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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Neighbour cheated on fiancee with me.
Q. Well i guess the title has got you all wondering what is going on. well ive been in some sticky situations before but non like this. if you have time please listen to my story and i ask for your best advice as soon as possible. well my nex...
A. 22 November 2010: I honestly feel sorry for your 'cougar' neighbour...she is the only victim in this soap opera. You are supposed to be her friend and neighbour, but you cheat with her bloke anyway and show no loyalty to her. He doesn't sound like a bargain. If he is ... (read in full...)
I feel like my boyfriend's dirty little secret
Q. Hoping someone can shed some light on the relationship situation i am in. I have been seeing this guy for 15mths now and although when the mood takes him he will say he loves me, i have never felt so unloved and insecure in my life. I am 35 and h...
A. 21 November 2010: I don't think the 'ex' is just that...I think it sounds like he has the personal freedom to do what he wants, with whom he wants and when he wants. You say he turns up late at your house and doesn't take you to meet his family or friends. The fact ... (read in full...)
How can I prove that I am not cheating on my husband?
Q. my husband is accusing me of cheating on him witch i haven't. any friend that comes over to our house or from work he always telling me that i cheating on him with our close friends. when i go to work i call him 2 to 3 time in an hour beside the ...
A. 21 November 2010: Your husband sounds like an arrogant control freak. This is not up to you to prove your innocence; it is up to him to apologise for making unfounded accusations. Since he is not willing to do this, leave him. If he argues all the time then it is ... (read in full...)
He leaves me alone, I feel isolated and resentful, what do I do??
Q. My husband and I just moved to London from Birmingham for post-grad studies, and I'm having an absolutely miserable time here. He's never around because he always has a lecture, a seminar, a project meeting to go to, even at the weekend, so I ...
A. 20 November 2010: I found living in London doing my PhD an expensive and lonely experience! I suggest you get in touch with other postgrad's at your college and try to socialise with them. If you don't want to go clubbing then ask your party-friends to meet you for a ... (read in full...)
Cumshots! Outrageous???
Q. I have heard that one of the latest things in porn is to have multiple oral cumshots. I've heard that some of the women have had up to 20 or more men cum in their mouth and pretty much mad to swallow all of it. How can any woman like that? Do any ...
A. 20 November 2010: Women in porn do things that average womankind wouldn't contemplate - it is the extreme nature of the acts that make a marketable porn movie. Do they enjoy it? Who knows...perhaps they are just there for the money or they anticipate that doing ... (read in full...)
People annoy me, especially the ones I work with!
Q. I want to know what is wrong with me..I've been working at a medical facility for over 4yrs and the majority of people are hyprocite's and I know this. My manager is one who I have never clicked with because I know through people that he has ...
A. 20 November 2010: You don't need a psychologist...lots of people dislike their work colleagues. I have worked in medical research environments for several years. I can honestly say I have never seen so many people (colleagues unfortunately) with nasty personality ... (read in full...)
Have I been a rat in this relationship?
Q. Hello, Basically this is a problem with me not knowing what to do. A girl that I slept with a fair while back, but hadn't seen in some time, recently started seeing me again despite minimal contact (a couple of texts) over the time apart. We'v...
A. 20 November 2010: It doesn't sound like you have been a rat. You were not in a proper exclusive relationship with girl you like so it is probably not cheating. This girl is also seeing other people from what you write. It just sounds like you are both young and ... (read in full...)
I feel sad because no one loves me
Q. i feel sad because no one loves me. every time i see a perfect couple, i think in my head," will that ever be me? No it cant be." and then i start tearing. there is also this guy that i like. i have told him that i love him, but he never told me if ...
A. 20 November 2010: I think you are suffering from depression and it is distorting your perception of the world. There is no such thing as the 'perfect couple'...the key is to find someone who you find attractive but also have a relationship based on a great ... (read in full...)
I have a live in boyfriend and a married lover!
