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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Sex for the very first time
Q. i am going to have sex for the first time tomorrow but am scared that his penis will not fit in me :S hellp please? what should i do ? ...
A. 9 August 2010: I don't think you are really worried about the anatomical issues at all. I think you are worried about having sex full-stop, and quite rightly too. Most people are nervous and anxious. The fact is that your brain is telling you to wait until you are ... (read in full...)
AIDS from Orla Sex?
Q. can u get aids from blowjob...
A. 9 August 2010: Technically it is possible to transmit HIV Type 1 or Type 2 through oral sex. However, it is less likely than through intercourse. You cannot give someone AIDS as that is the end-stage disease that arises from having the HIV virus in your body. ... (read in full...)
Was he just playing me the whole time?
Q. i started seeing this guy who i met online who is 10 yrs younger then i am. So i kinda knew right of the bat that nothing serious would come of it. He started out texting me all throughout the day and questioned why i was not texting him all the ...
A. 9 August 2010: This is a very messed up situation that is going no where fast. He made it clear from his behaviour that it was just a sexual fling for him. The holiday was just a bonus. He was always on the look-out for other women, and there can be no guarantee ... (read in full...)
I am pretty sure my mom is cheating on my dad, what do I do?
Q. Okay, hi Im 14 years old and I have a question. My mother and fathr have been together about 18yrs now. Last year, my mom been really acting weird and everytime when she has a phone call she looks at the number and sometimes won't answer it. One ...
A. 8 August 2010: It would be very bad to tell your father anything about what is going on at home. Stress and anxiety is the last thing he needs after his recent health problems. The fact is that you don't know for sure that your mother is having an affair. The man ... (read in full...)
Sex painful after an abortion?
Q. Is it normal for sex to be so painful after having an abortion??...
A. 8 August 2010: You should delay sexual relations for at least one month after the procedure (your doctor should have advised you on this depending on the type of abortion you have). If you are taking antibiotics, the contraceptive pill may not work for you (if you ... (read in full...)
Would my lady friend be upset if she found out I went to female massage therapist?
Q. I am talking to a nice lady who is a few years younger than me, and we are just casual friends. I have gone to a female massage therapist, for my back. While this massage therapist is very pretty and sexy to, it is strictly on a professional basis. ...
A. 8 August 2010: If she thinks you are going to a health professional for services then it would probably be no problem. If she mistakes 'massage therapist' for a prostitute working in a brothel that calls itself a 'massage parlour' then she may get very upset. If ... (read in full...)
Should I put off having another baby until I finish my course?
Q. I'm 24, I'm thinking of going to uni in sept to further my education, which i think is the best for future employment, the course is 3 years long, i really want another baby with my bf, we have a really good relationship, and i want my 3 year old ...
A. 7 August 2010: Doing a university course is a big commitment. You may qualify for childcare grants while you study, but having a new baby at home with exams and coursework deadlines will exhaust you. You are quite young so time is probably not a big concern, and ... (read in full...)
He wont sleep with me, I don't know why
Q. Mod Note, Your chosen title has already been used before, so i've had to give you a different one. So when my daughter was born not 2 long ago she was extremely sick it took a month just 2 bring her home but when she got home we realized that she...
A. 7 August 2010: Fatigue, giving you space after childbirth, busy lives, fear of making another baby quickly...it all gets in the way of romance. I don't think sleeping in the same bed is such a big deal - you will only get things back on track if you put the effort ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left me after my abortion..
Q. Hi, i got pregnant, and had to do an abortion because of medical problems and also my boyfriend didn't wanted to be a father. He told me he wasn't prepared. But having so much problems because of my health and a father that didn't wanted the baby, ...
A. 7 August 2010: You have both been through a traumatic situation. Your boyfriend and his conduct makes it clear he wasn't ready to be a supportive partner or a father to a child. I suggest that you forget about him because the relationship is not going anywhere. He ... (read in full...)
Why would she choose to display such photos?
Q. Hi, I recently met an ex and we got on very well. She is still the same great person from back then. I suspected she was not very happy with her partner/kids..from the way she described them. When we were a couple she was very pretty (BTW ...
A. 7 August 2010: It is entirely possible that she is feeling low. By publishing unflattering pictures of herself it just reflects her low mood and lack of interest in appearance issues. The other explanation is that her life is so full of more meaningful pursuits ... (read in full...)
Acne, scars and what can I do?
Q. Im thirteen and I had ok skin untill a few months ago when I just broke out all over my forehead. I know it's puberty but in the mean time what can I do to keep it manageable? I've tried "clean and clear" the pimples ar a LOT smaller but there's ...
A. 6 August 2010: Unfortunately it is just a side-effect of puberty. There are lots of things you shouldn't do. Firstly, don't use scented products (soaps etc) or any of those teenage pimple lotions and potions that are marketed. Most of them don't work and they can ... (read in full...)
