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Amateurs built the Ark.....professionals built the Titanic

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time

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Why did my neighbour lie to me about her experience at the restaurant where I work?

Q.   I work part time at a small family run restaurant. As well as working there I often go there for dinner too. The food is amazing and service is wonderful. My neighbor a while back was asking about the restaurant as she and her sister wante...

A.   7 May 2024: I agree with Honeypie and Youcannotbeserious. This is a huge red flag. There is nothing wrong with checking CCTV or admitting to it. In fact, as has been stated, it's so common that we're wise to assume there is CCTV everywhere (if we're planning... (read in full...)

Is it possible to be friends with my ex on social media

Q.   I am happily married to my husband who I met ten years ago. However an ex boyfriend from when I was 17-18 added me on social media. I accepted because there are no feelings there and I didn’t see the harm in being on good terms as it was so long ...

A.   21 March 2024: Just delete the ex boyfriend, who clearly isn't worried about causing friction in your marriage. Even if you don't include your relationship status on your social media, and you had no photos that suggest you're in a relationship, your ex shoul... (read in full...)

My husband buys the worst gifts

Q.   It’s my birthday next week and I know my lovely husband has bought me an expensive gift. Unfortunately it’s not something that I want. I know that sounds so very ungrateful and even childish, but he does this every birthday, every an anniversary and ...

A.   2 March 2024: How about suggesting a gift card for a specific shop (such as Amazon)? After this event is over, I mean. ... (read in full...)

Whom to tell this sad news

Q.   Hi! It’s hard to talk about this, but here goes. A dear friend has just told me that she has eight weeks to live (medical prognosis) and of course I will visit, etc. She’d like that, she said. What I’m wondering is, how to decide who to tell. Mo...

A.   22 February 2024: It's your friend's news to share or not as she sees fit. You could tell her that you will not mention it to anyone unless she wants you to. ... (read in full...)

Should I allow my son to quit football?

Q.   My youngest son is a junior in high school and has been playing football for his school since the 8th grade (his school is a private school that goes from 5th grade to 12th grade). Justin always loved playing football until recently. Justin ju...

A.   22 February 2024: I think you should leave the decision entirely up to Justin without 'encouragement' in any direction. More bad than good can come from you manufacturing unnecessary rules. Justin has enough trust in you that he was able to confide in you. Maki... (read in full...)

Should I be suspicious of his ex-wife?

Q.   Friend with benefits just got out of the hospital for open heart surgery. His ex-wife has been at his house twice a day to cook breakfast and dinner since he came home, though I offered to help. Should I be suspicious that something more i...

A.   18 February 2024: OP, that's fair enough. To prevent you from being used, stop providing the benefits and see how interested he is in being friends. Don't announce it to him, but if/when he's recovered enough to want to see you again, meet in public (lunch, ... (read in full...)

Should I be suspicious of his ex-wife?

Q.   Friend with benefits just got out of the hospital for open heart surgery. His ex-wife has been at his house twice a day to cook breakfast and dinner since he came home, though I offered to help. Should I be suspicious that something more i...

A.   17 February 2024: An woman providing some care to her ex husband is more common than you think, and more often than not there is nothing more going on. That said, since you're just a friend with benefits it's none of your business if there is more to this or not. ... (read in full...)

She’s angry I didn’t tell her, her ex got married!

Q.   I fear I have just lost a dear friend and long friendship over a silly mistake that I didn’t even know I made! My friends fiancé cheated on her 3 years ago. Obviously she was devastated. My friend does not have a facebook account, never h...

A.   17 February 2024: I second female anon's response. Your friend does NOT have a right to know what her ex is up to, especially 3 years after they parted. Secondly, she'd already made it clear she didn't want to know what he was up to, and it was childish of her ... (read in full...)

Unhappy with hairdresser should I call and tell her or put it on social media?

Q.   Been going to the same hairdressers 2 years now, Before that I went to another one for longer. I always get my roots done and a wash and blow dry and it costs £60. The one I go to now is never been as good as the one I went to years ago. This hai...

A.   18 January 2024: I agree with Youcannotbeserious. Posting your grievances on Facebook is very low class and it can have long lasting consequences. You could call her and let her know without making an demands. If she volunteers to give you a discount on your nex... (read in full...)

What to do about manipulative friend

Q.   I'm not in a relationship nor have I been or want to be with the guy in question. We are friends nothing more, although I think he wouldn't say no if I asked him to be my bf. We've known each other for years but lost touch for ages, started ha...

A.   14 January 2024: Yes, he is manipulative and I recommend you cut him out of your life completely. He's not lonely and depressed because life has dealt him an unfair hand, but because he is very self centred and manipulative and people distance themselves from him... (read in full...)

