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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Binge once a week on a 500 cal diet
Q. hey, i have had an eating disorder for the past 3 years and amn either starvng myself or binging. ive tried to eat normally, 2 years of trying, but it never works., i either get too fat or too skinny and theres nothing i can do about it, no matter ...
A. 22 August 2010: You are suffering from a typical weight change that is associated with yo-yo dieting. If you go on a 500 calorie per day diet then your metabolism will slow down because your body will put itself into starvation mode. It will become efficient at ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me with 5 girls and no one ever said a thing to me!
Q. What a bad day. I was dating this guy, Paolo. Since 2007. It was the first guy I ever loved, ever slept with, ever saw naked. To me, he was so important. We dated for 2 years before we tied the knot just last year. I was a missionary on another ...
A. 22 August 2010: Rosie, I feel very, very sorry for you. In marrying this man you have made a big mistake, but from that mistake has come a beautiful baby and that is a positive side to the whole mess. I think you need to leave him, it doesn't have to be divorce ... (read in full...)
What do you think I should do? Cut contact? Also, why is he acting this way? Attention?
Q. My ex has a new girlfriend and told me he wanted to remain friends, so i agreed. Anyway, i was starting to move on and a few months later he starts sending me texts, i think he may have been drunk as it was late a night, saying how he misses us ...
A. 22 August 2010: I wouldn't be flattered by his attention. I think you should feel grateful that you are not dating him anymore. He is a sleaze. You have to think about how you would feel if you were his girlfriend and he was off texting other girl's asking about ... (read in full...)
If my parents find out I'm pregnant they'll kick me out of the house!
Q. hi am 15 and pregant me and my boyfreind had sex but sadly wer not together no more im worried tht if my mam or dad finds out they would kick me out ov my own house the only perso who i have told is my cousin atm im staying at hers somebody give me ...
A. 22 August 2010: If you know for certain (by taking a pregnancy test) that you are pregnant then you need to tell your parents, but also see a doctor. I am sure your parents will be unhappy (no responsible parent would pat you on the back for your achievement). They ... (read in full...)
Had protected sex everytime with my BF, he going off to war in few weeks,Period late by 2 days...could it be due to stress?
Q. Ok so i am 24 years old, have been seeing my boyfriend for the last few months. He is in the army and is going to horrid Afghan in a few weeks time. We have had protected sex everytime and a condom has never broke, as i have been told it is obvio...
A. 22 August 2010: Stress can have a big impact on your cycles. As you have missed a period, why not just take a test? If you have been using protection correctly it is unlikely that you are pregnant. However, rather than worry about it, take a test! If you miss a few ... (read in full...)
I'm completely in love with my BF... but I can't stop hooking up with other men!!
Q. Sorry for the long comment- I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now and i'm completely inlove with him- i think. when i think about him it's wonderful, and i love kissing him and he has the sweetest eyes. The problem is that i often ...
A. 18 August 2010: You say that your boyfriend is jealous...it sounds like he has good cause to be! I sincerely hope that you are using protection with the other men. It is one thing to cheat, quite another to pass on anything nasty you might contract from these ... (read in full...)
Does he want to be with me or just hook up?
Q. Ok so I apologize if this is a bit long.. I have been talking to this guy for about a month and we have hung out like once a week. We usually hang out at his house and just lay around watching tv or a movie. At first we just made out and stuff. L...
A. 18 August 2010: Ahhh the famous 'I don't know what I want' line. You obviously want a full-on relationship with him. It is ok to have sex with someone right away if you have no expectations of dating afterwards. However, in your case it has got you muddled about ... (read in full...)
Is it odd that I can't remember the exact age I lost my virginity?
Q. Basically, I lost my virginity sometime between the age of 11-13 and I'm wondering if it's overly odd not to remember the exact age I was? No-one ever believes me when i say I can't really remember it at all. (No regrets, plenty of sex since but ...
