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female
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anonymous
writes: My son is very depressed,and I don't know how can I help him.He was doing drugs before, and We let him move home,as he was in a very bad shape,and he wanted to get better.Now he is much healthier, but he gets really angry, as deep down he is still a drug addict, he is getting some help, but I'm afraid, if We tell him to go, he will just go back to do the same thing, what can kill him.BUT HOW LONG CAN WE KEEP HIM AWAY FROM HIS OWN CHOICES?What can we do in this really bad situation?He is talking about his life as a mistake, what can we do for him? And we are so tired of this, and our life is a chaos, due to his condition.Many people says ,we need to tell him , to leave, and take responsibility for his life? What do you think? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): our nephew was sent to rehab 3 times and once out he went back to drugs but his parents never gave him on him. yes, there is a thing called tough love but sometimes we also just need to love. this last time has been better, so far so good for this youngster.
i know you are pained, you hurt for him and yet yo cannot effectively help him but you love him through all this chaos. realise that he is "sick" and this sickness is like a plague slowly eating away at him. yes he messed up, many times but maybe he is also trying yet he is incapable of helping himself.
if you have tried rehab please try again. it will be so easy to say leave him to his pwn devises but in life we still try 100% to fix other things that we also have no control over. so, how about trying for a little longer. he is your son, be glad he turned to you his parents instead to some junkie friends. he came to you, perhaps his "safe haven" . i know it is taking its toil on your family and that you are reaching the end of your tether
but i implore you, give him another chance. i have seen drugs destroy lives and it is sad for everyone.
if you want give your son a time line , perhaps 6 /9 mnths to "heal" and recover. try counselling for his depression. this young man is feeling like a failure and we as parents think we are failures too. this vicious cycle consumes us but we need to be strong and bond and try to fight back the only way we know / fight this addiction. be realistic/ see counselling/ make certain he doesn't have the old junkie friends to pull him down again and yes some tough love decisons but please give him another chance. if you tell him to go right now you are ensuring he is one step closer to his end. he can have choices once he is "healed", right now you make those choices for him.
good luck and please stay strong.
A
male
reader, rocknroll  +, writes (1 June 2009):
Well we cannot give up on our kids. I am happy that you are trying to help him. I am afraid that many of us pull threw it and some have a much rougher time. It boils down in part as to not having the appropriate tools to deal with life.
Getting him to psychoanalyst, and trying to dig up the root of the problem is key. Once you know the cause, then it is easier to offer him what he needs, and the settings to make it happen more easily.
Trying to have someone around him, available to him, to listen and possibly to interact when he needs a response, or just listening and making a journal so that brain storming can figure out how to help him through this and give him guidance so he sees he has a future is also very important.
I wish you all the best. This is tough on everyone, because we have not been trained or are prepared to handle such situation. May God be with you all through these tough times.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 June 2009):
 He's reaching out for help, this is a start, and it's also reason telling him to just leave at this point is premature. I'm all for "tough love". You're right, he would revert to the same behavior, because he doesn't see his life as being worth more than the mistakes he's made.
I'd recommend drug treatment, and agree that an residential treatment center may be beneficial. Also a full psychological exam. Quite a few drug users do so cause it self medicates for another issue.
Instead of picking at straws, he should sit down with a counselor who can analyze his situation and make recommendations to best treat these conditions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): You're in the midst of probably the toughest situation a parent can find themself in. Addiction is an incredibly difficult thing to treat. The smartest thing you can do is to research programs in your country. I'm familiar with quite a few in Canada through my work. Success rates vary. I'm sorry to tell you that the very best ones only hit 50%, but that's still a whole lot better than the rest.
If your son is genuinely willing to work at it, then find an excellent residential facility -- not a 30 day rehab, but a program that will keep him for six months or longer. Check our their record! But a good one will give your son a chance, and you some hope.
PM me if you want to chat further.
Very best wishes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Honestly I think kicking your son out wouldn't be a good idea. I think your support and love are so important for him, and he needs you now more than ever. I know it is a burden for you, but I think it will help your son out in the long run if he stays living with you. That way you can help him through this. He needs to know how much you love him and that his life isn't a mistake. I think all you can really do is be there for your son and pray for him. It sounds like he has been doing better, so just keep it up.
I think that in some circumstances people can't handle the consequences of their actions without help from others. Eventually he will need to move out, but I don't think he is ready. I think that he would just give up and go back to the way he was before. I don't actually have kids and haven't really had to deal with a situation like this, but I know how important parents are. I think he needs you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): I dont think you should kick him out at all he is your kid you should always be here for him. Walk with him when hes not doing well. like God walks with us. You should take him to a rehabilitation center. My friend went to one in high school for 30 days she was addicted to everythin you can think of ecstacy cocaine acid she did it all, and after she got back she doesnt do any of it anymore.
