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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Q. Good Morning all! I will condense this as best as possible so as not to bore the hell out of readers! I am 43,divorced with kids,believe it or not,I am honest and genuine. Anyhow,I have met this wonderful woman through a dating site,just chatti...
A. 24 July 2010: You sound like a really nice, normal person. Obviously you must be bright enough to figure out that a lot of people use internet dating as a way to have casual sex, or because they are emotionally troubled and therefore unable to find partners in ... (read in full...)
Is my fiance controling, neglectful, abusive, plus more?
Q. I have been in a long distance relationship for about three of the four year relationship. I knew him much longer than we have been together, I would say approximately seven years in total now. He joined the navy about a year after we became a...
A. 24 July 2010: Hello, your parents are right to be very concerned about you. There is no point racing into marriage with a man who makes you this unhappy. I cannot tell you if he has OCD, but I can tell you that he is highly controlling and emotionally ... (read in full...)
Was I right to quit after the personal letter I received from the property manager?
Q. This is not a question or input required for a work issue...I have been working in a small office for 2 and half years, only 5 of us in there. Well last week I sent the property manager an email letting her tho that she had made it quite clear du...
A. 24 July 2010: This just wasn't the job for you! Lots of people suffer for years in the wrong job, working for the wrong people and ending up miserable and depressed. I have walked out of jobs in the past because of people I didn't get along with without regret. ... (read in full...)
My wifes was not a virgin how do I get even?
Q. hai, ok my wifes sexual past haunts me. Married 6 years and i am recently just finding out about her.i was a virgin when i married her and when we talked during our dating years she implied that she was pure. I came acros her diary and yes sorry i ...
A. 24 July 2010: So your wife had a sexual past, it is hardly the end of the world. She may have implied she was 'pure', but she never lied to you outright. She may have told you that because she was ashamed of her past, or perhaps it was to massage your ego into ... (read in full...)
My baby's daddy is lazy and never concerned about our child!
Q. I broke up with my babys daddy recently because he does not have a job and because he never asked me if i needed anything or helped me. I am six months pregnant and he still has not got a job he sits there and lies to my face saying there is no jobs ...
A. 24 July 2010: You should see this man as the sperm donor only. He is not exactly boyfriend of the year and demonstrates his immaturity by failing to secure to financial future of his child, and prioritising his needs. We all date losers sooner or later, so don't ... (read in full...)
My dad is going to press charges against my 21 year old boyfriend!
Q. i am in a relationship with a 21 year old guy, and im only 16, i had kept this away from my parents but one night they heard me talking on the phone with him, and they asked my sisters who it was and they told my dad i had a 21 year old boyfriend. ...
A. 24 July 2010: Your Dad is upset because you are dating an older man. As a man himself, he knows that 21 year old men are interested in 16 year old girls for certain reasons! You have to understand that he is angry because he loves you and that is no bad thing! If ... (read in full...)
After making some fatal dating mistakes, can I still get his interest back?
Q. Hi, this is a long email so i can give background, sorry and thanks a lot for reading in advance:) Met this guy (26 yrs old), lets call him M, at a company workshop. We are from different depts so we didn't get to meet before that. He came to...
A. 24 July 2010: I am really sorry but I think this relationship is over. He chased you because he likes the chase. Once you started talking about a serious relationship he ran away as he is not at a time in his life when he wants that. You should forget about him ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be lonely anymore! I want a boyfriend!
Q. Hi guys. I'm 15 either gay or bi. As you can see I'm not at terms with my sexuality yet but I KNOW for a fact I'm not totally straight. My problem is that I'm at a moment in my life where I don't wanna be lonely anymore. I REALLY want a ...
A. 24 July 2010: It is normal to be confused about your sexuality during the adolescent years of your life. Lets face it, being a teenager is just so confusing these days full stop. It doesn't matter if you are bisexual or gay, it is just a label and you will figure ... (read in full...)
He stopped molesting me, but is he about to do it again?