What would you have done in this situation?

Q.   A 40 year old married woman, let’s say her name is Mrs J went to her friends Mrs M house for bday get to gather after playing bingo w/ the girls. The people who was suppose to be at Mrs M house was Mrs J, Mrs M, Mrs L(single). The bday girl’s guy ...

A.   29 November 2023: I'm guessing you are Mr. J and you want to know what, if anything, your wife should have done differently. I second Honeypie's answer. I would not have left a child on her own with 2 strange men. Nor do I think I would have asked them to leave as... (read in full...)

Controlling & jealous boyfriend and the man I fancy at my local hangout

Q.   I have a boyfriend for 6 years now and while we have a great relationship, his very jealousy and controlling …A few months back I broke it off because of his constant jealousy tantrums…I was also going through some personal family issues (my only ...

A.   27 November 2023: Yep. What Honeypie said. ... (read in full...)

Mother is creating drama over my wedding dress! Help!

Q.   I’m getting married next year and a few months ago I went bride dress shopping with my mum. Now initially I wanted to bring with me (in addition to my mum) my best friend (who is my MOH), my aunt (my mums sister who was never able to have ...

A.   1 November 2023: Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and I'm very glad you found a dress you like, and that your mother wasn't there to ruin the day. The fact that she's barely speaking to you might actually be a blessing, so try to enjoy it while it lasts. ... (read in full...)

Difficult parents to support

Q.   Hello, I am very tired dealing with my mum because she has been complaining about my dad and the marriages for years. They have been married for more than 50 years and she never been happy but have stayed with him, He is very controlling, she...

A.   26 October 2023: Indulging your mother is like giving drugs to a drug addict because you feel guilty watching them suffer the withdrawal. My mother, also a 'stay at home mum' (since 1969) is the narcissist and my father an alcoholic. Both of them are profoundly s... (read in full...)

How can I make amends with my friend about the money?

Q.   I’m currently feeling very guilty for accidentally misleading a friend regarding helping her out financially….. 18 months ago my friend was facing a potential situation where by she would need a solicitor and she was struggling to cover the cos...

A.   16 September 2023: Your husband is right. This is her fault. As your friend is more than old enough to know a lot can happen in 18 months. You and your husband could have lost your jobs, been injured in an accident, been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Did you... (read in full...)

A for sale sign has caused much tension between neighbors

Q.   So I want to start off by saying that I’m not one to suffer with anxiety and I’ve always considered myself strong and able to move on when rubbish happens but something that has happened recently has made me feel quite vulnerable…. I live in...

A.   13 September 2023: I don't think you're being silly. The experience has rattled your cage, not in some far away place but on your home turf. I get that. The good news is you found out how low class your neighbours are, not as they're moving in, but as they're ... (read in full...)

Should I confront my friend about not inviting me to her engagement party?

Q.   Can you please advise if I should confront my friend or not over something that has left me feeling upset. We’ve been friends for around 15 years, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding a few years ago, she even told me she was pregnant before ...

A.   12 September 2023: And suffice to say I would not be meeting her for lunch. ... (read in full...)

Should I confront my friend about not inviting me to her engagement party?

Q.   Can you please advise if I should confront my friend or not over something that has left me feeling upset. We’ve been friends for around 15 years, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding a few years ago, she even told me she was pregnant before ...

A.   12 September 2023: I'm going to add to this, and this means nothing it's just me thinking out loud. In this day and age of digital cameras, smart phones, internet, world wide web and social media sites that it wouldn't occur to her that you would find out that oth... (read in full...)

Should I confront my friend about not inviting me to her engagement party?

Q.   Can you please advise if I should confront my friend or not over something that has left me feeling upset. We’ve been friends for around 15 years, she was my bridesmaid at my wedding a few years ago, she even told me she was pregnant before ...

A.   12 September 2023: Again, I agree with Honeypie. ... (read in full...)

Is he depressed, toxic or is it me ruining the relationship as he says it is.

Q.   I moved in with my partner a year ago and things are becoming toxic in our relationship. I walk on eggshells most days with him. I am always trying to make him happy and putting him first. He’s a very negative person (glass always half empty) blames ...

A.   12 September 2023: Yep, what Honeypie said. ... (read in full...)

Are we being harsh by no longer giving neighbors fresh produce as they seem to take advantage?

Q.   My husband and i last year took over my parents allotment. We’ve been very fortunate that we always have an abundance of fresh produce such as lettuce, cucumbers, onions, apples, figs, strawberries, carrots, cabbage etc…. So often we will give ...

