A
female
age
51-59,
*opefulh
writes:Dear Cupid,I've been asked out by a man who shares alot of my interests. We have become friends and he initially said he was seperated but now the date is drawing nearer he's told me he still lives with his wife under the same roof but both have agreed to lead seperate lives. The reason he gave for not leaving the marital home was for the sake of their 19 year old son! Should i believe they really are seperated and he is availble to start dating? The son reason is abit iffy as he's hardly a toddler! I really like this man but don't want to be the other woman and get myself hurt. Would really appreciate your thoughts Thanks Hopefull x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2010): I separated from my ex husband and we continued to live in the same house for financial reasons. We simply fell out of love and shared a house for 3 yrs before I moved out.
In the end we were and are still friends so its possible your guy is being truthful
A
female
reader, Isladeiona +, writes (9 August 2008):
I believe it is very true he may be seperated.
I am seperated from my husband but for financial reasons we still share a house. We lead independent lives, he has a girlfriend and I have started dating too.
It is difficult for people to understand but it can and does happen!
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A
female
reader, hopefulh +, writes (8 December 2007):
hopefulh is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your responses, it has really opened my eyes, especially if the roles were reversed. I have been doing alot of self esteem work since my last partner declined into coke addition and left with with massive debt. I obviously haven't done enough work on myself as was so flattered by being asked out by someone I thought i had alot in common with. Thanks again for your input will kick him into touch next week and thank God for a lucky escape.
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A
female
reader, loveRgrl  +, writes (8 December 2007):
DON'T DO IT!!! If he was really "separated" why would his kid care and besides 19. Gimme a break! At 19 the kid has to understand "Sometimes things just don't work out between mommies and daddies, but, we still love you!" I don't care how nice he is, obviously he cares more about his family(probably 'cause he's still "happily" married)than you or he wouldn't still live with the wife!!!! If everything is A okay tell him you want to meet his "WIFE" before you'll go out with him. AND do it ask her how long they've been separated,how long they were together,why they separated and WHY he's still living there? Maybe over lunch or at a coffee house JUST you and her.Then compare answers.It may be alittle akward at first but, if it's legit she'll respect you for asking BELIEVE me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): I think it is always a bad idea to date a man who is "seperated" no matter whether it be true or otherwise....as you are at best the rebound girl and at worst the other woman....leave this dog to lie in his own bed.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (7 December 2007):
 He maybe genuinely in the process of breaking up with his wife, or he may be cheating on his wife. But how you find out I am not totally sure. I was in this situation for a while myself - living in the same house as ex. Women in this situation have no problem dating whilst still living with their ex, but the man is considered a cheat very often. You could ring him on home phone rather than mobile phones and see how that goes down. If you are not happy though then give it a miss.
Richard
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (7 December 2007):
 No, do not believe him. He's a cheating, lying, no good sob. Don't let him catch you off guard.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): You just need to learn to be more picky. Raise your standards. If the roles were reversed and you met this guy and told him that you were seperated living under the same roof as your husband, I guarantee you, you would never hear back from him again. Cause most men are PICKY. They don't want to date someone with that kind of baggage. They have much higher standards cause they feel like they deserve better.
If I met a guy and he said that to me, he would never hear back from me. Right away I would be like NEXT. Like yeah right I am going to date a guy living with his wife. Pff. Don't you have standards?? I have standards. It just sounds like you have absolutley no standards.
I mean what does he have to tell you for you to be turned off?? Nothing?? You accepting this sounds like you would accept and put up with anything. It just sounds like when you like a guy, he can't do anything wrong in your eyes. Be more picky. Give yourself more credit so that you are choosier in picking guys actually worth your time.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 He seems to be a clumsy liar. He thinks you will not have questions. If the line is drawn between him and his wife, he should not be afraid to introduce you to his wife. Seperate lives means he can have his own relationship and she can also...
But he wont do that. He will not dare to talk about you to his wife.
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A
male
reader, nflguy +, writes (7 December 2007):
I don't think you will like my answer. The man is either lying or living in a classic jerry springer trailer park weirdo situation. Listen, NOBODY gets separated and stays living in the same house. NOBODY does that and if they did there is noway they would be dating etc. Yes, you are the other woman and getting hurt by this man is a sure thing.
You need to open your eyes and run from this man.
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