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*unty BimBim

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Why does it take so long for my answers to appear

Q.   Why do my replies not appear for days sometimes? Does this site monitor everyone's replies? I read a post, write a reply then watch as loads of others pop up before mine eventually appears days later when everyone has moved on. Feeling despondent. ...

A.   9 July 2020: Hi Just trying to help Ive been modding this site for a number of years. Some of us are, after a time, put on automatic so that our answers appear immediately. This decision is made after discussion between the mods, and the action allowing... (read in full...)

How do I handle this? A co-worker likes me but I am dating his friend

Q.   Dear aunts and uncle, Last October I got promoted to a senior IT tech at my company and with the promotion i was assigned to a whole new team. Within a week of me being there one of my new coworkers ,lets call him Michael, started flirting with me ...

A.   4 July 2020: Sounds like a dreadful workplace, how many more young men are there on your team, it sounds like you are going through them like a dose of salts. In most western countries your behaviour would not be tolerated in any reputable work place, ponder t... (read in full...)

Are women past their 50s still interested in sex

Q.   I have been divorced for many years. Now that the kids are grown up and have left the house, I feel like I need to have a partner and get married. I am almost a 60 year old man. I would presumably be looking for a woman close to my age. Sex is ...

A.   29 June 2020: Short answer: yes, women in their 50s are still interested in sex. I will never forget my FIL's second wife telling me, when she was close to 70 years of age, how much FIL liked seeing her in her black nighty. She then said that young people think ... (read in full...)

I left my husband from another country. He will not respond as to whether he has filed for divorce or not

Q.   My husband lives in a different country, he’s lives in the Middle East and thinks he is my boss! He has always been very abusive towards me in every kind of way and 9 months ago I left him and cut all contact with him as he was abusing me again...

A.   27 June 2020: why do you need to file for divorce in his country, are you planning to move there or something? If you were married in the country you live in file for divorce there, if you were married in his country check to see if it is recognised as a leg... (read in full...)

I found a lipgloss in my boyfriends car now what ?!

Q.   I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now we have a baby together he’s 2 we also live together . So I would say this relationship is serious right?! Wrong !! So about two months ago I snoop though his phone and went through his Facebook I found a ...

A.   17 June 2020: CRIKEY! DEJA VU! There was no lipstick on my ex husband's collar but there was makeup in his overnight bag when I pulled out the clothes to launder and iron. Your partner is cheating on you, he is a serial cheater, he knows that if he denie... (read in full...)

I'm sick of babysitting an immature co worker

Q.   How do I tell my coworker that I am not here to babysit her sadness for her or to control the capacity she has for emotions. Everyone in the office literally caters to her when she pouts and screams. She’s laid on the floor at one point to get ...

A.   9 June 2020: This sounds like a workplace from hell. What sort of hold does she have over the employers / bosses that she can get away with this behaviour? Stop doing her work, if she makes strong hints about you taking it on tell her you are over loaded a... (read in full...)

Why is this married coworker trying to come in between 2 single coworkers?

Q.   So there is this colleague at work who used to be quite friendly. We both hail from the same city and had a good rapport with one another. We are both single. And we have been quite attracted to one another. I have been plannin to ask him out. But a ...

A.   3 June 2020: If this guy is ten years older than you he is big enough to come and ASK YOU OUT instead of you asking him. Why isn't he? My gut feeling is that this guy isn't really interested in you in a romantic way and she is aware of this, so that when you... (read in full...)

I want to talk to my brother about his health and overeating but I'm not sure how to

Q.   I live with my father (71) and brother (24). My mother died of cancer when I was 11, and I took on the cooking and cleaning. I still do nearly everything in the home. My dad helps out a little, but he has arthritis and joint problems that hinder ...

A.   3 June 2020: How can you take care of somebody else when you can't even take care of yourself. You have been looking after these two for more than half your life ... why? because you were the girl? Well, when you were 11 and stepped up to take on the cleaning... (read in full...)

Am I screwing my friend over?

Q.   I had a message from an old friend asking if I had ideas to pitch to a company he has just signed up to as a freelancer. They are a production company looking for show ideas and pay commission if an idea is chosen. My friend said if any ideas I c...

A.   29 May 2020: You friend was prepared to use your ideas and work to make money (the commission). So if you get the work recompense the amount he would have got in commission for pitching YOUR idea. ... (read in full...)