Pregnant from blow jobs?
Q. I'm wondering if you can get pregnante through blow jobs exetra.Is that possible ???...
A. 6 August 2010: The only certain way to get pregnant is from intercourse, or any other activity where live sperm come into contact with your vagina (assuming you are not using hormonal contraception). The fact that you are asking this question suggests that you are ... (read in full...)
EWW!! Brownish goo??
Q. okay so this is going to sound really weird and gross but im not sure about this so.. im on birth control so when i get my periods theyre light. but this month ive missed my period but there is like brownish goo? and its just on/in my "girl part" ...
A. 6 August 2010: First of all, don't panic. It is probably a little discharge from your uterus...the brown colour is sometimes associated with old blood. However, you can get brown discharge with other types of infection too. It might be a urinary tract infection ... (read in full...)
I'm living with a rude total stranger!
Q. Hello Everyone. I'm totally at my witts end and confused about what to do. I feel like my head is going to explode. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years odd now, we moved in together after a perfect 6-7 weeks together...Now I know ev...
A. 6 August 2010: What to do? This is the easiest question I have ever had to answer on this website. The answer is 'leave him'. Before you pack your bags, take a trip to the citizens advice bureau to get help on your joint financial obligations. Basically things ... (read in full...)
Baby resents nanny when passed on to her
Q. Dear all , I need some advice about my nanny. I have a one year old baby girl and i work everyday from 8-2 .. so she is left at home with the nanny who cleans at the same time .. She has a day off at friday .. To be honest I have never seen any...
A. 6 August 2010: Your child is at a developmental stage where she may have associated 'being passed to the nanny' with you leaving the family home to a long time. If she cries upon maternal separation, that is totally normal...I would be more concerned if she didn't ... (read in full...)
How do I stop myself goin back :'(
Q. Mods note..OP's own Title: Me and this boy used to like eachother (well apparently he did) but he got freaked thinkin i wanna relationship cuz he only wants some fun, so i decided i want to carry on having fun with him, ive told him before and we e...
A. 4 August 2010: To borrow that cliche, 'He is just not that into you!'. You need to leave him alone because your emotions are all tangled up over a boy who doesn't deserve you. For him he was just looking for a friends-with benefits arrangement (i.e. no strings ... (read in full...)
I'm not a virgin but I want a virgin wife
Q. Okay, so... I have been very active in my life, more so than most people. I put it down to my confidence levels but many put it down to me being an ass. Except for this I'm always good, never harm anything or anyone and any chance I get I help ...
A. 4 August 2010: Confused guy...you are confused about what it is to be intelligent. High Mensa scores mean you are good at specific cognitive tests, it says little about your overall intellectual ability. Confidence is attractive in small portions. If you ... (read in full...)
Slowly going crazy with guilt!!!
Q. *OP Title* This is a bit of a mess. I recently married my boyfriend (now husband) of 8 years. We are so happy and I love him so much and I know he loves me too. Ever since we got engaged I have been thinking about a mistake I made in the first 3 w...
A. 3 August 2010: It happened a long time ago and we all make mistakes. Your regret means it won't happen again. Enjoy your relationship now, and put the past in the past where it belongs. If you tell him then he may be upset for no good reason.... (read in full...)
Is there any way of making a name for yourself in the job market without a degree?
Q. This is not a question on relationships but I am still looking for some advice/guidance from the older working generation! I'm currently 2 years into a 4 year course studying Mathematics at Edinburgh University. Before this my CV was building up ...
A. 3 August 2010: It is clear that you have academic potential from your A'level results, but perhaps you have just picked the wrong subject for your degree. Of course you can drop out and try to get a job, but it maybe a struggle to find an employer to take you on ... (read in full...)
The celebrity I'm dating constantly bugs me for money!
Q. (OP's suggested title) I'm a model who is dating a celebrity (I'll call him Tyrone), most people call him a hasbeen or say his career is over... why? Because he hasn't been a star of a movie in nearly 17years. We met on Facebook and we clicked ...
A. 1 August 2010: You don't love Tyrone, you are in love with dating a famous person. Tyrone is using you for money. Tyrone maybe a leech, but he is only a leech because you let him be. If he has been successful in acting, he will have learned how to sweet-talk ... (read in full...)
Why is this married man even speaking to me??
Q. Married man in his 40s likes me? I'm a 15 year old girl and this married man has been chatting with me since last month. It all started with giving him pics of me in my bra and undie. Further more, I've showed myself on cam, but never nude. He ...
A. 1 August 2010: He speaks to you because he is a predatory paedophile who is on the internet looking for victims. I used to work in child protection and sadly I have heard of many similar cases. Don't be flattered by his attentions. He may make you feel special and ... (read in full...)
