A
female
age
30-35,
*m9hi
writes:I dont really know what the purpose of this question is, or even if it is a question, i suppose i just need some advice. Growing up I always had issues trusting people, throughout school i never had a boyfriend as i would not let anyone get close to me, i would just have random one night stands, i suppose some would say i went through a slutty stage. I watched my friends be in relationships, and after a month they were declaring there love for them, then getting their heart broke, which i found to be silly as they were young, how did they even know what love was, I suppose I never believed in love.Last year i met john, and i became like all my friends from school, from the first night i met him we became inseparable, 6 weeks after i met him he got sentenced to 3 month in jail during which i wrote to him and he would call me. When he got out i started going out with him and its now 8 month later. Hes totally changed my life, i never knew another person could make me so happy, he is the sweetest, most caring, sensitive person iv never met, he makes me feel comfortable within my self which i never was, he makes me feel great and never fails to put a smile on my face, i still get butterflys in my stomach when i see him or hear his voice, words cant describe how much he means to me, i would say i love him very much.I come from a respectable family and we have been brough up knowing whats right and wrong. It's understandable to see why my family dont approve of john, they make it really difficult for us to be together however we dont let them phase us, Im studying criminal justice at university and have recently been told that most of what i would be qualifed to do once i gradute i will not be able to do if im with john because of his criminal record. since he got out the jail he was involved in an incident and is now on an Electonic Tag, his family are totally different from mines and believe violence is the answer, most of his family have been in jail, however since being with me hes only been involved in one incident. I suppose the point of this is to ask is it love or lust? there are so many things telling me not to be with him, but i cant help the way i feel and i feel that my life would fall apart without him, but i hate the rift it has caused in my family and now its affecting my career, is our happiness more important than my family and career?
View related questions:
in jail, never had a boyfriend, one night stand, university, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): You can't help the way you feel about him now because you spent months getting to know him better first. In fact you had plenty of opportunity to avoid this situation. But you chose not to.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): unfortunately we can't choose who we love. you either love someone or you don't, its as simple as that. you really can't live thinking about the future, you can only take a day at a time and do what makes you happy from day to day. it sounds as though for now, at least, he does make you happy, regardless of what your family may think or his family may be like. it sounds like he does genuinely care about you too, as he has mostly stayed out of trouble since being with you.if you end it now, you do realise there is a chance you will never find someone you care for as much as you love him. it depends if that is a chance you want to take, and if you are, if you think you can live with that as a regret.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Everyone makes a mistake...John made at least two from the sounds of things. He may turn out to be a reformed character with your influence, but he maybe a hopeless case too. Prison changes people and he must have done something fairly significant to end up doing time at such a young age. The fact he violated probation and now has the tag should make you cautious about his priorities. Basically his family maybe rogues but do you honestly want to be a wife to a repeat offender for the rest of your life? You may well end up being his social worker as much as his lover. This maybe a great relationship for you, but you have to think about the future - kids, finances, your career. If John goes clean from now on then perhaps it could work out but you would probably need to move away from negative family/ friend influences to keep him on the straight and narrow. You also have to look at what sorts of crimes he is involved in. If he has spented convictions then it shouldn't affect your career, unless you plan to work with children or vulnerable adults in your own home (A CRB check is sometimes done on all household members in such cases).
...............................
|
