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*higirl agony aunt

*higirl

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*higirl's profile:

Im shocked to discover that I've written well over 9000 answers on DearCupid! As the years go by, I never seem to lose interest in the lives and love troubles that goes on around the world.

Latest articles:

How to avoid being used financially

This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...

What I've learned from my family.

This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...

How one person changed my life

This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...

1234567891011Next > [228 pages, 9065 answers]

My son's friend's mum left the kids alone at night

Q.   My 12 yrs old son went to stay over with his mate, I assumed the mum of said child would stay in but my son told me she went to her mates for drinks and left them till 2am alone in the house to do what they liked , my son has never been left alo...

A.   21 April 2022: In this case I would make contact with the mom before another stay over. The kids had a great time, according to themselves, and at 12 they ca be fine alone for a while. But thats really up to the parent to say if their kid has the maturity or not. ... (read in full...)

After my friend rejected me, I spiraled into depression

Q.   Hi, any advice is appreciated. I've been feeling lost recently. About 5 years ago when I was younger I asked my best friend out and she rejected me. Ever since I was sent into a spiral of self hate that I'm only now recovering from. 3 year...

A.   31 December 2021: Hi Have you been diagnosed with depression? If not, then I will ask you to stop using that term as depression is an illness one cannot simply diganose one self with. That being said, you do sound like you are not in a good place, but rather t... (read in full...)

Am I still a virgin after having only anal sex?

Q.   Dear Cupid Me and a boy I’ve been seeing couldn’t control ourselves and ended up having anal sex despite the fact that we’re both Mormon and are forbidden from having sex until we’re married. Whilst we’ve both agreed to keep it a secret from our ...

A.   18 September 2021: You had sex. «Virgin» is a made up word. You wont get pregnant from anal sex, but you can get STI’s. So I hope you used condoms. That being said. What you do with your body, is your business (as long as its all legal). You dont have to tell anyo... (read in full...)

How do I set reasonable boundaries with my mother?

Q.   My brother physically abused me for the majority of my childhood and into my teens, and my mother blamed me for it and didn't make any effort to try and help me. It's had some long term effects into adulthood. (Abandonment issues, identity issues, ...

A.   18 September 2021: Accept that there might be war, and accept that you can not, and are not, responsible for other peoples actions. If your mother decides to start a war, then that is on her. You have every right to set boundaries. Tell her flat out that your brother ... (read in full...)

I can’t get into deep sleep anymore

Q.   I haven’t been able to go into deep sleep, this has been going on for almost a year now, I am only able to experience shallow sleepwhere I almost feel half asleep and half awake, I feel like I could be awaken by a drop of pin. And this shallow sleep ...

A.   27 December 2019: You dont mention it, so I have to ask: have you gone to see a doctor about this? And I dont mean a traditional doctor, I mean a doctor who has studied medicine at the university. You sound like you have insomnia, which can be caused by stress. ... (read in full...)

Would I be judged for not wearing a bra?

Q.   I would like an honest opinion please I don't find bras comfortable. Would i be judged by men or women if I was to be without a bra in public I'm only small up top and I know it's my choice but even tho I'm small up top, to put it simply, ...

A.   26 December 2019: I dont know about the USA, but in Norway it would be considered unprofessional if nipples are shown at work. Meaning you can go without a bra, but your nipples should not be visible through your clothing. What you do in private and not at work is up ... (read in full...)

He's ready to break up with his fiancee to be with me but is it the right thing to do?

Q.   Hello agony aunts, 7 years ago I was in a relationship with this man whom I met in college. We were so in love however I had to finish my higher education outside the country for 2 years. We were trying patiently to manage the LDR but after I ...

A.   26 December 2019: Go for it. You cant control his actions, and his current girlfriend deserves to marry a man who sees her as his first choice snd not just second choice. He is right to break up with her in either case, because his heart is not in it. But as for ... (read in full...)

I'm worried I am leaving it too late to have a family.

Q.   I just recently turned 33 years old a couple of months ago and I am panicking about my age - specially because of the comments I get from my family about getting married and my eggs being dried up and mocking me about how I can’t seem to find anyone ...

