your thinking away from how you perceive things to be. Instead focus on how you would like things to be...I know we would all like to ... (read in full...)
I felt his birthday present to me was a bit tacky
Q. Iv been seeing my boyfriend for over a year and im questioning on how he really feels about me? When we email he does say he loves me but finds it a bit awkward to say !i love you" when we are together and i usually have to say it 1st.Thats not the ...
A. 7 May 2010: I don't think he is necessarily a bad man, just a hopeless shopper. I appreciate that you may have thought the underwear was a bad choice but at least he tried to get something. I had to 'educate' my now-husband when we were dating about gifts as I ... (read in full...)
I have never heard this about the pill before
Q. Question about my new girlfriend. We have just started seeing each other and I really like her, we have started getting intimate but she pulled away the other night and said we need to be careful because she has just come off the pill, when I asked ...
A. 7 May 2010: The doctor may wish to find out if the pill is the cause of the dizzy spells (which is a side-effect of certain brands). It could be that something else is causing it, and if her symptoms do not go away then the doctor may wish to order further ... (read in full...)
I just want it to end with me having a little self respect
Q. I cant live with what I keep doing with this guy. I know he isn't interested in dating me and just sees me a cheap thrill but everytime he hits on me I give in and we end up kissing and doing oral sex (never sex)and a day or 2 after it I feel bad, ...
A. 7 May 2010: Stop beating yourself up about being 'easy' or having low self esteem. In 2010 women are allowed to do all sorts of sexual acts outside long-term relationships without being condemned for it - anyone who is criticising you for your conduct has ... (read in full...)
Is this a case of birds of a feather flocking together?
Q. i have a problem, ive been close to this man for a year or two now, we met online but recently started meeting up. i have feelings for him, kinda starting to fall for him. he lives local so we spend quite abit of time together and im sure he likes ...
A. 6 May 2010: Sorry but I think for him you are an internet sexual fling. The reason is that he wants to keep you a secret after all this time. When men are smitten with ladies they make their feelings clear and like to show you off to the world. It is entirely ... (read in full...)
My friend says if I don't tell her he will!
Q. Im a Boy and i have been with my girlfriend for a year now, we also now have a baby on the way too. we are moving in together soon and starting up a proper life together. i love her, i always have since i laid eyes on her, but i have had gay sex ...
A. 6 May 2010: I don't think you are gay but bisexual. If you are having affairs with men it is because your girlfriend is unable to satisfy that side of your sexuality. You have a baby on the way and I think it is time to tell your girlfriend everything that has ... (read in full...)
He always makes me cry but I love him
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 16 year old girl and i love my boyfriend very much. We have been going out for almost 11 months and i can say that he hurt me several times intensionally. But sometimes it's my fault. So i really do not know what to do because ...
A. 6 May 2010: Don't emotionally blackmail him, there is no point. This is an abusive relationship that will not improve. It doesn't matter if he says he loves you and wants to marry you. His actions speak louder than words. His behaviour is controlling and he ... (read in full...)
What does it mean if the fertility test comes back negative?
Q. I Have an older sister, she is two years older than me, she is 20 and i am 18. im in a long term serious relationship and im 12 weeks pregnant, and now as soon as my sister found out i was pregnant she is also trying for a baby too, which im happy ...
A. 6 May 2010: By fertility test I am guessing you mean an ovulation test (a home testing kit). This shows when you are most fertile in your cycle and should be more likely to conceive than at other times in the cycle. It looks for the lutenising hormone (LH) ... (read in full...)
Can it be possible to be pregnant even though I am on the pill?
Q. I am 22, I need help. I am on pills and me and my Bf make love almost everyday. My periods finished on sunday. Since then i have been sick. I can smell food at all. I throw out evrything i eat. I am scared i might be pregnant. can that be possible. ...
A. 5 May 2010: If you have been taking your pill according to the instructions on the packet then it is unlikely that you are pregnant. However, it is possible as all contraceptives have a failure rate (even if it is a remote one). I should add that if you are ... (read in full...)