Q. ok, im going to try be to the point here. im 17yrs old now and from the age of 12 to about 4months ago, i have been sexually molested by my moms boyfriend (lets call him joe). so joe has stopped abusing me now, but a few nights ago i was working on ...
A. 24 July 2010: I used to work in child protection services in the UK. Your mother's boyfriend is a sexual predator. He may have stopped abusing you because you got too old for his personal preference, but you maybe at risk of habitual assault from time to time. ... (read in full...)
Husband is an internet player and I need to make the break!
Q. Once one has established that they are in the unhealthiest relationship of their life, how does one tuck the love they have for this other person away and stand up to brush themselves off? I love my husband more than I ever imagined I could ever ...
A. 24 July 2010: Make a plan to leave and stick to it. Don't tell him your new address and make the divorce proceeding arrangements through lawyers. If he knows where you are then he may follow you and try to get you back. If you are certain you wish to leave then ... (read in full...)
Asked out by three guys and they're all mates!
Q. I've know this one guy ben for about half a year and we've become really good friends and i found out he fancies me but is moving to london in 2 months but wants to go out with me, and i don't know if i want a long distance relationship and i'm ...
A. 24 July 2010: Hello, why not remain single until you find a boyfriend in less complicated circumstances who you are certain about. The one is going away soon, the other you are not attracted to and the third one you are not too sure about. It is nice to be ... (read in full...)
He had a girlfriend and I'm going to a wedding they'll both be at...what do I do?
Q. I'm 16 and i went to spain with my friend for a week to visit my family. My family also had some friends visiting that were living in the villa next to where we were staying. over the week we had a bit of a thing didn't go too far. He nearly t...
A. 24 July 2010: You say you are not 'over him'...why would you waste your affection on a boy who cheats on his girlfriend? He was trying to use you for sex but fortunately it didn't get that far. You don't have to go to the wedding...fake food poisoning, headache ... (read in full...)
Condom "popped" could I be pregnant?
Q. Hi im 16 and i think i might be pregnant..i had sex with my boyfriend who is 18 and he did cum inside me a little bit after the condom popped..and now im worried cause im not totally sure yet if im pregnant or not..so my question is how long should ...
A. 24 July 2010: You can take the morning after pill up to 72 hours after a contraception accident to prevent pregnancy. You can have a coil device fitted within a week of the accident to prevent pregnancy. From what you describe, there is a possibility of ... (read in full...)
My life should be a lifetime story
Q. I don't know where to even start with this. I am falling for my boss. But first lets start with this: My boss introduced me to his best friend. Whom I dated for a year, then things started to go bad. He had a temper that I just couldn't get past. I ...
A. 24 July 2010: I don't think you should act on your feelings until you have secured alternative employment. You wouldn't be on an equal footing to your boss if you dated him while you remained in the job since he would be in a position of power and authority over ... (read in full...)
I believe this married man is attracted to me, too
Q. I am friends with a married man and have been for a couple of years. Our children are friends and we have socialised together once with his family at our place. We were to go to their place for dinner one night, but my friend told me his wife was ...
A. 24 July 2010: You only need to be concerned if you want to act on the attraction. As a married man he is off limits. It is not surprising that his wife is not too happy about having you in their home if she senses the attraction. It was wrong of him to tell you ... (read in full...)
Got drunk, had a threesome and now scared I'm pregnant and only 15!
Q. Im 15 and well i got a bit drunk at a friends house party and well one thing led 2 another with these 2 guys and we ended up having a 3sum and we didnt use any protection and i know i shoud of but i wasent thinkin straight The thing is im 2 days l...
A. 23 July 2010: You can take a pregnancy test right now if you have just missed your period. They are very sensitive to a certain hormone that shows in your urine shortly after conception. Even if the test is negative, take another in a few weeks just to be sure. ... (read in full...)
My morning sickness is lasting all day! Help!
