A
female
age
30-35,
*ds
writes:I have a question for you lovely people.. Me and my ex stopped talking for a long time all of a sudden he missed me ( so he says) he asked me did I wanna be friends with benefits and told me I can't sleep with nobody but him... What is friends with benefits in yalls opinion?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): FWB is a term and situation that only men created. I m bewildered why women agree to this, but many do. It's a convenient, cheap and fast way to get sex without dating a woman. Basically he is going to use your body to get off. If that's a role you want, then go for it, but I doubt it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 January 2013):
 my take on fuck buddies... (what we called it before the more socially acceptable term FWB) is this....
if both parties are open and honest
if both parties accept that it's two friends having sex but that they are not IN LOVE or IN A RELATIONSHIP
and they both agree to the SAME guidelines for both (either both can date others or both cannot date others)
the I have no problem with it.
BUT, it's RARE that it works that way...
one party usually cares more (not a good idea to do it if you care more than they do or if you know they want more you can't give)
if one says I will fuck you but you can't date others... RUN....
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Its about sex I had a fwb but he couldn't keep up with my drive so I blow him off. So he could be on the same speed with the other chicks fwb. Cause I was benefiting slightly not fully like I wanted and he didn't give me oral sex plus he was messy and effeminate so I thought he was bi really gay but scared to come out cause in his part of town they may stomp you down for that type activity.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): Friends with benefits mean you two only meet up to have sex. Thing between you two is purely sexual. No feelings, no emotions, no attachment. If you want sex and fun, go ahead. If you want a proper relationship, say no to him and one day you will find another guy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2013): Men these days live in a state of perpetual adolescence. Sex has become a lifetime obsession for most of them. Men are supposed to GROW PAST this adolescent stage where the sight of a woman's breast, buttocks and vulva is exciting. A man who has not gone past this stage never matures emotionally. He just wants to screw and screw like a teenager with no conception of the consequences and responsibilities which go with having sex with a woman. And young woman wonder why it is difficult for guys these days to commit to an exclusive relationship. Sex is offered freely and cheaply to them through such arrangements like FWB, one night stands, and sex outside marriage. Women can't blame men for being total p^gs since they allow this to happen to them by agreeing to such arrangements. This boyfriend of yours has not grown up. Instead of viewing sex as something I do with my wife to have children and fulfil my obligation as a husband, it is something to be pursued obsessively every night for the rest of his life. An empty existence most young men these days live. And sadly women allow it by encouraging this obsession of sex by offering themselves cheaply. FWB is mutual destruction.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Hi
Friends with Benefits = in this case, he benefits.
You have feelings for him which is why he made the proposition,he thought you would fall into bed with him, then when he found a GIRLFRIEND he could vanish.
Leave him where he belongs, in the past.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 January 2013):
 He isn't missing you...he's just missing someone regular to screw. Giving in to him will NOT make him want you back or make him love you.
He is telling you that you can only have sex with him? My advice would be to tell him to piss off and take his 'controlling f*ckery' with him.
That's the trouble with girls and women...absolutely no self esteem, head full of romantic notions and a huge sign above their heads saying 'come use me'
IF YOU HEAR ANY OF THESE PHRASES COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH:
I am so confused
I don't know what I want right now
It's not you, it's me
Let's be friends
I think we should experiment with other people
If you loved me you would...
I need space
YOU NEED TO RUN!!!!!
Don't fall for it, Don't be a victim, Don't allow yourself to be controlled or used.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Hes just looking to use you. Nothing more.
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A
female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (26 January 2013):
In this instance FWB means that your ex hasn't been getting any sex from the moment. The one he is looking to benefit is only himself. You need to guard your heart from this USER. I bet he already has broken it before, right?
He's also very callous, because he considers you an easy traget because of your emotional attachment to him. It's obvious that you have one. Be the first to give him the flick this time. You don't need his crumbs.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (26 January 2013):
 one person uses the other, or both people use each other till they get tired of them. one person getting hurt, left with the baggage. no commitment for life, or long term.fun and games for now, skeletons left in the closet for later. most of the time the girl is left with the emotional hurt.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 January 2013):
 Friends with benefits is supposed to mean that two people who are fond of each other have sexual itches that they use each other to scratch. FWB means there is no strings, that either person can sleep with anyone else during the arrangement, and that there is no obligation to either be in a relationship, nor is there the promise to ever be one. In fact, the reason why many women accept this proposal is because of the promise that it could develop into one. No way.
In this case, your ex just offered you the most debasing and disrespectful proposition of them all. He's playing off of your lingering feelings so that he can use you for sex AND try to get you to be exclusive to him as well when he has no intention of being the same to you.
I tell you what, if I were single and an ex suggested something like that to me, any feelings that might have lingered or fond feelings would be gone at that point, because that's disgusting. I'd feel the same if he told me "Hey guess what? You need to get on your knees and blow me, then I'll ejaculate all over your face and send you home without so much as a thank you or a towel to wash it off, B****". Degrading, and he doesn't deserve to touch you ever again.
He's not promising a relationship. He's not promising love. He simply wants to use you and is hoping you'll fall for it.
What you need is a guy who will cherish you. Don't have sex unless you're in an actual, exclusive relationship. I wouldn't even give this creep a chance to amend his offer. To spend a second with him is a waste of your time and beauty, because he wants to use you up and toss you in the trash when he's done with you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 January 2013):
 In this case, in my opinion, this is a guy who can't find another woman to sleep with him, so he's trying to convince you that you should be his sex partner, but the way he's set it up, if he finds another woman he wants to commit to (to call his girlfriend) then he can end the sexual relationship.
I'd laugh at his most self-serving of proposals and tell him to get a life.
Friends with benefits sounds innocuous enough but in this case, you have a history and in fact, you would technically be known as booty call.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 FWBs are not always involving multiple people. People can agree to be monogamous even in a casual arrangement. There is less risk to disease. Life is simpler when you deal with one on one. Even when you are not in a committed relationship feelings or possessiveness and jealousy can still be there. It is up to you if you want to do this. Doesn't sound like an attractive deal to me.
Ex with benefits is different in that you have history. Maybe sex with you was good but it really looks like for a long time he couldn't find anyone else and feels going back to an ex for sex is easier.
Ex with benefits is not without complications. You will care about what he does in his life. You will wonder if the relationship could go back to where it was before you broke up. He does not expect you to hang in there for long but at any time if one of you want to end this, there will be hurtful feelings.
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