The more I try to better myself the nastier my friend becomes.

Q.   Thanks in advance for answers to my guestion. This is a great site. I have been friends with this paticular friend for about ten years. I cannot say that this is the only friendship I have been evaluating lately. I have a great job and have started ...

A.   27 May 2020: You are already doing the right thing by letting her know you are not equipped to help her at this time, if you let her know that, and follow up with "are you still getting counselling" and see where the conversations go from there. Probably ... (read in full...)

I'm mourning a friendship that may have dissolved.

Q.   I used to have very regular contact with a female friend whom I will name as "A" who attended the same church as me and we coordinated a youth ministry together with other team members. I was close to A and so were the other team members and ...

A.   26 May 2020: You say A left your church because people did not agree with her decision. That was a very Christian decision of the church and it's members. Did anybody try talking to see what the underlying problems within the marriage were? You don't me... (read in full...)

Blocked, I'm angry at how all the blame is on me, should I send a letter and a gift?

Q.   I was seeing a girl and she has a boyfriend, who she got just a few weeks after we met. Turns out she wanted to see both of us. But recently finally, the boyfriend found out her secret. She was out with me, and he got security to bget into her room ...

A.   26 May 2020: Hi Andrewh2020, I've just read your follow-ups. It appears to me you are angry to be the "loser" in this scenario and are now looking for ways, or even validation, for getting your own back. Not only is she not interested in a relation... (read in full...)

Late nights, lack of sleep causes breakup

Q.   I have recently split up with my girlfriend and asked her why. Her excuse was to many late nights. I said what do you mean? Her reply was I can't sleep if your not in bed with me. I Replied with twice I went to the liver room to watch tv as she kept ...

A.   25 May 2020: I feel you are right when you suggested that rather than you doing something wrong this is just a "silly excuse". She wanted to break up and has used this as the easiest way to do it …. as for her real reasons only she knows. ... (read in full...)

Is she smitten with me?

Q.   I am confused and more unsure than I have ever been. I have always been a good guy who is confident and I always know what to do. But with this lovely woman I am unsure. We work together, and she is in a relationship she is dissatisfied wit...

A.   25 May 2020: You say you respect her relationship …. so what's the deal with all the little gifts then, do you also gift your other work colleagues? If this woman with whom you are playing footsie under the table instead of working was interested in a relation... (read in full...)

Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.

Q.   My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...

A.   23 May 2020: I agree with the others who have suggested you watch when she packs up her stuff, or pack it up for her and put outside the door. A family I know lost rare family irreplaceable photographs when a son's relationship failed. Anything of sentimen... (read in full...)

Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.

Q.   My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...

A.   21 May 2020: Naked in bed with a naked guy and nothing happened …. I think the naked with a naked guy is something that happened, are you just brushing off the fact she got naked with somebody because she says "nothing happened" ….. how is that okay if you are ... (read in full...)

He criticizes my driving and it’s wrecking my confidence and ability!

Q.   Heeeellpppp, i am a long time driving vihicles already. Im driving bycicles, real motorbike sometimes with 1 or 2 behind me as passenger plus my baby dog infront basket ( please dont get mad" that is normal in asia, when your small baby dog is train ...

A.   20 May 2020: To the anonymous male who says the letter writer should just let the man drive to keep him calm. Really, is that really your advise to a woman who has written asking for help on how to deal with a man who is so consistently criticizing her that she ... (read in full...)

He criticizes my driving and it’s wrecking my confidence and ability!

Q.   Heeeellpppp, i am a long time driving vihicles already. Im driving bycicles, real motorbike sometimes with 1 or 2 behind me as passenger plus my baby dog infront basket ( please dont get mad" that is normal in asia, when your small baby dog is train ...

A.   20 May 2020: Hey there, Im a competent driver but I would NEVER attempt to drive in Thailand, Bali or China, where the traffic is organised chaos! The fact you have driven in different countries, including Thailand, suggest you are a more than competent driver. ... (read in full...)

My partner's family never acknowledge my birthday

Q.   Hi everyone, I am 63 and my guy is 65. We both own our own businesses, both fairly healthy. No children. We got together six years ago and both had no children from before. He lives with me in my house and they have often visited here and spent a ...

A.   14 May 2020: Spring clean the area where you keep that list and lose it, either shove it in a cupboard or get rid of it altogether. Stop being an emotional caregiver for your partner, he is 65 years old, if he wants to remember people's birthdays and other ... (read in full...)