A. 18 August 2010: I think the first reply was good advice. You may have blacked out this experience because it was emotionally distressing. If you were involved in sexual activity at such a young age it would certainly suggest that you were coerced into it, or had ... (read in full...)
What is the possibility of us getting back together?
Q. hi, i was with my ex since for 6 years, and has broken up for 8 months. he is the one who wanted to break up, and after he asked for a break up, i did all the normal reactions, i begged, tried to convince him to get back togehter, ran up...
A. 18 August 2010: You say you did all the 'normal' reactions to being dumped...you didn't, chasing after him is neither dignified nor effective. You have just got to leave him alone full-stop. He is not interested. When men are interested then they let you know by ... (read in full...)
No sex means no periods?
Q. Hi, i was readin some of the questions here and wanted some advice...sometimes when i havent had sex for a while i miss periods, its realy strange. Its been over a year since i last had sex, but a couple months after i split with my ex i missed a ...
A. 18 August 2010: It is possible that you are sensitive to stress, or you have changed your lifestyle such as diet or exercise. Profound stress or lifestyle changes can cause disruption to your cycle. It is also possible that you have an underlying medical condition ... (read in full...)
I don't want to associate with drug addicts anymore...but I just want some more friends
Q. this sounds well sad, but i dont have any friends! i mean ive got 1 or 2 literally thats it, theirs my best friend who i live with and our next door neighbour, my neighbours mental (i mean literally shes bi-polar and hears voices and makes things...
A. 17 August 2010: Congratulations on kicking the drug habit as that takes courage and determination. To keep it that way you need to move address. It will be highly difficult to abstain from temptation when others around you take drugs. Drug users like to hang out ... (read in full...)
Pregnancy or hormones?
Q. I'm 16 and my boyfriend and I have regular sex, of course we never have unprotected sex, at my boyfriends house he has a drawer where he keeps condoms but he also throws our old condoms in there so his mom won't find them. I came in contact with a ...
A. 16 August 2010: It is unlikely that you are pregnant on the basis of your actions. However, I do think saving up used condoms is a bit revolting...it wouldn't take that much effort to bin them discretely? If his mother ever does spring cleaning that it could be a ... (read in full...)
In love with my stepdaughter...
Q. I recently slept with my step daughter, she's 20 i'm 40 and now have these deep, deep feelings of love for her and everything I try to I can't get her out of my heart, she has mentioned to other family members that she has feelings for me as well. ...
A. 16 August 2010: I think both you and the daughter must really hate this woman to inflict such a painful wound. I don't understand why you are talking to the mother if there is no prospect of a reunion - it adds to the cruelty of the situation. The age-gap is ... (read in full...)
He's blackmailing me since I broke up with him...
Q. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months and he he will not accept that it is over. He keeps threatening to come and house and tell my parents all my secrets and if i don't reply to his texts he rings the house phone which means i have to ...
A. 16 August 2010: His behaviour is illegal in the UK as it represents stalking and harassment. I doubt your parents will make you homeless as they have fed and sheltered you for 17 years! They were young once and will understand that everyone makes a mistake. The ... (read in full...)
I'm an tryin to leave a four year abuse relationship! Has anyone here had to do this before?
Q. Hi everyone I joined this site because I am going through a hard time,I am trying to end a 4 year abusive relationship .I don't have friends to talk to.When I say I don't have any friends I really mean it.So I hope that I could find some people w...
A. 14 August 2010: Hello, if you have been through a distressing relationship then I suggest you search in your local community for groups that work with domestic violence victims. Many organisations offer support groups to help women put their lives back together. ... (read in full...)
I want to leave my cheating, abusive, alcoholic husband but its not that easy
Q. I'm after some reassurance that I am making the right decision. I have been married for 14 years and have 2 children. My husband has always been a drinker but for the first few years of our marriage this was limited to weekends. For...
A. 13 August 2010: Hello, the first thing to do is to make a plan to leave, stick to it and never come back. You should focus on your children and their welfare. If he is being verbally abusive then it is domestic violence. Your children should not have to witness his ... (read in full...)
