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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I have met someone else but husband won't split up the family
Q. What happens when you are in a marriage with 3 kids and it is not working and no matter how hard you try to talk things through you just can not get through,. He says change my thinking and we will be fine. I can not turn on love in my head as he ...
A. 9 June 2009: I wouldn't trust being with a woman who's about to leave her husband, reason being, I wouldn't want to be with her when she's sleeping with someone else about to leave me.
True love is ultimately a choice, not a feeling. Look at your kids, they make... (read in full...)
He still wants to have sex, but not live together, is he using God as an excuse?
Q. My boyfriend and i have been together for almost 4 years and have been living together for 3. I don't know how to define a ''good'' relationship, i'd say it is, with the occasional arguements of course. We're both 21. Recently he's gone through a ...
A. 9 June 2009: It's angering you, but are you being truthful with how you feel, or making it seem as if you're accepting this excuse? I suggest you don't give any more sex. Doing so is playing into his reasoning. If he's reborn, than no sex before marriage has to ... (read in full...)
I go to swingers' parties alone and it can mess up my marriage if it's found out!
Q. Although I love my husband dearly and he is the best father to our two children, he doesn't satisfy me sexually. My biggest fantasy was to have sex with many different men. Finally I brought up the idea of bringing in a partner. I even said he ...
A. 9 June 2009: He didn't accept his wife cheating. That's his right. Just as you claim to be entitled to the pleasure, he's entitled to the truth. Taking your entitlement, while denying his, is narcissistic to say the least.
So, although you may not appr... (read in full...)
He was a multiple cheater, we broke up, I insulted him, but feel I could forgive him, why?
Q. Why am I still finding it hard to forgive myself and still blaming myself for the failed relationship since 2months with my boyfriend? A summary of what led it, was he had cheated before, but we settled it and lack of time and the way he treated m...
A. 5 June 2009: Why is he missing these appointments? It shows he really didn't respect you. Wanting you when it's convenient for him, but not for you. Really, what kind of relationship is that. When I'm with someone and say I will be somewhere, I make sure I am. ... (read in full...)
I go to swingers' parties alone and it can mess up my marriage if it's found out!
Q. Although I love my husband dearly and he is the best father to our two children, he doesn't satisfy me sexually. My biggest fantasy was to have sex with many different men. Finally I brought up the idea of bringing in a partner. I even said he ...
A. 5 June 2009: If you've done nothing wrong, your husband wouldn't be hurt by your behavior. My 15 year old daughter says, "If you're mature enough to cheat with 20 different guys, you have to be mature enough to tell your husband." Adultery is adultery, why you ... (read in full...)
He had a foursome before we were dating, I'm scared this can reocurr after we get married!
Q. This is really bothering me... I'm 28, Been in a relationship with this guy for almost 2 years, he is great but sometimes its like i dont know him at all!! Before me he had a very ugly break up with a girl that had cheated on him a couple of times. ...
A. 5 June 2009: It happened before you dated. I don't think this will reoccurr. He's marrying you, so this situation is different than the army thing. People do things that they're not proud of when younger. I have 4 children, I'm a single parent, doing some crazy ... (read in full...)
I go to swingers' parties alone and it can mess up my marriage if it's found out!
Q. Although I love my husband dearly and he is the best father to our two children, he doesn't satisfy me sexually. My biggest fantasy was to have sex with many different men. Finally I brought up the idea of bringing in a partner. I even said he ...
A. 5 June 2009: You won't like my answer.....The truth will set you free. I'm being serious. You made a commitment to your husband, which did not include all these other men. You mentioned you don't want to hurt anyone. It's simple, don't do something which might ... (read in full...)
He was a multiple cheater, we broke up, I insulted him, but feel I could forgive him, why?
Q. Why am I still finding it hard to forgive myself and still blaming myself for the failed relationship since 2months with my boyfriend? A summary of what led it, was he had cheated before, but we settled it and lack of time and the way he treated m...
A. 4 June 2009: First break this down to what he did in one category and what you did in the other. They are separate. You chose to forgive me, but that choice doesn't obligate him to forgive you, which is a choice as well.
So, he cheated on you, but not mult... (read in full...)
