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writes: Im 35 and single and I met this 38 year old guy that has been married for 15years, we started off just being cool and each time we saw one another he would always talk about his wife saying things like how bad she treats him, how he let his wife handle his step daughter at home which she takes up for her daughter(21) and not agreeing with him on his step daughter wearing his 2 girls(11 and 13) clothes cause the step daughter works and gives her money to her girlfriend, so he keeps quiet toward his step daughter to keep the peace at home which he has raised her since she was 5. Anyway each time he told me more and more of how bad his wife treats him, I ended up feeling so sorry for him because of how he was being treated and for the things she was not doing for him, examples: appreciating him, giving him sex, washing his clothes, communication, wanting to go out on dates and much more but it will take all day to tell you all the other things. I felt as though I could fulfill what he has been lacking from her. He started helping me out fiancially and we sleep together 4 times. He had always told me how he loves his wife and there 2 daughters and that he wants to work things out in their marriage but she really don't want to. He called me one day telling me that she said she wants a divorce when income tax come and that he sleep in the bed and she sleep on the couch. Make a long story a little short, I am feeling kind of bad now that I know Im wrong for being with this lady husband, but what he was telling me I was feeling like she don't deserve him and I can treat him and appreciate him better than she has. So he just told me the other day that he told her he is giving her 6 months to start working on giving him more sex which he said she told him she will go to the docter to get some sort of pills that could help her out(as he say). I feel as though I just need to be back cool with him to see if things work out for them within 6 months or less and not give him any more sex because I don't want my feeling to get to deep for him cause he is married. He has said that he would be with me if he wasn't with her, I have great qualities and fine and on and on and on. What do you think I should do in the mean while???? Should we just chill when we are together which we both wont have a problem doing and just wait to see if she really leave him then start back where we left off from?????Please help Im really feeling this guy but I am woman enough and needs to show respect for myself and what he's going threw......Thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 He so groomed you to be his little something on the side didn’t he. And you being foolish and liking the attention believed him to be something different than what you had to have known he was. He is a liar and a cheater.
“He started helping me out financially.” So he’s giving you MONEY. And we slept together 4 times. SO YOU ARE NOW a PROSTITUTE. I’m sorry honey but exchanging sex for money, services or goods is the very definition of prostitution. He gave you money and you slept with him. Even if you would have slept with him without the money, the fact that you wrote it the way you did says you know IN YOUR HEART that it’s wrong.
You say you know you are wrong for sleeping with another woman’s HUSBAND but you felt like she did not deserve him based on what HE says. Two things here, 1. He’s probably lying and 2. Who died and appointed you the person in charge of determining who deserves what? It is so NOT your PLACE to determine if he’s being mistreated or if she’s wrong. It’s THEIR marriage which is between TWO PEOPLE. YOU have NO RIGHT TO make the determination of what she is or deserves based only on what he says. In fact, you have no business making any determinations about THEIR marriage at all EVER.
So he’s just bought himself six months more time with you. You are already in too deep. You already have feelings. You already are making excuses and justifications as to why your behavior was acceptable. It’s not. UNLESS you get permission from the spouse to have sex with the other spouse, you have no right to sleep with a married man. Granted I find his lying and cheating MORE reprehensible than your option of having sex with a married man (for money) but I find your justifications of the situation a bit distasteful.
he has said he would be with you if it wasn’t for her. Well honey the only way he will be free to be with you is if SHE LEAVES HIM. He’s not leaving her. IF he was he would have done it already.
Personally, my advice: CUT him off 100% no texts, no mail, no calls, no visits. IF and when he gets his own place THEN you can resume your relationship with him.
He has used EVERY line in the book married cheating people use.... and you want so badly to believe that THIS TIME it's true.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 January 2013):
1) He is a cheater. You are just as guilty because you know of his situation and are willing facilitating his cheating.2) Specifically to the relationship, he is married to his wife, is going to stay married to his wife, and you will never be anything more than a plaything to him.3) Do you really need a #3 after 1 and 2?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): He has no intention of leaving his wife and you are being used. If he really loved you, respected you and wanted to be with you , he would have left her, not yesterday but months go.Why would you stay when has told you that he is trying to make his marriage work and have sex with his wife?You deserve better, dump him and dont contact him again.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 January 2013):
 I think you need to speak to his wife to find out how 'perfect' he is!!!
He is a cheater...that makes him NOT perfect at all, in fact it makes him a low down dog who is stringing you along with one sob story after another...and you are lapping it up because you got your hook into the wrong fish!!
He will never leave his wife, none of his stories are verifiable or probably even true...he tells you what you want to hear to get you into bed. He's playing you like a slot machine...and he knows you will always pay out!!
