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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Why do men cheat with women who are not as attractive / accomplished / affectionate as their partners?
Q. Why do (guy) cheaters cheat with women who are usually not as attractive, as accomplished or usually not as affectionate? ...
A. 12 December 2010: I don't think that men cheat with unattractive women as such. However, it is possible that women who perceive themselves to be unattractive, unaccomplished etc might have poorer self esteem. This would put them at risk of getting into cheating ... (read in full...)
How do I remove a hicky???
Q. How can I remove a hickey fast!??? It's between my neck and shoulder! I need an answer quicklyyy! please. ...
A. 11 December 2010: Your hickey will go down in a couple of days. I am not sure burst blood vessels are sexy to be honest (which is what the bruising represents). The mouth of your boyfriend is full of bacteria. If he penetrates the skin then he risks giving you an ... (read in full...)
Family stresses!!!
Q. My mom and i arent getting along, when we're alone its constant arguing and when my grandmother is around its like she wants to diappaer me. the worst part is she doesnt like my boyfriend, and im pregnant with his baby, but she doesnt know that yet. ...
A. 11 December 2010: It is pretty normal for mothers to have verbal arguments with their teenage daughters. It is a wrestle of power as you are growing up and becoming more independent. She doesn't like your boyfriend because she thinks he risks your education and ... (read in full...)
Why has my online dating friend gone quiet on me?
Q. Hi everyone I joined a dating website plenty of fish, started talking 2 this guy 3 months back really nice person got on really well,(but have never met) Anyway yes all those 3 months we have spoken or at least text on the phone every day, wel...
A. 11 December 2010: Millie, you are lonely and that gets in the way of common-sense sometimes as you justify certain actions that you wouldn't in other circumstances. As the other respondents have pointed out, internet dating is (with a few exceptions) a world of seedy ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend 3 days late and freaking out!
Q. Hi, I am 18 years old dating my girlfriend of 19. Last month she got her period on the 8th. Between then and now we had sex once with protection on and I didn't ejaculate inside her. We checked the condom afterwards and there was no hole or a tear. ...
A. 11 December 2010: Diet can disrupt periods, particularly if it is a drastic one. Women with eating disorders often have no periods for months or years at a time. You don't sound like you have done anything that puts her at high risk of pregnancy. However, since she ... (read in full...)
I had my period, took the pill and now having my period again?
Q. i want to know the i had sex 2 days after my perieod passed and i took i pill in 72 hours and then i had sex again when i took i pill after tht and now i hav period again is anything wrong with me?...
A. 11 December 2010: What is wrong with you is that you have a basic lack of control over your contraception. It is not a good idea to take the morning after pill more than once in a cycle. It is designed as an intervention for the odd mishap when contraception fails. ... (read in full...)
My mother seems to not want me to move on
Q. I am 26 years old; still living at home..paying off loans, helping my parents and also not really making enough to be able to afford it My father is actually the more laid back, practical one..he doesn't question me really if i am going out..he wi...
A. 11 December 2010: I had a controlling mother who didn't think I was entitled to boyfriend's at your age, and I was a 'sl*g' for having one. I actually moved out at 18, but there were periods where I moved home until I finally left at 27. It is time that you got a ... (read in full...)
What UK benefits are you entitled to with children? We want to start a family
Q. My boyfriend and I have been thinking of starting a family. We currently rent a house, and live quite comfortably. We both earn £19k a year, although I understand I will be on SMP at about £450 a month, which would be enough to make ends meet, but ...
A. 11 December 2010: It is sensible to financially plan for your children as the expense is huge. If you are on a moderate household income then there are lots of practical things to cut costs, but it does involve not being snobbish. Babies grow so quickly that you ... (read in full...)
Been with my boyfriend for 17 years and all he does is play on his computer and smoke cannibis
Q. i have been with my partner 17years we have 4 children i dont feel like i love him no more and he doesnt help me in any way he just likes playin his pc and smoking cannibis he wont get up and go get a job so we always are skint but im afraid to get ...
