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*o_Very_Confused agony aunt


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*o_Very_Confused's profile:

I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....

Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.

My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery

and Long distance relationships...

I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...

NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.


IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice

NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.

IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.

We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.

IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.

IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....

Old cliches:

Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place

Do as I say not as I do

Latest articles:

How to get many answers to your question.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...

Am I Co-Dependent?

No replies yet...

24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...

Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...

How you can tell someone loves you

This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...

Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?

This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...

1234567891011Next > [370 pages, 14748 answers]

He's engaged and 13 years older than me. Could things work out?

Q.   How many years apart is too many? The man I love is 13 years older than me, I believe it's one sided, but I'm just curious on what people believe. He's also engaged, could this possibly work out for me at all?...

A.   19 May 2017: While my husband is 13 years younger than I am, had I met him in his 20s or earlier it never would have worked. You are 16 going on 17 (and if you are 17 going on 18 the same applies) you have not yet begun to experience life. He is 30 and ha... (read in full...)

Do many females masturbate ? I feel ashamed when I do so.

Q.   Do lots of girls/ladies masterbate? I get so paranoid that I'm abnormal for doing it because my friends never talk about it and sometimes someone will make a comment that it's more of a boy thing and I'll feel ashamed. ...

A.   18 May 2017: of course we do.... and as we get older we talk about it more too. and yay for hand held shower massagers!... (read in full...)

Boyfriend travels constantly and has friends and family he refuses to let me meet

Q.   I'm 44 years old, my boyfriend is 53. We have been dating for 4 years now. He has 2 jobs. One job has fee flying perks. So far in 4 years he has gone to Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Mexico, Philippines, Thailand, Japan, he went to Las Vegas and ...

A.   18 April 2017: he is using you for sex. It may have been more at one time but it has evolved into friends with benefits and not very good friends. It is not too late for you. Do not stay with him one more minute. You need this to be done. stop having s... (read in full...)

Is there any way we could have forced him into rehab with no money to pay for it?

Q.   The problem I have is not a romance problem, it is a family problem. My brother is an alcoholic and he is spiraling out of control. He has had two DUIs and he can't keep a job. This week we found out that he had lost his job after being there for ...

A.   14 March 2017: Hi. My husband is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for just over two years. It was his choice to get sober based on my telling him our marriage was over if he kept drinking. A big help for me was Alanon. You can find informat... (read in full...)

How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?

Q.   How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for her partner?. I mean considering my partner has developed very particulicular tastes in women lately. How much should I be trying to be what he wants or trying to be attractive to him He...

A.   8 March 2017: How much effort should a woman put into being attractive for SOMEONE ELSE? NONE. You put in the effort for yourself. Honeypie has explained it perfectly. Never do something for someone else. Only do what YOU want to do for yourself ... (read in full...)

LDR What are the options? Is moving closer to where my LDR lives worth considering?

Q.   I am in my early 40s and wanted to know if anyone has ever been in a long distance relationship (whether it be 3 years or 10 years) and given up their life where they currently live (especially if they have lived their all their life) to move in ...

A.   7 March 2017: My husband did this. He lived about 100 miles from me when we met. I owned a house and had the better job. He let his lease go, gave up everything and moved to be with me. Thankfully it's not so far from his old location so that he can get ... (read in full...)

Is it a mistake to date a recovering drug addict?

Q.   I started seeing this new guy, he's sweet , makes me laugh, tests me amazing , he's a hard worker and friendly to everyone but he is a recovering drug addict. He moved to my town three years ago and everyone that met him liked him right away. He ...

A.   6 March 2017: I would give him a chance...4 years of recovery is worth something. My husband is an alcoholic when we met he was an active alcoholic. he's been sober 2 years now and it's been worth every step of the struggle. ... (read in full...)

Terminally ill friend offered me her husband

Q.   My best friend is suffering from a terminal illness and said something to me that I'm not sure what to about. I'm divorced and haven't had good luck with men and she has been happily married for 10 years. She and her husband are truly great people ...

A.   6 March 2017: When my mom was dying she told my father she did not want him to be alone and she wanted him to remarry. She meant it. Your friend does not want her husband to be alone after she is gone but for now that's not anything you need to discuss ... (read in full...)

We both want to have sex but I'm not sure I am ready

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months and he has fingered me and I have given him a hand job. We've both considered having sex but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Sometimes I want to have sex and I feel confident but sometimes I get too scared I ...