If you cant afford that... take him to church. Get him involved with community service something to get his mind off drugs and stuff. If he wont do any of that just be there for him. What else can you do? You should never desert him.
Most of all You should probably tell him how much you love him and your proud of the decisions he has made to stop. Tell him that you'll always be here for him but those decisions really were not only killing him but killing you too as im sure that they were. i hope this helps... really look into rehab and support groups i know those are what get people through their addictions as i have seen it in 1st degree.
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reader, krazykira22  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 This is a very delicate situation, and i have been in similar situations to you. Firstly i wouldnt advise you asking your son to leave, he has moved back there because he needs you and its great that he has taken that step to helping himself. What i try and do is look at the positives, just keep them in back of your head and it will help. You will never be able to keep him away from his choices even as baby people have the choice to listen to grown up advice or ignore it. I personally dont think that the people that are telling you to make him leave and take responsibilty for his own life understand what it is truely like for someone on drugs. May i ask out of all the people you have asked for advice how many have been in simillar situations? Cuz i can guess not alot if thats what there saying. Of course your son will eventually need to stand on his own two feet but not yet. May i ask for you to message me some more information as i have quite a bit of experiance in this subject, my sister and current boyfriend are even on or have been on drugs, i really wanna help. Message me and ill message you back as soon as i can
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 Hi,
First of all, you are doing everything you can to help me..having him back home and walking with him through this tough time is commendable.
You mentioned that he was getting help. If this is professional or in the form of an "anonymous" group type therapy, is it possible for you to have a chat with his sponsor or his professional helper. Maybe if you are able to have a chat with them....share your feelings and thoughts..it can assist you in coming to a decision.
In the meantime, maybe you can sit with your son in a very unconfrontational way, very casual...I know this might be challenging as most former addicts feel the world is against them even after they have recovered, but try to allow him to express why he is angry or frustrated or depressed. Not by yourself but perhaps with his dad there...if dad isn't in the best of mood, perhaps a close friend or aunt...but make sure it is non confrontational. You don't want him to feel caged.
Hope this helps
Ana
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female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (1 June 2009):
 I know what the right thing to do is, but yet I don't want to bring myself to say it, but I guess I will.
The RIGHT thing to do would be to let him make his own desicions. How much longer are you going to sit around and baby sit him? and watch his every move?
Any desicion you make will be a hard one, it won't be easy.
You have done the best you can. Put a roof over his head, food in his mouth, clothes on his back.. the rest is up to him.
What it really comes down to is this:
he needs to clean up his act - or get the hell out.
That means: SEEK THERAPY FOR ADDICTION + LIFE. A JOB(if he doesn't already have one) and HE CANNOT BLOW UP everytime things don't go his way.
Give him rules, and if he breaks ANY of them, even ONCE, tell him he HAS to go.
Yes, I know you feel you need to help him because you are his mother, and you love him, but whats this going to cost you in the end?
At the end of the day, you did the best you could. We cannot control everything - and we need to accept that.
xx
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reader, GrimmReality +, writes (1 June 2009):
 As a recovering addict, I have to tell you that you may think you can cure him. He is and always will be an addict. He can live a life in recovery, but he cannot be cured.
Have you sought treatment, in the form of rehab?. I can attest to the toll that addiction takes on families. I have battled cocaine and alcohol addiction for some 30 years. I am 8 years clean and sober now.
The addict has to hit rock bottom before he can fully begin to go through recovery. Unfortunately, rock bottom for one person may or may not be the same as the next person, just like the threshold of pain each individual has.
I feel for you, and I have actually been on the other side of the fence, looking at what I put my family and friends through for decades. What I am trying to say is that you may have to show some tough love here. If your son is talking about his life in absolute terms and this is the first time he has talked about like that, he may be crying for help, and may be about to fall. I know you love him, or you wouldn't be here.
It is an agonizing decision for a parent, Im sure. Depression coupled with drug abuse is a volatile mix.
Please feel to PM me if you feel the need to talk or if you would like some information regarding resources in your area. both Narcotics Anonymous and AA are worldwide organizations.
Many people who are victimized by addicts also need support, and you can access resources such as Al-Anon or Narc-Anon as well. Those groups tend to help support loved ones that have had to deal with the addict and the wake they leave.
I will say a prayer for you ands your son this evening.
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