A.   23 December 2019: My advice: do move away from your parents and get some distance between you. And then ask yourself this: is it better to have a child with the wrong person, or risk being childless but with the right person? For the sake of your potentia... (read in full...)

Online dating .... men only seem to want to hook up for sex.

Q.   I am a woman in my late 40s nice looking, good figure, no kids, I have just started online dating and I get thousands of likes and tons of messages but never any dates! its so frustrating, the men online just seem to want sex hook ups and they ...

A.   23 December 2019: I met my husband through an online dating site. Before that, I also had a long term relationship with a man I met on the same online dating site. So no, not all men online are looking for sex. I was very strict about what I wanted in my profile. I ... (read in full...)

I'm annoyed my boyfriend will be spending my birthday with his sister instead of me.

Q.   Hi just looking for some opinions about this it’s my birthday tomorrow and my partner is at work all day until 4.30 now his sister have just phoned him asked him to go straight to hers from work to do some jobs around the house naturally I am ...

A.   20 December 2019: Maybe its time to end the relationship. I dont see a reason to be annoyed, but I do see clear evidence of you and him not communicating well or being on the same page. If your birthday is special to you and you wanted to celebrate it with him, then ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappy about having to spend much of Christmas Day alone.

Q.   I’m an 18-year old lad and facing the majority of Christmas day alone. I’ve honestly never felt so rotten in my entire life. As well as having Aspergers syndrome I’ve always been shy and introverted, and as such I’ve got no friends in life and have ...

A.   19 December 2019: Now its time for my longer answer. My family too has been busy on Christmases and been doing their own individual things. I've spent several Christmases alone, but on many occasions I found someone to be with. Because I didnt want to be alone. I ... (read in full...)

I'm unhappy about having to spend much of Christmas Day alone.

Q.   I’m an 18-year old lad and facing the majority of Christmas day alone. I’ve honestly never felt so rotten in my entire life. As well as having Aspergers syndrome I’ve always been shy and introverted, and as such I’ve got no friends in life and have ...

A.   19 December 2019: Short answer for now: your family sucks. I would have been upset too when they are all just so self absorbed. Have you told them directly that you actually dont want to be alone on Christmas day? I think they need to be told directly just so they ... (read in full...)

Do I tell my boyfriend that while we were split up I slept with someone else?

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend for a few weeks and in that time I slept with someone else, we have since got back together but should I tell him?...

A.   18 December 2019: If you wanted to tell him, you should have done so prior to getting back together. And if he wanted to know, he would have asked. So as it stands: no, dont tell him. ... (read in full...)

She moved on, married, had children, but I never got closure.

Q.   I met a girl about a year after my divorce and it was a year after her divorce also. We both fell in love and dated each other for about four years. She wanted to get married and have children. I was afraid to get married, so we basically started ...

A.   7 December 2019: Just by reaing your headline, I have to tell you that there is no such thing as "closure". I've never heard of this phenomenon outside of the USA, it appears to me to be something created from popular culture and not a real thing. What on earth is ... (read in full...)

Does a woman just have to suck it up when their husbands refuse to grow?

Q.   I have been married for twenty years and at the time of marrying my husband he was never one to express his feelings much. At the time I had a couple of young children and we also went on to have more . Life was extremely busy and this met both our ...

A.   28 November 2019: I find it odd that you, or others, think your husbands lack of emotional connection is a deliberate choice. Hardly. Its something subconscious that he has been trained to since he was a child (many men are subjected to this), or he simply lacks the ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has a separate SIM card for his cell phone

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 9 months now, and during all those months I noticed multiple times that he has an extra SIM card in his phone cover, but I didn't ask him why does he have another phone number, I gave it time and thought that he might ...

A.   10 November 2019: Stupid people cheat too, and get caught by stupid acts like leaving a sim-card visible. The question is, why do you suspect cheating? Unless hes known to lie, has acted shady on other occasions etc etc, then why do you think its cheating... (read in full...)