My ex is happy now, and I'm a loser
Q. whats wrong with me. i hate myself for writing this but its driving me insane. about 6 years ago i finished with my ex boyfriend-i just felt like he didnt care about me at all we had a house together-he took it out in his name but we were ...
A. 3 June 2009: You're not a loser, you got rid of who was. You made your choice with your ex, he's made his. Your life took a negative turn, his went in a separate direction. This separate direction is one that it seems as if that's where you would have liked to ... (read in full...)
She wants a break..am I wrong by constantly wanting to contact her?
Q. I've been in a relationship for the past four years with a woman I am madly in love with. We have had some rough times before, like all relations, but we managed to get past them. I graduated from College last May. Since then I have been trying...
A. 3 June 2009: Think of this for a moment. Where do most feelings come from? (1) The desire to be loved, (2) The fear of loosing love.
Your contacting her all the time is pushing her away. Think of it from her side, "If he can't respect my time, he doesn't ... (read in full...)
He never seemed to care but now he's treating me like I'm a whore!
Q. My storyy starts with my boyfriend who never seems to care about w,e i do … Ive told him thousands of times that i am extremely jealous and tht im too afraid of loosing him.. He always said tht he trusted me and that he doesnt really mind anything, ...
A. 2 June 2009: So, he says it's okay and you do it? That's not okay. Apparently he cares about you, that's why he got upset. On the other end, it seems as if he may not be being honest with his dealings, therefore setting you up for the blame, instead accepting ... (read in full...)
Why do all the girls cheat on me?
Q. So I just found out my girlfriend is cheating on me. This has become a pattern. Every girlfriend I've ever had ended up sleeping with someone else. Right now I'm finding it difficult to trust women. My best friend says I need to go out and be a ...
A. 2 June 2009: First, I want you to really take some time off from dating. This is because being cheated on can really change your view, trust, and jealousy in relationships. This has become a pattern, but when someone cheats it's an act they do, don't blame ... (read in full...)
What happened and how do I make it happen again?
Q. I'm lesbian used to be able to cum with ease now can't cum at all why would I stop being able to cum for no reason ???...
A. 2 June 2009: Look at stresses in your life. Life is all about balance. This is embarrassing, but gives reason how stresses can cause this dysfunction. Although men and women are different, stress can have similar effects. Last year I couldn't either, in fact, if ... (read in full...)
He falls asleep before I'm done!
Q. Dear Cupid, My fiance' has fallen asleep several times while stimulating my clitorous, leaving me frustrated and angry. No matter how tired I am, if I start a hand job or blow job, even if he has to help me finish, I don't stop till he gets off...
A. 2 June 2009: Start earlier. While stimulating, does he fall asleep with his head in between your legs, or is his falling asleep not during oral stimulation?
You should start working through the abuse issues, which can increase your pleasure during stim... (read in full...)
Molested as a child and she is not open about sex, strain on relationship, any advice is appreciated?
Q. I've been dating my gf for 6 months and she told me about her childhood molestation 2 months into our relationship. She's very shy about sex and would not let me do oral on her...so I've not pushed her and gave her as much time as she needs. I'm not ...
A. 2 June 2009: has she been in therapy before, which may give reason for her not wanting to try again? Other than the oral sex, are you two engaging in sex? If anything, does she say, or hint to this issue, and what she wants to do about it?... (read in full...)
I'm not a whore... so what is my problem?
Q. Okay, so I'm 14 and I have a huge problem. I'm a flirt. I know it, everyone knows it. There's this cycle I go thru with almost every single guy I've known. 1. I get their number 2. We text and flirt 3. I send pics 4. He stops talking It'...
A. 2 June 2009: First of all, let's clear up a little confusion with your post. These pictures you send them are with cloths on, correct?
I'm sure you know, there are many sites out there where guys and girls contact each other on the internet, they flirt, a... (read in full...)
Wife and kids are upset with me, how do I fix it?
Q. My wife and I of 16 hard years have split apart for third time. once almost a year ago, about 4-5 years before then and a few probs way back when. She left the other day with the kids. neither her or the kids will speak to me. I know I am more at ...
