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*rPsych agony aunt

*rPsych

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*rPsych's profile:

Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource.

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Should I take the morning after pill to stop my period when I go on holiday?

Q.   This is a bit of an embarassing situation... ok, i have really heavy periods which means that my next period will be due when i go on holiday in four weeks time! or at least, i think it will be as my period should end by next monday. i was wondering ...

A.   2 November 2010: You could take progesterone tablets which will delay your period. The alternative route would be to take a combined contraceptive pill - two packs consecutively. You may have left it too late for the second option but if you see a doctor quickly it ... (read in full...)

I want to live in London or America - any advice?

Q.   Does anyone know if there is anywhere in London, or America, where you can live in, and also get help with job applications ?. There is a place where i live that you can live in ( it's called a foyer ) and the staff who work there also help you to ...

A.   2 November 2010: I lived in London for 8 years from the age of 28. I didn't move there until I had secured employment though. I went on to do some studying there but if I hadn't got a scholarship then I wouldn't have survived. Finding a job in London is not a ... (read in full...)

Very small penis, now I don't fancy him!

Q.   I'm in a bit of a cuffuffle. I started talking to a lovely guy a few weeks ago, we have been on 3 dates and I stayed at his house last night. I'm 21 he's 31. We ended up getting naked and feeling each other. I noticed that when his penis is e...

A.   2 November 2010: Dump him...for his sake, but as the others say don't tell him he is bad in the sack. When you get older, or your life becomes more complicated then you will come to understand that sex isn't everything. However, since you are not very forgiving of ... (read in full...)

Situation with new step brother

Q.   I have a step brother who is 15 and his dad and my mom have only been married a year or so. Me and him have become close as in friends but something tells me that he wants to take it to a whole other level. Just by how he is around me makes me ...

A.   2 November 2010: It doesn't sound as if you want that sort of a relationship with him. That is a good thing! Although perfectly legal, it would cause tensions in the family. If your parents were ok about it there could still be problems in the future if one of you ... (read in full...)

How to deal with a controlling friend?

Q.   im not in a comfortable position right now and i dont like having to stand up to people much but my good friends girlfriend is very controlling. she has got my friend trapped, and is slowly cutting him off from his friends. she has been trying ...

A.   2 November 2010: Your friend is dating someone who is immature and insecure. She thinks that the only way to keep him as a boyfriend is to get rid of his friends who may take him out where there are other girls. Unfortunately it is up to your boyfriend to deal with ... (read in full...)

Help with social anxiety disorder!

Q.   So hello, im someone on the internet :P andI have a problem. I have been on here before but things have changed/stayed the same. Anyhow, I have social anxiety disorder, just found out 2 weeks ago and it is at a high level andlike anyone with social ...

A.   2 November 2010: Social anxiety disorder is a fear (to the point of avoidance) of social situations. I am not sure that is what you are feeling. It seems that you just don't know what to say when you get to social settings. I would add that lots of people struggle ... (read in full...)

23 year old virgin......is it too late for me?

Q.   Is it too late for me being a 23 year old virgin given that I'm finishing university in a few months? Because I'm in my final year of university, it is expected of me that I should have by now slept with at least one woman unless I'm celibate...

A.   2 November 2010: There is no scandal in being sexually inexperienced at your age. In all probability there will be a few more virgins in your class at Uni but they are just going along with the bravado. Basically there is a peer pressure to get rid of it. However I ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend not only forgot my birthday but now wants to go away without me this weekend!

Q.   My girlfriend of years, we keep breaking up and getting back together, has forgotten my birthday again, and has told me she can't see me this weekend because she is spending the weekend with her cousin and neice, because it's the cousin's birthday, ...

A.   2 November 2010: In some ways it is not a bad thing that your girlfriend has outside interests. However, the fact that she forgot your birthday suggests you are not a priority in her mind. Despite your length of relationship she may just feel you pair are still ... (read in full...)

Do I stay with my husband or live with my lover of 8 years?