I found my soul mate and its not my husband

Q.   I'm am recently married and very happily married, there are no problems, I have a lot of live for him and he's my best friend. However I have found my soul mate in a friend, and I never believed in soulmates before but our similarities and pasts are ...

A.   5 November 2019: Congratulations on finding a linked spirit, soul mate, whatever you like to call it. Now explain to me why a grown woman believes this means you need to leave your husband, or what you had in mind? This isnt a Disney movie. You dont just get ONE ... (read in full...)

No one seems to like my daughter

Q.   My 12-year-old daughter is constantly being rejected and I'm sick of it! When she was 6 month old I sent her to an in home sitter so I could actually get work done. (I'm a medical transcriptionist). I sent her w expressed milk, cloth diapers, and ...

A.   4 November 2019: Like others have pointed out, I think you and your ideas are being rejected here, not your daughter. You work in a medical field, yet dont vaccinate. That will give a lot of people reason to avoid you, and thus they avoid your daughter. You are the ... (read in full...)

Should I return the call of my estranged aunt?

Q.   Hi All, I've been estranged from my father's family for over twelve years. It's a very long story but in short, after he and my grandmother died, there was a lot of anger, resentment and accusations. Because he and my mom were separated at the...

A.   4 November 2019: Remember that your relationship with your aunt is separate from your moms relationship with your aunt. Also, you have every right to a relationship with that side of your family regardless of how they treated your mom. Its not a matter of choosing ... (read in full...)

It seems impossible to satisfy her sexually and it's giving me second thoughts

Q.   My girlfriend of 8 months is unhappy with the amount of sex in our relationship. Tonight we had (in my opinion) a nice date and then had sex for 30 minutes ~ 1 hour and when I took her home, she just sat in pissed off silence the whole way (30 ...

A.   1 November 2019: What, you mean to tell me that with all your research and kinksters club and what not, you still haven't figured out how to give a woman an orgasm? Listen, you obviously ARE lacking in bed, if you need her to TELL you when she's had an orgasm o... (read in full...)

I'm upset that I'm feeling hesitant, has anyone else experienced this?

Q.   I've come here for help when my heart has been broken and always appreciated the thoughtful, insightful responses complete strangers have given me. My question today is about a personal issue I have in moving forward with a great guy. I've been...

A.   18 October 2019: Sure, initial lack of attraction isnt so important as it can develop. But if it does develop, it doesnt take 3 months... more like within a week. You know him plenty in 3 months, and if the attraction still isnt there, then it wont ever be there. ... (read in full...)

Why do I keep getting nightmares about my abusive ex?

Q.   I keep getting nightmares about my abusive ex and I wonder why. A little background: we dated for about two years during which he was awfully possessive, totally psycho, verbally and physically abusive and had a huge complex regarding his lo...

A.   16 October 2019: This sounds like PTSD to me. At least, contact a therapist. You need help to work through the shit this guy did to you. You keep meeting him in dreams because you havent been able to deal with what he did to you. This requires the help of a ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I found this behavior on a date odd?

Q.   I started seeing this guy and we've been on two dates now. He's 40 and works for the county. We met on a dating app and he said he would go out for appetizers and drinks, so we met up at a local restaurant. After I came in and he said hello...

A.   12 October 2019: But what happened next? Did he actually buy his own meal? Maybe he meant you should choose what he should eat too, or maybe share an appetizer again. It was a bit rude of him to not ask you what you wanted the first time, but obviously he was a... (read in full...)

Am I taking too great of a risk dating a twice divorced man?

Q.   I'm dating a man who's been divorced twice. He is currently 40 and upon asking him, he said the first time around, it was because they both got married very young (I think at age 21) and they stayed together a very long time. He said they were ...

A.   12 October 2019: I dont see why you should worry. Unless you have religious restrictions against dating/marrying a divorced man. A lot of people treat marriage and divorce like its not a big deal. He is either one of them, or he married two of them. What exac... (read in full...)

My partner is constantly questioning the food bill. Why do I have to always explain?