Q. I am about 10 weeks pregnant and morning sickness seems to be a bother any time of the day. I had a prescription for pregnancy nausea pills from the doctor, but it is $50 for 30 little pills. Which only last about 10 days. When I have them to ...
A. 20 July 2010: I had a rough time with morning sickness in early pregnancy. I was sick on a bus on the way to work one morning and it was so embarrassing! Anyway, I found that drinking ginger products helped a great deal - ginger sweets, ginger ale etc. Try that ... (read in full...)
Did he really lose my number???
Q. I decided to reconnect with some of my old friends and a guy called george and i decided to go out in the summer ... we werent that close but he is really sweet. we spoke on the phone and we started texting every day but then the text got flirty ...
A. 20 July 2010: I honestly think he was looking for a sex-by-text buddy as the communications were heading in that direction. If he didn't know who you were when you sent him a text then he is a player who has multiple girls on the go. Alternatively he deleted your ... (read in full...)
Productive ways to deal with flakey people...
Q. This is a recurring problem in my life: flakey friends, partners, ex'es. I get really upset and angry when this happens, because of a history of friends letting me down at the worst possible time. I realise now at 25 I have to confront this an...
A. 20 July 2010: In life you are going to meet a good share of fair-weathered people (most people do!). By fair-weathered I mean they are around for the good times but not when things are not ok with you. You are never going to change these people - they will always ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want to impose himself on me hence why he hardly initiates dates, why is this?
Q. Hi all, I have been dating a lovely man for the last couple of months. He has treated me well, and we have a lovely time when we are together., We have been on holiday together 9 at his suggestion) ,been to lovely restaurants and he has done ...
A. 20 July 2010: I think this man probably lacks the self confidence in relationship situations to take charge of proceedings. Maybe he has experience of personal rejection or social anxiety that makes him reluctant to impose himself on you. It sounds like he is ... (read in full...)
Is this guy just stringing me along?
Q. i need help as im really torn up... i met this guy about 2 months ago and he started coming to mine and we text every day.. after about a month i started sleeping with him... when hes here he acts like he likes me its like i can tell and the way he ...
A. 20 July 2010: He isn't shy...he is using you for sex, and you are letting him. He isn't even dressing it up by pretending you are his girlfriend. He cannot even be bothered to find money to buy you a present. That says to any rational person that he doesn't think ... (read in full...)
Question on becoming a better agony aunt
Q. Need advice to become a better agony aunt :P didnt feel it belonged asked in the question section since its not a relationship question. Lately, more and more questions are coming to my inbox. I've had everything from dating problems to marr...
A. 18 July 2010: It is ok not to answer every question. I personally don't like answering overtly sexual questions as it is outside my comfort zone to discuss some issues over the net. I think if you put a note on your profile saying you are not happy to advise on ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and think my guy might be having sex with other men!
Q. Im really stuck in a rut and have no idea what to do. First off i am seven months pregnant with my first child, also in been in a relationship with my partner for a year and a half, there was a time when he loved me so much, but since falling ...
A. 16 July 2010: When you are pregnant, some men are reluctant to have a sexual relationship with you as they fear hurting the baby or inducing premature labour. The underwear problem you describe could arise from him sexually releasing himself if you are not having ... (read in full...)
My family doesn't approve of my boyfriend because he's of a different race!
Q. i have met and fallen in love with a guy, we dream of a future together, but inside my heart is breaking. I am caucasion, he is black. The problem seems to be with my father and brothers. They are all racist, so i am to scared to introduce m...
A. 14 July 2010: I have had some issues in the past with my family along these lines. My husband is from Eastern Europe and my parents hated him well before they met him and didn't come to our wedding. They held so many preconceptions about people from that part of ... (read in full...)
Under what circumstances would you lie about your name to a person of the same gender?
Q. Before I start shooting my question, I want to thank you all for reading my post. This is not about relationships, however, it has been bothering me since it happened. Today, my friend's gf arranged a surprise dinner for him in a near by city. In...
