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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
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26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
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More than one way to get up the Duff!!
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14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 11 July 2010: "i was yelling and crying for someone.. ANYONE to help me"
Sweetheart. This has gone on long enough. Tell your parents and his parents. Don't try to solve this by yourself. You can't.
Get the professional help you need now. Because you need it ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: I sincerely wish you well, happy and healthy future for you. I am concerned that you think simply making up your mind will change things--you have a great deal of work to do to process the bad stuff that's happened in your life and this coping ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: That must be very hard for you. That's not a nice feeling to have to feel. :(... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 3 July 2010: Okay, I wondered what the session was like for you. I guess you were okay? And he was... what, accepting?
Knowing how you feel is a big thing. Not many people do, I think. I do yoga, and there's a part of the practice where you just kind of chec... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 2 July 2010: It's good to hear that you both went to the appointment. You sound very carefully neutral on this. Are your feelings all over the place or are you happy, sad, upset? And how is your husband taking this. He can't be too happy and I would imagine ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 1 July 2010: I'm thinking of you today as you go to your appointment. I hope you're doing well.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 30 June 2010: I did see your post about when you drink. :/
A lot of "anyone else" actually don't drink much at all. And most don't drink till they can't remember what they say. That's drinking to excess. I know there's a youth culture that likes to 'party' and ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Oh that's good news. I'm thinking about you and hope it is a good start for you. ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Q understood my point. Which is that under the influence, you tell people what's bothering you. Like the comment to your in-laws, which then has triggered this set of events. Or that last message which so clearly showed the battered-wife thinking ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: "Maybe I don't think it's a big deal because my brother raped me when I was in fifth grade, I've been kidnapped, illegally put up for adopted, then physically and emotionally abused by my adoptive father. It's like.. this is just how it's supposed ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Where is the baby when both of you are drinking?... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: That's it, Q got it. This last post was indeed by a battered woman. It's time to start the healing now.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: You've absorbed the painful and wrong lessons of your childhood and you are playing them out in this skewed thinking.
Call that number, tomorrow, first thing.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: There's what has to change. Right there. You blame yourself. That's just wrong and the fact that you can't see that means you need the help you are trying to fight off.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Wait, he was deployed? He was in combat? There are lots of people who come back different, there's no shame in that. They just didn't realize that things were bad that way.
Sweetheart, you are caught up in the very early stages of this. You have... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Do you think their motives are bad? Do you think their hearts are in the wrong place? Or are you feeling bad and just want them to go away and leave you in peace?
Only the 'peace' is with a guy who roughed you up, forced oral sex and verbally abus... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: I think Q is right. They are concerned and the only way they know how to check on you is to see you.
The thing is out of the bottle, you can't put it back, alas. It IS uncharted waters. You are going to have to take it one small day at a time... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 29 June 2010: *cough*
Just checking to make sure everything is good in this neck of the woods?... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: The point is to help you. I for one would like to be kept up to date on what's happening for you, as this progresses. But I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning with a vision of my little avatar standing there, saying "tell me tell me tell me ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You know the phrase, "you're your own worst enemy"? This kind of applies to you here. You fight the process that could help you because you don't want to have to face the feelings.
This is like getting cancer. It's not fair, it sucks, it is a crap... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: AA stands for Alcoholic Anonymous. There's also Al-Anon, which is for family and friends of alcoholics. I've been to those meetings when a good friend of mine was struggling with alcoholism. I haven't been to an AA meeting but I would imagine they ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You're having dreams like this because you feel trapped and helpless and it's about the sexual assaults you've experienced as well as trying to create defensive mechanisms to cope with them.
Q is right in that it's not going to be 'solved' over... (read in full...)
When should I take these pregnancy tests?
Q. ok so me and my boyfriend had sex and right after he came he was pulling out and the condom was still inside me. i freaked out and pulled it out. i was so freaked out so i took a bath and cleaned my self out. im so freaking scared. i don't have to ...