A.   27 February 2017: IF you even for one second think you are not ready then you are not ready. FWIW I was very young when I lost my virginity and I'm sorry I did not wait longer. Truly. If you have to ask on a website what to do then the answer is JUST S... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   24 February 2017: There is an old saying... it's not kinky if you use a's kinky if you use a chicken. It's all about degrees. I like breast play with my adult partner but it's certainly not maternal in any way. even with gentle sucking after a ... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   22 February 2017: As a retired La Leche League Leader and a woman who practiced toddler led weaning (in that my boys were old enough to discuss nursing) I will tell you right now that it's totally different with a partner than a child. IN addition, I would NO... (read in full...)

I hope I'm wrong but wonder based on these signs if should I just move on?

Q.   I normally have a really good intuition about relationships and men, but oftentimes ignore it in hopes that I am wrong. I'm sort of hoping that I'm wrong this time around, but I digress. I met with this guy about a month ago. He is older than me...

A.   21 February 2017: He's really not that into you. But he's a good guy so he does not want to hurt your feelings. The best thing to do is let him take the lead. Sit and wait for him to contact you. Do not call him. Do not text him. IF he gets in touch with you... (read in full...)

Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?

Q.   I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...

A.   21 February 2017: If you love an alcoholic whether he is in recovery or not you should be attending Al-anon meetings. Alanon helped me tremendously. I am married to a violent alcoholic. The last time he was violent he was arrested ... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to give his friend a hand job!

Q.   my husband has been trying to talk me into giving his best friend a mercy hand job , Because his wife has some kind of a medical problem ? His friend has been so sad ever since his wife has cut him off . I am seriously considering doing it for him ...

A.   16 February 2017: Donna if you want to sleep with hubby's friend or give him a BJ or a hand job for you then do it for you. Do not do it for hubby or for the friend. Make sure that hubby knows that you are doing it for yourself and that you will not discuss ... (read in full...)

Why does he now decide he wants to do this?

Q.   I've been having a fwb relationship with this guy for a few months now. My partner and I have been having unprotected sex for the last couple times we had sex. Today he decided to cum inside me. What does this mean? Is he starting to have feelings ...

A.   15 February 2017: Do not delude yourself into thinking he has any feelings for you other than the fact that you are a handy willing penis holder. There is an old saying "women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place". ... (read in full...)

Disappointed he couldn't see me Valentine's day. Am I being selfish? Should I try and make things work?

Q.   I'm 38 and have been dating a guy who is 38 as well. Our first date was Nov 5th last year and we've seen each other every weekend since then and sometimes during the week. He is part of a culture that does not honour pagan holidays...and I am fine ...

A.   15 February 2017: what i have picked up is a. our sex life is not leaving me satisfied b. he does not like to go out on "fabricated holidays" c. you assumed he was going to want to celebrate on a Tuesday after you had already celebrated over the weekend and KNEW... (read in full...)

Is my wife secretly interested in a threesome?

Q.   So we've been married now for 3 years. And we have 2 beautiful boys. Our romantic relationship is starting to get better than it ever has been in the past and my wife(Bev) and I are really enjoying ourselves and each other. Bev only has a couple ...

A.   15 February 2017: The only person that knows is your wife. Is there a reason you don't ask her?... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to give his friend a hand job!

Q.   my husband has been trying to talk me into giving his best friend a mercy hand job , Because his wife has some kind of a medical problem ? His friend has been so sad ever since his wife has cut him off . I am seriously considering doing it for him ...

A.   15 February 2017: oh I haven't had sex in going on 3 years. I wish i could find a friend to service me. I actually asked my husband if I could take a lover as he's just not interested. He said "I do not want you to" so I dropped it. Not because I don't ... (read in full...)

Our LDR is stalling after 3 years. Do I stay with him, or look for someone else?

Q.   I`ve been in relationship with someone for 3 years. I want to settle down and enjoy life together but he's happy the way it is We don't live together. We live 50 miles away from each other. I'm 50 now i want someone to grow old with and share ...

A.   13 February 2017: LDRs have a time limit. 3 years is about it. 50 miles around here is sometimes a daily commute so it would not be considered LDR in some cases. IF he is happy the way it is and you are not then yes it's time to end it.... (read in full...)

I like him, it's been 5 months but there seems to be no initiative from his side

Q.   I met a guy a few months ago who started flirting with me. I did not like him to begin but then we got talking and I saw a really handsome interesting person. The flirting continued and I cold feel some chemistry between us, A few weeks later ...

A.   13 February 2017: I agree with Honeypie. At 46 if a man does not have his dating game down, then he's probably never going to. So I'm betting that he's leading you on tentatively for that lovely ego stroke a younger woman attracted to an older man brings but that ... (read in full...)

I discovered that my 16 year old has had sex. Should I punish her by cancelling her "sweet sixteen" birthday celebrations?

Q.   i recently found out by going through my 15 year old daughters phone that she has recently lost her virginity to an 18 year old guy whom is now dating another girl in the same area as us. When i first confronted her she denied it but eventual...