Q.   To stay with the man I have been married to for 35 years or to move in with the lover of 8 years. Neither relationship is brilliant but the clock is ticking. Why am I so unsatisfied with my life?...

A.   31 October 2010: You are unsatisfied with your life because you keep making the wrong choices and have to then live with the consequences. Rather than settling for half-measures with a husband that you don't seem to love, or a lover that isn't up to scratch ... (read in full...)

He says he really likes me but doesn't want a girlfriend.

Q.   I have been seeing this guy for a few months now (I have not been sleeping with him) ... He comes down basicully every night after work and college and we watch some t.v and chat. We do sleep in the same bed, although we are not having sex. He seems ...

A.   31 October 2010: You say that you are confused, but he has been honest with you. He is looking for casual sex with no strings - he doesn't want a girlfriend. He maybe upset that you are seeing other men but that is more out of concern for what he is not getting and ... (read in full...)

He distanced himself from me after my father passed away

Q.   I had been dating this guy for about three weeks when my father died suddenly. When this happened he told me that he wasn't the one who should be there for me and that I needed to be with my family and friends. This was about a week ago and sin...

A.   31 October 2010: I think many people avoid the recently bereaved as they don't know what to say or what to do. I hope that family and friends are available to support you at this tragic time. I think your boyfriend has only been on the scene for a couple of weeks so ... (read in full...)

How do I get past my insecurities about my appearance?

Q.   Pretty much all my life i've been insecure about my appearance. I'm 5'7 126 pounds with auburn hair and hazel eyes. People have told me i'm attractive sometimes even "stunning". I just can't see it myself, i hate having my photo taken or looking at ...

A.   29 October 2010: I think I was insecure about my looks in my early 20's. It is perhaps the constant media pressure for perfection that causes problems with our self esteem. I think the advice of the last aunt is very good. Cognitive behavioural therapy will help you ... (read in full...)

My mother is still killing herself with food

Q.   Hi all, I asked a similar question a few months ago and although most of the responses were very helpful, things haven't improved. I'm still very concerned about my mother's health and eating habits, she's very overweight and binges on things...

A.   29 October 2010: Hello, there are online support groups for people with eating disorders (she has some elements of bulmia nervosa from what you describe - binge eating). She maybe consuming soft foods such as ice-cream and rice-pudding because these are easy to ... (read in full...)

Should I keep it as a pipe dream, or should I ask her out?

Q.   At the gas station. She is so beautiful and seems so otherworldly and cool. I'm a 27 yr old geeky, balding, shy guy. How do I go about this? Is it wrong to ask her out? She doesn't do much small talk. I imagine she probably gets other gu...

A.   29 October 2010: Life is too short for hesitation. If you act on your feelings and get a rejection then you can move on - it wasn't going to happen! If she says yes to a date then who knows where it may end up? She may be fed up of Mr Macho asking her out on dates ... (read in full...)

Is my step dad on drugs?

Q.   Okay, I need to know this I suspect it but I gotta know Now here are signs I've seen in my step-dad if you work up for 16hrs then get home around 10p then stay up until 1am and wakes up at 6am every day, so 4-5 hours of sleep a day. doesn't ...

A.   29 October 2010: Some people don't need a lot of sleep. Although an average adult requires 8-12 hours, some people can function on less. However, given his behaviour and the physical evidence it is possible that he is using stimulants to keep going such as ... (read in full...)

I waited for him for years but he had sex with someone else!

Q.   hay im Thorn im 15 (sorry im bad at spelling) and i have a love hate thing with my boyfriend who is alot older than me and im not gona say how old altho im only 15 im very mature and i think things throuh im not the kind of girl who dose things ...

A.   28 October 2010: I don't think you should have a full relationship with this man...especially not right away. I think you have got to remember that people promise all sorts in this world but it can be hard to keep promises. I think you have put him in an unfair ... (read in full...)

Could drinking interfere with the results of a pregnancy test?

Q.   i think im pregnant because my period is over a week late. im 15 years old and very worried as the potential father is 21. i have had nearly every other sign so i took a pregnancy test today and it was negative but i was drinking last night and ...