A. 2 June 2009: You're welcome. If given another chance with your wife, remember to say, "I'm Sorry" and ask her "Will you forgive me?" There is such power in true forgiveness. The real power will come from you forgiving yourself also. You can't erase the lost ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to help my depressed son
Q. My son is very depressed,and I don't know how can I help him. He was doing drugs before, and We let him move home,as he was in a very bad shape,and he wanted to get better. Now he is much healthier, but he gets really angry, as deep down he is ...
A. 1 June 2009: He's reaching out for help, this is a start, and it's also reason telling him to just leave at this point is premature. I'm all for "tough love". You're right, he would revert to the same behavior, because he doesn't see his life as being worth more ... (read in full...)
Wife and kids are upset with me, how do I fix it?
Q. My wife and I of 16 hard years have split apart for third time. once almost a year ago, about 4-5 years before then and a few probs way back when. She left the other day with the kids. neither her or the kids will speak to me. I know I am more at ...
A. 1 June 2009: You talk about wanting to make her happy, but then you talk about business and "growing your income." Money cannot create happiness, nor is it generally a major factor in a failing marriage. I had the thought you did at one time. I was married, ... (read in full...)
Partner had an emotional affair 2 years ago but still talks to the girl
Q. my partner had an emotional affair 2 years ago, but still talks to the girl via email despite my repeated requests for it two stop. my partner told me that it is no longer a romantic relationship and finds it hard to end it as the girl has problems ...
A. 29 May 2009: He needs to cut the crap, so to speak. It's sad, but honest to say that she may have problems, but why should her problems create problems for your relationship? He's giving you excuses to justify his behavior. Not okay. Keeping contact with this ... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you stop liking a girl if she was stupid?
Q. guys,would you still like a girl(now you like her a lot) that got just a bit lower grades at an exam than you did?and you know she did better than you at every contest you went at?would you consider her stupid and stop liking her?would this stop you ...
A. 18 May 2009: NO. That's seeing liking someone as a competition. It's not. Two individuals have strengths and weaknesses, but together they find strength in each other.... (read in full...)
Why was I wrong to entice older men?
Q. I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. ...
A. 15 May 2009: Age of consent is in place for a reason. Just because you feel you could consent at 13, doesn't mean the law has to bend on each individual circumstance. If I can drive better than you after 3 beers, should the law change because of personal ... (read in full...)
Why was I wrong to entice older men?
Q. I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. ...
A. 14 May 2009: I'd agree not all have "mental" consequences. In your defense as well, I've noticed more females being attracted to older men, due to their maturity level over teens of the same age. It's not secret that girls mature faster than boys, so they are ... (read in full...)
Why was I wrong to entice older men?
Q. I started having sex when I was 13, and every one of my partners were adult men. There was no coercion or force involved in any of them. I consented to the encounters, and I initiated the sex on each occasion. This did not negatively impact my life. ...
A. 13 May 2009: If you don't have doubt of whether it was right or wrong, why ask the question?
Lets image for a moment your encounter didn't turn out as planned. You do everything you stated, being safe, initiating the encounter etc. Someone finds out and it's... (read in full...)
I should have told my cousin that I'm in love with her...
Q. I know I will be judged for this, and I know that it will be difficult for some to try and think of this in an unbiased manner. But I wish to say in my defense three things: 1.) There is no law against a relationship of this type. 2.) The...
A. 13 May 2009: Let's begin by saying, you would not have said: "I know I will be judged for this, and I know that it will be difficult for some to try and think of this in an unbiased manner. But I wish to say in my defense", unless you had to a certain extent ... (read in full...)
My husband is very mean to me
Q. I have been married for 18 years and i am very frustrated and confused about my marriage. I love my husband but i am not in love with him anymore because of the way he treats me. He is the kind of person who punishes me when he does not get his way. ...
A. 1 May 2009: Ask yourself this. Is it appropriate for him to treat you less than you wish to be treated? I believe you're in charge of how others treat you and have the right to demand they treat you well.
As far as your daughter, she knows. She's not blind to w... (read in full...)
Homeless and depressed, how can I improve my lot in life?
