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People are like stained - glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I've been on DC since 2007. I have seen just about everything you can imagine on here. I am a "softer" responder. I try to always give good advice with kindness. I genuinely want to help people and never want to hurt someone by the words I type since most people that come to DC are already hurting in some way.
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Difficult parents to support
Q. Hello, I am very tired dealing with my mum because she has been complaining about my dad and the marriages for years. They have been married for more than 50 years and she never been happy but have stayed with him, He is very controlling, she...
A. 26 October 2023: There comes a point where you just have to accept that people often like to complain but don't want to change things. Its almost like they love dwelling in their misery. My story is similar to yours. My parents were married for 53 years before my ... (read in full...)
FWB not working out and I want more
Q. I stopped sleeping with FWB recently because he insulted me. He said I wanted more and was into drama because I questioned him about a woman that was in his vehicle (ex wife) because they had to take care of a bank issue. Not questioning WHY she was ...
A. 20 October 2023: FWB relationships rarely work out because one person cant just leave it for what its supposed to be...sex only. Its pretty natural but doesnt bode well for the fwb aspect. Someone is always going to get hurt. I honestly don't know how people can be ... (read in full...)
Our neighbors sold their house and never told us
Q. We lived next to our neighbors for 15 years and always had a good rapport so it came as a bit of a shock when my husband and I came back from 2 weeks away and found they had sold their house and we had new neighbors. They never mentioned ...
A. 10 October 2023: There could be many reasons why they didn't tell you about the sale. Maybe they couldn't afford to live there? Maybe one of them had a job transfer? Maybe they didn't like the neighborhood? Perhaps they were embarrassed to tell you? I certainly ... (read in full...)
We are in love but worried what our families will think of our relationship
Q. I’m 40 and for just over a year I’ve been seeing a man who is 66. We are both divorced. I have no children (and not planning or wanting any). He has 2 grown up children and a 14 month old grandchild. We have kept our relationship quiet as we...
A. 2 October 2023: Life is short. Everyone deserves to be happy. The kids are adults and should be mature enough to deal with the situation. You shouldn't have to be hiding. Tell people and if they don't like it or can't accept things..well that's on them, isnt it? ... (read in full...)
Colleague ruined spa day. Do I inform management of her behavior?
Q. My workplace paid for myself and a colleague to a spa day last week as we were the top 2 in our team with the highest sales records. Often they treat staff members who have hit target with things like this and this was both our first time. ...
A. 27 September 2023: I can see two ways of handling this. Ask to speak to your manager in private and explain things and tell them that you had a good time but the co worker made things uncomfortable. or, if the two of you are together, you could say "Well I certainly ... (read in full...)
Why is my fwb being so disrespectful
Q. I've been seeing a FWB for sometime. We do things together. Hang out, go out in his boat, go to dinner sometimes. Lately he seems irritated by something. We went to his condo on the beach in his truck. It was really a hot day. I asked if he could ...
A. 19 August 2023: This is the problem with FWB relationships. They start out as no strings attached and then invariably one person grows feelings for the other. These relationships normally don't work out and one person walks away hurt. You can't make someone care ... (read in full...)
Neighbors keep interfering since we put our house up for sale…
Q. My husband and I have put our house up for sale as we are looking to move away to a different town due to my husband’s job. We have lived in our house for 12 years. Our neighbors (who lived there long before we arrived) are nice enough but just ...
A. 18 August 2023: I will just reiterate what others have said. I don't think your neighbors mean to be pains in the butt...although they are! Older people sometimes have too much time on their hands and too much energy. Its understandable that they are ... (read in full...)
Shall I confront my neighbor or not?
Q. My neighbor, on several occasion, whilst I have been away has looked after my indoor rabbits. I’ve never had any issues with her coming to my house and looking after them. My bunnies have their own allocated big room downstairs which is rabb...
A. 11 August 2023: I guess it depends on how good of terms you wish to stay with your neighbor because regardless of you being right and having proof, I highly doubt that the conversation would go very well. More than likely they will try to deny it or laugh it off ... (read in full...)
Do I deserve my punishment?
Q. just over a week ago we broke up from school i am 15 me and some of my friends went out and drunk some alcohol we then became loud and started the throw dustbins around by this time we were all drunk, the police were called and i was put in the ...
A. 2 August 2023: Yes you do. Your parents are actually being alot more lenient that other parents would be. Are you the girl who constantly gets into trouble and then writes on DC wanting us to feel sorry for you? I'm pretty sure you are.
Advice? Stop being a ... (read in full...)
Why did my friend's daughter think I was going to surprise her with something I couldn't afford?
Q. Not really a question but just an odd situation i found myself in…? My friend invited me to join her and her 11 years old daughter to a trip to the zoo. Her daughter really wanted to do an animal encounter but it was ridiculously expensive so...
