A
female
age
41-50,
*adipana
writes:I am having a problem with my boyfriend of 8 mnths. he says i nag and am needy and am not sure if I am. From day one we have been arguing and i think what has kept the relationship is i can help him financially when he is broke or in need of rent money. He once broke it off with me and told me to move on with my life. i made an efort to get us back which we did but he had blocked me from his facebook by that time because i had written 'i am sorry' on his wall. We have been on and off and arguing a lot. I feel I am being needy too on the other hand as I feel he doesnt care anymore. He has deleted me many times from his blackberry and he says he doesnt like talking. He goes out alone till early hours of the morning and when i ask he says i should leave him to be. I am now confused to wether he cares or not and my trying to chat to him is nagging or signs of being needy. At times I find it hard to go a day without chatting and he complains about that. Please advice me.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Men always think we're nagging them if we remind them to do something. And women always appear needy to a guy who's not that interested in them. But trust me if he really had feelings for you, he'd be all up in your game and see things completely different. Your problem isn't about being needy or nagging him. It's about picking the right guy. Clearly this guy is not ready for a serious relationship. Not with you, not with anyone. He's still very much playing the field and acting somewhat immature in the process. You are ready for a relationship and so you will always appear needy until you get involved with a man who has the same goals and ideals that you have. This may be difficult for you, but I'd stop contacting this ass and leave him alone. It's time for you to focus your attention on someone else. xoxox
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!You really have answered your question yourself, you know.Think about it: constant arguments from the very beginning; YOU have been putting all the effort into an attempt to make this work; and have given him money when he needed help paying his rent, or was just short (generous of you but you should NEVER give money to a man who asks for it just because he can't manage on his own - and I don't suppose he has ever paid you back, now has he?)What he is doing for you? Basically, nothing. He tells you flat-out to leave him alone and doesn't want to spend time with you - oh, except of course when he wants money from you - and you tell us you find it difficult to go a day even without talking to him. WHY?Why are you still trying to hang on to this man? What are YOU getting out of this "relationship"???
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (26 March 2011):
 My advice is to leave this man alone. He doesn't care about you, just the contents of your purse. He has made it clear he doesn't want a serious relationship with you and he doesn't treat you very nicely. He goes out alone as he is in search of other women in single bars. You are looking for a proper full-on relationship, he isn't. Therefore you need to stop attempting to talk to him - it just raises your hopes and also blocks you emotionally from the possibility of moving on with your life and meeting another man who treats you better. I should add that there is a life lesson from this relationship - he makes you unhappy because you let him. Don't pay for your boyfriend's rent and basic needs in a casual dating arrangement - it is almost buying his company since you don't say he is paying you back or doing anything nice for you in return. You need to be sure that a man is with you because he is committed to you and not your bank account. You should never have to chase him around and apologise when you are being criticised. When you meet the right man, he will treat you well and want to spend lots of time with you. People tend to treat you how you let them treat you. If you keep chasing him around and apologising for being 'you' then you can expect more trouble.
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