Q.   Just moved in with my boyfriend, been together three years and he questions constantly the cost of the food bill. He gave me half towards the rent etc this month and £100 extra for the food bill and said that would cover his half for the whole ...

A.   4 October 2019: .. Did his mom shop for him before you moved in? Otherwise I dont get why he is clueless about the cost of food. Just take the receipt and give it to him. End of the problem. Btw why are you always doing the shopping? Why doesnt a grown up man shop ... (read in full...)

How do I tell my girlfriend, "sorry, my life has been a lie, I'm gay and a cross dresser"?

Q.   I'm gay and I don't know how to tell my partner or even how to live as a gay man. I've been attracted to other men for as long as I can remember, but I've only dated women, or had relationships with women. At first I told myself I must be bisexual...

A.   30 September 2019: You say that you cant live openly as gay, because that would mean saying your life is a lie. You say it is unfair to your girlfriend to live a lie with her. What strikes me is: this is your life. Its not about these other people or what they might ... (read in full...)

My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it!

Q.   My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it. 7 months ago they slept together behind my back. He ended up making her pregnant as well. I’ve forgiven them both and am trying to move on and rebuild relationships wi...

A.   27 September 2019: For the record, your best friend is no longer a friend. Friends dont do what she did to each other. She might be a fun person to hang out with, but when she had sex with your boyfriend she threw the friendship out the window. 5 minute sex with him ... (read in full...)

My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it!

Q.   My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it. 7 months ago they slept together behind my back. He ended up making her pregnant as well. I’ve forgiven them both and am trying to move on and rebuild relationships wi...

A.   27 September 2019: Just because you forgave them (big hearted of you), does not mean you have to approve of this. You arent fine with this, at all. You are tormented by it, every time you see your best friend now. And once the baby comes, the two of them will be ... (read in full...)

Should I stay or leave my mentally ill boyfriend?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 6.5 years. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 31. We met online and moved in with each other very quickly in a new town to both of us due to me getting a new job. There were some things I didnt know about my boyfriend until a ...

A.   19 September 2019: Listen, youve given him six years of chances. Dont be naive. He is not going to change, you cant change him, and he does not actually want change. Hes got it good, you supporting him and him fucking around. Your boyfriend might be mentally ill, but ... (read in full...)

I started a lie that my dad was dead before I met my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him the truth

Q.   I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who would beat me, my mum and occasionally my younger brothers. I grew up with low self esteem and anxiety relating to this situation. At 14 my mum left him, he threatened to kill himself if we chose to ...

A.   17 September 2019: I came back to post some more. I wonder if what you're feeling guilty about, when it comes to your boyfriend, isn't the lie about your dad being dead, but that you probably have not told him what a horrible father he is/was, and how he actually has ... (read in full...)

I started a lie that my dad was dead before I met my boyfriend. I don't know how to tell him the truth

Q.   I grew up with an abusive alcoholic father who would beat me, my mum and occasionally my younger brothers. I grew up with low self esteem and anxiety relating to this situation. At 14 my mum left him, he threatened to kill himself if we chose to ...

A.   17 September 2019: I could write you a book for an answer, having a father whos done pretty much the exact same as yours. But to keep it short: just tell your boyfriend that your dad isnt dead. That you think of him as dead and would prefer him to be dead. But that he ... (read in full...)

Does my wanting to perform oral sex on a man make me Gay/Bi?

Q.   Hello, I have posted here before about a similar issue but it never got resolved and the sexual idenity confusion cycle continued. My question is does my persistent fantasy of wanting to give another man oral sex make me gay/bi? In the past ...

A.   16 September 2019: Sexuality in humans isnt set in stone. A lot of people like that there are definitive labels, but the truth is sexuality is more flexible. It changes. And humans are curious animals. Wanting to experiment doesnt make you gay or bisexual, it just ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage

Q.   My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...

A.   14 September 2019: What anon male reader fails to understand is that abortion is a big medical procedure with huge impact on a persons moral and life. Many women struggle for years later, if not for life, with the decision to have an abortion. It is ending a life, its ... (read in full...)

