Like what
she writes?
... Add *rPsych to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
|
Why would he give permission to sleep with another man if he loved me?
Q. I feel totally stuck in a rut situation. My relationship broke down recently, we were together 7 yrs on and off with him going between 2 homes mine and his mums, he is 42 and his mum 72. We parted at xmas and have recently starting getting along ...
A. 9 March 2011: It sounds like he has his mother and then you as 'second mother'. At 42 if he still has his mother waiting on him then it is surely a bad sign. Most people resent their in-laws to some degree, but it sounds like she is being a good grandmother to ... (read in full...)
Bleeding but scared to see a gynae doctor
Q. I have this weird problem that Im a virgin 32 year old and still not been able to give in to my guy, even though I fantasize so much and so wanna have sex but even the mere thought makes me so wet that now I even bleed while Im with him and ...
A. 8 March 2011: You need to see a gynaecologist with the mindset that they see all sorts of problems from that end of the body. There is nothing that you have that will shock them, so get brave and make an appointment. They won't judge you for being a virgin at ... (read in full...)
My exwife has trained my 9 year old daughter to hate my fiance.
Q. My 9 year old daughter has been trained by my ex wife to hate my fiancé. My daughter refuses to be near her so, when my kids are with me, my fiancé is not. To make matters worse, my daughter's therapist seems to be enabling the hate. This has been ...
A. 8 March 2011: If your daughter requires a therapist then she is obviously struggling psychologically to adjust to the new set of family circumstances. This is not terribly uncommon for children. It is unfortunate that you are not on good terms with your ex but ... (read in full...)
Why is he apologising now?
Q. My Exboyfriend texted me to say "I am truly sorry for all that I did to you. I hope things are well, I miss you (petname)." He cheated on me and left me for another woman 6 months ago. We were together 6 years. He has sent a couple messages like ...
A. 8 March 2011: I think you are doing the right thing by ignoring him. If he cheated, he would cheat again if you got back together. He is texting you because he is single and hoping for someone to make him feel better. Perhaps someone has now cheated on him and he ... (read in full...)
Depression: red flag?!!?
Q. well, I found this guy on a dating website, we got on pretty well, he asks to meet me (after a really long time, like two months) we meet, it's OK no more, he seems a bit down and mentions two broken marriages at age 38. The second date is better, ...
A. 8 March 2011: I think you are still in the 'getting to know' stage and it is too early to judge him. The depression isn't a red flag - 10% of adults suffer from depression at some stage in their lives. It is a medical condition just like diabetes, asthma etc. ... (read in full...)
Not only is my husband of 13 years registered on a dating site, he is looking for transvestites, transsexuals and cross-dressers!!!
Q. Hi I have recently found out that my husband of 13 years is registered on a dating site, and if that isn't bad enough he is looking for transvestites, transexuals and crossdressers. I am so upset I haven't been able to eat or sleep, I don't know how ...
A. 8 March 2011: Hello, just because your husband has put up a profile seeking attention from cross-dresssers does not mean he will act on it and make a date. It maybe a form of internet voyeurism if you like. I think you need to talk to him as if he knows you know ... (read in full...)
What am I getting out of this relationship?
Q. I'm confused right now. I've been with my boyfriend for a year. I live in my own house and he lives with his family. We meet at my house and go out occssionally. My problem is that I don't think he cares about me. He was supposed to come to my house ...
A. 5 March 2011: I don't think you are being petty. He seems rather single minded and treating your home like a private hotel. Perhaps his family spoil him at home so he is getting a free lunch all round! If he doesn't want to buy you anything after a year, not even ... (read in full...)
It took me three years after the break up to find someone else, but I fear getting hurt!
Q. hi i broke up with my boyfriend 3 year ago and it has took me this long to find some one else but there is this guy he is really sweet but i just dont know what to do as i have two boys and i dont want to get hurt and i dont want my two boys to get ...
A. 4 March 2011: It is understandable, and perhaps wise, to approach your next relationship with caution. Just because you are a mother it doesn't mean you are not entitled to a life beyond parenthood. You need to take the dating thing slowly and don't start ... (read in full...)
