A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last year I casually dated a girl on an off for 10 months. She fell head over heals in love with me and worshiped the ground that I walked on. LSS I took her kindness for a weakness and abused the hell out of her and dumped her for the 8th time in the cruelest way. I'm numb. It's been 10 months and she hasn't begged me to take her back. I've tried to make amends with her but all of a sudden she's acting like an indifferent cold hearted bitch and she's dating a college professor. Why do I have feelings of hatred when all she's doing is following through on my 8 orders that she move the hell on because I didn't give a crap about her. How can I forgive her for dating other men then getting into that professor? I know the logical thing for me to do is forget about her because I deserve a better woman but its hard when I have the hate about her. Why is she doing this to me? She lied to me. She never loved me. Fuming!!!!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2011): Your question is so odd i cant even imagine that your being serious! You were cruel and unkind and dumped her 8 times and you wonder why she wont talk to you and does not care anymore and finnaly got the right idea and moved on to a nice man, seriously are you for real???? You need therapy
A
female
reader, amazingk  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Why does she have to be a "cold hearted bitch" because she's finally decided to move on, something you've told her to do 8 TIMES?! You don't deserve her and you don't deserve anyone better than her, but consider yourself very fortunate should you luck out and find another decent woman. She probably loved you immensely at one point, but how much of your b.s. did you think she was gonna be able to take before she just gave up? Sounds like she's finally moved on to someone better for her. Now it's time for you to take your own advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2011): "I took her kindness for a weakness"
I think that's the most telling part of your whole post. It literally sounds like don't know how to be compassionate towards other people and you don't know how to accept people being that way with you. If someone is compassionate towards you, you see it as an opportunity to abuse them. You're frustrated and hateful now because she's sharing your kindness with someone else. It's not yours to abuse anymore.
I think the big question you need to ask yourself is why you think kindess is so dangerous? Why does kindness make you feel so threatened that you mistreat people? This is the sort of mistake that repeats it self. I hate to say it, but the problem you are having is inside you, it is not inside the women you abuse. You should really get into counselling.
Otherwise, don't expect to form any intimate relationships with women, much less anyone other human being if you can't accept and reciprocate compassion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2011): Are you kidding me? You deserve better than her?? News flash...She is the one who deserves better...You area narcissist who derives pleasure in humiliating her and watching her grovel after you....well well, now she has found a REAL man and you are fuming...talking rubbish about forgiving her....astalavista baby, you no longer have control over her..sling ya hook and be gone....Forgiving her for what if I may ask? Getting her self-respect back and moving on...Bet you thought you were the shizzle...NEWSFLASH 'YOU AINT'....She got a wake-up call thanks to you...My advice is you stay far, far away from her...Some dudes!!(shakes head)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): You got what you repeatedly demanded of her. So why are you bitching?! You didn't just push her towards other men and a new man. You carried her in your arms to him, and placed her in his arms and now your acting a fool by blaming her, for what you essentially forced into. The up is you actually did her a favor because she's out of your cruel abusive hands. Were you not? Careful what you ask for, because you sure got what you asked for, so suck it and move on, just like you ordered her to do.And let this be the awakening that you're not all that !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Being on the other side, being the one who has been dump several times...it hurts. it hurts to the point where it makes US NUMB. the longer the relationship last, the more we realize people like you are not right for us. putting up with your change of heart wether you want us or not. its enough. we change the tables and say,..I dont want YOU anymore.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): If the girl didn't love you then she wouldn't have continually taken you back after being dumped 8 times. You are very lucky that she was willing to take you back after the first few times or even the first time. When you say 'abuse' do you mean physical or emotional? Just curious. Anywho, that girl deserves better and even if she was to go back to you, it would be hell for her because you would just treat her like shit all over again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Lol I hope this is a joke gone wrong..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Good for her! I am sure she is happy where she is and the last thing on her mind is getting back together with a jerk like you. She's probably thanking her lucky stars to be away from you!
You my friend are a sick sad individual who needs intense therapy cz you have serious mental and emotional health issues. Abusers and manipulators like you are just pathetic people.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Sounds like to messed up a good thing. That's exactly what you get. I'm glad she dumped you. You're a psycholgical warped monster. No woman's going to stay with you. You're nuts.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 You have a narcissistic personality disorder and you believe that everyone should fall at your feet to feed that superior ego. The girl was a bit of a doormat if she let you dump her 8 times and kept coming back for more. She is entitled to date who she wants now but you are particularly upset that she is with a professor. This is a person of intellect and academic power who moves in circles of influence where his work is respected. Therefore her trophy boyfriend is somewhat a contrast to yourself. This is the root of your bitterness. You don't deserve a better woman and anyone with any self-respect wouldn't stick around while you abuse them. You have a disturbed view of the world and your place in it - that is not your fault however; you have a specific mental disorder which means you are in for a lonely single life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): No, you don't deserve a better woman. She was the one who deserves someone better. You where a jerk so get over it. Your loss.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 March 2011):
 You dumped her 8 times and are now upset that she's moving on? Why? Where is all this hatred coming from? You say that you deserve a better woman, but you also said that she worshiped the ground you walked on... please explain? No offense, but it sounds like she deserved better, not you.
You have nothing to forgive her for. You pushed her away and she did what you said and started dating other people.
Why all the hate? Doesn't seem to me that she's done anything wrong, she's just moved on and you're upset that you can't get your own way with her anymore.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (15 March 2011):
So let me get this straight....you 'abused the hell out of her' and told her to get lost 8 times. Then she does leave and finds someone else and yet it's YOU who needs to forgive HER?
You have no reason to be fuming, she probably did love you at one point but then realised what a selfish and unpleasant person you are after you treated her like dirt.
You definitely don't deserve a better woman at all, that's an absolute joke. The logical thing for you to do would be to take some time out and look at your own behaviour towards other people. You come across as being very narcissistic.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): I wonder why you are surprised that she has given up on you and moved on? Quite honestly, a lot of girls would not have let you treat them like that. I think your pride is hurt because she has, infact, finally moved on. It does not mean she's shallow or that she never loved you. She just realised that she was never going to have her feelings returned. Good for her. You actually wouldn't want her if she was free would you? It's only that she's not now available. It's a bit irrational, but often the case, that what you can't have suddenly bugs the hell out of you.
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female
reader, Sjroller14 +, writes (15 March 2011):
 I may have misunderstood but by what i read it sounds like you did this to yourself.
If you abused her and was cruel to her and then told her to move on thats what she did. You pushed her away and she went away. You hurt her maybe she wants to get some payback.
The best thing for you to do though is to try to ignore her get away from her.....find someone that you like.
she has moved on, now its your turn.
Hopefully this helps. :)
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (15 March 2011):
Hmmm, but surely the way you treated her means you never loved her either? How can you "abuse the hell" out of someone and claim to love them.
The problem is here is that you are jealous. You have treated her like crap and she kept coming back for more. Now she has found someone better who treats her well, and you no longer hold the upper hand. You don't have control over her any more and that is what you don't like.
I don't understand why you think you can treat someone like crap and expect them to deal with it. She's had enough and moved on. I am at a bit of a loss as to what you thought would happen- surely you knew you were pushing her away?
I'm afraid the bottom line is she has moved on and found a better catch. You haven't. That's why you're jealous. Nothing you can do I'm afraid. I would say, however, that if you don't want this to happen again, don't abuse people.
Incidentally, what did she lie to you about?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): Serves you right. Good on her.
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