Need help and advice regarding my life...
Q. i really need advice here. whats wrong with me. at work i work extremely hard, have never been ill yet am constantly berated and despised by colleagues. its got so bad ive had to change teams twice now because it was getting to me so badly. i am a ...
A. 1 August 2010: Unfortunately you have adopted a 'learned helplessness' victim mentality regarding the situation that you have got into. It is time to take control because your life is only a 'mess' if you let it be. You say you are nice and obliging, but as the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says "I'm more into my friends than you"! Should I dump him?
Q. Hi, I've been dating this guy for almost 1 year. We started having safe sex then unprotected , since Im putting myself at risk for std etc... I decided to play a trick on him by telling him I'm pregnant just to see how he wud react. His words were " ...
A. 1 August 2010: Happy relationships require mutual respect, honesty and a degree of maturity. Neither of you seem to be demonstrating any of those qualities...so yes, dump him...for both your sakes. You really shouldn't have told him you were pregnant when you knew ... (read in full...)
I am not convinced why he wants to break up with me
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me saying that we don't see things eye to eye. I have a 4 year old son, not with him. He feels bothered when my son acts up at the dinner table and wants to walk around. He believes children should be seen, not heard. My ...
A. 31 July 2010: I suspect you are from the same school of parenting as myself. You cannot have too many expectations for attention span from a four year old. Ten minutes at the dinner table would be a world record for my little boy! I am sorry to say that this ... (read in full...)
Have I found my perfect partner too young?
Q. I'm in a fantastic relationship at University. My girlfriend is as nice, attractive, good looking, healthy and trustworthy as I could hope for. There is no doubt in my mind that she is totally in love with me, she seems to be my number 1 fan, and ...
A. 29 July 2010: If this girl is your perfect partner then keep hold of her, fortune may not strike again. If you are both committed to the relationship then there is no reason why you cannot both do your own thing for a while. The distance will be a test of the ... (read in full...)
Help I'm being bullied...
Q. I am nineteen and I live in England. I go to college here and in September I'm starting again. I love it there and I have some good friends but there's this lad in my class who is gay and he constantly makes my life hell he even smacked me with ...
A. 27 July 2010: Bullies are weak individual's who feel badly about themselves. They identify people who stand out (usually for some good reason such as looks, intellect etc). Picking on these people makes them feel better as it helps to divert attention from their ... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my crazy neighbor?
Q. why is he (my neighbour) a complete psycho ok guys heres my story . i have a nasty neighbour who shouts abuse and like intimidates , bad mouths me and my family . it all began before i was born . basically he was rascist towards are ind...
A. 26 July 2010: Hello, the law enforcement agencies should take an allegation of racially motivated harassment very seriously. Your family could go to court to seek an injunction against this man coming onto your land or approaching any of your family members. He ... (read in full...)
We're trying for a baby...what do you think? Could I be pregnant?
Q. PLEASE NOTE: i have submitted this question previously but it seems my question was misinterperted by readers as they seem to have made the focus on my age, as i made a mistake by not making it obvious that i am NOT 16-17, i am 20, as this is my ...
A. 26 July 2010: It can take up to a year for a healthy couple to conceive a baby. If your cycle is not regular then you should see a doctor as there maybe a hormonal reason why this is the case. If your progesterone levels are low then it will affect your chances ... (read in full...)
Did my friend say something to my boyfriend to make him change his mind about me?
Q. A few weeks ago my friend shane told me that he fancied me and then last monday he asked me out. he told my friends that he loved me and everything and when we were together we were always hugging in a romantic way. but a few girls started to get a ...
A. 26 July 2010: So he 'loved' you on Monday but not by the end of the week...ahhh teenage boys have the attention span of a goldfish when it comes to romance. He is a coward if he is dumping you by note. If your friend did say something to him, he is weak if he ... (read in full...)
Sexual emails to ex could come back and hit me in the face
Q. ok here my prob i sent some sexual emails to my ex boyfriend now he might use them against me by showing them to my parents etc which also can be used in court. reason why im saying in court because i'm pregant and he doesnt want to pay money tow...
A. 26 July 2010: I don't see how he could use this against you in court. I wouldn't worry about your parents. They must have had sex at least once to have you! If he started bothering them with sexual material then it could be construed as harassment by the police. ... (read in full...)
Wife's weight is becoming an issue...
Q. I'm having a hard time figuring out what, if anything, to do or say about the situation with my wife and her weight. We're in our mid to late 30s. When we met about 5 years ago, we were well-matched. Both around the same height (I'm 5'9", she's...
A. 26 July 2010: It is good news that you have lost weight and quit cigarettes. You should be proud of yourself for having the self discipline. However, women's bodies do change after they have babies and it can be hard to lose the excess. From experience I put on ... (read in full...)