Q. Where do I start? I'm in a relationship with a married man and I'm in love with him however, I also, have a live-in boyfriend but that relationship is broken and has been before I became involved with the married man. I don't know what to do. I ...
A. 20 November 2010: I don't think your married lover 'loves' anyone, but himself. If he is willing to flaunt the affair in front of his wife and children then the alarm bells should really be ringing for you. He must have a serious personality flaw to act so callous ... (read in full...)
Is my behaviour towards my maid right?
Q. I am 24 and I love humping pillows. I have been doing it from the age of 6. It really helps me get off the heat. I have never been in relationship and sometimes I get jealous seeing couples kissing and making love in public. There is a maid servan...
A. 19 November 2010: I would imagine the maid is very frightened by your strange behaviour. She probably hasn't said anything because she needs the job and thinks no-one would believe her. Many women would find it an unacceptable fetish so I think you need to adjust ... (read in full...)
Got my girlfriend pregnant and my family has cut off all communication for me!
Q. My girlfriend and i had sex recently and i got her pregnant. I told her parents and they were, suprisingly, okay with it. if anything they were celebrating... but when i told my parents, they went mental, calling her a whore, calling me a horny do...
A. 19 November 2010: You clearly have a mode of communication - you are messaging dear cupid. Email or text your girlfriend explaining the situation, or post a letter. Your parents may calm down as their anger is due to disappointment. Don't expect your parents to help ... (read in full...)
Choosing between my ex (my baby's father) and the guy I got with after the ex.....
Q. Okay so how to begin my troubles? Well it all started about 2 years ago when I met this guy who was cute, sweet, caring, and we clicked very well. We were together a very short amount of time(less than 6 months) when I got pregnant by him while I ...
A. 19 November 2010: My unbiased opinion is as follows...you are a strong young woman who took the brave decision to have a baby as a teen and take on responsibility well beyond your years. You are going to college and I would assume aspiring to a better life for your ... (read in full...)
I'm involved with a woman whose husband is abusive, what do I do?
Q. Where do I start. I am a 49 year old widower who is involved with a lovely woman who is in an abusive relationship which is beginning to turn into a nightmare for her. Unfortunately there are children involved, my son is 28, a doctor and lives...
A. 19 November 2010: If the police know about the domestic violence then social services may also have an interest in the children. If the children are deemed at risk then social workers can use child protection laws to remove them from the family home. It would be far ... (read in full...)
He wants a second chance after cheating on me but all he talks about is sex, is he just using me?
Q. Me and my boyfriend had a little problem, he went really weird with me and he didnt speak to me for a while, i'd never usually speak first but i started making more of an effort with him and he then began ignoring me, i then caught him cheating and ...
A. 19 November 2010: Errr...as caring says, teenage boys have an enormous interest in sex. However, if they cannot talk about any other subject then it makes them pretty boring don't you think? Your ex behaved badly, once a cheat always a cheat. He also played mind ... (read in full...)
My husband is old school!
Q. My husband is from "the old scjhool", who beleives giving a male (a kid)co-worker a ride home (because his car broke down), is a breech of trust and that, I, as a married woman, should not be "driving around town with men in my car". First ...
A. 16 November 2010: Is this 'old school' or 'odd school'...
Frankly old-fashioned is opening doors for ladies and offering you a coat on a cold night. Telling you where you can go and who you can speak to is part of controlling behaviour. It is one step down from the... (read in full...)
I quit my job to move near him!
Q. Quit my job today. I didn't turn up for work in the morning but I did e-mail my supervisor to say I was not coming back. Obviously it was a shock for him as he thought things were going ok. However, I was unhappy and the job was stressing me out. ...
A. 16 November 2010: It is a good test of the relationship. We all do things on impulse from time to time. Don't feel so bad about this. If it helps, I have walked out of two jobs before without notice because I hated the bosses! Sometimes you just snap and decide ... (read in full...)
I just don't find her sexually desirable!
