| A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: Hello agony aunts, I broke up with my boyfriend about 1 month ago we didn't talk for 2 weeks and he was already dating and talking to other girls (I saw him in the university with them), he came back to me again and told me that he wants me back. I gave him another chance and I brought up the topic of the girls he talked to when we were broken up. He told me he was feeling sad and wanted a rebound, but he also told me that he told 3 other girls that he likes them. I was a bit angry but I told myself that we weren't together and he didn't do that while we are still in a relationship, so I just ignored it and thought that he only wanted a rebound with them. Yesterday he told me that he apologized to one of those girls (that he told that he likes her) because he thought that telling her that likes her and then ghosting her suddenly was rude. He also told her that he wants to remain friends if that's possible. He sent me a screenshot and I was so mad because he's telling a girl that he lied to that he likes her to remain friends, while we are both back in the relationship! He noticed my angry reaction and sent that girl a message that he doesn't want to be friends and blocked her. I got even more mad because he only did that because of my reaction and not because he thinks it's wrong and that he's playing with that girl's feelings. He tried to call me and text me from his brother's phone but what's even more crazy is that he only wanted to give excuses and wanted to prove me that I only misunderstood. He told me that he wants to explain and then he wants to block me, as if he's trying not to be the bad person here, he didn't even apologize! I got sick and I blocked him, and told him that it's over. Did I do the right thing? Or did I overreact?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (18 January 2020):
 So you got angry when he wanted to be friends and then you got angry when he blocked her... Wait... What?! So you wanted him to do it but out of his own free will, without you influencing him? I suppose that's it? I don't know, this seems like a game that the two of you are playing with all the back and forth. From breaking up, to getting back together and everything inbetween. I'm surprised that you guys have the time to even play these games. You guys broke up. He went and had some flings. Told a bit of lies. Came running back. Tried to keep his rebounds as friends. Then tried to cut them loose, for you. Ultimately, he done what you inherently wanted right? Do the reasons behind it really matter? Obviously he's been very manipulative over these months, manipulation is to be expected.
He is doing damage control right now because he kind of bit off more than he can chew by running around for a while and then Running right back to you. He probably didn't expect that it would work and he would still like to appear to be a good guy to everyone involved. You have to understand that he done what he done and it's the past. That's how some people get over someone; by getting under someone else... Which isn't necessarily right but that's what it is.
Now, the two of you seem so incompatible and perhaps there is some maturity that is lacking in this situation but I'd advise that the two of you break up for good. It just doesn't seem worth it and there will always be something to fight about. You will never be okay with it and you will probably never see him in the same way again and it will be a whole juggling act from here on out. A struggle between what's allowed to stay in the past and what has to be dragged into the present because it will affect your future. It doesn't seem worth it to me. There is a reason why the two of you broke up, and perhaps the two of you should have remained exes. It's for the best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): When you've got nothing better to do, put on your sweats; and pour yourself a glass of wine. Read this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
Don't let him mess with your head with mind-games. I'm not choosing sides. I'm just trying to teach you something.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2020): Sorry, sweetheart! There's so much immaturity going-on between you two; and it seems the relationship was on its last-legs anyway.
You don't use breaking-up as a remedy; unless you plan to stick to it. It's a final-solution; not a temporary-ceasefire, until you're not mad anymore. Then arbitrarily decide lets talk and make up. Breaking-up is not to be used as a form of psychological-warfare; because it always backfires when you can't stand-by your decision. When you try to undo it, keep in-mind that nothing has really changed. You're just reopening something that was never really resolved. Changing your mind for all the wrong reasons; that being indecision, jealousy, fear of loneliness, and scornfulness.
If things were so bad that you had to end it; then second-guessing yourself is your problem. Not his!
You only took him back, because you heard he was already dating. He made it blatantly-obvious he was on the rebound; and knew the message would get back to you that he was already on the market. Nothing but a stupid mind-game! You caught wind of it, and suddenly the reason you broke-up no longer matters. "All is now forgiven, come home!" This is how the cycle of makeup and breakup starts. Drama and nonsense!
Like you, those other females aren't going to just sit-back and be played. He wasn't expecting a sudden-reconciliation; so he has some cleanup and repairs to make after his little man-whoring mission. Either he fixed it, or there would be hell to pay, and payback is a b@t&h!!! The first thing they would do is get to you; and release all the dirty-details! That's what you set yourself up for, BTW!
You didn't really want him back anyway; you just didn't like the nerve and the gall that he'd be running-around with other females so soon! You have an image and a reputation to protect. All your friends and people who know you both!
Hello...who cares what others think? It's between him and you! He was happy to be loose! He behaved like a dog when you leave the gate open!
There was a lesson to be learned. Breakup, and mean it!!! What he is doing, and who he's doing it with? After the breakup, that is none of your business! What you're doing is none of his.
Now delete all his messages! Block him on social media, stop trying to call him, don't take unidentified-calls, or calls from his brother's number.
Finish what YOU have started! You broke-up. The end!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (16 January 2020):
 So much drama!
Stay broken up. You two are not a good fit. You expect him to know YOUR personal rules and standards and when he doesn't you get angry, and when he then tries to rectify his actions you get mad again because they were NOT what you expected him to do.
OP, you can't control his thoughts. He can't READ your mind.
He thought HE was doing the "nicer" thing to this other girl but you read WAY more into it. Of course he wasn't look to be her next BEST friend and SHE probably would have told him to go piss upwind, so the offer of friendship was an empty one, he just didn't WANT her to be mad at him either.
And like YouWish said, you don't have any right to dictate what a EX can do or not do. You two broke up. He used OTHER girls to try and get over you, THAT was HIS way of dealing with the break up.
This whole this in a storm in a teacup, if you break up, STAY broken up from someone, this back and forth. Off and ON rarely works out. And... it's a little childish to block your BF when you get mad.
That is not how you solve an issue.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 January 2020):
 You don't understand:
When you break up with someone, it's a NUCLEAR event, meaning you ENDED your relationship. He's free to go have sex with 40 girls within 24 hours of you breaking up with him and you don't have the right to say squat! You don't use a breakup to express anger and expect that he's going to be faithful to you. If you want to keep a relationship when you cool off, you don't break up!
My suggestion now is to keep him blocked and STOP talking to him. If you break up with someone, then follow through with it and stop playing yo-yo. Never break up unless you are sure you never want to get back together.
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