Like what
she writes?
... Add *rPsych to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
|
My parents are putting pressure on me. What do I do?
Q. I had posted about this in a different context earlier. But as days pass on I can't seem to handle this anymore. Please advice. My parents have been with us for a year now for my dad's cancer treatment as they can't do this alone. My mother lack's...
A. 14 October 2010: You cannot make your father do anything. I think it would be for the best if he did go home, along with your mother. You could have a break from the stressful situation for a start. You need to contact social services and the hospital responsible ... (read in full...)
Complicated and hurtful family mess
Q. I feel really stupid writing about this, but I would like to get other people's takes on this situation. My 29 year old daughter is "re-marrying" her husband of 10 years. I haven't spoken to either of them in over a year because last year I was ...
A. 14 October 2010: I have a very complicated family situation so you have my sympathy! I totally understand why you would be upset - they violated your privacy and made you homeless. I think you are right not to trust your daughter. I understand the pressure you must ... (read in full...)
I'm angry my ex could treat me like a ghost after everything we've been through together?
Q. Just broke up with my Ex. Its been a week and a few days. We were on a break, but she made it permanent and now she's "dating" this guy she met at a bar 2 wks ago who lives in Australia. After we decided to take a break so she could work on he...
A. 14 October 2010: You made a mistake. You got into a relationship with a very needy person with emotional and dependency issues. We all make mistakes, but the winners are those who learn from what has happened and never go there again. It sounds like you were her ... (read in full...)
Single mum and single dad struggling to get time together
Q. Hi I have been seeing someone for 2 months - we are both grown ups each with a young child only mine lives with me full time and his lives with him half the week. If his son gets his mum to call him up to stay or if he is being taken home fro...
A. 13 October 2010: It is too early to predict how this relationship will work out but you seem keen, and so does he. If you have a future together then you need to organise a 'date night' once a week which cannot be broken by anything other than an emergency. If he is ... (read in full...)
11 weeks pregnant and my husband has left me!
Q. im 11 weeks pregnant and husband has left. he doesnt want to come to appts. scared!help!!...
A. 13 October 2010: You don't say if your husband left because the relationship has been in trouble for a while, or because you found out you were pregnant. Either way I appreciate it is an emotional time for you at the moment. You cannot make your husband face up to ... (read in full...)
I feel invisible and lonely...
Q. I feel invisible and lonely? I have friends on Facebook but I really feel like I don't have anything in common with and don't know them that much; I just want to be their friends becuse they seem interesting. Some of the do play games with me but I ...
A. 13 October 2010: There is big pressure on everyone these days to be ultra-popular. This is unfortunate because it is quality of friendship, not quantity that counts! The problem with facebook is that you can mistake a list of names on your profile as a reflection of ... (read in full...)
My feelings for her have totally changed since she got (and dumped) this other guy!
Q. I am out permanently of a 7 year on and off relationship. I am the one who most of the time did the dumping, usually through frustration, but both knowing it was just a fall out. We have both played our parts. When together again, my faults were ...
A. 8 September 2010: I think you have just suffered from relationship exhaustion. There comes a point in a relationship when your brain takes over from your heart. You just think 'enough is enough'. You fell in love with a girl who didn't exist - you idealised her as ... (read in full...)
His talking about his exes or pretty women is making me feel so insecure... help!
Q. I have been with my partner for three years and things are pretty good. He is a wonderful partner however there is something that bothers me. I am the opposite end to what his 'type' is. He has usually dated women who were caucasian, very ...
A. 8 September 2010: You have been in a relationship with him for three years. There must be something fairly solid between you for it to last that long! He may talk about pretty girls from his past, but you have to remember that his relationships with these ladies ... (read in full...)
21, pregnant, broke and alone
Q. im 21 and had sex with a guy I was seeing really quickly. 3 days later i took the morning after pill, only just within the 72hrs. i havent seen the guy since because i keep cancelling on him, hes only 18! then a few days ago i found out i was ...
