A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,What do you do if your boyfriend of 6 months is saying he still has ex in his mind? If he is still in love with her then why does he give me headgames, why mess with me at all? He has showed jealousy, when other men check me out etc. Is he not sure of his feelings towards me or afraid of admitting he is into me? Because he has said his ex is still in his mind only those 2 times when we have had serious fights and I have wanted to leave him. I told him that things are not good with us and I want to break up. He answered, go ahead, I do not care, I still have my ex in my mind. Otherwise he never mentions her. And after those 2 times he has been the one calling me the next day and wanting to make up. The last time was a week ago. I am so confused.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2013): OP you can have a very good intellectual connection to a guy and still not get on.
By far my worst, most emotionally draining ex was one with the exact same humour, interests and train of thought as me and we could talk and laugh for hours on end but when it came down to arguments we killed each other, threatened break up and said the most horrible disgusting things to each other all to score points instead of actually trying to resolve issues. That means we didn't get on. because you can have wonderful times with a person OP and just not work.
You two can't argue without being hurtful and breaking up. You think that's going to go away? You think that will improve or not become an issue?
Dismiss me all you want OP, but I wouldn't be so quick to dismiss the fact that you two cannot argue well at all, when you do things get fucked, he resorts to bringing up his ex and you resort to breaking up so he'll come grovelling to you the next day. That's what you call getting on is it?
6 months OP, this is still meant to be shiny honeymoon period of tonnes of sex and the glow of happiness. You've already descended into vicious arguing and breaking up and now you're also starting to question his possible lingering affection for his ex?
Doesn't sound like you get on all that well at all if you ask me.
To answer your question directly OP, he may or may not have feelings for her still. But my gut is he doesn't but uses it as ammunition to hurt you when you use breaking as a means to hurt him, just because you argue. Wow, sounds like you really do get along great.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): He is simply using his ex-girlfriend as an excuse to get you jealous.Those are silly immature boy games that they use to play with your head.My concern is that the two of you are having serious arguments so early in a relationship. That to me is a red flag. I'd reconsider the relationship and find someone else that can handle disagreements in a mature way that leads to discussion and resolution.
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A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (21 January 2013):
 He is trying to make it seem as thought he doesn't care if you leave. He doesn't want to be the 'loser' getting dumped, so he has to appear he doesn't care and you aren't all that important to him anyway. If he says he has his ex on his mind then it's proof he is fine with you leaving and can take you or leave you. It's immature and childish. He may still care about his ex, he may not, only he knows. But the reasons for his head games are immaturity and the inability to have a grown up conversation about how he really feels. I agree that 6 months is far too soon for so many problems, jealousy, and breaking up. I'd say you aren't good for each other.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): Actually, we do get on well. Sometimes we just talk and laugh untill early morning. We love to cook together and have lots of candlelight dinners. He treats me very well. But when we do fight, then things get intense.
So, I do not want to bring up the subject of the other woman. How can I understand if he is still in love with the ex? I have read some posts in the web about signs that your bf is in love with his ex and these do not match. He does not talk about her at all, except those 2 times and it seemed they were said more about him wanting to hurt me. I do not know if he contacts her or not. He does not have anything in the appartment that I could quess, could be from her, he has very few and practical things. He does not hide his phone from me and I do not want to break that trust. He never leaves the room when a call comes etc.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (21 January 2013):
 You may stop being confused now.
This guy is a jerk, and is not worthy of your time/attention or mental energy...... Once you put him behind you, you may also put behind you all the questions that you posed here.... and you can get on with your life.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (21 January 2013):
 It means he isn't for you.
Lot of drama for a 6 month relationship...it shouldn't be that messy so soon, so I'd say he's not the right guy for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2013): OP you don't sound like you work well together at all. Why do you keep going to a guy who is overly jealous, resorts to shitty immature pot shots about his ex when you fight and then fall for the sob crap the next day.
Far too many mindgames and serious fights after 6 months don't you think? You've already broken up a few times and still can't make this work.
I think you're looking at the ex thing as a concrete reason why you should leave, something tangible but the fact is OP, you don't really get on well at all do you?
This is some very heavy bullshit for a relationship only 6 months old, can you really see this lasting and getting any better?
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