Get rid of him and find yourself a boyfriend who is single so you don't have all this built in angst, guilt and confusion.
There are women out there who have literally pined their lives away waiting for a married man to leave his wife and they usually end up on the emotional garbage heap.
Do yourself a favour...get over him and get your ass out the door...it's a store of trouble that you seriously DO NOT need.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): You shouldn't wait for anything you should leave him already. He's a jerk. He is giving his wife 6 months to give him more sex?? What the?? Who talks like that?Don't believe a word of what he says about how bad she treats him he is the one committing adultery, not her. So they are equal. And he is the one demanding she go to a doctor to get drugged up to give him more sex, without working on their relationship about why she doesn't want to have sex with him. What a great guy. And all this while keeping you around hoping. If she was so bad of a wife he could have left her. Since he chose not to then should have honored the part of his marriage vows that said to not be cheating on his wife. He wants to sleep with another woman then he should divorce first. He is a low life. He has been misleading you all this time saying he would be with you if it wasn't for her. Well what good is that? He is basically telling you straight up that you are not good enough for him to go get a divorce. The best thing you can do is end your relationship and tell him that you will not see him again until he gets divorced. Then you should move on because there is a greater chance that he still won't get divorced.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (10 January 2013):
 WE men know that about 90% of the women in this world will be sympathetic to the stories such as what YOU related that HE is telling you.... Those 90% see the "poor, mistreated" fellow much like an abandoned puppy, and react humanely.... and this leads to us getting them (you) in bed.....
That is the "real" story of what is happening between you and this guy....
I suggest that you stay away from this guy for at least a YEAR.... plenty of time for him to reconcile the woes within his marriage and family.... and IF he HAS, indeed, become available, then, then you may take up with him under those circumstances..
Good luck....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): Back away from this man. If the marriage ends, let it be because they ended it, not because you came in between them. I am a woman who was cheated on by my ex, I did everything for him and then she came into the picture and that was the end of my 20 yr marriage. Don't let him tell you what she is or isn't doing for him. Because most likely its not the truth, he is just telling you that to get you in the sack. And if she finds out, and most likely will, she will kick his cheating butt out, and he will come crawling to you. Don't let this happen to you or to the poor wife that probably has no idea that he is or has been with you. A decent woman would not have even slept with him knowing he was married. But you see the error of your ways. Let the pieces fall where they fall but don't let it fall because of you. If you still care about this man after he leaves his wife and gets a divorce than I say go for him. But just remember he cheated with you, if someone else comes along he might tell her that you are not giving him any sex, or washing his clothes etc.. etc..
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female
reader, Ilha  +, writes (10 January 2013):
Dear OP,
Men will say anything to get you in bed, including bad mouthing his wife. All you might know, nothing he has said about her was true at all. Remember you are listening to only his side of story.
My take on this is get out of this relationship NOW. He is using you. No man would stay in a marriage if it is bad. You deserve better my dear. I know it is difficult to let go because you have feelings for him.
Only time will heal you but remember you deserve better than being used by this man (he is using you, dear). Give yourself the respect and dignity you deserve by moving on. There is someone for you who will treat you with respect. Be strong my dear. Take care!!!
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (10 January 2013):
quote - "He started helping me out financially and we sleep together 4 times."Honey he's using you. You're essentially his prostitute.The whining and moaning about "Ohhhh, I have it so baaaaad at home... She yells and doesn't sleep with me, and I do all of this stuff for her" is a VERY common tool in the liars tool chest. He feels like he needs to justify his behavior to himself, which is why he goes on and on about it. This helps him convince himself he's only getting what's due to him. It also serves the dual purpose of keeping you feeling like he's more interested in you than in her.Another common tool in the liars tool chest is to keep the compliments flowing to you. He validates you on a psycho-emotional level. This keeps you exclusive to him, and available for his sexual pleasure whenever he's horny and looking for something different.But what do his actions say? He's still married to her, not you. He's giving her a second shot, while keeping you hanging. He's paying you for sex. Honey, this man doesn't respect you in the least, and he knows it. That's why he needs to keep droning on about how bad it is at home - so he can convince himself.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2013): No offense, this is so cliche! Nearly all affairs happen because of these reasons that you stated. Then the person hearing all of this then have sympathy and hence here is the affair. He is already telling you that he is trying to work on his marriage by giving his wife an ultimatum. If she gives him more sex and they work it out, where does that leave you?! Pretty much where you are now. For the record, usually these type of men look like the perfect partner because you don't have him full time. Trust me when I tell you, when you get him every day all day like his wife, you will see he is not the prince charming like you thought. In the future, steer clear of these sob stories, stay away. Somebody always get hurt. Best of luck.
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