A.   7 February 2017: I strongly urge you not to cancel the party. 16 is a big deal for a girl and she will only ever have one sweet sixteen. Her choice to have sex was driven by hormones and nature. It does not in any way have bearing on you. She is her own person. ... (read in full...)

Is he flirting or is it just banter?

Q.   Okay so there was a point I really fancied this guy but then he gave the impression he was straight He recently snap shot two pics I took and drew a penis on them to make it look like I was sucking dick.... then text" bravo you don't like (the ...

A.   31 January 2017: that is not flirting.... (read in full...)

My manager wants me to cancel my nonrefundable vacation for work!

Q.   Long story short, I back up one of my colleagues whenever she goes on vacation. We're in different departments. I'm happy to do so and she always only takes one day off at a time anyway. Anything that requires her expertise that I cannot handle ...

A.   31 January 2017: so everything you do for her has to be done the day it comes in. There is no lag? It's two days. even for me in the federal government two days is not a lifetime. IN fact, if i do something right away I am often told "thanks for the quick tu... (read in full...)

Dad told me if I dated this guy he would kick me out

Q.   I am 19 years old. Im a college student. There's a guy I like who is 24, I get along with great because we share the same interests. He likes me back. Though I can't date him for two reasons: 1 were related by marriage (no blood) 2 my dad said if...

A.   31 January 2017: why give up on this guy? if your father wants to control your life and you are over 18 I say it's time to move out.... (read in full...)

Moving in together and disagree on houseguests. Help!

Q.   My boyfriend and I are both 26 and moving in together for the first time. We’re doing it for the right reasons and discussed everything we could think of before making the decision together. Currently we spend most of our time together at his place, ...

A.   20 January 2017: Personally I think you are being totally unreasonable and unfair. Human beings are not solitary creatures. IF you don't want people in your home then continue to live alone and set your own rules. WE do not live in a bubble. Interaction ... (read in full...)

Was he wrong for hitting me or am I being dramatic?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 8months, I was pulling a silly face he didn't like and to stop me doing it he slapped my face, not hard by enough to shock me a little. He knows how I feel about face slapping (from previous bedroom antics) ...

A.   20 January 2017: Hitting is never allowed. If you are upset that he hit you and he is blowing it off that's even worse. HE needs to RESPECT your rules. HE hit you. YOU got upset (RIGHTLY) and now he's trying to make YOU feel bad about setting boundari... (read in full...)

I’m worried about going bald, how do family genetics cause it?

Q.   Hi I sometimes struggle with low self esteem and confidence and I've always been critical on how I look, but recently I had my hair cut, 3 back and sides short on top, standard, and I cannot seem to tell if I receading or not , or if it just me been ...

A.   18 January 2017: My 30 year old son is balding. He had the dna thing done and it said he had almost no dna indication that he would go bald. His father has a full thick head of hair at nearly 60. He started balding in college and yet for some reason NEVER lacked ... (read in full...)

I'm in a long-distance marriage and at a loss! What should I do?

Q.   I am in my second marriage and my husband and I live in separate states. There is, of course, a backstory...but my main issue is simple. He does not make our marriage a priority. In this day and age, I don't even hear from him every day. If I do, I ...

A.   18 January 2017: I keep coming back to this question trying to figure out what to say without being negative but I need more information. I don't know how long you are married but that also has bearing on it. Also how long did you date before you married ... (read in full...)

Any opinions as to whether she is into me?

Q.   There is a young girl who I come across frequently as she works near me and I am of the understanding she is straight. I think she has a boyfriend but I am gay with a girlfriend. I am just curious as to whether she is into me or not. She remembe...

A.   18 January 2017: When I think of a "young girl" even at my advanced age I think of someone 16/17 maybe even only 19 and that means for an adult closer to 30 than 20 she is OFF LIMITS. In addition YOU have a GF...why do you care if she is into you or not? wou... (read in full...)

Should I continue dating someone who's 15 years older than me?

Q.   Hey guys, My question is should I continue to pursue a relationship with someone who's 15 years older than me? Okay so I am 21 next month , my boyfriend is 35. I did not know he was 35 when we first met because he told me he was 26. He said he k...

A.   18 January 2017: As the older partner (by 13+ years) in my relationship I'm going to speak up. At 20 a 15 year gap is HUGE at 30 it's much more managable. Had I met my husband when he was 20 and I was 33 we never would have ended up together. But now a... (read in full...)

Why do I have to hunt down my vacationing boyfriend by text before he answers?

Q.   I need your help. I need to know whether I should end a 3.5 year relationship. My boyfriend is traveling outside the country with family. He has been in touch by text because it's expensive to send texts and make phone calls. So his texts...