A. 14 July 2010: I think you are over-reacting, or rather over-analysing the situation. She probably does the same initiation routine to everyone new she meets...it is nothing personal against you. In all probability she is feeling quite insecure and therefore likes ... (read in full...)
I'm worried he will never want to marry me because of my dysfunctional family!
Q. Hi, I have been dating the most amazing man for just over a year. Our relationship has been good but frequently peppered with recurrent craziness by me. I checked his facebook and emails because I thought he might cheat (with no evidence and I d...
A. 13 July 2010: Basically I think this man is incredibly lacking in respect towards you by blasting your family. You may think the would-be in-law's are crackers but to say that to your partner is just awful. You cannot help who you are related to. Sure they may ... (read in full...)
Am I in a dead end relationship?
Q. I have a boyfriend for over two years now, we see each other on weekends he stays with me, I am a single mum of two, he has never had any experience with kids before and is trying hard though my eldest son likes him he find it hard to bond with him ...
A. 13 July 2010: I don't think you do love him by the way you write about him. I think you have talked yourself into thinking it is love because he doesn't treat you that badly given your past. There is a difference between settling for Mr Safe boyfriend and getting ... (read in full...)
I'm in an amazing online relationship, only she doesn't know this one thing about me!
Q. Hi. I'm a 23 year old guy in a situation causing me lots of stress. I really hope you can help me. I'm in an online relationship with an amazing girlfriend. We love each other so much. We've had our ups and downs but we're still together, and ou...
A. 12 July 2010: No one is physically perfect. You should get a medical opinion on surgery to correct it as opthamology has come on in leaps and bounds in recent years with regards to squints. You should tell the girl before you meet her in person. If she thinks ... (read in full...)
My husband is a madman when he's angry!
Q. hi, i am 23 yrs old and have been married for 3yrs.. my husband is a very nice person, he's loving, caring and loves me alot but when he's angry he gets violent.. he dont let me speak in front of him, he says i have to shut my mouth just because i ...
A. 12 July 2010: This is a domestic violence situation. It doesn't matter if he hits you or not, emotional and verbal abuse is part of a pattern of controlling behaviour. It doesn't matter that he nice most of the time. Perpetrators of domestic violence need ... (read in full...)
Healthier eating???
Q. First of all, this isn't really a relationship question, but i do need help. Anyway, I've recently started living with my dad, who isn't married, and doesn't have a girlfriend. He also has NO IDEA how to cook, so he always eats out at places li...
A. 12 July 2010: You learn to cook through practice and 16 is a good age to start. It is a good life skill to have and you have a willing subject in your Dad. I am a veggie while the rest of my family are not - it is easily sorted out by preparing meat dishes ... (read in full...)
Why is she reluctant to hang out with me on my own?
Q. Okay so I dated this girl over a year ago for 7 months and now we text all the time and when we are in groups she acts like we are still dating but when I ask her to go hang out just the two of us she says that she will only do group things and is ...
A. 12 July 2010: She doesn't want to pursue the dating relationship with you, it is just casual friendship for her. She doesn't want to hang out alone with you because that could be mistaken for proper dating. She relates to you in a certain way in group settings ... (read in full...)
I'm ready for sex at 13 but I don't have anybody to share my first time with!
Q. I AM READY for sex, but i don't have anybody to share my first time with. What should i do? I truly am ready, but i want the first time to be with a guy but i really am ready... what do i do?...
A. 12 July 2010: People have bothered to take time out to answer your question. In response you have come back defending yourself and making it clear that you are not looking for advice at all because they have not given you the advice you wanted to hear. It shows ... (read in full...)
Mother from hell, please help!
Q. hey everyone, hope you can help me sort this out. iv been dating a guy for a couple weeks now, and were getting on so well, i really like him. The one major issue thats come up now is my mother. shes such a lovely woman, but shes also too interf...
A. 12 July 2010: As a grown woman you have got to learn to limit the information you give to your mother if she is behaving irresponsibly. She probably just wants to check him out and make sure he is ok, but I understand why you would feel awkward. She only found ... (read in full...)