A.   28 October 2010: Alcohol does not interfere with the results of a pregnancy test. A pregnancy test looks for a specific hormone in your urine which is raised when you are pregnant (it is called Human chorionic gonadotropin or HCG for short). However, it is possible ... (read in full...)

My friend's husband is starting to compliment me and I don't know what to make of it

Q.   Hi would like some advise please. My friend's husband seems to like me. He told me the other day that he thinks i am beautiful, he doesn't make me feel uneasy normally and i have had the impression before that he likes me but i thought no more ...

A.   28 October 2010: There is every chance that this man is hoping for an affair with you. His age doesn't matter (in his eyes anyway) and he thinks a 38 year old beauty is a prize. I think you should be careful about the friendship. If he is willing to betray trust, ... (read in full...)

How do you hire a private detective?

Q.   How to hire a private investigator? Is it expensive? I need professional help to discovery truth about my suspicion. ...

A.   28 October 2010: You don't say what your suspicion is...if you suspect your partner is cheating and want them followed then it is time to leave the relationship anyway. There is no trust left regardless of what a detective finds out for you. Many agencies advertise ... (read in full...)

5 days ago I said something to my boyfriend that I regret and he hasn't contacted me since

Q.   A week last sunday I said something to my boyfriend which I really regret and I didnt mean. Everyone gets wound up sometimes and for me I blew and blurted it out. Well since then hes not spoken to me, ive text a few times, called and last night ...

A.   28 October 2010: We all have rows from time to time. Your boyfriend probably needs a bit of time to get over whatever was said. Give him some time and if he is not back in touch in a week or so then you just have to accept the relationship was not what you expected. ... (read in full...)

Life after depression and big relationship problems, is there such a thing?

Q.   Hi everyone. Thank you in advance for reading this. This is not a short post and I am not in a very stable state of mind so the writing may reflect that. And thanks again for bearing with me. And I really appreciate every piece of advice I can poss...

A.   27 October 2010: Don't go into hospital again unless you start feeling suicidal - it won't help if they are treating you for the wrong disorder. The treatment for bipolar disorder is different from unipolar depression - you need to see a consultant psychiatrist and ... (read in full...)

Should I wait to see if he'll leave his girlfriend

Q.   I know this 30 year old guy for a few years he used to come in my shop. Had not seen him for a few months when he started coming in my shop again. after a few times coming in my shop, I told him I had divorced from my husband. The next thing he did ...

A.   25 October 2010: You need to steer clear of him in terms of a relationship. Three children by three different mothers and he doesn't get on with any of them...it cannot be all their fault surely. His girlfriend is at a vulnerable stage since she is a new mother. He ... (read in full...)

My married neighbour keeps flashing her cleavage at me!

Q.   My neighbour lady is 36 years old and married. She is always showing her cleavage by bending down in front of me. I don't know it is accidently or not. We are also friends. I likes her very much and wants her. But i don't know if she wants me or ...

A.   23 October 2010: You 'love' her cleavage and that shows how this could be such a deep, meaningful relationship! Basically if she is flashing to you (and it could be in your imagination) then she will be doing it to lots of men to get attention. Quite apart from the ... (read in full...)

I know of somebody who is being unfaithful

Q.   i know of someone who has been unfaithful to their parner.they live together and have a kid. i dont want to be stuck in the middle of all this but i also dont want to snitch because its i dont want to be involved in all this. so the unfaithf...

A.   23 October 2010: A few years ago I knew of a couple where the man confessed to my husband that he was cheating on his wife. I was a friend of his wife. I felt I couldn't say anything because it would have betrayed my husband and cause problems at work (since he ... (read in full...)

How can I attract guys at this party to ask me out?

Q.   I'm 18 years old, and have not been in a relationship. Someone asked me out but I knew I would not last 1 day with him. I fancied this guy at my badmington club but he has recently got a girlfriend. I have 3 partys coming up where I will be ...