What have I done to be totally ostracised and ignored so blatantly?
Q. Decision Junction - with zero signposts. Dear Cupid, I very rarely ask for help which I suppose is a terrible weakness really, but here I am, willing to share my problem with some genuine and caring people because, frankly, I'm totally baf...
A. 5 May 2010: If it is any help you are not alone...I had a similar experience in my early 30's. I had a best friend from school and we had a very close relationship until she turned 30. She befriended some of her new flat mates who didn't like me and at the same ... (read in full...)
Am I gross? OR was the guy just not nice?
Q. Hi, I recently hooked up with a guy and whilst we were in bed fooling around he took off my pants, then he stopped and was like ew, so I asked what's the problem and he told me "your vagina is gross". I've had my confidence knocked by it my...
A. 5 May 2010: I think most of the other comments are valid. You got into bed with someone who is sexually insecure and inexperienced. Frankly if you were going that far with a man and then he said that he has a major problem - most men are far too busy have a ... (read in full...)
Broke up for a year and now I'm pregnant, he wants me to have an abortion!
Q. Well last year the love of my life of 14 yrs left me and our son saying he"had to get himself together". Well it was a huge adjustment for me as well as our 10 year old son. He was always around, still active in my sons life. We remaine civil. I ...
A. 5 May 2010: I think all women should have the right to an abortion, but when you are well-established and a surgical procedure is needed then it presents health risks to you and your future fertility. From your post I am gathering that you have decided to keep ... (read in full...)
A women that is always right?
Q. This situation irritates me and I don't know what you're going to say about it. My sister and her bf went out before and broke up, and are back together. She tells me that when they fight, shes always the "right one". And that when they make up, ...
A. 5 May 2010: I think you should take what is happening here as a life lesson...don't get involved in other people's relationships. I think you should tell your sister to keep you out of her personal affairs if it upsets you to have to deal with her drama. You ... (read in full...)
Porn, anger, mistake.
Q. Well a little while ago I got on Facebook. I wanted to see what my boyfriend was up to so looked at his Facebook page. (I didn't go onto his account just wanted to see if he had updated). I saw that he had befriended some girl. Curious I clicked on ...
A. 5 May 2010: You say that you trust him but I think you should re-evaluate that statement. You looked on his facebook page because something motivated you to do so. I wouldn't look on my husband's facebook page if he had one, or his email or mobile as I trust ... (read in full...)
Am I with with b/f just because he was only guy interested in me?
Q. I am so confused now I don't know what to do so I am turning to you guys for some advice. I am not looking to date causally, I want something more serious. I am not talking marriage but I am looking to the future. I have had a boyfriend for 3 ...
A. 5 May 2010: I think it is pretty normal to have doubts about relationships at your age. You are going through a developmental stage where you are trying to emerge into the world as an adult. You are dating, establishing a career and working out who you are and ... (read in full...)
I blame his alcohol abuse for his actions, should I leave him?
Q. Hi I met this man around 4 years ago, he told me he had had a drink problem but it was behind him now. any way it turns out not to be true he became ill once well he came to stay with me untilhe got better thats about 3 years ago. All in the gard...
A. 3 May 2010: You are dating a man with an addiction. Even when he is sober he is still an 'addict' and prone to relapse. It doesn't sound as if he has ever really addressed his reasons for heavy drinking. Until he does then you will be stuck with a drunk for ... (read in full...)
We texed one another for over 5 hours! Does this mean he likes me?
Q. Dear Cupid, I like this guy and I told him but he said that he already talks to someone. I told him that I liked him over a text message and since then we've been texting. Does that mean that he likes me? We've once texed for over five hours, I n...
A. 25 April 2010: It could mean he likes you, but it could mean he was bored for 5 hours or it could mean he had a lot of free texts to use up on his monthly tariff. I suggest you try speaking to him face to face as text messages don't tell you a great deal about how ... (read in full...)