A. 8 September 2010: The age-gap of 3 years is not so great. It could be that there is a relationship potential here if you give it a chance. The morning after pill is usually an effective method of protection with a less than 10% failure rate. Is there a possibility ... (read in full...)
I slapped the man I love!
Q. I slapped the man I adore to death this weekend when I was drunk, well we were both drunk. He now doesn't want to speak or talk to me. I clearly don't want this, what should I do? A bit of back round on us. Him and I have been on and off for over...
A. 8 September 2010: This relationship is a disaster and it is going no-where good. Your life is shrouded in drink, drugs and violence. You are mistaking a sexual relationship for something rather more loving. He isn't faithful to you at all, and does the on-off routine ... (read in full...)
I'm 43, she's 18 & pregnant and I didn't know she wanted more than sex. I don't want this!
Q. im 43 and slept with an 18 year old and now shes pregnant but thats not the only problem she said that she fort we was going out when we slept together i knew she gets very close to people too fast but i didnt realise she wanted more than sex i fort ...
A. 8 September 2010: You should have thought about that before you slept with her without using protection. You were thinking with your second brain at the time no doubt! If you knew she had 'special needs' then it was up to you to be an adult about it and either not ... (read in full...)
Woman is trying to steal my partner
Q. I have a bit of a relationship problem with an interfering woman. I have been with my partner for over 3 years now. Things are great between us, although he has slipped up twice, never cheated on me (once was a dating website with a guest profile ...
A. 6 September 2010: You know what is going on because I assume he is telling you and showing you the texts. The fact he is communicating about it suggests he is not going to cheat or sneak around your back. I think it is up to him to deal with this woman. If you start ... (read in full...)
Do you think my ex might change when our baby is born?
Q. im 22 weeks pregnant , i was seeing a guy for a year and a half and then we brok up, I got messages from him saying he missed me and so we ended up tgether , i fell pregnant , when i told him he was so happy , always texting me and ringing and ...
A. 6 September 2010: I don't know why you would want him to change his mind. He is an immature, selfish idiot who was little more than a sperm donor. Basically I would be careful about allowing access to the child if he does express an interest later on. I am not ... (read in full...)
My teacher has hit on me help please
Q. ok so guys i need help before the six weeks hoilday my it teacher tried to hit on me,i do fancie him a little but her promied me that he would let me pass my exams if i would have sex with him and he would give me an a but i didnt and i keep get...
A. 5 September 2010: In the UK there is a specific law that prevents teachers from having sexual relationships with their pupils. This activity is known as 'breach of trust' because he has a position of power over you. Clearly you won't be his first victim as predators ... (read in full...)
Can having a problem create problems later on?
Q. iam 32 years old.have an obortion 3 years ago.i was aborted the child when its was 2.5 months that time i was 29 yrs old.can it creat a problem to be pregnent next time?after marriage can my husband understand dat i had sex before marriage?...
A. 5 September 2010: If there were no medical complications with the abortion then there is every reason to think you will get pregnant again. If you are worried, see a doctor who can do a check up of your overall health and deal with your concerns. It is possible that ... (read in full...)
He says one day he'll marry me but has a wife and child. What should I do?
Q. Am separated from my husband and I am currently seeing this guy who is 10 years older than me we do not do a lot of things together. We hardly go out or do any fun things together. This guy is a medical doctor and is married with 1 adopted daughter. ...
A. 4 September 2010: You cannot lose what is not yours in the first place. This man is married. Even if he does marry you, how long before another woman catches his eye? He won't leave his wife because if she has a lower income then it may cost him a lot in the divorce. ... (read in full...)
I'm 21 she's 15. Is morally it ok that I want to date her?
Q. So I've recently met this girl, she's 15, but she seems so nice and mature, but ok she can also be quite childish as well. But she seems really into me and I'm 21, now the legal age for stuff I know is 16 but I wouldnt do anything with this girl ...
A. 2 September 2010: At 15 she should be childish...she is still very young. You are finding fault with her before you have even started dating which is a problem. If her parents are decent people then you should face some objection to the relationship. Firstly, as ... (read in full...)