A. 10 December 2010: It must be pretty difficult trying to raise your five children. I am counting your partner as an extra child. He plays games all day, smokes away the benefits payments and contributes nothing to the household. If you want to leave the local ... (read in full...)
My husband smells so bad that it affects our sex life!
Q. im so worried. my husband stinks real bad. though i did not tell him because he might be embarrassed, but i have been buying deodorants for him bt he dosent like using deodorants. this is really affecting our sex life. i dont know what to do....
A. 10 December 2010: If he smells because he doesn't wash, tell him to visit the shower before he visits you! If that is not the cause then it could be a host of medical or lifestyle reasons. Untreated diabetes, for example, can cause a particularly bad smell. His diet ... (read in full...)
Can I get my deadbeat husband out of our lives?
Q. I meet my husband while working abroad and was married for 8 years to a man depended on me for most things, then he got a good job where he was respected and met another woman there. He left me In a strange country with no family with our 4 year old ...
A. 10 December 2010: I think you should consider moving back to your native country. You probably have family and friends there. You might be able to qualify for State financial welfare support until you become independent again. I am all for fathers having access to ... (read in full...)
Far from my husband, thinking obsessively about a colleague who seems perfect for me!
Q. I'm recently married, but due to immigration controls i haven't seen my husband since September. I should mention I spend 3/4 of my life in one place and 1/4 in another; my husband is from the second place. I have had feelings for a guy in the firs...
A. 10 December 2010: You should hang on and sort out the immigration issue. I was separated from my husband for over a year while I did battle with the Home Office numpties. It can drive anyone potty with all the bureaucracy and court appeals. Anyway I would say if you ... (read in full...)
Why did he go to a dating agency when we are so happy?
Q. i have been wiith my partner 10 months now and 3 weeks ago he went to a dating agency and told me he was curious and wanted to find out if he was ready to settle down and if was me wanted to share life with . we are so happy ...
A. 8 December 2010: You write, 'we are so happy'. 'We' are not. You may have thought the relationship was great but he is obviously having doubts. If he is actively seeking dates from an agency then he is cheating. He is telling you that he is contemplating cheating ... (read in full...)
How do I make him realize it's over?
Q. Dear Cupid, I know this is really long, and I'm sorry. I need to tell the whole story because I'm lost right now. I hope you take the time to read it and give me some help. I don't know what to do. I was dating this boy for a while and then...
A. 8 December 2010: There are many laws to protect people in the UK against harassment and stalking. Next time he texts you, reply saying 'please do not contact me again. If you do, I will report you to the police'. If he continues to contact you, follow through and ... (read in full...)
Has he always felt disgusted by my past and my son's ethnic origin? Or is it just an excuse to dump me?
Q. My boyfriend is a bit older than me, we've been together for about 18months. I have a son from a previous relationship who is 5 years old, he idolizes my bf and I thought the feeling was mutual until just recently. We have been having a lot of ...
A. 8 December 2010: I think you have had some good advice about this man already. I agree with the others that you should stop taking him back. By always being there you are at risk of being his doormat to walk over when he feels like. If you don't have the personal ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel like this and how can I stop it?
Q. This isn't to do with relationships or anything. I don't really know what I'm looking for, I suppose advice or opinions really. I'm 17 and in my first year at college. I've had quite abit of time off with migraines (which are related to stress),...
A. 7 December 2010: You maybe suffering from chronic anxiety and clinical depression. These are very common conditions associated with the symptoms you describe. You have a difficult family situation to juggle with your studies. You need to see a GP to ask for help. ... (read in full...)
How many of your trust your 'gut instinct' when it comes to relationships?
Q. How many of your trust your 'gut instinct' when it comes to relationships? Me and my bf have been having alot of problems lately and I ended the relationship (which hurt me so much) a few months ago. Ever since then my bf has been constantly ...