A.   29 August 2023: Another vote for the 'no, you're not being harsh at all' camp. OP, even if this was her only source of income, it is not your job to provide her with free raw (pardon the pun) materials for her business. It was tasteless (couldn't resist that) of... (read in full...)

Neighbors keep interfering since we put our house up for sale…

Q.   My husband and I have put our house up for sale as we are looking to move away to a different town due to my husband’s job. We have lived in our house for 12 years. Our neighbors (who lived there long before we arrived) are nice enough but just ...

A.   21 August 2023: This is not about being elderly, but about being rude. If they're in their 70s, they're likely boomers, and they weren't called 'the Me Generation' for nothing. Unfortunately, it seems many from that generation are quite comfortable patronising ... (read in full...)

Should I cut off the relationship or give him an ultimatium?

Q.   I've been seeing a Male friend who is now divorced. We don't live together. He told me his ex-wife starting coming over once a week to collect junk mail, visit their cats (as he kept all of them), AND she cooks him breakfast while she's there. When ...

A.   8 August 2023: I would definitely not give him an ultimatum. It's not your place to make rules for him, especially if your association is still new enough to refer to it as 'seeing a male friend'. Instead I would quietly back off. If he's this involved with an ... (read in full...)

Do I deserve my punishment?

Q.   just over a week ago we broke up from school i am 15 me and some of my friends went out and drunk some alcohol we then became loud and started the throw dustbins around by this time we were all drunk, the police were called and i was put in the ...

A.   6 August 2023: It may seem unfair compared to your friends who appear to have gotten off easily, but imagine how unfair it seems to the people who woke up to your mess and had to clean it. It's not only the physical work, but the insult. What would you think if... (read in full...)

How would I even broach the topic of attempting to rekindle something with someone who once hurt me?

Q.   Hi there - I have a situation who I don’t know who else to speak to about it. 3 years ago I was in a relationship with someone who I genuinely fell in love with. He had a lot of maturing to do and couldn’t quite seem to get to the point of saying he ...

A.   17 July 2023: Huh? He did a lot of self work and therapy? What exactly does that mean? He needed years and a stranger to tell him it was wrong to agree to go on a date with another woman? A 10 year old knows this. His problem wasn't maturity but characte... (read in full...)

My partner has a huge drinking problem

Q.   I have been together with my boyfriend for 13 years, we have a child together and we have our own home together. However for the past 2 years I’ve noticed my boyfriend’s drinking is getting out of hand, at first his drinking was only moderate, but ...

A.   13 March 2023: You should only allow him back AFTER he's changed. You can agree to let him back when he's been sober for 6 months, for example. You pick the time frame that works for you. No arguing, no re-hashing the past, citing examples, explaining. The ... (read in full...)

Confused as to whether I want to get back with partner or not

Q.   I was with my partner for 7 years until a few months ago which was due to a fight which lead to me moving out and getting my own place. The sequence of events went quickly but I have been enjoying having my own space again. We've been meeting each ...

A.   4 January 2023: I say keep your own place for the time being and allow him to court you. Go out on dates with him, see places, do some fun things. It doesn't have to be a whirlwind romance or anything. Just go out, instead of sitting at each other's homes. ... (read in full...)

Do I stay away from family get together on New Year's eve because of fight with sister?

Q.   I’m probably going to be told I’m selfish for complaining about this but I’ve honestly had enough. My sister who is in her mid 40’s has been in an off and on relationship with her boyfriend- in his late 40’s for the past 5 years. They ...

A.   4 January 2023: A bit late to chime in here, but I'm going to anyway. I hope you went a had a lovely New Year's. You do not sound selfish at all. Your sister does, and I probably would not have apologized. I'd be pleasant but aloof. ... (read in full...)

Dating websites and scammers

Q.   I'm on dating sites and it's not good. We start chatting, start connecting and they request money. Why do they feel it's okay to ask a stanger whom they've never met for money? It's a complete turn off. Even on social media they reach out a...

A.   4 January 2023: You might want to reconsider the dating sites you're on. Perhaps pick one decent one. I'm no expert since I've been married since before Google, but I heard from others that eHarmony was good. Also, you might want to have a friend review your pro... (read in full...)

What do I say?

Q.   Need some advice it's driving me mad to be honest I was seeing a guy since Aug 2022 so wasn't long Spent every weekend with him spoke everyday etc planned to spend new years eve together Exchanged Xmas presents where he bought me a lovely ne...

A.   4 January 2023: 'Hi. I hope you and the kids enjoyed your Christmas holidays. I'd like to pop by to pick up my lap top. Let me know what day/time is best for you.' That is cheerful without overdoing it, and it's non judgmental or confrontational. The door is ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and his mother ruined Christmas

Q.   I’ll try and keep this simple. I’ve being with my boyfriend for 9 months. He had recently just come out of a relationship and he was back home, living with his mother. He had recently lost his father just four month before we met. We moved in ...