Q. So after being horribly abused and used by two different women (I won't go into details, but the end result was me having a complete mental breakdown), I had finally rebuilt myself from the ground up, and I was feeling confident in who I was. After ...
A. 16 November 2010: You feel no physical attraction and you won't be able to keep the romance alive. PCOS is a horrible condition. I have this condition and the insulin resistance component makes it easy to gain weight, and very hard to lose. However, it is possible to ... (read in full...)
Anyone else worried about schools' sex education??
Q. I am very worried about teens sex education. I am from the UK and our sex education is very good. Girls only get pregnant because they want to or because contraception fails or they are just too stupid to use contraception. Some of the questions ...
A. 15 November 2010: Sex education is anything but good in the UK. We have the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in the whole of the European Union. Sex education doesn't need to be about the 'birds and the bees' or something mumbled quickly by the biology teacher. It ... (read in full...)
Turkish love?
Q. hey, basically i met this turkish guy through my family that live in turkey, i met him back sep 2009, i never did think of anything of it because you hear the stories about turkish men. after i met him, he would ring all time, every single day, and ...
A. 15 November 2010: Leave him alone and get on with your life. I am sure you have read all the stories in the media about Turkish boys looking for visa-marriages. Well it is not as easy to arrange visa paperwork for 'leave to remain' in the UK as the papers sometimes ... (read in full...)
My crush hit on my childminder the other day...but I want him! How do I resolve this?
Q. I had a baby recently and a guy who was a good friend of mine (well my crush) who wanted to go out with me back when I was preg..in fact he wanted a sexual relationship with me at the time but it never happened between us..anyway I met him the other ...
A. 15 November 2010: It seems you are trying to do a good job of looking after your au-pair. However, she may be struggling to adjust to the new country and lack of friends/ relatives for support. It maybe her first time away - just give her a chance to settle in, it ... (read in full...)
Daughters worried baby will push her out
Q. My daughter is my only child and only grand child of my late husbands parents... Since my husband passed away 5 years ago she has become queen bee in terms of her grandparents and spends an awful lot of time with them, holidays Christmas, I've never ...
A. 14 November 2010: I think you have accept this situation is out of your control. If you say anything outright to your in-laws then it maybe twisted to make you look bad and jealous. I am not suggesting this is how you are. You seem to be reasonably minded about the ... (read in full...)
Did I read him right?
Q. Hi i met a guy 3 yrs ago and we did date for a few weeks,but never slept togeather.we did have a fall out when i got drunk one night,but then got to being friends again.Its allways been friends.BUT ive wanted to form a relationship with him..BUT ...
A. 13 November 2010: There is obviously something deeply wrong with your current relationship if you are prepared to cheat on your partner. Your friend is just up for the thrill of a sexual encounter with you, it is a pure lust thing. He has been honest about his future ... (read in full...)
Am I shallow for my worries due to his hair colour?
Q. i have a problem, a man reaaly likes me and would do anything for me but because he is ginger im scared what people will say! what do i do?...
A. 10 November 2010: What to do?
(a) leave him to find a girl who loves red hair!
(b) date him on the condition that he wears a wig in any colour of your choice, or does the 'just for men' thing.
(c) remind yourself that in 10 years he might have that receding ha... (read in full...)
He traded in his ex's good looks for my personality!
Q. My partner said that he preferred his ex looks wise (she's real pretty) but prefers my personality ( he said she was a bitch and high maintenance). So I asked why he was with me and not her and He replied saying that She cheated on him and used ...
A. 10 November 2010: If you really think that he treats you differently because he perceives you to be less attractive than his ex then you don't need him in your life. Frankly he will just wear down your self esteem and you could with a man who thinks you look fabulous ... (read in full...)
Why is my boyfriend so insensitive?
Q. My long distance boyfriend is being really unsupportive atthe moment. My mother is ill and I have to look after her most of the time. She's been ill since I was born and I find it really difficult cleaning up after her when she's ill. I lose alot of ...
