A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Things have been going ok for a little while with my boyfriend, until a couple of weeks ago where now all i feel is a mixture of love and resentment.He's planning on going travellng around southen france in a few months time. This all sounds very cool and you would think that he must have saved a fair bit of money... But he quit hs job a few months ago! He now has to pay rent and fnd money for food and buy the van and sort things out for the trip (the list goes on) and has signed on for benefits because he thinks it's ok to "reclaim some of the tax he has paid over all those years". Arrrgh.I guess I just feel a bit put to one side. I work full time pretty much and don't get to see him during the weekends as much as I'd like to so during the weekends I'd like to go out and do things with him, but as he "has to save his money for the trip" i feel guilty for suggesting going out(for the first time in about 8 months)and there's only so much dvd watching a girl can take. It's like, he gets to have all the fun without me.Hmmm.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 May 2010):
 You have a boyfriend with different goals and values to you. It doesn't sound like you are having much fun in this relationship at the moment. Perhaps the trip abroad will give you the perfect timing to call off the relationship and find someone more compatible with your need to go out and about and have some fun! I agree that staying home all the time is not great at your age - it is ok to compromise but it doesn't even sound as if he wants you to come and have a holiday as he has his adventures in France. It suggests his priorities are with himself and that you are a girlfriend of convenience right now. I don't expect his benefit savings are going to get him far around the south of France as it is quite amazing how much cash you can get through backpacking (esp. somewhere expensive like those fashionable resorts you get in that part of the world). He may come back fairly quickly and very broke - he may expect you to pick up the pieces and have yet more nights in front of the telly. Time to leave me thinks!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 May 2010):
 Find a man with similar goals as you, similar views about money, and someone who will want to share the fun with you, and not alone.
Nothing wrong with the way he lives life, it's just that its unpredictable, unstable, he's broke (and that in itself is boring and has all sorts of complications), and all in all doesn't seem to include you all that much. He thinks he can just go to France and not use a penny before he leaves? So he thinks living is for free and that you, his girlfriend, wont need to live her life just because HE wants to put his life on hold until he gets to France?
I dont like to advocate leaving him, but as it is you get no fun, he gets it all. So go out and have fun! And if he complains about not getting to spend time with you, or go to all the cool places you go, say "well, hun, you have to save for France remember?"
Next thing you know you find yourself paying his ways.
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