A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'll keep it very short. Advice needed please to overcome this break up which has caused me depression. I am 34, my Boyfriend who is 29 decided after 2 years together (a year of which living together) he just doesn't love me anymore and in a week I have gone from life all great to now living back at my parents and in the single spare room.My boss gave me the week off work as it all happened came back to our flat and said needed to talk. Out of blue said over, hasn't loved me for months but tried to keep going as didn't want to hurt me. The flat is his as well. So he asked me to move out. I have no money or savings, I have ok job, but not great, but plodded alive in life content and now gone. I'm due back at work tomorrow. I'm dreading it. I haven't eaten in a week or slept. I wake up at 4am and stay awake its with an anxious feeling in my stomach. I fear now my work will suffer as I'm in such a state/ losing my job is all I need. I am in a shocking state. I can't even cry, just the feeling of anxiousness and a black cloud. Will it go? Will I ever feel better back to Me again. I can't tell you the pain of the heartache it's like someone has died.
View related questions:
at work, depressed, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 January 2013):
 I'm so sorry. You will feel human again... it takes time
go back to work, wear dark glasses if you must... no makeup yet as you still cry all the time.
I'm glad you had a place to go with mom and dad.
This will pass.
you can write long letters that you never send. tell him all your pain... then burn it and start again.
You have my permission to have a full six weeks of wallowing in self misery. but you must get up and go to work even if you are just going through the motions.
then you can go home and tell your folks you love them but you are not ready to be among the living yet... and go to your room and cry and mope. you may eat ice cream right from the container.
AFTER six weeks you have to stop moping and get on with life.
but you may not be healed enough yet....
he will be the first thing you think of in the morning even before you get out of bed... and the last thing you think of before you fall asleep. this is NORMAL.
ONE morning in a few weeks you will wake up and you will not think of him till you are brushing your teeth or in the shower...
in a few weeks after that, you won't think of him till you are on your way to work....
in a few weeks after THAT... maybe not think of him till lunch time...
every day in every way you will move farther away from the pain till one day weeks and weeks from now you will get to bed and as you lay down you will think of him... and you will realize you have not thought of him all day.... you are healed enough then. I know .. .BTDT
I wish you peace. Some counseling to help you heal can't hurt either.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): Hi, Like the others I was in your shoes. The only thing that worked was 1. Studied hard, kept busy, everytime the mind went out to him, I trained myself not to thing about him nor remember the shared mouments and broken promises. I also learnt to pay attention to myself ie dressing, makeup. Feeling good on teh outside improved my emmotions. Start seeing other guys as friends, it hard but works.Also someone suggested the gym , that i really helpful - worked out the negative energy and too tired at night so slept like a baby. It will get better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2013): I wish there were magic words to say, just know you will get through this, it just takes time. Right now you need to take care of yourself, don't let this destroy you (he isn't worth it), find your inner strength. Make yourself eat, go for walks, listen to uplifting music, reach out to friends. Be thankful you do have a job & family you can stay with for now.
I love the book "It's called a Breakup Because It's Broken". You realize it isn't just happening to you, but almost every woman at one time in their life has gone through this.
...............................
A
male
reader, FightingBee123 +, writes (13 January 2013):
 What is your favorite thing to do that doesn't remind you of him? For me free time is the enemy. The gym is a good way to get your mind off of things, is healthy and will make you feel/look good to move on. Close friends or family are there to help you through this.
Hope this helped.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 January 2013):
 I have also been there.
Kelly and AuntyEm gave great advise and I agree with them 100%.
It is such a shock to the system, it's unbelievable and hurts so very much. Once I actually woke up crying/ sobbing, and remembering that awful moment still makes me feel sad. Usually I'd wake up in the mornings and feel OK for a split second, then it would dawn on me and I'd be in floods. I couldn't eat, couldn't focus. I also felt like someone had died. I was devastated. But somehow I still managed to go to work and gradually I got back on track.
I think it will help you to go back to work, and for you to be back amongst the familiarity of it all: seeing people, and just distracting your mind from this. Perhaps you could confide in one or two people at work so that they understand you're going through a very hard time. Accept support from as many people as possible.
Be very kind and patient with yourself. Tell your friends what's happened if you haven't already. Let them and your family look after you.
I know this isn't much but I hope it's helped a little.
You WILL feel better, it's still very early days. X
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 January 2013):
 You are right to compare it to a death...to your body and mind it is exactly the same type of grief and it's normal to feel so down and crappy...but it will pass if you give yourself enough time to deal with your feelings.
If you think you are becoming overwhelmed by the grief, speak to your GP who may be able to recommend some counselling or mild medication to help you stay in control.
Like the previous aunt who answered, I have also been through this with someone I was with for three and a half years so I can relate totally as I really suffred myself and thought I would never get through it...but I did and happy times returned when I never thought they would.
Take things slowly and be kind to yourself, this includes eating and sleeping and give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened.
Chin up sweetie and I hope you find some peace xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, kellyO +, writes (13 January 2013):
 Hi,
I am sorry for what you are going through. But believe me it will pass. Almost everyone have had their heart broken sometime or the other such is life. Six years ago I was in a similar situation as you but here I am now happily married and trying to help others. The same will be for you too but you just have to accept what has happened and pick yourself up. I know it is hard but please don't give up.you shouldn't stop functioning because of this. Usually, the more you take control of it all the better as he will feel that you are moving on OK and handle things brilliantly without him which deep down he wouldn't really want to see whether or not he didn't love you.
First thing to do is find a place to live. Since you said you don't earn much maybe there is a girlfriend you can share a flat with or maybe you can look for a shared flat vacancy advertisement so you can split the rent?
It might be good to share how you feel with someone very close to you, maybe your best friend, mum or sister because some emotional support might be helpful.
I know you are not feeling up to going to work but sometimes keeping busy helps one to take your mind off things. Working as hard as you can in the office is good another remedy.
You should draw a plan, which involves, finding a shared house, working hard at the office, going for a makeover to cheer up, hang out with friends and make more friends, take up a hobby and i bet you will get yourself a new boyfriend a million times better than him.
Hugs
Kelly
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): you need to pull yourself together, i know its easier said than done but you cannot let this make you really ill
the same thing happened to me 4 years ago, out of the blue via text he said we are done and my whole world came crashing down, a week later he messaged me on facebook begging me to take him back...i almost did! but i thought he doesnt love me if he did he would never ever treat me like that so i said no thanks and ignored him emails and phone calls
i am telling you right now you will feel normal again, its not going to happen over night it will hurt for a while but you will move on, spend more time with friends and family, go to work, i honestly know how you feel and nothing anyone will say is going to make you feel better you have to help yourself and pull yourself together
i am with someone new now, i never thought id ever move on but i did and you will too, i was sooo in love with my ex but being with someone that is just as in love with you is amazing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2013): Sounds like a nightmare, and I'm so sorry. But the bright side of this is that he did not continue this relationship with you. - Meaning that, it's a good thing you're not wasting more time with someone who doesn't love you. As time goes on, the pain will be less. It's important for you to keep busy doing things that are important to you. For example your job. Work harder. Losing your job because of this would pull you deeper in a depression. So that's not an option. And do things that simply make you happy. Hang out with friends. Start dating again now.
...............................
|