A. 28 June 2010: To add to my last answer, I'm not the one who is freaking scared or whose future will be forever altered by an unplanned pregnancy. I have been in your shoes, when I was much much younger. You either wake up and get smart, or you keep reacting to ... (read in full...)
When should I take these pregnancy tests?
Q. ok so me and my boyfriend had sex and right after he came he was pulling out and the condom was still inside me. i freaked out and pulled it out. i was so freaked out so i took a bath and cleaned my self out. im so freaking scared. i don't have to ...
A. 28 June 2010: You could go to the clinic now, and take emergency contraception to make sure you are NOT pregnant. Seems to me sooner is better than later. It's not my body and future, though, it's yours. Why wouldn't you take the best care of it you can?... (read in full...)
When should I take these pregnancy tests?
Q. ok so me and my boyfriend had sex and right after he came he was pulling out and the condom was still inside me. i freaked out and pulled it out. i was so freaked out so i took a bath and cleaned my self out. im so freaking scared. i don't have to ...
A. 28 June 2010: You haven't had a period in six months? And before then, you've been regular?
You have to see your doctor. Who knows what's going on? Time to be brave, and make sure that everything is okay with you.
Best wishes to you.... (read in full...)
When should I take these pregnancy tests?
Q. ok so me and my boyfriend had sex and right after he came he was pulling out and the condom was still inside me. i freaked out and pulled it out. i was so freaked out so i took a bath and cleaned my self out. im so freaking scared. i don't have to ...
A. 28 June 2010: So how much trust would she lose in you if you were pregnant?... (read in full...)
When should I take these pregnancy tests?
Q. ok so me and my boyfriend had sex and right after he came he was pulling out and the condom was still inside me. i freaked out and pulled it out. i was so freaked out so i took a bath and cleaned my self out. im so freaking scared. i don't have to ...
A. 28 June 2010: It's time to tell your parents that you are sexually active. You have the chance to take emergency contraception, but at your age, you will need a prescription from your doctor. Time is of the essence, as the emergency contraception or 'morning ... (read in full...)
Contraceptive implant is affecting my periods
Q. Well, i got an contraception implant and my periods have come out brown and irregular and i dont wanna go to the doctors... does anyone know whats happening? please help!...
A. 28 June 2010: You should have been given some literature when you had the implant. Where is it? And did you read it?
Did the doctor tell you to call his office if there were certain side-effects? Do you remember what those are?
Look, I'm a nag on this site abo... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: This isn't your fault and unfortunately, you can't see that just yet. You are filtering things through faulty settings, due to the abuse you've experienced. You HAVE to have an outside trained therapist help you through this, or your daughter... (read in full...)
How can I get to enjoy time spent on my own?
Q. My boyfriend and I spend a lot of time together, so, like most people, after a few days he needs some time to himself. I totally respect this and when he needs it I let him have it. However I will never understand why people like to spend time on ...
A. 27 June 2010: You sound like an extravert, someone who recharges her batteries by being with people. It's perfectly normal; I'd say you might do yourself a favor by learning how to be alone gracefully. There are probably equally as many people who HAVE to ... (read in full...)
Too shy to have sex because I'm worried about the size of my penis...
Q. Hi. I'm 16yo. My penis is something like 5.7 - 6in long when erect. I'm still virgin.. I had maybe 7 chances to have a sex with girls but I didn't do it because I'm too shy and I don't want to get embarrassed when they see my small penis. I know ...
A. 27 June 2010: Don't fall into the trap of thinking that a sexual encounter revolves entirely around your penis. I know, it's the core of your sexuality, but it isn't the core of hers. Remember that little tidbit and you'll be fine.
She sounds like the wrong pers... (read in full...)
Will I ever find anyone, male or female, who loves me for who I am?
Q. Heyy, Well the thing is I'm a really self-conscious person, I hide myself a lot (mostly my face) and I freak out when I'm standing with or next to a boy or a girl (I'm Bisexual) I know I'm not pretty, and I hate it when person tell me otherwise...