Will she take me for all I have ???
Q. Heyy ok a few weeks ago a girl I liked asked me for money not alot about £20 now my best mate and one of her friends think that she will keep on asking for more until I cannot give anymore. I am slightly more in the money than she is but firmly ...
A. 2 September 2010: I think you should stop worrying. If she does ask you for money, say she can borrow more when she pays you back what she already owes. She may sense that you fancy her. If she keeps coming back for money, say no.... (read in full...)
He stopped texting after we had sex, what should I do?
Q. okay so there is this guy that i have been talking to kind of and we before we started talking we were always really flirty and stuff so finally he gave me his number and we talked a little but not to much and then recently we started talking a lot ...
A. 2 September 2010: Basically if a man is really into you then they will find a way to call you, knock on your door or send you an email. Don't chase him with text messages. It was just a fling for him. If he does get back in touch at a later date be very careful about ... (read in full...)
He ended it, but now he wants to get back together - on HIS terms. What should I do?
Q. I've been in a long term, long-distance relationship with a guy who basically controls me. I can't do anything without him knowing, he HAS to know what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking that and I'm not allowed to go near any other guy, which is ...
A. 2 September 2010: You write, "I don't want this, but I don't want to lose him". I think you are in danger of losing yourself to be honest as you get sucked into his mental illness. People with self harm disorders are often incredibly emotionally manipulative and ... (read in full...)
What is her problem? I have never seen this side to her before!
Q. I got married recently and I really regret inviting an ex colleague of mine which I thought was a friend! Since I've been back from honeymoon all she has done is slag off my wedding, not only to me but to some mutual friends and god knows who e...
A. 2 September 2010: I tend to agree with the others. This woman is madly and utterly consumed by her own jealousy. She deep down thought you were very beautiful on the day and that eats away at her because she lacks self confidence. If she was a happy, contented person ... (read in full...)
Trouble since I moved in with him. Can't bear to fight in front of our son!
Q. I'm 20 years old and I have been with my fiance for almost fours years now since i was seventeen. He is 29 this year. We have a beautyful son togather thats 18 months. Well ever since we moved in with eachother in 2008 we have been having alot of ...
A. 1 September 2010: He sounds like a control freak. I think you have to leave for the sake of your own sanity, as well as the welfare of your child. It is very sad to separate when a child is involved. However, it is worse to stay in a bad relationship for the sake of ... (read in full...)
I've met the most amazing woman, but she lives 400 miles away!
Q. I met the most amazing woman and i cant stop thinking about her! We are really good friends and I have told her how I feel about her and I think she feels the same! Unfortunately we live 400 miles away from each other and I also work away from ...
A. 1 September 2010: Life is too short for indecision. If you have been lucky enough to meet someone who makes you happy then go for it. Pack your bags and move 400 miles. It maybe the best decision you ever made in your life. It may turn out to be a disaster, but at ... (read in full...)
I post sexy pictures of myself on Facebook! Is this bad even though it keeps me from having sex?
Q. hi so im a 15 yr old girl and i get really horny sometimes.i try to keep good for my parents but its like a naughtier me is clawing itself out.i was on facebook one day and some random chick with sexy photos sent me a friend request and i ignored ...
A. 1 September 2010: Although you may feel that what you are doing online is 'mature', it is really leaving you open to being victimised by older men. It is also the start of a worrying behavioural pattern where you get off on exhibitionism through a webcam at a young ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend just immature or is there something else on her mind?
Q. So yesterday I was looking through my girlfriends email account and her post on one of these type of sites saying "how to get rid of your boyfriend" And It bothered me I didn't saying anything at first then se said it was nothing she said it out of ...
A. 1 September 2010: At the point where you felt the need to go through her email account the relationship was over. What you found when you did that is largely irrelevant. The action of checking up means there is a lack of trust or stability in the relationship. I ... (read in full...)
How can I deal with my family falling apart?