Want to get married but scared of breaking it to my parents please help!
Q. I have a dilemma...i want to get married to my soulmate the girl i truly love... but i/m scared of the whole process the growing up, breaking it to my parents. im pakistani so i cant just go and marry her and then say mum dad i got married. ...
A. 13 August 2010: I think you should leave it until your mother is feeling better. If you are mature enough for marriage then you can face up to your parents. You may find they welcome your new bride into the fold. I think that if you love this girl enough to get ... (read in full...)
I want my bullying nasty sister out of my life forever!
Q. hi to everyone,i have problems with my younger sister,infact the WHOLE FAMILY has problems with her.shes always been trouble ever since we were kids and has a very nasty streak,she bullied my younger brother and sister as children.she is now in her ...
A. 13 August 2010: I tend to agree with the others. Let her go about ruining her own life, and keep out of her way. If you think she will be at a social venue, stay away for a while. If you must be around her, don't speak to her at all. If she starts to kick up a ... (read in full...)
Withheld Unknown number keeps calling my cell!
Q. i have a problem that has bothering me for the couple of days...i have a new number on my cell and someone has been calling me for the couple of days with the withheld number and unknown number....please i need to know the number of the person who ...
A. 13 August 2010: I get those sort of blocked numbers all the time...always ends up to be double glazing salesmen, insurance vultures or 'congratulations you have won a holiday' scammers. Basically if the phone rings and you have an answermachine then anyone ... (read in full...)
My own happiness or Everyone else's?
Q. I met my husband about 2 years ago. There's no spark, no romance, and no heart pounding...but there is attraction. Very soon we started "dating", he moved in to my place and we lived like married couple, cooking together everyday and go to bed ...
A. 13 August 2010: I think that in the interests of your family you just have to go along with the whole wedding thing and pretend to be happy. A wedding ceremony does not make or break your marriage - it is just one day out of your life. Once it is all over, sit your ... (read in full...)
My parents are worried about me taking on my boyfriend's problems
Q. Hi everyone heres the thing my partner and i been going out for 3years well in that 3 years we had problems he has two seriouse illnesses on epilepsy n other mental illness hes takin tablets n since we been together ive seen him have a episode og ...
A. 13 August 2010: Your parents are just showing concern because they care about you. I think the main issue is that you are having doubts. It can be a big strain on a relationship when one person has a disability or medical condition, while the other person has to ... (read in full...)
How can I truly rid myself of this married man?
Q. My only true love pops in and out of my life. He's my first and only "everything". He's "popped in" right now. He's married and claims he doesn't love his wife, they married due to her pregnancy and they just cohabitate. He tells me I should be ...
A. 13 August 2010: You say he is your one and only 'true love'. The reality is that you should truely love yourself not to put up with him using you. You say he wants you to be his wife...wow, what a prize...so he could cheat on you with another mistress, as he does ... (read in full...)
22 and Romantically Challenged
Q. [Mod Note: OP's Title] Hi. I'm a 22-year-old woman in Canada and I've never had a boyfriend. Ever! Not even close! In addition, I'm more than a little overweight (I've been fighting it literally ALL my life) and I have a really hard time dealing ...
A. 13 August 2010: It is ok not to like the same things as your peers, it makes you interesting and stand out from the crowd. I think if you lose weight then it would give your confidence a boost. If you can honestly say that your weight is nothing to do with your ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about messing this up on the second date, any tips?
Q. Ok so there’s a woman I met via on line dating, we had our first date last week, we met up for drinks and I paid for a meal, then went for more drinks afterwards. We seemed to click, were not short of conversation and I do like her (a lot). She’...
A. 13 August 2010: She likes you! In the improbable world of internet dating you may just have struck lucky. Don't get carried away and propose just yet. There is no need to plan anything - if kissing seems right then fine, but don't think about the exact events of ... (read in full...)
I'm 21, He's 58 and been divorced 3 times! Could we be happy together?