A.   4 January 2023: I'm sorry to hear about the Christmas fiasco. I'd say it was a toxic relationship. Are you close enough to your family that you could move in with them?... (read in full...)

Friendship Woes

Q.   Hello all, this isn’t necessarily a love/dating question, but a friendship dilemma in need of advice. I don’t know who to ask because I’ve only got a handful of people in my life and they’re mostly guys and don’t really have any solid advice. A...

A.   1 October 2022: This woman was never a friend, let alone a best friend. She was just someone who was there when you needed someone, and you were prepared (or better able) to overlook her obvious shortcomings and make excuses for them. NO ONE likes being text... (read in full...)

My online African boyfriend keeps asking me for money

Q.   Hello I met a man online. We talked for several months then he began asking me for money. He's from Africa, he said he's poor. I felt bad and sent him 20.00 for some food. Now there is always some issue. He needs for food, for transportation, ...

A.   1 October 2022: This man is NOT a friend. You are just a mark for him. He's not poor, just a crook. Stop sending him money,and stop speaking to him. Block and delete. Problem solved. ... (read in full...)

Thank you for dear cupid

Q.   Hi all, Today is my birthday and I am happy to be in a new lovely country working at a dream come true organisation. I would also like to celebrate with all the wonderful people who make it a success, including this wonderful platform of advi...

A.   11 July 2022: Happy Birthday, and thank you for the lovely wishes. Congratulations on your dream job and I wish you every success. :)... (read in full...)

Is there anything wrong with me keeping my opinions to myself in this situation?

Q.   A lot of my friends are posting about the United States Supreme Court decision at overturning Roe vs Wade (abortion law). I am pro-life but I never talked about my views with my family or friends. Part of me feels like I am a coward for not e...

A.   26 June 2022: I agree with Honeypie. There is nothing wrong with keeping your opinion to yourself, and if more folks did that, the world would be a happier place. You're not obliged to share your thoughts. Most people at some point think things they won't sh... (read in full...)

I need prayers

Q.   My husband is sick and not being honest with me about his condition. I don’t want to loose him. I’m afraid that he is not going to come back from this and I just need some prayers because I have no control over his or anyone decision making. I am ...

A.   12 June 2022: Prayers said. It may be very difficult for you now, but everything will eventually be ok. ... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to what a friend said?

Q.   Im sure I'll regret writing in here, seen as, in my current emotionally charged state, people have the ability to cut me to pieces with a few words.. But here goes... We are nearing winter here and I plan to put my elderly dog to sleep before t...

A.   17 May 2022: Everything you've said makes sense. i can understand the timing and what you're hoping to accomplish. Your dog is very lucky to have found you. I'm sure you feel the same about her. It was very callous of your friend to open her fat face and vom... (read in full...)

The house goes to his ex if he dies

Q.   Hello Just looking for some advise if possible So my partner and have been together around a year We moved in together around 2 months ago, it’s his house which he holds a mortgage on When he asked me to move in with him he offered to p...

A.   9 May 2022: A small, but important point...adding yourself to his mortgage does not mean you co-own the home. I would treat the house as a rental. You'd have to pay for accommodations wherever you lived. I suggest you not invest your heart and soul into red... (read in full...)

Do I check into mothers past? Report her?

Q.   Hi everyone, I was recently at a meeting with a nurse regarding my children as they are being assessed for autism. Present in the room were myself, the nurse and my husband. The nurse asked about our family backgrounds so without going to a great...

A.   19 April 2022: My suggestion is to leave it alone. Manipulators and abusers don't treat everyone this way. They are often quite charming with those outside their inner sphere, which is why victims have such a difficult time being believed. What your mothe... (read in full...)

Do you think I was unfair?

Q.   I recently had a break down in a relationship and am struggling with feelings of guilt and regret, I am 64 and my "boy"friend was same age. He was in rented lovely cottage in great location but very expensive, he had lost his property previous...

A.   4 March 2022: Good grief! The man is far worse than I originally thought. You handled this with class, OP, and you ABSOLUTELY did the right thing. Well done!... (read in full...)

Do you think I was unfair?

Q.   I recently had a break down in a relationship and am struggling with feelings of guilt and regret, I am 64 and my "boy"friend was same age. He was in rented lovely cottage in great location but very expensive, he had lost his property previous...

A.   3 March 2022: You did the right thing! As I was reading your post, my gut began to clench thinking you would end up saying you'd sold your home, taken out a mortgage on a bigger one, then given up your job. Much to my relief you did not! A life partner is ... (read in full...)

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