A. 6 December 2010: He may not be so 'full on' because he likes the thrill of the chase. Once he gets what he wants then he cools it. Your gut instinct is a good thing to go with in most cases of uncertainty...it is the nearest thing most of us have to common-sense in ... (read in full...)
How can a 13 year old girl flirt?
Q. I am absolutly head over heels in live with a tenth grade boy. But I'm only in eigth grade. He is perfect. He's funny, a gentleman, freespirited, and just all around amazing. Well I don't know how to lightly flirt. All I ever do is talk to him like ...
A. 6 December 2010: It is probably not a good idea to learn how to flirt. Basically if it is not 'you' then it will just come across as a bit of an act. He must like you as you are if he bothers to speak to you and it seems like you already have a friendship. That is a ... (read in full...)
I may be infertile! What can I do??
Q. I think I may be infertile. My periods have never had a pattern. Sometimes they are on time, Others they don't come atall. 4 months I went without a period at one stage. And I definately was not pregnant. Others it comes 2 often like once a ...
A. 5 December 2010: I am having fertility treatment at the moment. Some treatments are free on the NHS, while others you have to pay for. The reality is that you need to see a doctor and have a blood test. Home testing kits are not really suited - you need a ... (read in full...)
Having it out with my son's taxi driver!
Q. I had to have it out with my son's taxi driver today after he didn't do his job properly but I ended up loosing the battle of making my point. Just before he was about to drive off he told me that my son had said from the back of the car that I l...
A. 4 December 2010: Sorry this sounds like a storm in a tea-cup. The taxi man was just passing the time of day with you. Frankly if he is reliable and trust-worthy with your son I cannot understand why you would wish to confront him over what he said. The priority is ... (read in full...)
I think he's been living a double life!
Q. Hi all, it seems my boyfriend of 10 months has been seeing his ex all the time hes been with me. Ive always had my suspicions of her and i know they were still friends. I decided this week to sit outside his house as i knew he was out and see who ...
A. 4 December 2010: I think this relationship was over at the moment that you decided to camp yourself outside his home. Surely that means you don't trust him? It sounds like he may have got caught out, or there maybe another explanation. However, whatever he says at ... (read in full...)
I'm so confused about everything in my life and feel the clock ticking away!
Q. Hi, I'll keep this short. I just don't know what to do. I'm about to turn 30 next week and freaking out! I am pretty (although look 19 which I hate, as no one ever thinks I'm 30, so never get taken seriously) Anyway I'm single after 2 very bad...
A. 4 December 2010: I felt a bit like you at 30! But once I got past the 30-something birthday blues I figured out that being a 30-something isn't all bad. Many years ago you were supposed to have set up a family life by this time. The reason was that women had the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't date virgins so I lied and told him that I wasn't one, but I am!!
Q. hello ha well i have a boyfriend that is five years older than me .... and he and i have been dating for 3 months already? ihave played with myself many times but i might have told him a lie and idk what to do about it ... well i told him iwasnt ...
A. 4 December 2010: STTTTOOPPPPPPPPPP...it doesn't matter that you are a virgin at your age (or any age!). A man can sometimes tell if you are a virgin as they might sense the hymen and you might bleed a tiny bit on first intercourse. However, this biology lesson is ... (read in full...)
STD HPV2.. tell him or not?
Q. I have hpv 2 and i'm starting to see this guy. Should I tell him? I really like him, and i want him to leave his girlfriend for me. But I have this issue, and I think if I tell him he wont leave her for me. But we have been hanging out and talking a ...
A. 3 December 2010: You should always tell potential partners that you are a HPV carrier, and then explain what it is as many people won't know. You should also think that if he is cheating with you, then he may have had multiple sexual partners. It is not just a ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my girlfriend's weight gain?
Q. Hi Ive been with my partner over two years now, and over that time she seems to have gained a lot of weight. When we first met, she was a 14-16, curvy, but absoloutly fine. Since then, shes gone to a size 20. And is eating lots/ not doing...