A.   17 January 2017: OP, I read your follow up and I think that perhaps after 3.5 years that he's never going to be the guy you need/want him to be. You stated that while traveling he's out of the country and texting calls cost more. Perhaps that's part of the issu... (read in full...)

Boyfriend doesn't post us on social media

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been official for about 90 days. I have very few complaints about him- I'm extremely happy. We go out regularly and spend lots of quality time together and go on fun dates. But he has nothing about us posted on social media. ...

A.   17 January 2017: My husband does not have any social media presence. It does not make him love me less or make him less committed to me all it makes him is less able to be contacted or bothered via Social Media. Our mutual friends will send me messages for him. ... (read in full...)

He says my body is his.

Q.   My partner of 3 yrs and i have a beautiful little girl who is 1. Lately my partner has been trying touching me and trying to penetrate me whilst we are playing with our daughter which i have put a stop to. He has started sayimg he can touch me ...

A.   17 January 2017: NO you are not his. that is called slavery. trying to penetrate you without your consent is RAPE. Touching you without your permission is sexual assault. the fact that he is trying to be sexual in front of your child is disconcerting in itsel... (read in full...)

I still feel embarrassed 8 months later.

Q.   I expressed interest in guy that I was interested in 8 months ago but he turned me down. I felt disappointed but brushed it off and acted like it was no big deal. However, the long term effect was embarrassment. I thought he was interested in me...

A.   17 January 2017: When I was about 7 I did something that I should not have done and I got caught doing it and to this day it bothers me. I'm going to be 57 in March so I doubt that you will ever feel good about what happened. The truth however is that you are ... (read in full...)

We are five hours apart. Could it be worth it?

Q.   How do i know if it's worth the pain? Me and this guy met online, we live about 4 or 5 hours away from each other, he's just coming up to very big exams... We both really, really, like each other... infact, i think im falling for him, hard and fast...

A.   11 January 2017: At your age I'm going to advise against it. LDRS need a bunch of things. time to visit money to visit an end to the LDR (within 18 months-3 years MAX) with school you won't have time to visit with a 5 hour distance you won't have money s... (read in full...)

His way of proposing really shocked me. Am I right to feel it was disappointing?

Q.   How do I get past being disappointed by my finance's wedding proposal? So I recently turned 30 and my boyfriend couldn't get the day off from work so we celebrated the day before he took me out for dinner and drinks and we stayed out till gone mid...

A.   10 January 2017: Your first line says it all "he proposed a wedding" no he proposed marriage which is very different. A wedding is a party and a celebration. A marriage is day to day down in the dirt stuff. Marriage has become more and more about w... (read in full...)

I feel deserted through my period of illness

Q.   Hi all, I went through a difficult time recently with thyroid cancer that was surgically removed and followed up with radioactive iodine. During this time, I felt my family wasn't really supportive and there for me. If it wasn't for my boyfriend...

A.   6 January 2017: It's so upsetting when folks we are blood related to (and technically call family) do not live up to our needs or our expectations. I learned years ago that FAMILY is different from RELATIVES. your boyfriend who was helpful supportive and s... (read in full...)

He promised to change if we got married ....

Q.   I am currently married 5 moths this January, we where engaged for a year and dated a year and 1/2 prior to that. Well now I want a divorce! My husband is the man I married and he swore that after we got ,arrived things would change, but still 5 ...

A.   5 January 2017: Never count on a person's potential. What you see is what you get. IF you can't love a person where they are then you should not be with them. In other words, you can't expect them to change. IF they do and it's better than that's a bonus. ... (read in full...)

Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   4 January 2017: Wouldn't it be incumbent on Joe to ask the neighbor about the cow's history before he bought the cow?... (read in full...)

Do his comments about other women signify insecurity or a potential cheat?

Q.   Hey, My boyfriend is very loving, sweet, complimentary etc but he does this thing that is really starting to grate on me... Basically when we watch films/ tv when a fit women comes on he's VERY vocal about it I.e. "id put it in her" "she's so s...

A.   4 January 2017: My husband used to do the same thing. He seems to have stopped now that he's secure with our relationship. Either that or my doing it back to him made him realize how it bothered me because it bothered him. I never for a second took it to mean ... (read in full...)

Is my jealousy justified?

Q.   Hello aunts. I am writing this because I really need help with a recent situation that I am just not handling well. Thanks in advance. First, some background. I'm 30 and I met my current wife two years ago in a business dinner. We flirted a bit an...

A.   4 January 2017: Actually Male Anon, Jealousy is an emotion rooted totally in INSECURITY. THE OP is insecure and feels that his wife may cheat on him. OP it's totally possible that the reason she did not sleep with you earlier is that she valued you and wish... (read in full...)

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