Q. Uhhh hey, I'm sorry if this is the wrong site but it's kinda a relationship problem, with family? Anyway, my family is on the edge of completely falling apart. I moved away from my parents house when I just turned 16, to look after my grandpa...
A. 29 August 2010: You may not wish to go to the hospital but early treatment of cancer is critical to the long term outcome. You seem to care about your family a great deal, but you should also identify that if you have cancer and you leave it to spread around your ... (read in full...)
Our baby is 6 months old and my girlfriend wants another
Q. hi my GF is wanting another baby but i dont know what to do as. 1. neither of us have jobs 2. she has realy bad PND 3. finds it hard to cope with our son 4. i think she also had PTS 5. doesnt do much with our son now 6. our son is currently 6 m...
A. 29 August 2010: Unfortunately part of post-natal depression is disordered thinking. She may cling to the sense that another baby will help with the disorder. Unfortunately, if you are depressed (for any reason) before or during a pregnancy then it is a huge ... (read in full...)
HELP PLEASE? Can you love someone too much?
Q. HELP PLEASE? Ive been with my boyfriend for 2and a bit years we life together and space all our time together i love this and really depened on him for happieness if hes not with me im sad and fell very depressed and lonely he says im controlling ...
A. 27 August 2010: This is not about love but emotional dependency as the others have already said. It is a dangerous thing to be too dependent on another person and leaves you open to all sorts of exploitation in the wrong hands. I think your boyfriend probably feels ... (read in full...)
Cheap places to stay in London?
Q. Hi. I was wondering if anyone here knows of any cheap places to stay in London ?. I'm going to see a concert in the Kensington area, it's at the Royal Albert Hall to be more exact, so anywhere that's as close to there as possible would be best. I ...
A. 27 August 2010: As an ex-Londoner I would say forget hotels if you are on a budget. The only cheap one's are flea pits and not very safe. Instead, try bed & breakfast establishments (google it) or traveller hostels if you just want a few nights accommodation. I ... (read in full...)
In a pile of debt because of the ex. Are all women like this?
Q. I dated a younger woman, I am in my early 30s and she is in her early 20s. When I first saw her I was completely blown away by her and came to love her and her daughter. We were together for 5 years. Recently I found out she was cheating and I h...
A. 27 August 2010: I understand that you are bitter from the broken relationship. Unfortunately the debts are in your name and any court would view your purchases as gifts to her, unless you have some documentation to show that you gave her stuff as a loan. I am sorry ... (read in full...)
Anyone ever used "smooth leg" hair removal product?
Q. Hi mates, has anyone used ' my smooth leg' ? This is a hair remove product for men and ladies ( you guys can check out this product by doing a google search). Hair grow on my leg and my thigh. Should i get rid off it? I dont like the hair cause it ...
A. 25 August 2010: The only proven medical treatment for hair thinning is Vaniqa - only usually available on prescription. If it really bothers you, save up and get laser treatment which works well on dark hair. It hurts a bit but no pain, no gain...no worse than ... (read in full...)
He was found with an STD,I was not. I don't know how this happened?
Q. I don't know it this has been discussed before but if anyone can help. I am on vacation right now with my family and recently, my boyfriend revealed to me that he has been tested and found out with gonorrhea. I was very furious, I had been just ou...
A. 25 August 2010: In fairness to your boyfriend, he did confess his medical situation. It must have been a difficult thing for him to do, but he did the right thing. He may have had an STD for a long, long time contracted during a time before he met you. With this ... (read in full...)
Does anyone find dating and getting into a relationship easy?
Q. Does anyone find dating and getting into a relationship easy? I'm 22 and although I've flirted with loads of women and made out with several in nightclubs. However I've only dated 5 women and had a relationship with 2. It does seem difficult f...
A. 22 August 2010: It is possible to meet the right person at a club...I married someone I met at a nightclub. It is rare though. I think most people go to clubs looking to dance or have a fling. If you are looking for a relationship try joining a gym or a social club ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him not to bite me so hard?