A. 27 June 2010: Would you love someone for his or herself, who never let anyone get close to him or her?... (read in full...)
I'm worried I'll never be able to function normally.
Q. Maybe this isn't the best place to post this but people here often give good advice. for a long time in my life (even when i was a really young) i've been terrified of going to new places and meeting new people. it may sound silly but the idea of ...
A. 27 June 2010: I have a website I'd like you to try out. It's basically a way to assess your thoughts and see if they can be changed to help you move through the world more easily, confidently and with better balance. http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome I've only... (read in full...)
How long for pregnancy symptoms to show?
Q. I had sex a few hours ago. We used no condom but i'm on the pill. He came inside me, a little, before pulling out. I'm very worried as to whether I may be pregnant. I'm due my period on saturday and I was wondering if I have falling pregnant will my ...
A. 27 June 2010: Wait, I missed that you are on the pill. Chances are infintessimal that you are pregnant. Go talk to the chemist but I think you may be overly cautious here.
And no, if you get pregnant, you will not shed the lining of the uterus, which is what the ... (read in full...)
How long for pregnancy symptoms to show?
Q. I had sex a few hours ago. We used no condom but i'm on the pill. He came inside me, a little, before pulling out. I'm very worried as to whether I may be pregnant. I'm due my period on saturday and I was wondering if I have falling pregnant will my ...
A. 27 June 2010: Go to the chemists and ask about the morning after pill, emergency contraception, if you are so concerned about this. Knowledge is power and can help prevent you making poor choices. Best wishes.... (read in full...)
Can't get over the fling I had
Q. i dont know why im finding it so hard to move on from this guy i had a fling with for 2months, i cant seem to stop thinking about him appoaching the girl and taking her number in front of me and he saw me there sitting at the bus stop. this guy ...
A. 26 June 2010: Good grief, you must not like yourself very much if you are chasing a guy who clearly is a jerk! This is very unhealthy thinking.
So why do you feel so low? Besides him, I mean. Are things going badly in other aspects of your life? Could you be d... (read in full...)
Will anger management help my husband?
Q. Can anger management help a husband who has been abusive when frustrated, angry, or hurt? It has gotten worse over the months and I think it will just get worse without some kind of help. Is it a long process?...
A. 26 June 2010: Does he perceive he has a problem?... (read in full...)
She won't accept that her weight is the reason men are not interested in her.
Q. My girfriend and I have a very close friend. She is a wonderful girl. It's always the same scene with her. She meets a guy, they are really into each other for a few days / weeks, then the guy realizes how heavy she is and distances himself. (I'm ...
A. 26 June 2010: I'm sure you are being quite selfless and hoping to help out a friend, but you've glommed onto the weight thing as if that were the only issue. Clearly it is not, as she is able to attract guys well enough to go out and get hot and heavy for a few ... (read in full...)
We are worried my girlfriend might be pregnant
Q. Hello I am 21 years of age and my girl is 20. About 10days ago we had sex for the 2nd time in our 3 years relation. It was a protected sex, the condom was on and everything went smooth (However I am not sure of some dried up precum on my fingers ...
A. 26 June 2010: It makes more sense for her to see the doctor. The discharge you describe sounds puzzling, the pain in her legs is not normal. Pain is your body's way of telling you something is wrong. Don't ignore it.
She needs to be examined by a physician soon... (read in full...)
In the three years since the baby she's lost all motivation
Q. I've been married for 3 years and we have been together for 6 years. We have 2 children together and she has 3 of her own. Here's my question. Since our daughter was born (3 years ago) my wife has no motoviation to do anything. She won't clean ...
A. 25 June 2010: Definitely needs to see a doctor. Depression isn't something you can treat by saying: "snap out of it." It doesn't work that way.
I hope she is able to take that oh so important first step back to her old self, the one you fell in love with and marr... (read in full...)
Could I have lost my virginity and gotten pregnant at the same time?