He hates my children!
Q. my new partner hates my children!!! I have been with my partner for 3 years we have 2 little girls together. i was previously married and have 2 children with my ex wife i see them once a fortnight friday to sunday. when they come to stay all we do ...
A. 11 July 2010: I feel sorry for you being stuck in the middle of a horrible situation. Basically your priority are your children. Your partner knew you had a past and children when she committed to you. It is clearly time that you stood up to her as she is an ... (read in full...)
Worried about meeting my online love!
Q. Hello, My older sister reccommended this site to me because I'm having difficulty deciding what I should do. I am 20 years old and the guy I am online dating is 19. We met on an internet chat room about 6 months ago. We talk online daily, have ...
A. 11 July 2010: Please don't meet him, let alone have sex with him. It sounds as if he has been watching too much porn and thinks those derogatory terms are ok for dating situations! He maybe sexually inexperienced, but it seems he may have sexual fantasies that ... (read in full...)
How can I lose the weight I put on during pregnancy?
Q. Hi ppl I am a 22 yrs cute MOMMY AND WIFE:-))))) but I got a problem after I had my baby which is like 5 yrs ago I just cant loss my fatty belly!!! I have try mostly everything I love my husband and he's a very young guy to only 25 and I know he ...
A. 11 July 2010: I had a baby two and a half years ago...I put on so much weight in the pregnancy I was waddling like a walrus. I had a c-section so didn't exercise after the birth, and then I hurt my back in an accident so that put the workout routine on hold. I ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my mother I'm pregnant?
Q. [op original title] I'm 19 years old and pregnant. I don't know what I'm going to do but I want to tell my mother. I'm just terrified at the thought of how she'll react. But truth is, I cherish her opinion more then anybody elses, even my baby fath...
A. 11 July 2010: You cannot put all the blame on the father of the baby. You both decided to have unprotected sex - you could have said no, but you didn't. You need your mother on side and I am guessing she isn't going to see your boyfriend as 'bargain of the year' ... (read in full...)
Mum suspects me not being a virgin after random family converstation in hospital
Q. I have a really big problem at the moment, me and my mum and dad went to visit my aunt in hospital and other family members poped in and a random conversation about babies and sex started.. I looked so guilty and everything. My mum now suspects me ...
A. 11 July 2010: If that guilty look is because you have been sexually active it would just be a good idea to tell your mother (if she asks) rather than lie. Frankly if you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to tell a parent. She may not approve but it ... (read in full...)
I am 2 months late!
Q. Okay, well i am soo confused and i just want to know what is the best thing i should do. I have a friend who misses periods at a time but she always get hers sooner or later, but... I am 2 months late. What should i do? What could be wrong? Help m...
A. 11 July 2010: At your age it is not too uncommon for periods to be irregular so don't worry. However, it could be a sign of medical problems such as polycystic ovaries or another sort of hormone imbalance. It is good for your health to have at least one period ... (read in full...)
Need help on internet dating!
Q. Does anyone know a good dating site? I've tried several ones, and found none appealing. If any of you have had profiles that have been a hit, please let me know. Also, what is everyone's input on online dating? Does it work? Am I wasting time?...
A. 11 July 2010: If you are a reasonably confident, out-going type I would say you probably don't need to do the online dating thing as it can be very eroding on your soul. It maybe marketed by the dating sites as the cool, new, intelligent way to meet people but ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't want me to wear makeup!
Q. hey, im having a bit of a hard time with my boyfriend atm he doesn't want me to wear makeup , get my eyebrows done or anything its killing me i cant keep him telling me what to do . I dont wanna give up makeup or stop getting my eye brows done but ...
A. 11 July 2010: What does that mean? It probably means your boyfriend is a control freak who likes to get things his way and doesn't like communicating with you on equal-terms. I understand he may not wish you to wear too much makeup, but as a grown woman it is up ... (read in full...)
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