A. 3 December 2010: It sounds like she needs to lose a considerable amount of weight is she is in a size 20 clothing. This would put her in the overweight/obese category on the body mass index scale. I don't think you should feel bad about wanting her to lose weight. ... (read in full...)
He drives me crazy, I just can't sleep..
Q. I don't really know where to start. Firstly, sorry for such a long post. We to give you a bit of background, i'm male, 22 from England, in full-time education. Basically, there's a guy in my class who, to be honest, I have a major major cru...
A. 2 December 2010: I think you really like him. Because you really like him it is easy to distort his actual behaviour to fit with your fantasy of him being a possible partner. You maybe right in that he could be bi-sexual, but he does have a girlfriend meaning he is ... (read in full...)
I've lost the love of my life and I just can't cope!
Q. I have lost the love of my life and I don't know how to get over it. Or over him. I miss him so much it's killing me inside. I'm 32 and stuck in dead end job living in room share. I long to settle down and meet someone but I don't see it hap...
A. 1 December 2010: You cannot change the past. You are consumed with depression right now and should see a doctor for treatment. Nothing good will happen until you start feeling better about yourself. Depression distorts your view of the world but with treatment you ... (read in full...)
Concrete, specific, short-term advice for coping with a breakup
Q. It was a wonderful fairytale relationship. She was perfect and we were perfect together. Before our fifth anniversary, she met another guy, and one week later, she dumped me. I know it sounds a lot like many other stories around here, and I've r...
A. 1 December 2010: 1. Go on holiday and relax on the beach.
2. Start a new hobby that may bring new people into your life.
3. Delete her messages rather than ruminating over what is in the past. Delete her phone number and put photos away.
4. Get busy outside your... (read in full...)
Any advice for keeping calm in interviews?
Q. Hey everyone, I'm new to this and I have a problem that no one seems to take seriously. I'm a temp at work and looking for another job before my contract runs out (that and commuting 20+ miles every day is terrible) I've been looking, sending...
A. 1 December 2010: Preparation is the key to this. Most people hate interviews. You have to remember that if the person interviewing you is aggressive or highly critical or anything overtly negative, it is a sure sign the job would be terrible. Interviews are a 2-way ... (read in full...)
I feel as if I am falling for him all over again but I'm worried about his girlfriend of 10 months
Q. Hi, I recently contacted an old love on fb. We've been corresponding for months but havent seen each other for 24 yrs. We had a brief passionate fling but I ended it as I was already in a relationship..he said I broke his heart. We've both been ...
A. 1 December 2010: You need to stop getting carried away by the romance and passion of the situation. You may have had a lovely relationship when you were younger, but it ended. That earlier relationship was based on cheating - you had a partner at the time. This time ... (read in full...)
Should I invite my enemy to lunch?
Q. Hi there is this woman at work who invent s things against me and what not. accused me of screwing her husband and always spreads bad rumors about me though everyone I talk to does not like her. I wondered if I should simply invite her out to see ...
A. 30 November 2010: You should understand that this woman is a bully who is jealous of you. You have been the target of her nasty gossip because you are self confident and attractive. As you probably know, people who bully have terrible self confidence and a very poor ... (read in full...)
What's the best thing to do?
Q. hi guys can anyone tell me how to sort this out ? ive worked with a guy for over a year im really fond of him and we were very close friends. he was in a bad way when i met him and viewing him as a good friend i did all i could to help him. i help...
A. 30 November 2010: I am sorry to say he is not a very grateful person who is demonstrating signs of arrogance. You have been his temporary social worker and sorted out his life problems for him. He has a user personality as the previous poster says. You will encounter ... (read in full...)
When did I conceive?
Q. I need to work ou the date i concieved i had sex on 15th 17th and 20th Novemeber the 1st day of my period was 1st November and my cycle varies from 31 days to 36 is there any way of knowing?...