Q. okay so i am 17 and i lost my virginity thursday like 3 in the morning in the pool and it didnt hurt at all, but, it was only in me for like 3 minutes and when he pushed me away i looked down , and he had nutted. im sooo scared idk anything about ...
A. 25 June 2010: You have up to 72 hours to take emergency contraception, also known as the "morning after" pill. The effectiveness diminishes with every passing hour, so you'd better get yourself over to the pharmacy and talk to the pharmacist ASAP. Like TODAY.
h... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that I supported him by working as a prostitute?
Q. Our parents were physically,emotionally and verbally abusive to me and my younger brother, so when I was 18 I moved out and took him with me. In order to support me and him I worked as a prostitute but I told him I worked the night shift in a food ...
A. 25 June 2010: You DID rescue him and you DID work. Don't feel guilty or ashamed of that. I would let him continue on believing that. To do otherwise would give him a huge burden, as SY pointed out, one that he doesn't deserve at his age. He didn't ask you to take ... (read in full...)
Should I stop drinking altogether?
Q. so i started drinking when i was about fifteen years old and drink pretty much ever weekend since... lately i has been seeming that i drink until i BLACK OUT and this is scary to me cause i cant remember anything...i can never just have a couple ...
A. 25 June 2010: Yes. Quit drinking altogether. I wish my friend had done so at your age. She's dead now, died young at 46 due to her drinking. She would drink until she blacked out too.
Some people just cannot have a healthy relationship with alcohol; you soun... (read in full...)
I plan to move to America... but how do I to tell Mum and Dad!
Q. hello reader i am 17 and i didn't stay at school or go to college i have regretted that as i haven't been able to fibd work. i am now thinking about going back to college and getting some education the thing is next year if i have enough m...
A. 25 June 2010: I think you need to do your research properly and show parents that you have thought this all the way through.
Finances. You have enough money to live, to eat, to pay for the school, the books, transportation, medical insurance (health care is a bi... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 25 June 2010: I'll tell you my take on this. I refuse to police the private thoughts of my man or any other man or woman. They are entitled to whatever fantasy they choose to engage in; I'm not the mommy having to make sure he's not up to something he shouldn't ... (read in full...)
My best friend who I dated briefly wants me to move in with him despite having a girlfriend, and he has even said he wishes he could have both of us!
Q. EXTREMELY LONG BUT PLEASE READ I NEED HELP IM SO CONFUSED ! So I was literally dating my ex for less than a month he was my best friend of 3 years. I knew him like the palm of my hand and he knows everything about me. During our friendship he wa...
A. 25 June 2010: Yes. Yes, if you mean by "just give up" stop considering getting back together with him or even staying in contact with him for now. Remove all the confusing feelings for now, look plainly at the facts and actions. He's dating another girl. He broke... (read in full...)
What if there IS a journal entry that I don't remember and I lose my son?
Q. I had something bad happen to me almost eight months ago. Me and my ex got back together almost 6 months ago. We have been married now for almost three months now. The person who did the bad thing to me is still insisting I'm lieing. My husband says ...
A. 25 June 2010: Your husband doesn't have any right to determine custody of YOUR child if he is not the father. Go see an attorney, they will protect your confidences and interests. You appear to need a legal advocate. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Going commando?
Q. Hey, 25 y.o. straight male here... A strange question really. Hope you can help! Over the years I have found that going commando (wearing no underwear) in jeans is a real turn-on, for both myself and in women. I love the thought that tha...
A. 25 June 2010: It appears you have found the reason that underwear was created.
Sew in some buttons inside the jeans, about handkerchief corner width apart over the zipper area. Create some buttonholes on a handkerchief. Button handkerchief inside jeans when goin... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is so obsessed with porn, he ignores my crying!
Q. i've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and i cant seem to get past his porn viewing habit. i didn't know to what extent it was to until i found out he looks at it every single day!! he has lied to me about it several times saying that he ...
A. 25 June 2010: It sounds as though you two aren't really compatible. He likes to look at porn and it makes you so unhappy that it makes you cry. He doesn't really seem to care or mind that you are so unhappy, he expects you to get over it and isn't willing to ... (read in full...)