Q. I am currently in a relationship with a 58-year old man. I just turned 21. We've been together for 7 months, and most of the time I think our relationship is very good. We are very comfortable with each other and have a great sex life. This is the ...
A. 12 August 2010: You have lots of very good reasons to be worried. I would think anyone who got divorced 3 times has either a poor ability to select spousal partners who aren't psychotic, or he is a lousy husband. The age gap between you pair is enormous. What ... (read in full...)
Urinary tract infections
Q. okay so I gotta question about Urinary Track Infections... well I'm going on like my 3rd one!!! does anybody know how to not get them?? I was told to drink ALOT of water and not alot of dark soda, well that hasn't worked. Could I get some help?...
A. 12 August 2010: Some people are prone to them unfortunately. There are some things that you can do to help yourself. Cranberry juice (neat, not diluted drinks) is a proven effective treatment - it seems to work against the bad bacteria that get into the bladder ... (read in full...)
Is he just that busy? Or just blowing me off?
Q. I've known of the guy in question for several years. He is pretty close friends with some acquantinences of mine. (they are just acquantices, i dont feel comfortable making them privy to this, so asking for their help is OUT OF THE QUESTION) All ...
A. 12 August 2010: It is entirely possible that he is very busy with his job...but it would be a basic courtesy to ring you to cancel a date as it takes just one minute! I think you have done the chasing right up until now. Stop calling him and see what happens. If he ... (read in full...)
We're splitting up because I"m going away to college but I feel so upset about it!
Q. Hi there, Im going to university next month and my boyfriend and I are splitting up. trouble is I don't want to. We're basically splitting up because he feels as though i'll regret having a boyfriend at uni and he's a lot older than me so he's ...
A. 12 August 2010: You maybe very upset about this right not but you are on the verge of a big change in your life. In University you will potentially meet new friends and possibly new relationships. I don't think the main problem for your boyfriend would be the ... (read in full...)
British women...
Q. Why are britsh women nearly always subtle... not like foreign women who dont beat around the bush (no pun intended) and get straight to the point.... would certainly make life a lot easier!!...
A. 11 August 2010: I don't know what British women you have been talking to. There maybe a stereotype about English reserve and manners but it is just that, a stereotype! Most British women that I have ever met do the straight-talking pretty well (me included).... (read in full...)
My fetus is at high risk for Down Syndrome and I don't know what to do.
Q. hi im just writing because i need some 1 to talk to im 19 years old and 20 weeks pregnant with my first child yesterday i found out that my baby is at high risk of having down syndrome i dont know what to do .. dont know if i can handle a chil...
A. 11 August 2010: From what you have posted, the odds of a 37 year old are statistically higher than a younger woman - but it is just that, a statistic. I assume that you have amniocentisis booked to give more conclusive evidence of potential birth problems. Although ... (read in full...)
I am afraid my abusive ex will try to punish me for having a new boyfriend...
Q. I am separated from the father of my child, mainly because he was addicted to cocaine and abusive. I barely knew him when I got pregnant, he told me got me pregnant on purpose (he was 10 yrs older). Anyway we are apart and still going through co...
A. 11 August 2010: Since you have limited contact with your ex I don't see why you should inform him of your new partner - it is none of his business who you are dating. If he finds out and starts threatening you, get the police involved and file the court papers for ... (read in full...)
Is this considered incest?
Q. [Mod Note - OP's own title] I recently visited my cousin during my vacation in LA. She's my first cousin and she's a very attractive girl. We're both also 29 years old. While we were hanging out I asked her about the night clubs in LA. She said...
A. 11 August 2010: In some cultures and religions, dating and sexual activity between cousins is condemned. However, here in the UK first cousins can marry if they wish. I think it presents a problem if your family are close to her family since you now have a secret ... (read in full...)
My bad back and her sex drive make it hard for me to walk!
Q. I usually date females that are older then me, but just recently I found a girl that I have a lot in common with and she is amazing. Well the problem part is that I have a terrible back for my age and it is hard to have sex most days. I mean at the ...
