A
female
age
30-35,
*amzin20
writes:me and my partner have been together for over a year, im 5 months pregnant with his daughter and we are so excited just one problem. i just found out from his ex he has been sleeping with her since we got together. we got together on bad terms anyway we had been sleeping together off and on for the last 6 years, the difference was i fell for him 6 years ago and always wanted to be with him - my 1st love they would say. iv asked my partner he denies all but i know he's lying, he's cheated on me before and iv found texts and calls to other girls but i cofront him he looses it. he gets violent last time i caught him out i tried to leave him he tried to kill me, crashed my car with us both in it then dragged me into a canal and said if he cant have me no one can. he scares me, but he is brilliant with my other son from a previous relationship so i dont want to run away and stop him seeing his daughter when she arrives. he wont leave alone i need time and space to get over him its when th ight come i feel completely alone and hurts more i cant sleep because im on my own and i know he's not there so waht do i do. until i have proof of him cheating he will lie his way back into my life and il never move on his ex grlfriend has asked me if i want to set him up to be caught out but im scared he will hurt me. i love him but i deserve better and being treated like this isnt right for any woman. i want to stop loving him now i cant bare hiding how hurt i am and trying to act as if nothings wrong with me around him its hard. i also am in a poor financial situation and at least when he is here money is so much of a problem ive never been on my own my family all live in the area we are already living in so i dont realy want to move away. can anyone help me and give me the best advice i need i know most women who read this are probly think im crazy for still being here with him i already know that so advice would be realy good thanks
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 May 2010):
 I don't think you are crazy, but I think you exhibit signs of the typical victim of domestic violence. I think you need to call women's aid as they can give you lots of advice and you need to tell your midwife there is domestic violence at home as they can offer you extra support. I think the question of whether your partner has cheated or not is irrelevant. It distracts you from the real issue here which is the fact that you and your children are in an abusive relationship. You may feel that he presents no risk to your children but he does - I used to work in the field of domestic violence and child protection and have seen too many horrific cases. If you don't leave him then he will think his behaviour is ok as you 'forgive' him. The violence will escalate and he may well hurt your children as a way of getting to you. Social services may then get involved and take the children from you under their safeguarding rules. I don't think you can gamble the future safety of your children on a relationship that isn't working for lots of reasons. There is a great deal of financial help for victims of domestic violence and women's aid can advise you on benefits etc. The key is to make a plan to leave telling no-one and collect your child from the school gates before disappearing. Tell no-one where you are and then report him to the police. You can get an injunction to prevent him coming near you and women's aid can give advice on safe houses. By posting on this website you recognise the extent of the problem and admiting the problem is the first step. You have been very brave to admit all that has been going on with him, now you must move forward and make a plan of safety for your family.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2010): Hello,
Oh dear NO I don't think you're crazy you're abused and scared. He's tried to kill you! You can't ever go back to him. Move on.
You deserve a stable life for you and your children. Please get help asap. Don't worry if he's cheated on you he won't change. I agree with caring guys suggestions. Please follow them
Good luck
;D
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (12 May 2010):
You need to leave. To put it into perspective now, you need to understand this. You live in the UK, so I think you know about Baby P. Well since Baby P was failed, social services are clamping down on everything. If you stay with this guy, and he continues to treat you this way and hurt you, you will not only be placing yourself in danger of death, but you stand to lose your children because they will be unsafe. Two women a week die in the UK because of domestic violence. Can you imagine what he will then do to your kids? You need to get out, or you need to be prepared that your kids are going to end up seriously disturbed. So unless you want your kids to end up disturbed and you end up dead or something, you need to get away.
Go to this site.
http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Find out using the postcode finder where your nearest office is and make an appointment to see them. They offer FREE advice and will be able to help you know what you are entitled to.
Get away, or you will wind up losing everything you love.
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