In the three years since the baby she's lost all motivation
Q. I've been married for 3 years and we have been together for 6 years. We have 2 children together and she has 3 of her own. Here's my question. Since our daughter was born (3 years ago) my wife has no motoviation to do anything. She won't clean ...
A. 25 June 2010: I agree with Ask Oldersister. Get her to the doctor. She sounds like she's suffering from depression and it would be better to have her diagnosed and treated as appropriate rather than be angry at the change in her personality.
She can't help it, ... (read in full...)
Is it scarier to be a Grieving Widow, or to know one?
Q. I am so confused by the behavior of certain men. My husband killed himself about 4 months ago and I have been trying to deal with this loss and helping to heal myself and my two young boys. What I do not understand is the way that certain men have...
A. 24 June 2010: I'm sorry for your loss as well. What an extraordinary thing to have to go through.
For what it's worth, I have a friend who lost her husband to suicide nearly 4 years ago. For someone to die so young is shocking enough but the factor of the suic... (read in full...)
What's the hang-up on swallowing?
Q. It probably has been answered already, but what is the real hang up on women not wanting to swallow a man's ejaculation. Taste? Contents? Etc. Also, if you are going to let them cum in your mouth, what's the difference? Men go down on women and ...
A. 24 June 2010: Miamine, you've made an excellent point! Many men feel rejected if you don't swallow, so try not to make too big a deal about it. ... (read in full...)
Any men on DC who don't like porn?
Q. *OP's Original Title* Are there any men on DC who don't watch porn? Or never have? If so, why not? Ii'd like a tally please. I've only ever met one man who doesn't. ...
A. 24 June 2010: Does looking at a naked woman count? Or is there a more specific definition of 'porn'?... (read in full...)
What's the hang-up on swallowing?
Q. It probably has been answered already, but what is the real hang up on women not wanting to swallow a man's ejaculation. Taste? Contents? Etc. Also, if you are going to let them cum in your mouth, what's the difference? Men go down on women and ...
A. 24 June 2010: SY, I missed your very succinct, and to the point answer. Well said.... (read in full...)
My husband isn't circumcized and it really turns me off!
Q. *OP's Original Title* My husband isn't circumcized, and sometimes it turns me off. When I first met him, it wasn't really an issue, because of all the nice things that he used to do for me. But lately we have been trying to get pregnant, and Maki...
A. 24 June 2010: Is this about his cleanliness?... (read in full...)
What's the hang-up on swallowing?
Q. It probably has been answered already, but what is the real hang up on women not wanting to swallow a man's ejaculation. Taste? Contents? Etc. Also, if you are going to let them cum in your mouth, what's the difference? Men go down on women and ...
A. 24 June 2010: One more thing, I'm in the 'swallows' category, in case you're wondering. It's just that I have some imagination and know what it's like to not want to swallow.
Cut the ladies a break, gents. If she's giving you the gift of a bj, don't scorn her ... (read in full...)
What's the hang-up on swallowing?
Q. It probably has been answered already, but what is the real hang up on women not wanting to swallow a man's ejaculation. Taste? Contents? Etc. Also, if you are going to let them cum in your mouth, what's the difference? Men go down on women and ...
A. 24 June 2010: I don't think women have protruberances large enough to hit the gag reflex over and over again.
So imagine that you have a large object--not a woman's genitalia, more like a warm sea cucumber--that you have to avoid hitting with your teeth at all ... (read in full...)
I don't doubt that he loves me, but his behaviour is just so selfish!
Q. hello and thanks in advance for reading my situation is that im a married, have 3 children and i left my partner nearly 1 year ago. i left because my husband completely lived a separte live from me and the children. he would go to work return from...
A. 24 June 2010: Has he been seen by a medical doctor and evaluated for depression?... (read in full...)
Help! Who does my crush like?!? Me or my Bff?!?