A. 1 August 2023: Wow I don't know if I would call the woman a friend. She set you up and now you look like the bad guy. I think I'd be backing away from this friendship. How horrible to do this to you and her daughter. Who knows wht she told her daughter! I think I ... (read in full...)
Should I just accept the way things are with my family?
Q. I’m really struggling right now and need some help, advice and a bit of love please, Cupid friends. I just feel like my life is falling apart. Especially when it comes to my family. It’s super complex, but I have alcoholic parents who were very em...
A. 25 July 2023: There are movies about the perfect family and yes, some people seem to be lucky enough to have the perfect family but most of us do not. Some families are far worse than others. Its hard when you are a child, because you don't really have much say ... (read in full...)
His remark has me wondering if I should end our friendship?
Q. I'm a 51 year old woman who is currently single (been divorced 10 years now). I had a relationship with another man two years younger than me straight after I got divorced - a rebound I guess - but this ended up with me finding out he had gone back ...
A. 19 July 2023: He sounds like a smart aleck. Maybe he's trying to be funny but whatever he doesn't seem all that grateful for you being there when he needed someone. I wouldn't continue on with the friendship. He does not appreciate you. ... (read in full...)
Should I text him and ask where we stand or should I end it?
Q. My boyfriend asked me for space and time after we had a misunderstanding and it’s been a month now of no contact. When I see him at public events he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking but he makes no effort to come talk to me and doesn’t ...
A. 18 July 2023: I would say its over and he wasn't man enough to come right and tell you. Block him, delete him whatever you need to do. You deserve better. Don't spend too much time thinking about him. He isn't worth it. ... (read in full...)
Why does this couple act this way?
Q. I really don't know what to think of these people's behavior. Can you help me make sense of it? This couple live near me. I have said hello to the lady, just in passing, 3 times (in case she maybe hadn't heard me for some reason). Both her and her...
A. 17 July 2023: The odds are that you are never going to know why they act as they do. I wouldn't waste my time worrying about it. Just assume that they are a little strange and forget it. I keep a polite but distant attitude with my neighbors. When seeing them I ... (read in full...)
He's a millionaire but says money is tight. Is he testing me?
Q. I’ve been divorced for 2 years. Separated in 2019. I haven’t dated in many years. Now it’s online dating which is daunting and sometimes intimidating. I’m aware this question is ignorant and judgmental. Please go easy on me. I met another divorcee ...
A. 12 July 2023: Just because a person "has money" doesn't truly mean that they have access to the money so he may be telling the truth. It could be tied up in a trust fund, stocks or bonds or investments. Who knows? He could also be testing you, its hard to say. If ... (read in full...)
He uses my secrets against me
Q. How do you deal with a bf who uses your secrets against you? We've been together about 2 years. Whenever he argues which is quite abit he decides to throw things on my face. For example I ruined all my relationships and I can't keep a man, I'm ...
A. 7 July 2023: Walk away. Plain and simple. The man is a jerk. ... (read in full...)
Coworker questioning my virginity and sexuality
Q. Please help me address/respond to a nosy coworker. In the past I went to her about questions regarding guys/dating and that I told a guy something about me and I think it freaked him out. It was about my weight and how heavy I used to be-but she ...
A. 7 July 2023: She is out of line not to mention rude. You owe her no answers and no explanations. I would look her straight in the eye and tell her that its none of her business and if she doesn't stop it then you will report her. I believe what she is doing ... (read in full...)
Dealing with a narcisstic man
Q. Has anyone ever dealt with a narcissistic man in a relationship? I am living with a guy who never says he is wrong. No matter what he does, it’s my fault, my mistake, my actions that has caused an argument or a disagreement. He’s always adding o...
A. 7 July 2023: This is where you stop trying to fix things or change things and walk away. This type of person is a soul crusher. Get out now..and actually don't walk...RUN! ... (read in full...)
How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money?
Q. How to deal with a boyfriend who always asks for money? We've been together 2 years now and in this time he always asks for money. His latest request is his rent for $1500.00. He is always out of work. Some excuse. I need to focus on my own ...
A. 4 July 2023: You already know what you need to do. You just don't want to cut the cord but you need to. He thinks of you as an ATM, a cash cow. He will continue to sponge off of you as long as you allow it. Just say no. Say it and mean it. He will either accept ... (read in full...)
Friend got birth control and lied
Q. My friend Lex I just found out rode her bike to what's basically an abortion clinic and got birth control. She told her parents she was with me and I almost got in trouble for lying for her when I knew nothing about it. Luckily I was at work like I ...
A. 4 July 2023: It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer ... (read in full...)
Friend got birth control and lied
Q. My friend Lex I just found out rode her bike to what's basically an abortion clinic and got birth control. She told her parents she was with me and I almost got in trouble for lying for her when I knew nothing about it. Luckily I was at work like I ...
