A
female
age
30-35,
*itak_x
writes:Hey,I am going through so much crap with my ex boyfriend. I'm 18 and was going out with him for 2 years ..he broke up with me through a text on monday but I was out and had been drinking so i didnt remember reading it ..rang him the next morning totally normal, then he told me about the text ..he ended the whole relationship.hes at uni in Manchester and I'm at Birmingham but we went to college together in my hometown where he boarded but we were strong enough and in love enough to make it work and get through uni. He always left me letters, emails, texts, voice messages telling me how he wanted to be with me forever, how he was lost without me. We shared so much together and spoke at all the moments of the day that you usually find empty..He broke up with me 5 days into his uni, the night before I started mine - saying he didn't love me any more, saying he wanted to be single, then he rang me 5 days later saying he still loved me and wanted to give it another go so I did.2 weeks ago he started acting differently, he got a new part time job and he started going all independent, talking about himself the whole time, not really caring about me or us and there was me left desperately trying to plan things for us to do just to make sure he didn't break up with me. when he broke up with me 2 days ago, I felt like my whole world fell apart. I haven't slept properly for nearly 3 days and only today have I eaten something. He rang me 3 times yesterday to "check that I was okay" - was his reason for ringing. I've gone out last night and tonight but there are still moments where I feel so lost and I don't know if it's because I'm scared of being alone, if I still love him, or if I'm trying to cling onto something that we had before he changed.He tells me he doesn't love me anymore, doesn't have any room for me in his life and that we've drifted apart. He said that it was my fault that we started drifting apart and that it was me who pushed him away with digging at him.I'm stuck with how to move on and what to do. I don't know if I even want to be back in a relationship with him, I just feel totally lost.Everytime I speak to him now, all that happens is he starts telling me what a good day he's had, how well he's getting on, how he doesn't miss me or care about me anymore, and how he's okay, then I get angry and he gets angry and we end up arguing, he gets stressed and hangs up.I'm supposed to be seeing him on Saturday and I'm staying over but he isn't happy with it, even though he told me I was welcome to stay if I wanted. I don't understand how he can just get over 2 years of love in 2 days and openly tell me so. I don't know anyone who would be that heartless.I think I need to have time on my own, get my sense of me back and my independance, be single for a bit and concentrate on other things. But I just can't seem to get rid of this co-dependance that we had.If someone could just help, even a little bit I'd really appreciate it.Thanks.eitak_x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): Why are you letting him tell you what to do with your feeligns. Two years together is quite a stable relationship. He can't just break up with you. He's lying to himself and you. Women LISTEN carefully, you have the power, not HIM. Time out !
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (30 November 2007):
 Hello Eitak,
First off, cancel your plans of seeing him this Saturday. You should avoid any kind of contact with him until your feelings aren't so raw. He has a lot of nerve calling to "see how you're doing" and then to tell you he doesn't miss you.
People do fall out of love. Typically it's because they've found someone else or that there was something very wrong in the relationship. If this all happened too suddenly, I would suspect someone new. Other than that, I don't know why love gets stale, just part of the game I guess.
My advice to you would be to move on because he already has. I would take some time for you to find your new independence and to figure out what you want in a relationship. Don't dwell on what you did wrong or why this happened to you. It is not about you, it is about him. His issue, his problem and you can not fix it.
Take it one day at a time and avoid too much alcohol as that will only make your sad feelings overwhelming and you might do something you regret like calling him or worse, begging him to get back.
Good luck to you. Being single isn't the end of the world. And you are young so your singleness won't last too long. Enjoy it.
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A
female
reader, Chelsea126 +, writes (30 November 2007):
He so isn't over it, he probably just thinks that's the best way to deal with it. To be honest, he's probably excited with his new uni life, job and friends and independance...he mite carry on to be happy with just this or he may start to miss you but I don't think you could possibly hurry this decision along without further alienating yourself from him. So I guess just stay mates for now and concentrate on having fun and good times, not more fights and rows which just results in more heartache. I know it must be tough especially with him telling you about how great his life is right now but you've got a new life too now, so start enjoying it! And as much as it hurts, try not to let it get you down too much and just have fun. You never know he might realise that he's a made a completely stupid mistake but he'll need time to figure that out (because we all know boys don't click on to things very quickly lol) but on the other hand, don't let him mess you around...be strong. Good Luck! x
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