Q. I like this guy... And so does my best friend. He gives us mix signals . She came up to him and ask if he could say happy birthday to me. He said that he was just about to do that and after the day he came up to me a said happy birthday. My friend ...
A. 24 June 2010: He wrote "I do not hate u, dislike u, or anything else"? That sounds as though he was very careful to sound neutral as to how he feels about you. Yet he told your girlfriend he liked her? Oh dear, my interpretation of this is that he likes her.
N... (read in full...)
Staying-out-of-trouble advice when meeting teens
Q. There seems to be a lot of information around about how to avoid predators and stuff on the Internet, but not much on how to avoided being called one. There's this teen I've been chatting on-line with for a while, who is talking about coming to see ...
A. 24 June 2010: She's crossing an international border to come visit you? You had better make absolutely sure she is 18.
Perhaps a quick background check would be a good idea for you to conduct on her. It might cost money, but what's some cash if it keeps you out ... (read in full...)
When a guy calls you at three in the morning...?
Q. I like this guy and he's called me at three in the morning, twice. I tell him everything, and he knows that I like him, and he tells me everything too, but we're not best friends. When he calls, he doesn't talk about anything sexual, and we just ...
A. 24 June 2010: Outstanding! Good for you. Now he knows you don't appreciate being considered a booty call. I like it.... (read in full...)
He loved the handjob so does that mean he's interested in me?
Q. Last night i was having a sleepover with 3 of my best friends, two of which are guys. were all 16. we decided to watch some movies and hangout but before all the movies were done two of my friends were out, leaving only me and my guy friend the only ...
A. 23 June 2010: A penis can often override the brain's input in a body, ESPECIALLY in a young man's body. I'm sure the penis demanded that it be rubbed, despite the brain's objection. Once the rubbing ceased, the brain was able to re-establish control and alert the ... (read in full...)
Staying-out-of-trouble advice when meeting teens
Q. There seems to be a lot of information around about how to avoid predators and stuff on the Internet, but not much on how to avoided being called one. There's this teen I've been chatting on-line with for a while, who is talking about coming to see ...
A. 23 June 2010: If she's 14, she's not going to have ID. Oh wait, yes she could. I remember giving my drivers' license to my sister who is 6 years younger than I am for some reason when I was around 19. I had a spare one after a lost purse incident required that I ... (read in full...)
I like giving men blow jobs - am I gay?
Q. I have always wanted to know what it was like to give another man a BJ. I answered an ad and got to know this guy. I went over to his house and gave him a BJ. I did enjoy it! Now my problem is, I want to do it again. I like giving the BJ pa...
A. 22 June 2010: Gosh, the OP's had over two years to figure this out. I wonder if he ever reached a conclusion?... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: Thanks again for that followup.
I want you to run yourself through this website: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
I think you've got some warpy thoughts going on there.... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: Thank you for the followup. Wow, you certainly are analyzing this thoroughly. I have a simple question in reply: What are you doing to meet people and make friends? Ignore the dating stuff for now. ... (read in full...)
Dating, Age, Time, and Celibacy...Recipe for being Alone Forever?
Q. I have been alone- without being on a single date- since 1997. When I was younger, out of college I worked 8 years, 7 days a week, year round, 10-24 hours a day. The only time I had off was extremely rare and I was normally mentally exhaust...
A. 22 June 2010: The other aunts have done such a good job answering this that I only have one or two thoughts to add here.
What do you mean, you can't volunteer? You can't stuff envelopes? You can't deliver newsletters? You just don't want to take the time to find... (read in full...)
When a guy calls you at three in the morning...?
Q. I like this guy and he's called me at three in the morning, twice. I tell him everything, and he knows that I like him, and he tells me everything too, but we're not best friends. When he calls, he doesn't talk about anything sexual, and we just ...
A. 21 June 2010: I think DrPsych nailed this answer.
You're giving too much away. There's nothing mysterious about you if you lay it all out. Guys like a bit of a challenge, a bit of a chase. You're taking his calls at 3 am, that tells him you'd drop ever... (read in full...)
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