A. 30 November 2010: Assuming your cycle is regular and you have periods each month, you could have conceived on any of those dates as that would have been the mid-cycle time when ovulation is possible. Unprotected sex in the days around the time when you release an egg ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he thinks he was a bad boyfriend! What should I do now?
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me because he said he was a bad boyfriend and he did everything wrong? erm a couple of months ago our relationship was a little rough because he cheated on me and was texting other girls, i got fed up of it and he got fe...
A. 30 November 2010: The answer is simple...he IS a rubbish boyfriend. If you have CFS then you definitely need good quality people around you as it is a debilitating illness. Your principle focus right now should be learning to live with your condition. Stress will ... (read in full...)
I really want plastic surgery because I hate the way I look
Q. I really want plastic surgery because I hate the way I look, I dont like looking in the mirror because everytime I do, I feel like Im going to cry. What can I do to feel happier about myself?...
A. 29 November 2010: I think lots of young women have insecurity about their body in some way. Lets face it, you cannot read a magazine or newspaper or look at the TV without someone dictating how women should look. Your dislike of your personal appearance maybe the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't love me anymore
Q. My partner of 4 and half years wants to end our relationship, he says he doesnt love me. He is still very affectionate and touching and intimate with me. HOw can he be like this if he doesnt love me. We never fight and we get along well, he did ...
A. 29 November 2010: He acts like this because you let him touch you. He is telling you that the relationship is over but he isn't ready to refuse having sex with you. With his past cheating and present behaviour it doesn't sound like he is a great person to spend the ... (read in full...)
I feel so lost after losing this baby...
Q. Me and my husband have together for 5 years and have been married for 3... We got pregnant about 9 months ago but i lost the baby and didint tell him because he said he would leave me... I dont know what to do because he is going to tell everyone i ...
A. 27 November 2010: SillyB is right...what are you doing making babies in an unhappy marriage? I do understand how emotionally painful it can be to lose a baby as I have suffered two miscarriages. However my husband was there for me. I cannot imagine having to go ... (read in full...)
People tell us we shouldn't buy a house together yet, but why?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a year. We have lived together since we'd been together 2 months. We currently live with his parents, but are pretty self sufficient and it is more like a house share situation, his parents are very laid ba...
A. 27 November 2010: You will always encounter other people who are doubters of your relationship. You will also get people coming into your life who have a touch of the 'green eyed monster'. By that I mean you are in a steady relationship and have the finances to buy a ... (read in full...)
Hugs and Kisses from Emma, what do they mean?
Q. About three months ago I moved from Cornwall where I had lived for all my life, to a town where everybody knew each other. My parents worked really hard to get me into the best school in the area and it just so happened a boy was leaving so I ...
A. 23 November 2010: So young, so popular...you have pretty girls falling at your feet you lucky boy! Emma may like you, but then teen romance can be a fairly fickle thing so it may not last. I think you should just try to get to know her and decide about her on your ... (read in full...)
Should I keep this relationship with the teacher a secret?
Q. i need help i wanna know if we should continue this relationship in secret or we shuold tell someone but i don't really want to end what we have got. i will be brief i went on this school visit for the whole weekend with school the teacher i ha...
A. 22 November 2010: Celtic tiger gave a very good answer and you should listen to this advice. It may seem exciting to have a relationship but any teacher willing to engage in a physical act with a pupil should not be in the profession. There are specific laws against ... (read in full...)
Neighbour cheated on fiancee with me.
Q. Well i guess the title has got you all wondering what is going on. well ive been in some sticky situations before but non like this. if you have time please listen to my story and i ask for your best advice as soon as possible. well my nex...
A. 22 November 2010: I honestly feel sorry for your 'cougar' neighbour...she is the only victim in this soap opera. You are supposed to be her friend and neighbour, but you cheat with her bloke anyway and show no loyalty to her. He doesn't sound like a bargain. If he is ... (read in full...)
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