I'm 15, pregnant, no parents of my own AND my baby will be without a dad! Please advise!
Q. Hey guys. Please don't judge me I have enough on my plate as it is without other people adding to it. I am 15, 16 in November and I got pregnant when I lost my virginity. But we used a condom that split and the pill but.. you know, it happens...
A. 4 March 2011: I am pregnant at the moment. It can be a big strain on your emotions with the fatigue and sickness. You need someone to talk to. See your GP right away and get booked for antenatal care. The community midwife can put you in touch with other teen ... (read in full...)
Am I heading for a big fall here?
Q. Hi, Im in a real mess and need some direction. After being married 20 years which has been loveless for 10 years and had 2 children from it, ive developed a relationship with a lady whom I love so much that perhaps my judgment is clouded. She has ...
A. 4 March 2011: Your marriage maybe loveless, but you should demonstrate some respect for your wife, kids and not least yourself. You must have loved your wife once. She is entitled to go out and find someone else if the marriage is over. If the relationship is ... (read in full...)
My facebook pictures make me look amazingly perfect and a lot of guys have been asking me out based on them...but thats not how I really am! What do I do now?
Q. Hi! I would really appreciate it if you could help me! Ever since I made a Facebook account, I found that I looked so much prettier in my photos, whether they were mobile uploads, photoshopped, or profile pictures. Somehow my itouch was able to ...
A. 4 March 2011: There is a simple fix...delete your facebook account or delete all pictures from your facebook account. It is just fake attention, but there is a great deal that is fake about social networking websites. If you upload pictures of a pretty girl, ... (read in full...)
Violence...What can I do?
Q. Okay, I'm in need of some help. For about a year now, like clockwork, once a month, me and my partner have a massive row, brining everything up at once about everything that has pissed the other one of in the past month even if it is relevant or n...
A. 4 March 2011: It is a nasty, destructive cycle that can only be broken if you separate from him. You also need to see a GP and ask about anger management classes. You have both learned a violent approach to dispute resolution and need to 'unlearn' that ... (read in full...)
Does my gym instructor like me or not?
Q. Guys Out of curiosity as I am confused about it. I went weeks ago to this gym class for the first time. As it was my first time I didn't know all the exercises the instructor(who btw is cute) was showing me all the time and paying no attention to ...
A. 3 March 2011: The old cynic in me would suggest that his salary is perhaps dependent on class size. It is therefore probably in his own interests to be nice and welcoming to new clients in an effort to keep them coming back. Perhaps he does fancy you. While that ... (read in full...)
Do you think my teacher is creepy?
Q. hi everone well there is that teacher who's totally creepy in my school. Anyways, 2 years ago we had some problems and she doesn't call me my name, she already knows my name but she wanted to insult me, then she started smiling to me whenever...
A. 2 March 2011: It sounds as if your teacher doesn't have a well developed set of interpersonal skills. Lots of people don't. It doesn't mean she is attracted to you, or hates you. Perhaps you confuse her for some reason or she feels awkward around you. Teachers ... (read in full...)
Texting...
Q. So I just met this girl and she was really cool, she gave me her number. The next day we texted through out but it tapered off that night. I got a couple of weird answers when I asked where her favorite place to eat was and what not, she would say ...
A. 2 March 2011: Texting, emails...the world has gone mad. Pick up the phone and call the girl. Ask her out on a date. The worst possible thing that can happen is she says no, please go away and never phone me again (her loss). Waiting for her to text you back is ... (read in full...)
Why won't my married man text me back any more?
Q. im giezelle 26, i have currently an affair with a married man he's 45. we were together for 2 months and he was just the sweetest one ever. he came into my life unexpectedly. we met in a bar.. we got to talk and since that night, we kept in touch.. ...
A. 2 March 2011: It seems strange to be heartbroken when you knew deep-down this relationship was going no-where. This man has stopped texting you because he got bored, went back to the bar to get another girl or maybe his wife found the messages and buried him ... (read in full...)