A. 4 July 2023: It was wrong of your friend to lie but I guess she was desperate. She confided in you and whether you agree with her morals or not, its not your secret to tell. I wouldnt tell her parents...the truth will come out eventually. I would just steer ... (read in full...)
I don't want to act jealous
Q. My FWB let his ex wife watch his cats while he was away. He has 4. I wasn't available. She stayed at his home 3 weeks while he was away, and I'm fine with that. She left pieces of clothing and incidentals in his home. She wants to pick them up she ...
A. 3 July 2023: Sorry but being a FWB isn't the same as being a girlfriend. Its basically a no strings relationship and you can both do what you want unless you have made different arrangements. Afraid he can do whatever he wants and so can you. FWB relationships ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's 10 year old daughter is coming between us
Q. Hi I am with my bf he’s frum Dublin I feel like she is trying to keep him away frum me she is only 10 I feel like I’m in the middle between me and his daughter she’s kinda annoying I just want to be with him not his kids. I don’t know what to do ...
A. 30 June 2023: Put yourself in the girl's place. She's 10 so she isn't mature and doesn't reason like an adult. She sees you as a threat. You are taking her dad's time. Surely you can see that right? Children are very protective of their parents! I remember how ... (read in full...)
Think my husband hates being a father. It's affecting our relationship
Q. I feel as though my "Don" husband hates being a father and regrets it. Our son "Johnny" is 4. We are both early 30s. Don makes snide jokes all the time about his intelligence, his abilities, etc. He doesn't really enjoy spending time with him and ...
A. 27 June 2023: I don't know if your marriage is over but its sure floundering and needs help. Your husband honestly sounds like a jerk. His behavior is definitely noticed by your son even at his young age. Family counselling? Your husband's attitude is awful and I ... (read in full...)
Should I move on or Stay with my mama boy fiance?
Q. I have been with my fiance since we were 16 years old we are now 31. we have 2 kids together and in April he proposed. As much as I love him and he really is the love of my life. I feel I have always bent over backwards for him. We had one ...
A. 25 June 2023: The best thing that the two of you would be to move out and be on your own if at all possible. That might stop alot of the problems.I would imagine its rather uncomfortable living with family especially having 2 kids.
To answer your question... (read in full...)
No one will let me move on after placing my daughter for adoption
Q. I had a baby two years ago, my senior year in High School. It was in the middle of the pandemic, so I was home schooled anyway (because of the pandemic) and my parents were really pressuring me to keep the baby. The father was in my class, but he ...
A. 23 June 2023: I am sad for you and sorry that you don't have more understanding people surrounding you. I got pregnant at 19 and was absolutely terrified. You were even younger than I was, a baby having a baby. You must have been so terribly confused and ... (read in full...)
11 years with a non romantic man
Q. I have been with my SO for 11 years. We have two beautiful girls together. My problem is that he is not romantic. He doesn't put in effort into our relationship. There is never a night where he plans something, I have to plan any and everything w...
A. 22 June 2023: Most people don't like to change. We all have a certain way that we are and what we like to do and don't do. Changing means putting in effort and hard work and really trying...most people are happy enough the way that they are and thats it. ... (read in full...)
Yelled at several times for being helpful, was I in the wrong??
Q. ?I’ve had a few pretty horrible things happen to me over the past couple of weeks when I was honestly just trying to be helpful - please read and let me know if I was in the wrong in any of these situations as I will never try to help anyone a...
A. 20 June 2023: I dont think you were in the wrong. You were just trying to be a kind and thoughtful caring person. People can be so weird! I don't know exactly what it is but people are just stupid and thoughtless and rude. There isn't anything you can do about ... (read in full...)
Wife won’t have sex with me. Should I ask her permission to see someone else?
Q. I have been with my wife for 30 years and married for 25. My wife hasn’t had sex with me in 22 years and barely had sex with me even before that except for the first few years we dated. Over time her reasons have changed and I have just ...
A. 20 June 2023: Yes you are thinking the right way. If your wife can't won't provide you with intimacy then its time to talk about alternatives. If you have went 22 years without sex and never cheated then you are a saint in my book. It isn't fair to be in a such a ... (read in full...)
I want a proper lavish wedding but family is making me feel stupid for wanting to have this.
Q. I’m engaged and due to get married within the next 2 years. I’ve already been married twice before and both weddings were cheap so now I actually want a proper no expense spared wedding but my family think I’m being stupid. My first marria...
A. 17 June 2023: Its your wedding and your money do whatever you want and don't feel badly about it! Its your day and in the end YOU should be happy. I truly understand what you mean too. I have been married twice, the first time was a "shotgun" type wedding, it was ... (read in full...)