Q. Hi everyine my name is Paul and ive been going through alot lately. Im not sure what to do. Right now im staying at a homeless shelter and im trying to get back on my feet. Its like i keep getting knocked down for some reason. I was currently ...
A. 29 April 2009: This is a tough world. Often it seems as if the cards are stacked against us. I would believe, even if he has material things, money may be tight. A friend of mine, and his wife have to take food stamps now. He has a good job, but can now only work ... (read in full...)
He dumped me, I went on a date, now we're back together but he keeps throwing it in my face!
Q. Here is my situation – my boyfriend and I live together and we each have one child from a previous marriage (ages 3 ½ and 2). We have been together for about a year and a half now. In September (prior to us moving in together – we moved in ...
A. 29 April 2009: I'm not going to say you're in the wrong to go out on a date with the other guy, but I feel your timing in doing so is part of the issues you're facing now. I just want to give you a bit of incite with how your boyfriend may be viewing this.
First... (read in full...)
I hate my dad because he cannot offer me the lavish lifestyle that has been my dream!
Q. hello dear cupid, i am 22 and i have a strange problem.... I hate my dad! i know he is my god and my caretaker...but still i hate him because he cannot offer me the lavish lifestyle that has been my dream although he has always provided me with the ...
A. 26 April 2009: I believe this individual is a child, and misstated their age. The way this had been written is not that of a 22 year old person.
What is your real age, and where are you from? What do you consider a lavish lifestyle? The problem I have with you... (read in full...)
Mental illness/trust issues
Q. I am looking for advice on what to do about a relationship which seems to have become very complicated due to mental illness/trust issues. The main thing is that I love him a lot and it would have been 8 years together this year and to me it see...
A. 26 April 2009: OCD is not associated with depression, but in its self can lead to it, but depression doesn't precede it. Not leaving the house for 3 months, with depressions sounds like "major depressive disorder"
To sleep with someone because of mental illn... (read in full...)
I have the worst luck with men
Q. I have the worst luck with men. All my relationships that mattered has been when I don't look and all of a sudden it comes. I get swept off my feet, fall head over heals for the man, never expecting anything from it all in the beginning. It's hard ...
A. 24 April 2009: You need to end it with married men. This was not a matter of having bad luck as it was making a bad choice. You show vulnerability in your question, and knowing that you knew there may be a chance for a relationship to grow to something more than ... (read in full...)
The cheating distance factor...
Q. My boyfriend lives in Illinois, and I live in California. We've been dating for a while now, without seeing each other, once. So it's officially long distance, without meeting in person :( And recently I found out he was cheating on me. I love him ...
A. 24 April 2009: re-review your relationship. a long distance relationship takes a great amount of restraint. there are temptations out there, locally. in order for a long distance relationship to work, those in it must be really into the relationship and treat is ... (read in full...)
Caught up with his X, but why did he act the way he did to me?
Q. Well, its a long story.. i met this man online. i live in another country where i work and study, while he is an expact working in my homeland. I visit my homeland every 2 to 3 months. and when i met him online i was already going to visit home ...
A. 23 April 2009: You're welcome. Take care and have a good trip back home. I'm happy for you that it's not a tumor. I had a friend this past month who was diagnosed with a tumor, and it turned out to only be an infection as well.
Take care.... (read in full...)
Caught up with his X, but why did he act the way he did to me?
Q. Well, its a long story.. i met this man online. i live in another country where i work and study, while he is an expact working in my homeland. I visit my homeland every 2 to 3 months. and when i met him online i was already going to visit home ...
A. 20 April 2009: I would say, you are both not ready for a serious relationship. You're both confused, and playing this on and off game. He is by the pain of his ex, which needs healed before gong into a relationship, and you by your confusion, and not meeting with ... (read in full...)
Why does he always prefer porn to me?
Q. I have been married to my 2nd husband now going on 18 years. In the beginning of the relationship we had a great sexual yearning for each other. We lived together for 2 years prior to marrying so 20 years altogether. This started about the year of ...
A. 20 April 2009: What would we do without porn? Husbands and wives would actually have to pay attention to the other one.