He won't leave his work where he had this affair!
Q. My boyfriend of 14 years had a affair for nearly 2 years i only found out about a month ago but always suspected he had cheated. he has a good career but the woman he went with works there and he wont leave his job. he wants to come home but doesnt ...
A. 2 March 2011: I think you have to be very brave and leave him. I understand that the jobs market is tough but if your partner is unwilling to make a clean break for the sake of your relationship then it speaks volumes about where his priorities stand. To be ... (read in full...)
I am seriously in love with this older guy!!!
Q. Help!!!! i think i am in love with this older guy(25+),!!!! I've been out with older guys before but this time i am totally stuck. Basically we both work in the same shopping center and i am purposely making up excuses to end up in his shop, we...
A. 2 March 2011: He ignores you when other people are around because he thinks it would look bad for him to be lusting after a much younger girl. He feels uncomfortable about expressing feelings in front of others. There is nothing wrong with age-gap relationships ... (read in full...)
Others say I'm pretty, why can't my boyfriend?!
Q. I feel so upset. I asked my boyfriend if I am pretty. He said that I am not very pretty but I am cute because of my cheerful character. He doesn't think that I am pretty he just said that he loves me because of my character and that I have a good h...
A. 27 February 2011: You won't want to hear this...you get your self esteem from yourself, not what other people have to say about you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What some people say is pretty, others would have another view and that is what makes the world ... (read in full...)
Agressive partner or scared child??
Q. I've had a relationship with a man for 9 years. Although over 9 years ago we split up for a while, but, then we got back together. He can be aggresive and spiteful, but he never physically hurts me. But it's affecting my 13 year old girl, as they ...
A. 27 February 2011: It can take enormous courage to decide to be single. Unfortunately in your case that is what you must do. The relationship is emotionally abusive which is a form of domestic violence. You have split up with this man in the past and that is probably ... (read in full...)
My daughter broke up with the one I thought was "the one" and I can't get past it
Q. Not sure why I feel this way but something is obviously wrong. My daughter dated this boy for two years. I definately thought he was "the one". She broke it off with him suddenly and he was devastated. I did everything to try to get them back ...
A. 16 February 2011: You saw him as a good candidate for making your daughter happy in the long run...unfortunately she sees things differently. He maybe all sweet in front of you but she may know or see a different side of him. I think you have to respect her wishes. ... (read in full...)
Should I try to relight the flame with my exwife?
Q. Ive been divorced from my wife for 20 yrs. Two years ago she asked me to teach her to ride a motorcycle,work on her car ect... I pretty sure she was looking to see if we could re light that flame but I blew it off like no big deal. Now 2 yrs later ...
A. 15 February 2011: It really depends on what brought you both to divorce in the first place. If you think you are both different people from what you were back then (e.g. more mature, more respectful) then why not see if the flame is still glowing? This depends on you ... (read in full...)
How can I better manage social situations? Can anybody relate to my lack of social skills?
Q. I've recently turned 33 and over recent years have experienced an increase in people enquiring about my love life status. This in turn forces me to assess my personal circumstances, specifically my lack of social skills. I have always struggled with ...
A. 12 February 2011: I think you are got to stop being so tough on yourself. If you are an introverted person who struggles with social skills then you are not alone. It is also true that you are unlikely to find perfect romance with the sorts of people who thrive in ... (read in full...)
We both can't stop being awkward!
Q. So I'm at University and I have this great bunch of friends. The thing is they're not my close close friends yet. There is one guy within this group who I really like and have done since the first time I met him, but I still (after 4 months) haven't ...
A. 1 February 2011: Being a virgin is probably nothing to do with it. You probably just lack a bit of personal confidence. I would say that is totally normal at your age - I didn't know how to chat up men until I hit my 30's! You may fancy him but a relationship of any ... (read in full...)
My husband is sucking me dry... emotionally. Need advice!
Q. I don't even know why I am posting this here or how to phrase this so that I don't seem like the bad guy...but I am. And I know it. And yes, feel free to tell me so. I tried to tell my hubby that if he posted here with this problem you would all ...