Broke up with my boyfriend for another man who I later learn is married
Q. I m a 22 yr old undergraduate and had a normal lifestyle. I m considered simple and naive as describe by my peers . I have a boyfriend (aged 25)of 1 year plus but I was not very happy in this relationship. He treats me well but we often argue over...
A. 25 April 2010: You are clearly a bright young adult...don't mess up your exams for a loser. Everyone makes mistakes, your mistakes are three-fold. You have dealt with your personal issues by using other people as an emotional crutch, you cheated and you dated a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend broke up with me but now he doesn't want me to see other guys
Q. i been datin this guy for 8 months,he broke up with me last sunday and i begged him and cried sayin i didnt want anyone else. i now know this was a mistake as i have been reading that begging pushes them away but anyways he talks 2 me some at schoo...
A. 25 April 2010: Isa said yur ex is acting like a 'spoilt child'...I am guessing he is the same age as you and therefore he is a 'child', albeit one trying to be a grown-up and doing grown-up stuff like dating. Anyway, enough of him...your post tells me far more ... (read in full...)
I want more than friendship and I think she does too but she has a very low self esteem
Q. I have really liked this one girl for about 6 or so months now, and we have got to know each other quite well. But i want more than just friends. i have tried hinting to her, but we are both rather shy and she has really low self esteem. My frien...
A. 25 April 2010: I wouldn't get other people involved in your relationship like asking friend's opinions. The reason being is that they may tell you what you want to hear (to be polite) or maybe they just get it wrong and that would be disappointing! The best ... (read in full...)
My online friend...
Q. I met a man online four months ago. We have been communicating steadily. We are meeting in two weeks. After we exchanged pictures of each other and started getting to know one another the sparks were flying. I have not had sex in years as I am ...
A. 22 April 2010: I echo what the other respondents have said to you...be careful and don't hold up too many expectations. It is unlikely that you would meet 'the one' online for all sorts of reasons...but you might just get lucky. However, as a grown woman you ... (read in full...)
He won't let go of his separated wife for me.
Q. Hi, i am a 41 year old woman, i have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and it has been a very up and down relationship, he has always been a very angry man and i have found it very hard with him, we have a 2 year old child together of which he ...
A. 17 April 2010: I realise my post is probably not what you want to hear, but nevertheless it just has to be said...stop being a doormat to this loser. He is a sperm donor and nothing more. He takes your money, asks you to abort a child, pathologically lies about ... (read in full...)
My mum found out I have been smoking and now she is mad at me, what can I do?
Q. my mum just found out i was smoking, she found them in my bag she no longer trusts me, coz she asked me ages ago if i smoked and i said no i only said no because i didnt want to hurt her she is acting like its the end of the world i have 3 brot...
A. 16 April 2010: I used to be a smoking cessation advisor to the NHS. I also smoked a bit as a teenager and in my early 20's probably for the same reasons as you - it is a social thing and a bit of a nicotine kick. The basic facts are that smoking impacts on your ... (read in full...)
What can I do to help me get the boy I like?
Q. is there something wrong with me? im fat and ugly and i will never get a boyfriend what can i do to help me get the boy i like??...
A. 16 April 2010: There is probably nothing wrong with you. It is fairly normal to be uncertain about yourself as a teenager! However, if there is something 'wrong' it is that you have low self esteem...successful dating requires self confidence and liking yourself ... (read in full...)
The way I feel is starting to scare me and I have no idea what to do about it
Q. Dear Cupid, the way I feel is beginning to scare me. I’ve been feeling very very low for about 18 months; I am aware it’s a problem and am doing my best to cope. I went to the doctor about a week ago but found she was unhelpful and pretty ...
A. 16 April 2010: Some doctors are utterly rubbish at dealing with teenage mental health issues. You cannot teach interpersonal skills to medical professionals as much as medical school may try to drill them into practising good bedside manner. At your GP surgery ... (read in full...)