The Guy I'm Dating Apparently Abused His Ex Girlfriend. Should I Dump Him?

Q.   So I met this guy on Tinder and I've been for a drink with him. It went pretty well and he's really attractive TBH (tall, dark, handsome, muscular, works in IT which I also do.) There are a few things about him that bug me a bit like it takes ag...

A.   13 September 2019: Just based on his «compliments» (if you are charming enough...) I would ditch him. Speaking in this way shows clear disrespect and an almost narcissistic self image. What, like he is some sort of prize you need to earn? I think you can take his ex’s ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend seemed to celebrate me having a miscarriage

Q.   My boyfriend secretly punched the air and celebrated after I had a miscarriage. Should I dump him for being so heartless? We’ve been together for 8 months and are both 20. Things were going fine and I genuinely thought he was the kindest, sweetes...

A.   13 September 2019: If you want a mature man, I doubt you’ll find one who is 20 years old. So yes, dump him, he is a jerk. In my opinion. Really selfish. But then again, so are 90% of men his age. They just arent proper adults yet. Most of them grow and mature a lot ... (read in full...)

Wife lied, she wasn't a virgin. What do you think? What should I do? 

Q.   Ever since my wife and i met she has always been a very conservative virgin girl, her choice and she was very string that it was important to her. I knew she had a BF before me but she insisted she was a virgin and it was very important to her. This ...

A.   9 September 2019: A g-string isnt the definition of having clothes on, is my thought. Sounds like this insistance is more for her own sake than yours. Maybe she twisted her own memory of things because she hated herself for doing it. Like a tiny g-string would ... (read in full...)

Dating someone with aspergers

Q.   I've been dating someone with mild to mid-level aspergers for a couple months now. The first few dates were great. He was very engaging, talkative, and passionate. However, the end of the date was always super awkward. It's like he wanted to kiss me ...

A.   8 September 2019: @youcannotbeserious: yes, the silly questions just never end! Whats worse is if I answer the silly question, and then they dont take my word for it anyway, because they tend to over-analyse. And then they say: yes, you said A, but I thought you ... (read in full...)

Dating someone with aspergers

Q.   I've been dating someone with mild to mid-level aspergers for a couple months now. The first few dates were great. He was very engaging, talkative, and passionate. However, the end of the date was always super awkward. It's like he wanted to kiss me ...

A.   8 September 2019: Actually, what might be fun is if I try to tell you how to date a neurotypical. From an Aspie's point of view. I'll give it a shot: Be patient, they have as little knowledge about taking things litterally as you have in reading between the line... (read in full...)

Dating someone with aspergers

Q.   I've been dating someone with mild to mid-level aspergers for a couple months now. The first few dates were great. He was very engaging, talkative, and passionate. However, the end of the date was always super awkward. It's like he wanted to kiss me ...

A.   8 September 2019: Hmm, I can't exactly tell you how to date someone with Aspergers, because I have it myself. And I really struggle with dating a neurotypical person. So opposite problem. And, Aspergers isn't a type of personality, people with Aspergers are just as ... (read in full...)

Heartbroken after breakup and feel like my chance for love is over

Q.   I feel a bit silly about this because I think I'm too old to be going through this for the first time. I've had long relationships before that fizzled out. This is the first break up I've had, after 5.5 years, that ended with me being totally ...

A.   4 September 2019: You did dodge a bullet. He stopped loving you. Phew, good thing you werent married or had a kid together! Realize this. It is always better to have a wrong relationship end, than to have it carrying on. Even though I get that it hurts, because you ... (read in full...)

Wife lied, she wasn't a virgin. What do you think? What should I do? 

Q.   Ever since my wife and i met she has always been a very conservative virgin girl, her choice and she was very string that it was important to her. I knew she had a BF before me but she insisted she was a virgin and it was very important to her. This ...

A.   30 August 2019: Well, she lied before. Im thinking how can you trust anything she says? Wether shes lying again about the pics or not doesnt matter. She already lied about who took them. She already lied for years about being a virgin. So, it would not surprise me ... (read in full...)

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