A. 1 February 2011: There is one solution to this problem. Your husband should meet with your male friend from time to time, with you there as well. Equally you should meet and befriend his mates from time to time. It puts everything out in the open and stops the ... (read in full...)
Shall I apologize over the phone, by text or to his face or not at all?
Q. Hi, I just spent 5 days with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for 18 months and have spoken about marriage. In the last month we have been spending more time together and bickering more and more. I have been particularly needy and i...
A. 26 January 2011: I agree with the others. What are your apologising for? I am pregnant and getting over swine flu...I have been a right moaning minnie to my family and husband over the last couple of weeks! A good partner supports you during difficult times.
If he c... (read in full...)
None of my sexy pics look good, how do I get this right?
Q. My boyfriend is currently living at the other end of the country to me but we keep in touch via text, e-mails and phone calls. He has recently suggested I send him photos of me because he misses seeing me, and I want to keep him happy but I just ...
A. 26 January 2011: I suggest you don't take pictures of yourself. This relationship maybe going really well right now, but you cannot predict the future. Once you start sending pictures then you lose control over what happens to that material. Even if your boyfriend ... (read in full...)
Advice on how to help me get over my stutter
Q. hey, i've got quite a bad stutter, and more often than not whenever i approach people they can't get past it and although are kind to me while i'm there, once i leave i hear them tease me and take the mickey. this obviously takes a toll on my con...
A. 24 January 2011: Some GP's can be hopeless at dealing with speech and language difficulties. You need to find out which GP in your registered practice has expertise in child and adolescent health. All GP's have a special interest or two. You need to see the doctor ... (read in full...)
Would society think our relationship is wrong?
Q. i know that this may sound wrong okay but here goes. i am 16 he is 27 we are in love okay and i no that may sound naive but we have been in a strong relationship for about 8 months i am almost 17. well we have a lot of respect for each other a...
A. 23 December 2010: As the others have said, your relationship is legal. Some people frown upon age-gap relationships and make jokes about cradle-snatching, sugar daddies and cougar chasing. Jokes aside, age-gap relationships can work (I am in one). However, it really ... (read in full...)
My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. How do I forgive him?
Q. My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. I just found about it 2 months ago. He paid her $200.00 for sex in a motel room. (Isn't that protitution?) I also found recepits where he bought her jewelry three different times. ...
A. 23 December 2010: I don't think you should be thinking about forgiving him for this. If you do, he may think you don't mind so much and may stray again. I hope you see a doctor to get checked out because if he has been sleeping with a sex-worker then he goes on to ... (read in full...)
He has herpes...Did he cheat???
Q. I am asking for help on here because I don't want to tell my friends about this. My fiance was just diagnosed with herpes. I have been with my him for 5 years. We got engaged a year ago. He goes to school 100 miles away and comes home on ...
A. 22 December 2010: You don't mention which type of herpes he has. If it is type 1 that usually expresses itself as cold sores then there is no evidence of cheating. Herpes type 1 is often acquired during childhood infection and people then go on to get cold sores ... (read in full...)
If I'm someone he would consider dating in the future, then why would he suggest us being FWB now??
Q. hello i have a quick question, iv been on and off talking to a guy while going through a difficult time trying to decide whether or not to just let my relationship go or patch things up. this new boy knows this and trys to tell me to let it go for a ...
A. 22 December 2010: He is spinning you a line while you are in an emotionally vulnerable position of relationship breakdown. I think he doesn't want to date you in the future, but just thinks that promise will get you into bed right now. He has made it clear that he ... (read in full...)
Help! I want my best friend back!
Q. hey guys :] well im in a pickle at the moment, basically i have fallen out with my best friend of 3 years, she started to date a boy i really hate, and a few days ago i had a fight with him. suddenly after that she told the school about it and ...
A. 17 December 2010: Teenage romance tends to last about five minutes. At the end of this, she will learn a lesson about the value of friendship. She will come back and should apologise to you. You cannot make her be your friend. If she is superficial enough to ditch ... (read in full...)