You're in a marriage, not a relationship where one hangs out where the other one gets off to "bad" actors. Your marriage needs revived.... (read in full...)
Is she a total slut? Or just desperate for attention?
Q. So I've been seeing this girl recently who I really like and who really like me back. We are in a semi-serious relationship in which we are pretty devoted to eachother but not entirely yet. I'm finding out increasingly that we may not be the best ...
A. 20 April 2009: I wouldn't say a slut, but I would say her behavior while in a relationship was not appropriate. You said she likes the night club scene, so she must also know her limits. If not, she needs to learn them before there is a gang bang, and you're not ... (read in full...)
We didn't break up because we didn't love each other, I want to get her back!
Q. just over a month ago my girlfriend of 15 months almost completely out of the blue dumped me. often she'd say how she wanted to be with me forever and never wanted me to leave her which i happily said i wouldn't. then she took part in our uni play ...
A. 18 April 2009: In these situations, I can't figure out why people end a relationship. Sure, first serious relationship, but in love and making each other happy. Why leave that for experience? Why end a happy relationship, for the unknown? Two people who are ... (read in full...)
I now find myself feeling unsatisifed with my relationship...
Q. Hey, I seem to be asking for advice again... Me and my fella have been together over a year now and last time I wrote in we were bickering a lot... Now that has calmed down a bit but I now find myself feeling unsatisifed with my relationship... When ...
A. 18 April 2009: You have fallen into repetition. Placing your relationship on autopilot, hoping it will steer in the right direction. What might be happening is he's showing you love how he feels loved, which may not be the same way you feel wanted and ... (read in full...)
How can I divorce my Gambling, cheating, pot smoking husband?
Q. I told my husband I wanted a divorce, as I was getting fed up of his constant gambling, smoking, drinking and cheating - and the fact he wouldn't work things out with me. He said he wants me and his other woman, and refuses to sign the divorce...
A. 18 April 2009: Why does he feel he can have you and the other women? And he demands this from you? I can't even begin to view from his side in how he feels this behavior is okay in a marriage.
Talk to a solicitor. Find out if they have "show for cause" divorce ... (read in full...)
He still mourns for her, even although she's been dead 5 years now.
Q. I need advice. My boyfriend was divorced from his wife for 20 years when she committed suicide. She had been re-married to another man for 10 of those years. She's been dead for 5 years yet my boyfriend still cries about her death sometimes as if ...
A. 18 April 2009: It seems as if he's not moving through the morning process. Some people, subconsciously, see moving on as disrespecting the person who passed away, so they block themselves from doing so. And the way she passed leaves unanswered questions, and the ... (read in full...)
Will I always be scared about having sex? Or will I outgrow this?
Q. I am an 18 year old female, still a virgin, but I'm scared to have sex. I was sexually harassed for 3 years by my father and I'm scared that I wont ever be able to trust a guy enough to have sex with them. Am I going to out grow this or am I going ...
A. 15 April 2009: I want you to write a letter to your dad, You don't have to send it, it's the process that counts. In this letter I want you to vent, "you did this, and this is what your actions did to me." Be detailed, get mad, let it all out. Then, in your heart, ... (read in full...)
Will I always be scared about having sex? Or will I outgrow this?
Q. I am an 18 year old female, still a virgin, but I'm scared to have sex. I was sexually harassed for 3 years by my father and I'm scared that I wont ever be able to trust a guy enough to have sex with them. Am I going to out grow this or am I going ...
A. 14 April 2009: First, be proud you did not let it go all the way. It is not at all acceptable what he did to you, but it happened. What is also not acceptable is allowing the actions of another person ruin your life or chance for happiness.
You can not control ... (read in full...)
Will I always be scared about having sex? Or will I outgrow this?
Q. I am an 18 year old female, still a virgin, but I'm scared to have sex. I was sexually harassed for 3 years by my father and I'm scared that I wont ever be able to trust a guy enough to have sex with them. Am I going to out grow this or am I going ...
A. 14 April 2009: OK, you're still a virgin. I know this must be embarrassing for you to talk about what happened. Since you're father did not penetrate, how far did this harassment go? Was there any physical contact or was it all verbal? If verbal, please include an ... (read in full...)
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