As much of the truth as I could do... I'm done with confusion
Q. Back when I was in HS, somewhere in there, I began to suspect I was a lesbian. I *think* the seed was planted in 6th grade when Look Who’s Talking came out (1991 or so?) and the main character, not wanting her Jewish parents to know she was pregnant ...
A. 11 June 2023: I wish you had a close friend of a family member that you could talk to because more than anything it seems to me that you need someone that you can talk to and confide in, someone that won't judge you, someone that you could trust. I am not a ... (read in full...)
The thought of him driniking makes me sick
Q. Cutting a long story short, I dislike alcohol a lot. As in, my dad is an alcoholic and my husband, wrote his car off drink driving and is a different person when he does consume alcohol. My husband wanted to change so he saw a therapist and cu...
A. 10 June 2023: I understand exactly how you feel. I grew up around my grandfather and he was a full blown alcoholic. The mean kind. As kids the youngest of us grandchildren were terrified of him. He never hit us but he was just mean and loud and yelled alot. I ... (read in full...)
My husband thinks I want sex just to get pregnant and he's not wanting sex now
Q. Hello all, I'm so bothered and unhappy at the moment. I hope to be fine soon. So, I am married and have a 2 year old daughter. I discussed having another baby with my husband and he said its fine. Though he doesn't seem so interested in ha...
A. 28 May 2023: Its not a good sign if he isn't acting interested in having a baby and doesn't wish to have sex. Bringing a child into the world is no easy task as you know so its very important that you and your husband feel the same way. Even though he said its ... (read in full...)
Why would my mother and her siblings choose such partners?
Q. This is something that's been bothering me and I'd to get some insight please. My mother has 3 other siblings... An older sister and two younger brothers. My mom's parents, my grandparents, were good people. I haven't seen much of them but I hear ...
A. 20 May 2023: Love is blind deaf and mute. The most intelligent people in the world can choose the worst partners! A good upbringing and all the works can't save a person if they fall in love. Love makes no sense. Look at people...you'll see all kind of matches ... (read in full...)
Widower’s dilemma
Q. My wife passed away three years ago and the loss helped me get closer to her family, particularly her sister, who herself is divorced. We’ve started hanging out together socially and we seem to get on really well, with similar tastes and ...
A. 8 May 2023: This is common in other countries but in the US, its considered pretty weird. I can't imagine marrying my sister's husband if she were to pass away, and he is exactly my type and a nice guy but it would just be too weird. If she has shown no ... (read in full...)
Advice regarding my parents punishment for my behavior
Q. I would like some advice from parents please ? i must admit my behavour over the past 2 weeks has been very poor last weekend i was grounded for general bad behavour, i ignored my parents and sneaked out of the house to go to a party, my friends and ...
A. 17 April 2023: I am a parent of 2 grown children. I a so grateful that my kids never pulled any stunts like you did. I would have been absolutely horrified! I think the punishment your parents have given you is quite fair and to honest, they let you off rather ... (read in full...)
Are we going to reconcile or divorce - your impression please?
Q. Hi, So me and my wife met in 2018 and moved in with each other. We got married in 2020 and have a daughter born in 2021. My wife and I were madly in love and would do a lot together and spend 90% of the day together. Same job, same routine, same ...
A. 26 March 2023: Life is too short to be with someone that doesn't trust you and you are always fighting. I would say to accept that the relationship isnt going to work out cut your losses and be the best parents that you can be. The child should come first they are ... (read in full...)
Friend wants her rude& spoilt daughter to attend my birthday weekend.
Q. ?If anyone can offer any advice I’d appreciate it. My friend has a 13 year old daughter who is very spoilt and has a very bad attitude towards everyone and everything. Before everyone starts ranting sticking up for her- I’ve know h...
A. 14 March 2023: You need to be firm and just give your friend the money back. She is really pushing the boundaries of the friendship to be honest. Its your birthday and I would certainly not let your friend ruin it. 13 year olds have no business being at this type ... (read in full...)
My partner has a huge drinking problem
Q. I have been together with my boyfriend for 13 years, we have a child together and we have our own home together. However for the past 2 years I’ve noticed my boyfriend’s drinking is getting out of hand, at first his drinking was only moderate, but ...
A. 10 March 2023: My ex husband was an alcoholic. He wasn't that way when I married him but after his father died, he went into a deep depression and never snapped out of it. He refused help although it was right at his fingertips. My so and I tried for years to help ... (read in full...)
My bf is very dirty. What do I do?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. After 5 months in the relationship I slowly started unraveling a kind of lie by ommission. Turns out he is a very dirty person. He doesn't wash his teeth. Takes baths once every two weeks and wears ...
A. 27 February 2023: Sometimes a person not taking care of themself can be signs of depression or even mental illness. Is this possible in his case or does he just not care? Do you think he has always been this way? I can't believe his parents would not have seen that ... (read in full...)
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