He wants a child but I'm not bringing a baby into this toxic relationship!
Q. So confused! I have 2 boys ages 16 and 9 from the same man which I left 5years ago. Since, then I've been in a toxic realtionship for 5years. He has a temper and has been violent in the past just last week he came to my house and broke my perfume ...
A. 17 December 2010: Of course you shouldn't be having a baby with this abusive man. It would be troubling for the child to be brought up in such a hostile environment. If you then split up with him, he would still have legal rights of access to the child which would ... (read in full...)
Why does my ex still hurt me and string me along?
Q. Dear all. please help. I split with my ex bf a few months back, and have been trying very hard to get over him, which has been really difficult as I loved him a lot. He has a lot of family and finance problems, and was controlling. Anyway, we tried ...
A. 17 December 2010: You are asking the wrong question. It shouldn't be 'why has he been so hurtful for the past few months?'. Rather I suggest you ask the question 'why have I let him be so hurtful for the past few months?'. If he doesn't arrive at pre-arranged times ... (read in full...)
What are your top 5 "Must haves" and "Can't stands"
Q. Poll (just for fun). For women and men, for you, what are the top 5 "MUST HAVES" and the top 5 "CAN'T STANDS" when evaluating members of the opposite sex as a potential lifelong partner? I guess mine would be Must Haves: friendly dispos...
A. 17 December 2010: Must Have's: A pulse, own hair, height, IQ higher than a goldfish and a spine.
Can't stand: Huge pot belly, no job or hope of one, clingy-needy behaviour, debts, sexism. ... (read in full...)
What is the price to pay for an affair when there are children involved?
Q. I have been married for 20 years. A month ago i found out that my husband is having an affair with my best friend. My friend stood there and let me confide in her while she was having an affair with my husband, in fact she was treated like family by ...
A. 17 December 2010: You don't have a 'best friend' since this woman clearly abused your trust. You need to cut her out of your life like an ulcer as she has no integrity whatsoever. However, you should also feel sorry for her. She gave up your beautiful friendship to ... (read in full...)
Friend of a friend fancies me, but I don't feel the same! How do I tell my friend I don't like him?
Q. I'm not sure how to tell my friend that i'm not interested in her male friend. Her friend fancies me. I have met up with him twice, and it was only for a couple of hours each time. Both times i saw him, he got hold of me and gave me a kiss on the ...
A. 17 December 2010: You seem like a very nice person...in this case you are being a bit too nice! By not telling this man you don't want a relationship then he is full of false hope of what may be! It is better than he knows how you feel now, rather than later. He can ... (read in full...)
He got really demanding when I was giving him oral, has he been watching too much porn?
Q. when my bf and i had sex the other day he asked me for a bj and i accepted but he got really demanding. i think he watches too much porn he says he doesn't but i have seen him download it before. What should i do?...
A. 16 December 2010: What should you do? Talk to him. If you are able to have sex with this person then you should also be able to have a conversation about your personal limitations and his need to respect this. If he makes you do things you are not happy with then ... (read in full...)
He's different when he's not around his friends
Q. Dear cupid. this boy ive been crushing on is not what i suspected , when he with his friends he gets high, smokes and drinks but when im with him myself and his friends aren't around i dont beileve the stuff , i know when he leaves for colla...
A. 15 December 2010: It is pretty normal to have crushes on boys at your age. The fact is that this boy has a lifestyle you don't seem to like. This means any relationship wouldn't last. You say that he is leaving college, and when that happens it gives you an ... (read in full...)
Why do men cheat with women who are not as attractive / accomplished / affectionate as their partners?
Q. Why do (guy) cheaters cheat with women who are usually not as attractive, as accomplished or usually not as affectionate? ...
A. 12 December 2010: I don't think that men cheat with unattractive women as such. However, it is possible that women who perceive themselves to be unattractive, unaccomplished etc might have poorer self esteem. This would put them at risk of getting into cheating ... (read in full...)
| *rPsych's friends
These are mutual friends, so *rPsych has
added them and they have added *rPsych!
|