A. 10 November 2010: The difference between you and your boyfriend is very clear. He is still a child with no responsibilities or empathy for others whereas you have been forced to mature beyond your years too early. Basically there is no future in the relationship with ... (read in full...)
Can I ask out the teacher's aid?
Q. I am taking a Psychology course, along with 400+ students, and when I met my TA (we'll call her Clarice), and I was just shocked at how beautiful she was. She's about 5'8, very kind, is from Brazil, and is 2-3 years older than I am. Although I like ...
A. 10 November 2010: If you like this girl then I would say don't act on your feelings while you are the student in class. It would be very unprofessional and the subject of campus gossip if she dated a student. There maybe even a staff code of conduct preventing such ... (read in full...)
My ex abandoned me during my pregnancy, started taking drugs and now wants to come back
Q. I am pregnant and due in less than a week with my first child. The father and i broke up around my third month of pregnancy because he decided he did not want a baby..in fact he said it was solely my fault i got pregnant.. and refused to help ...
A. 10 November 2010: I think you have every right to be concerned. Drug addiction is not something to have around your child. Toddlers are into everything and that includes his stash of pills. I have to keep my prescribed medication on top of the fridge-freezer to stop ... (read in full...)
How can I get our sex life back after we lost our child?
Q. 6 Months ago my husband and I lost our 1st child while I was giving birth to her. Ever since our sex life has not been the same. Any suggestions on what to do? Thanks ...
A. 10 November 2010: I think that anyone would need some time and space after such a tragic event. My sister in law lost a baby in similar circumstances. I know that she had bereavement counselling and hypnotherapy which helped her a great deal. I think you should give ... (read in full...)
Will swallowing sperm help me to conceive?
Q. Is it true if a girl swallows sperm can it help her conceive? I was told it helps you get pregnant. Now don't think I'm asking will it get me pregnant I'm asking will it help?...
A. 10 November 2010: I am a bit worried that you are trying to get pregnant but lack the basic biological knowledge. There is no way that it would help you to make a baby. I can only assume the source of this advice is the potential father with a vested interest! I ... (read in full...)
My 15 year old niece is pregnant, her mother does not know
Q. Dear Reader I have a huge problem, my 15 year old niece has just told me she is 1mth 4days pregnant. My sister does not know, my niece told me she wants to keep the baby, i have tried to persuade her to tell her mother first. i have also advis...
A. 9 November 2010: One week is not going to make that much difference. Your niece confided in you and I would assume she trusts you. It would be wrong to break that trust for now. You could offer to be there when your sister hears the news. It would be better if your ... (read in full...)
He's sweet, charming, but constantly brings up sex!
Q. I have recently got talking to this guy and he seems sweet and genuine but very forward. He regularly brings up the conversation of sex even tho we havent met yet. I am still a virgin and know that he isnt. Im worried that he is only interested in ...
A. 9 November 2010: I think you should only meet him in a public place. If he has brought up the subject of sex then he may well assume that a meeting will involve that. I think if you do meet then you should make it clear that you want to take things slow. If he ... (read in full...)
Feeling rubbish in my early stages of pregnancy! What can I do?
Q. I need advice. Ok, I am only in early pregnancy (7 weeks) but I feel crappy EVERYDAY! I've been exercising and taking my prenatal vitamins and everything but I just feel awful! I have been trying not to complain to much to my fiance, I know he ...
A. 9 November 2010: I was working full-time while pregnant and I felt sick throughout the 9 months. I found the magic cure to morning sickness and fatigue was drinking ginger beer (as well as getting lots of rest when you can - obvious but hard to put into practise ... (read in full...)
How do I get him out of my head once and for all?
Q. Am writing this post to ask for advice/help. I feel like theres so much going on in my life I don't even know what to-do. I was with a guy for a year and a half roughly. The relationship was fantastic at the start then everything went downhill...
A. 9 November 2010: Ok, it is time to get tough with yourself. This man was abusive towards you and behaved badly when you were dating. He sounds like a lousy boyfriend. He behaved badly towards you because you let him and kept taking him back no matter what he did. He ... (read in full...)