Is he just taking me for a mug???
Q. Hey everyone i need help my partner and i been together for 3 years, hes stolen money of me 3 times and I caught him using my credit card. i got angry with him when he did ths before and he promised he wouldnt do it. He then stole money from my ...
A. 25 July 2010: You don't need help with your 'partner'...you need help for yourself. He is not a partner as that suggests this is a proper relationship. You are allowing this man to abuse your trust and you keep taking him back. You are being a doormat for him to ... (read in full...)
Relationship failing because of my step-son.
Q. I have been dating this guy for four years now. We have a chld together and one on the way. We both had son's before we got together. I have tried to get along with his son, but have found it impossible. His son is a lot older than mine and he is ...
A. 25 July 2010: This is a problem for your boyfriend to correct. I can understand why this boy may resent you - he may blame you and your children for the break up of the previous family home. This is wrong, but in his eyes you are probably the wicked step mother. ... (read in full...)
If your not in love with somebody you're pregnant by, should you keep the baby?
Q. If your not in love with somebody you're pregnant by, should you keep the baby? ...
A. 25 July 2010: A mother's love for a child cannot really be described to someone who is not a parent. It is a truly unique bond and many women start to love their babies as they grow in the womb. I certainly did, but I couldn't have know this before I had my ... (read in full...)
She cries herself to sleep. I don't know how to help.
Q. My mom has been talking to this guy for months on this christian dating site, the other night he asked her some personal questions, and was talking dirty to her! She just recently got a divorce from my step-dad of 10 years, she's cried herself to ...
A. 25 July 2010: It sounds like your mother is very depressed. She needs to see a doctor for a clinical assessment. Perhaps you could coax her to go, and attend with her for support. I think she should definitely leave the murky world of internet dating alone until ... (read in full...)
How to meet and date when I'm overweight and underconfident?
Q. I am looking for advice please, about meeting and dating girls. I am very overweight, and sometimes can be very underconfident. I know it is possible that my weight won't put someone off, as I have been in a relationship, but now I am uncertain a...
A. 25 July 2010: Well I would like to state the obvious...lose weight. But not for your romantic chances, do it for your health. As you get older and your metabolism slows down then you will find it harder to get your weight down and maintain it. It is better to ... (read in full...)
Not sure if I want to get her pregnant, but the clock is ticking
Q. I'm in a real predicament. I am recently divorced, and have a new GF that I am in love with and plan on marrying if all continues to go well. Well, we are middle age (40), and she has never had children and really wants to. So do I, but I also ...
A. 25 July 2010: Hello, at 40 your partner may need some extra fertility related help to get pregnant. Any pregnancy over the age of 35 is considered risky in medical terms but it doesn't mean she cannot conceive and have a healthy baby. You mention that her HPV was ... (read in full...)
I have problems with sustaining normal relationships...
Q. Ok well... For the past few years ive been dating differnt men and i always seem to fall for the ones who are no good for me. When i say this i mean players, cheaters etc etc your typical "bad boys". From doing a lot of soul searching within...
A. 25 July 2010: It looks like you have found yourself a winner. Regardless of your childhood experiences, it is the here and now that requires the focus of your attention. There is no reason why you cannot go out with your friend's and be a party-girl. Just know ... (read in full...)
How can I get birth control without my parents knowing?
Q. how can i get on birth control if i dont wnat my parents to find out i have had sex? they are strong lutherans and if they find out im not a virgin, ill be screwed. but on the other hand, if they find out im pregnant, ill be kicked out. how can i ...
A. 25 July 2010: Medical ethics prevents doctors from discussing your consultation with anyone else. However, some may refuse to consult with you without parental consent depending on the rules and regulations in your State for age. Pick up the phone and call a few ... (read in full...)
I'm big but can't get anything!
Q. Im a 20 year old guy, who has just never been lucky in the dating department. I dont know why, Im not overly attractive but Im not ugly either. And its not like Im not gifted down stairs either. Most girls would love an 8 inch long penis thats 6 ...
A. 25 July 2010: The reason why you have never dated is because you think it is all about sex, and the size of your manhood. Frankly that is an after-thought for most women. You have to focus on your personality and conversation skills as being interesting, ... (read in full...)
Friends or more? Maybe one day,maybe not??
Q. Good Morning all! I will condense this as best as possible so as not to bore the hell out of readers! I am 43,divorced with kids,believe it or not,I am honest and genuine. Anyhow,I have met this wonderful woman through a dating site,just chatti...
A. 24 July 2010: You sound like a really nice, normal person. Obviously you must be bright enough to figure out that a lot of people use internet dating as a way to have casual sex, or because they are emotionally troubled and therefore unable to find partners in ... (read in full...)
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