A.   21 October 2010: I think you are asking the wrong question. Stop worrying about how to attract men. Just accept that it is a mutual process. There is no point in pretending to be something you are not by acting a certain way or dressing differently. Long term ... (read in full...)

Should I get pregnant knowing my fiance doesn't want another child?

Q.   My fiance and I have 3 boys (5,2,1 week), i just gave birth to a baby on 10/14. I desperately want to try for a girl and he doesn't want anymore children. 2 are his and 1 is from a previous relationship. He now wants to use condoms and get me on ...

A.   21 October 2010: I think you should stop having babies for a while. You don't control the sex of the baby - that is the job of the male. You may well end up pregnant with another boy, and another and another. If you really cannot help yourself then you should try to ... (read in full...)

I'm confused by these latest texts

Q.   Hi, I had a FWB for months, but it was certainly more than sex. He lives abroad so we do not see each other that often. He started to say that the sex bit confused him and he was not able to see things straight. But he also said he finally under...

A.   21 October 2010: I think the relationship has moved on from a purely sexual fling for him. He sounds as if he is looking for a proper relationship with you. If you really want to know, forget texts and emails...call him or get on a plane and see him. If you don't ... (read in full...)

How can I be hospitalized for my anorexia (please help me)?

Q.   Hi I have anorexia and have been struggling with it for about a year. I was just a low enough weight to be put in hospital, but they didn't because they wanted to try other ways to help me recover. Now I've put on 10kg since then, and I have 4...

A.   19 October 2010: Go to your GP and explain that you wish to be referred for inpatient care. However, please don't accept admission to a general psychiatric ward as this won't help you. You need admission to a specialist eating disorders ward. I am assuming you are ... (read in full...)

What do you make of his behavior??

Q.   I like a guy on my uni course and ive been told he likes me too. We've kissed a few times when out with mutual friends and for the last few weeks spoke quite a lot on facebook etc. The last week though ive barley heard from him at all and when ive ...

A.   19 October 2010: I sounds as if he is a player with the attention span of one. He may have liked you a lot, but now he has another focus. It happens to us all! Just feel grateful you didn't get too involved with him and accept the situation for what it is. Sooner or ... (read in full...)

Dating a cop who behaves very strangely, should I flee??

Q.   I am dating a cop... started out great, he told me he was crazy about me - dated a few months, we were very much into each other and things turned REALLY weird. On one date, he actually was a complete jerk -I purchased expensive tix to a football ...

A.   19 October 2010: I would hazard a guess that he has another woman in his life. However, divorce and relationship breakdown is also a very common issue for criminal justice professionals. The stress of the job really impacts on their personal life. I think his ... (read in full...)

I need advice, I want to have a baby, I am 14, please help??

Q.   hey im 14 and i really want a baby i have wanted one sence i was 11 and i dont know what to do my family and friends say i am a natual when it comes to looking after children and careing for them i really don tknow what to do please help x...

A.   19 October 2010: There is nothing wrong with having a maternal instinct. There is plenty that is wrong with desiring a baby at 14. Firstly you need lots of money to pay for baby-things. Bringing up children on the benefits system is hardly going to do much for their ... (read in full...)

My life has, up until this point, been a catalogue of disaster, but I want life to be better now.

Q.   I am not sure if I have been and am being emotionally abused by my father. I am 35 years old, and have never moved out of home (apart from a small period of time at university) because my Dad has said that I would never been able to cope and I am ...

A.   18 October 2010: I can tell you that you are not alone. Your father sounds a bit like my mother. She is the queen of 'not speaking' to anyone who is outside her grasp. I haven't seen my oldest brother since I was a kid because she drove him away from the family. She ... (read in full...)

Does everyone here think I am about to make a huge mistake if I go out on a date with him?

Q.   Hi everyone. I got some good advise over here in the past so thought I'd try again. So, a few months ago I was involved in a very awkward situation with two childhood friends both in love with me (rather, one in love, the other one confused as it ...