Help! The love of my life is joining the army!
Q. Hello, I have a huge dilemma which is driving me mad. My boyfriend who I have known for 5 years but have been going out with for 1 has decided to join the army to train as an officer. We have quite a complicated relationship because when we ...
A. 9 November 2010: Hello, if the relationship is based on the mutual love that you say it is then I think you should stick with him. Our partners don't always make the choices we would hope, or the right choices for that matter. However, a long term relationship has ... (read in full...)
Over protective mother!
Q. Let me start off by saying I love my mother but she can be a bit overbearing and over protective. I am 21 years old and she treats me like i am 17 or 18 years old again. It seems like as I got older the worse she's gotten. I don't want to end up ...
A. 7 November 2010: I think your mother is concerned. She worries that you will have an accident or come to some harm in the big, bad world. She also worries about herself - she has been a full-time mum to you for so many years that she feels she is losing a bit of her ... (read in full...)
My dad blames me for everything, I've had enough!
Q. Im sick and tired of my dad blaming me for everything. Im one of 3 daughters (the middle child) and every time me and one of my sisters have an argument no matter who started it I get the blame and 'banned' from his house. Last month, my older ...
A. 7 November 2010: Families can be very difficult! I suggest that you write him a letter stating how you feel...it gets your point across without the need for an argument. If you really don't get along with your siblings, don't see them. You can arrange to see your ... (read in full...)
Acne and Pubic Hair Problems! Solutions?
Q. hi everyone i am 17 and i have red spots all over my face, neck and a few on the top of my back. I have used clearasil but that hasn't worked at all. i have used oxy which hasn't worked and i am currently using a supermarkets own which defina...
A. 7 November 2010: Hello, I recommend that you get a facial steam spa. They are fairly cheap in the shops. For many people with acne, steaming the skin daily helps a great deal with the skin disorder by opening the pores. You should also consider looking at your diet ... (read in full...)
Its the drugs or me!
Q. I'm 20 years old. I've been with my boyfriend for 1 year and few months. I feel like my boyfriend is choosing drugs over me. I've asked him to stop but every single morning he wakes up and smokes it. He isn't at work atm either so he's just at home ...
A. 5 November 2010: Move in with your mother and finish the relationship. He has made it clear he is not ready to deal with his addiction. He would be a terrible father if he smokes around you when you are pregnant, or your child. At a medical level his addiction could ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but feel totally out of my depth with his drug & debt problem, what should I do?
Q. Hi I just dont know what to do. Iv been seeing this guy for a few weeks and we decided to become a couple two weeks ago. His a really nice guy with a great sense of humor, a good job and generally treats me like a princess. He told me he h...
A. 5 November 2010: I have worked with families affected by drug addiction in the past. It is a terrible thing to be an addict, but far worse for the relatives and friends at the sidelines worrying themselves sick. Drug addicts can be terrible liars, thieves and ... (read in full...)
He only wants sex, but I want to be friends!
Q. Dear all I am a 26 bi male and I haven’t been in any relation with a guy for many reasons. Anyway, lately I met a 33 years old guy online. We didn’t talked too much and he asked me to get naked on cam (I felt strange from his question but I did it a...
A. 5 November 2010: I don't think this guy is looking for friendship if he invites you to cybersex webcam sessions. I think you already know this and should go with your instincts. Only meet him if you are prepared for a sexual experience to occur. If you meet him, do ... (read in full...)
Should I take the morning after pill to stop my period when I go on holiday?
Q. This is a bit of an embarassing situation... ok, i have really heavy periods which means that my next period will be due when i go on holiday in four weeks time! or at least, i think it will be as my period should end by next monday. i was wondering ...
A. 2 November 2010: You could take progesterone tablets which will delay your period. The alternative route would be to take a combined contraceptive pill - two packs consecutively. You may have left it too late for the second option but if you see a doctor quickly it ... (read in full...)
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