A. 11 August 2010: I have a back injury (herniated disc) and it is difficult to convey the chronic pain to others without appearing to be a victim. I reckon if this girl thinks a lot of you then she will see quality not quantity is important. You should see your ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend have sex with his kid's mom?
Q. a couple weeks ago me and my boyfriend had an argument about some girls on his myspace well he decided to ignore me for the rest of that night. We talked and made good the next day, but two days later his daughters mom came by just to let me know ...
A. 11 August 2010: I think the matter of if they had sex or not is irrelevant. You have posted here because you don't trust him. Without trust there is no relationship. The fact that his ex told you that she was sleeping with him is pretty damning, but she is not the ... (read in full...)
No one wants to have sex with me!
Q. I have to vent right now as I am SO angry and upset! I want to have sex but my partner keeps coming up with lame excuses. I am a virgin and he is much older than me and not a virgin and yet somehow its ME that has to pester him for sex. It starte...
A. 11 August 2010: In some ways you should be flattered - at least they are not with you for the sex! However, I understand there comes a point where it just gets ridiculous and they seem to respect you too much. When I was in University as a single girl I met some ... (read in full...)
Not a game of finders keepers, I want my son back...
Q. I have been hapily married for 11 years, or at least that's what i would like to have thought. 2 years ago, my wife started a job just to up-abit our money; we have an 8 year old son, and wanted to spend a good holiday with him. her job was cleaning ...
A. 10 August 2010: If you want your son back, get the necessary visa paperwork sorted out for a long visit to Portugal with a view to settling in the country for a while. You could try to resume some sort of a relationship with him there. The European Union are bound ... (read in full...)
I like my oldest step brother but my mum told me not to fool around with him!
Q. I'm getting 2 step brothers and I'm sorta starting to like the oldest one, B.he's the same age as me and about a month ago he wanted to fool around but I stopped it cause my mom had a chat with me saying it was wrong to fool around with each other ...
A. 10 August 2010: To be honest, this boy interests you because he appears to like you and it is convenient with him moving in. Although it is not illegal, many people would see it as not very moral since you are in a sibling-like relationship. Moreover, teen romance ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to walk out and not come back if there is a huge argument when I leave?
Q. Basically i have a few things i want advice for. Im 19 years old and currently going to uni but home for the summer. I feel like i am so restricted here. Basically my dad has been treating my like s**t ever since i got back for summer and he fo...
A. 9 August 2010: To be honest, when I read your post I was surprised you were 19 years old as you are acting younger. Your father may be struggling to let go of his little girl, but that is no bad thing. He may not see you as a young woman because you are not acting ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my girlfriend about my interest in cross dressing?
Q. Hi, Let me introduce myself, im a 15 year-old boy and from England. My problem is that I am very interested in crossdressing and I really don't know whether or not to tell my girlfriend about it! Last week I told my best-girlfriend (who is basicall...
A. 9 August 2010: I think you should only tell your girlfriend if you trust her not to say anything to her friends or family. She maybe upset and take it as a sign that you are gay or bisexual (and thus rejecting her). I am not suggesting that you are, but ... (read in full...)
I want to be there for him but I'm struggling because I don't even know what is going on with us!
Q. 5 years ago i started dating this guy who was a lot older than me, things were great but we were on and off for 2 and a half years because he couldn't tell me what he wanted. 3 years later we're back in contact and this time it felt as though h...
A. 9 August 2010: There is some reason why it didn't work out the first time around (when his mother was not ill I assume). He may be looking for support from you at a difficult time in his life, but that is no basis for a relationship of the sort you are hoping for. ... (read in full...)
Sex for the very first time
Q. i am going to have sex for the first time tomorrow but am scared that his penis will not fit in me :S hellp please? what should i do ? ...
A. 9 August 2010: I don't think you are really worried about the anatomical issues at all. I think you are worried about having sex full-stop, and quite rightly too. Most people are nervous and anxious. The fact is that your brain is telling you to wait until you are ... (read in full...)
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