Q. Okay, soo I have a problem. My boyfriend has this thing where when we're making out he'll bite my neck.. HARD! I don't mind neck biting but it's just that he hurts lol plus my mom almost saw a hickey that didn't go away for a few days. I just want ...
A. 22 August 2010: The human mouth is full of bacteria - this is why we need to brush teeth everyday. By biting you he risks breaking the skin and starting an infection in your neck, as well as permanent scar tissue. The reason why you don't see many 20, 30, 40+ ... (read in full...)
I recently found out that the person I live with has been communicating with prostitutes via craigslist!
Q. Hi, I recently found out that the person I live with has been communicating with prostitutes via craigslist and several other sites. He had a prostitute call him which tipped me off so I went through his phone and saw numerous calls and even p...
A. 22 August 2010: You can download software to reinstall whatever has been deleted from a hard disk of a computer. It is interesting that you refer to him as 'the person I live with' and then go on to say he is possibly 'cheating on me'. It is clear that you have no ... (read in full...)
The man on the cruise...
Q. is this True? I have just returned from a lovely cruise and on there was a member of the cruise staff/entertainment who does things like bingo/games etc in the day time and then sings and dances at night for the show-he was always looking at me - ...
A. 22 August 2010: I have a friend who works in that industry. It is a big no-no to have any relations with guests. Most staff are on fixed term contracts that are renewed subject to performance. In fact members of staff are often close with each other (being thrown ... (read in full...)
Should I get a tattoo in honor the baby I'm going to give up for adoption?
Q. I had asked for help from MANY of the aunts and uncles out here when I found out I was pregnant, and the good news is that things are going well. I have told my parents and they are being very supportive, and my fiance is right by my side through ...
A. 22 August 2010: I honestly think that a tattoo would be a very bad way to remember your child. For a start you are not going down the closed adoption route so you have access to the child. The image of your tattoo will be a permanent reminder of the adoption. I ... (read in full...)
Got out of jail , have not heard from him!
Q. iwas or still am in a serious relationship as we were to be married. 12 years with this man. ups and downs in jail out of jail i was his only support system. i but once again just got out of jail 1 week ago and i have not heard one word from him. i ...
A. 22 August 2010: Jail changes people, and it also makes petty, opportunistic criminals into perpetual, career criminals due to the people they meet inside. If he is a serial offender then it doesn't suggest there is a 'Happy Ever After' ending to this story. He ... (read in full...)
I just want him to be my son's daddy!!!
Q. I've just given birth to my first baby son, but the father of my child is refusing to have anything to do with him. We broke up after a string of arguments then i found out i was pregnant, and kept it from him till i was 18 weeks, because i didnt kn...
A. 22 August 2010: I have no idea why you want this man to be your son's father. He was a sperm donor. He treats you badly and lets you down when you need him most, he gossips about you and then denies he is the Dad. He is a loser and the only reason he didn't want ... (read in full...)
Can this cause an invalid child?
Q. Mod Note: Could not use Posters Chosen Title hello everyone! i have a question and i hope i'll get answers....as i heard if you have a sex with your boyfriend who is drunk you will have invalid child......can you tell me is it true or not? thanks...
A. 22 August 2010: I haven't heard the term 'invalid' for many years, and many parents of disabled children would find the term insulting...if it were true that all babies fathered by intoxicated fathers are disabled, there would be very many more disabled children in ... (read in full...)
Binge once a week on a 500 cal diet
Q. hey, i have had an eating disorder for the past 3 years and amn either starvng myself or binging. ive tried to eat normally, 2 years of trying, but it never works., i either get too fat or too skinny and theres nothing i can do about it, no matter ...
A. 22 August 2010: You are suffering from a typical weight change that is associated with yo-yo dieting. If you go on a 500 calorie per day diet then your metabolism will slow down because your body will put itself into starvation mode. It will become efficient at ... (read in full...)
| *rPsych's friends
These are mutual friends, so *rPsych has
added them and they have added *rPsych!
|
