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We have been intimate but he claims that we are still just friends as he enjoys hanging out but does not want to commit - which may change. Maybe his ex wife caused him to put up this great wall?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Sex, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 November 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 November 2007)
A female United States age 41-50, *keeter writes:

I am really confused and not sure what to do. I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month. When we first met, he said to take it slow, that he did not want to jump into anything. However, the first 2 weeks or so, we saw each other every day/night, and we talked on the phone and sent texts back and forth all day long to each other. He is a police officer and works a lot of different off duty jobs, so due to his work, us seeing each other every day, has slowed down, however, he calls me or texts me every night before bed and every morning first thing, if we are not together. We have been sleeping together and the sex is great, but he claims that right now we are still just friends and he enjoys hanging out with me, but does not want to get involved in a committed relationship, but that may change down the road. I am totally confused because we talk and text all day long, we go out several times a week and when we do go out whether it be just us, with his friends or with my friends, he is very affectionate towards me. He is also this way when we are at home at my house or at his house. In his phone, he has pictures of his son and several pictures of me and no one else. He has asked me about going to Vegas with him in January, as well as we have plans for New Year's Eve. I guess I am just confused because of the mixed signals. He says just friends, but his actions say more. I am not sure if he is scared of being hurt again and is trying not to become emotionally involved. I know that he got divorced because his ex wife just did not want to be married anymore, and this may have caused him to put up a wall....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated

View related questions: divorce, ex-wife, his ex, text

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (25 November 2007):

dearkelja agony auntHe likely lost some confidence with his divorce. In my book, actions speak louder than words. So, go with his actions. Try not to define the relationship too much for him and try to minimize your expectations of what it will be down the road. Enjoy what you have. In time, he will learn to trust again. If you push him on the definition, he will bolt.

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (25 November 2007):

eddie agony auntWell the sex is great. If he wants to continue having great sex, he has to be nice. He told you where he's at, as far as his needs. Don't try and make it more than that. Don't push him for a verbal definition of the relationship yet. Why are you rushing? Set a time frame for your needs. If he doesn't meet the deadline, move on.

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