A.   18 October 2010: Don't date A or B. Man A sounds like he always puts his own needs first. Man B sounds lovely! Don't just date him because he happens to be there massaging your ego at a vulnerable time. I think you should probably tell him you have had a 'thing' ... (read in full...)

I want to dedicate a song to a loved one! What song would you choose?

Q.   Hi, I'm not sure if this is the right place for this....if you could dedicate a song or two (or even 3 lol) to someone..what would it be and why? For example "Luther Vandross - Dance with my Father" ...always reminds me of my dad....

A.   18 October 2010: Iris (Goo Goo Dolls) always reminds me of my husband. That song was played at the bar on the night we first saw each other. Of course if I hadn't met and married him I dare say I would have room in my life for John Rzeznik who is the lead singer of ... (read in full...)

He is happy, I want to be happy too!!!!

Q.   Hi all, I am not one to quit. Therefore in a relationship why do I feel like I am giving 100% and my partner is not. I have been with him for 3 and 1/2 years. I am 8 years younger than him and feel like his mother. We both work. I pay the bills ...

A.   18 October 2010: You are being way too nice. It is time to stop being last in the list of priorities in your household. You are trying to be all things to everyone - a housewife, a worker, a babysitter for his kids. I think the way your finances are worked out is ... (read in full...)

Do I stink or does my colleague have a problem with me?

Q.   I'm a female 25 years old. I'm a travel agent by proffession..went to school then college for two years and got a travel n tourism diploma. That was just for background info. I have a problem at work.. i'm the only black consultant in the company of ...

A.   15 October 2010: I don't think this is an issue of racism. What is happening is bullying - a sadly common thing in an office environment. If you really want to know if you have body odour, ask trusted friends and family to tell you. If you do then you need to see a ... (read in full...)

Will my boyfriend continue the cycle of abuse?

Q.   Well me and Caleb have been dating for years. His dad abused his mom(not really in front of him). He has also done the same to Caleb and choked him even just last week for grades..he fights back with his dad whenever this happens. Thank god because ...

A.   15 October 2010: If he punches walls then he has huge anger management issues...and that could well mean you are at risk. Although you are dismissive of his ex, you should hear what she has to say. He comes from a family where there is physical abuse and that puts ... (read in full...)

4 kids and now pregnant with twins!

Q.   im pregnant with twins. im 27 years old. i did't tell none of my family members.im not in my own place. im staying with someone.i already have 4 kids. so what should i do?...

A.   14 October 2010: I cannot tell you what to do about the pregnancy. That is a personal decision that you alone must make. You can keep your twins, have an abortion or look at adoption. You are quite young to have so many children and I am assuming this pregnancy was ... (read in full...)

Is it the soap or too much masturbation?

Q.   okay, so I was showering the other day, and I was washing my penis, and I'm pretty sure I got soap in it, this has happened before, but my penis still hurts in my urethra from time to time. I know this probably isn't an std, but I masturbate quite ...

A.   14 October 2010: It could be a urinary tract infection - see a doctor to check for bacterial infection. It can be easily treated with antibiotics. If it is not that, tell your doctor about your symptoms so that the cause can be identified.... (read in full...)

Cheating hb treating ME badly!!!

Q.   I caught my hb of 6 years cheating on me for the 2nd time... The 1st time was last year in November.. When I caught him he literally begged me to give him a 2nd chance.. And I did for our kids sake....everything was great until about august this ...

A.   14 October 2010: He treats you badly because you let him. He thinks he can do and say whatever he likes because you will always take him back. You shouldn't want to sleep with him...Goodness knows what he maybe carrying for a start. He will always cheat on you. ... (read in full...)

My parents are putting pressure on me. What do I do?

Q.   I had posted about this in a different context earlier. But as days pass on I can't seem to handle this anymore. Please advice. My parents have been with us for a year now for my dad's cancer treatment as they can't do this alone. My mother lack's...

A.   14 October 2010: You cannot make your father do anything. I think it would be for the best if he did go home, along with your mother. You could have a break from the stressful situation for a start. You need to contact social services and the hospital responsible ... (read in full...)

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