She has got back in touch after almost a month, what should I do now?
Q. Alright so a month and a half ago my girlfriend of 3 and a half years dumped me for being too obsessive so to say. I posted a question here weeks ago about me wanting to get her back and applying the no contact rule. Well nearly a month has gone by ...
A. 16 April 2010: I am hearing an awful lot about what your ex-girlfriend wants and says and does in your post, and less so about your needs. She dumped you because she claims you were obsessive, she imposes a no-contact rule which she now breaks and you are expected ... (read in full...)
Problem with agressive sex!
Q. I have been dating a guy for over 4 months now, from the 1st time we met we have either seen each other or talked on the phone every night. From the beginning he has told me about his past, which involved sleeping with a lot of girls. He feels a ...
A. 11 April 2010: I had a boyfriend when I was in my early 20's who claimed to be a 'ladies man'. He bragged about his past encounters but he didn't seem to want to demonstrate any of this passion on me. We broke up and eventually I got the truth out of him a few ... (read in full...)
Would he propose just for a Visa?
Q. Ive been dating a kurdish man for 3 years now maybe more hes security on club doors in marmaris ... hes not like the usual he has money own home ,own car and has no interst in coming to england (believe me i have tried many times to get him here ...
A. 11 April 2010: If you don't trust him then don't marry him. I would say that the 'marriage of visa convenience' is not as common as some sections of the right-wing media would like to present. My husband is a non-EU national and it took a legal battle with the ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with him?
Q. hi, i have been in a relationship now for three and a half years, we live 2 hours drive away from each other, and we see each other once a month now on average. I have three children from a previous relationship and he has two. in the beginning...
A. 10 April 2010: I don't honestly feel this relationship is right for you. I am sure that deep down you know it doesn't give you the future you hope for. As much as I am loathe to quote from those dreadful 'how to do dating' books, it seems you have been making all ... (read in full...)
How can I keep the scumbag father of my child away from us?
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm 6 months pregnant by a scumbag, When I first found out that I was prego I told the baby's father and he said it wasnt his and to get an abortion....He really did not want any responsibilities for a another child. A few weeks later he...
A. 7 April 2010: You already know the answer - pack a bag, leave town and start again somewhere else. Tell no-one who could pass your address to him and try to prepare for motherhood. If you need financial or emotional support to move, contact your local domestic ... (read in full...)
Embarrassing moment from my past--afraid this guy on facebook will spill it!
Q. Embarrassing moment - This is not a cry for help - just wanting to know how to get over an embarrassing moment and avoid being a laughing stock. The thing is - when I was a teenager (a few years ago now) teenagers were'nt as aware of things as they ...
A. 7 April 2010: This doesn't have to be an embarrassing moment unless you make it one. Lots of women don't shave their legs - it is no big deal. Even if he tells his mates that you are a hairy yeti, you just got to have a sense of humour about it...tell him that ... (read in full...)
Finding his porn last night made me think....he has a different 'ideal' and it is NOT me!
Q. I hope to receive some input here - this issue has given me a great deal of grief over the last two years I have been dating my current BF. My history - I dated a boy my age for 8 years. I was his 'ideal'. He liked pink skinned, blue eyed, tall,...
A. 6 April 2010: Marriage is a very serious commitment and you should never contemplate entering into a marriage with a man who doesn't make you feel happy at the outset. I think you have lots of self confidence issues which are nothing to do with the man you are ... (read in full...)
Married at 16, now regretting it!
Q. Hi I'm 22 years old and I'm desperate I meet my wife when I was 15 she was 19 years old she got pregnan when I just turn 16yrs old so we got married she was 20yrs.. after 3yrs of of been togheter she stop using birth control and got pregnan again ...
A. 5 April 2010: Lots of marriages fall apart when the couple commit at such a young age. I wouldn't give yourself a hard time as it is fairly normal to feel trapped at a time in your life when your peers are out partying, going to college and travelling. I think ... (read in full...)
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