I'm 17 and have no breasts!

Q.   I am 17 and have literally no breasts!!!! Most of the boys and girls who I'm friends with mock me about it and I'm the only one in my friend group who doesn't have a boyfriend. All my friend are like D cups or C cups and I'm barely an A cup. What ...

A.   14 May 2020: I approached Mr Google before attempting to answer your question, some of the benefits of having small breasts I already knew, such as less likely to suffer back pains or experience saggy boobs after childbirth or as you age. Its easier to buy a ... (read in full...)

I don't know if my husband is insecure or its something deeper?

Q.   Hi everyone. I am married and my husband was lovely and attentive, but now we are married he wants me to change the way I dress, not wear makeup and not see friends. He gives me money for shopping, but I do not have my name on the bank account ...

A.   12 May 2020: Controlling your money is abuse, trying to control what you wear is abuse, controlling when you see your friends is abuse, getting angry with you because a health professional was male is abuse. Now that you know you are in an abusive relation... (read in full...)

How can I help him? He says his penis is dead

Q.   My name is friendly I have a question about my friend he is 40 going to be 41 in November we been friends for a year and we haven't had sex for awhile he said to about his cock is dead. What can I do to help him From your friend...

A.   9 May 2020: This is really something that you can't help with, apart from suggesting your friend see a doctor to find out if the problem can be rectified. If he wont go and see a doctor then you need to decide if sex is important within your relationship. ... (read in full...)

I'm still grieving the death of my husband.

Q.   My husband passed away 8 months ago after a two year battle with lung cancer. Since then, work has been able to distract me from my grief but I have been working from home due to COVID-19. It's harder on me being home all the time, surrounded by his ...

A.   8 May 2020: Some people never truly get over the death of a spouse, I don't know who you talked to who said 8 to 10 weeks, but hey, that is unusually quick. You need to go through your grieving process on your own timetable, there are five stages of grief (g... (read in full...)

I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something

Q.   My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...

A.   29 April 2020: Investigate paying the school direct for the son's education, I know that as some people have already pointed out that it is not your responsibility, but hey, its something where you already know the annual cost and education is the key to freedom ... (read in full...)

I never told my husband that I had an abortion. I am afraid he'll divorce me if he finds out

Q.   I did not tell my husband that I was pregnant and I had an abortion behind his back. I am now very scared to tell him. I think he will divorce me and I am very worried. Does anybody has advice on how I can save my marriage. It was partly a health ...

A.   28 April 2020: I don't understand, what were the problems already existing in your marriage that you are not able to discuss your health issues with your husband … and surely, if the decision was based on those underlying health issues the abortion would have been ... (read in full...)

I don't think I should be his go to person every time he needs something

Q.   My story is as old as world. Here it goes: I am in my 40s, moderately comfortable financially , love to travel . One day decided to go to Africa and met a guy. My age, divorced , bringing up his small son. And taking care of couple relative...

A.   27 April 2020: This is a very easy trap to fall into, especially if there are emotional feelings involved. In your situation (no emotional attachment just a desire to assist somebody stuck in a cycle of poverty), I had to be blunt. You too need to be blunt... (read in full...)

My neighbors are disrespectful in how to act since policies adopted for coronavirus

Q.   Hi guys, I would really appreciate your advice. I live in a country that has introduced a severe measures for fighting the corona virus, including a stay-at-home / work-from-home, all non-essential activities are forbidden. You can go to...

A.   15 April 2020: You are doing the right thing. Until a vaccine is available and until there are sufficient and efficient testing protocols put in place we could all be carriers without showing any symptoms. If the kids start getting antsy just explain to them ... (read in full...)

We talk about dating but I don't know how he feels about me

Q.   I don't know how this guy really feels about me. we always bring up the subject of going on a date I just don't know how he is feeling and I don't want to rush him what should I be doing or am I doing something wrong?...

A.   13 April 2020: With the Corona Virus situation at the moment it might be a bit hard to actually do anything in person …. that's if you are in an area where social distancing is being promoted as a way to stay safe, even if you are not in lockdown. Howev... (read in full...)

My partner of 10 years is an alcoholic and porn addict with a bad temper, but he has his good points.. should I leave him? Title

Q.   Hey guys! So I've been with my partner 10 years, it isn't all bad and I've learnt a lot through being with him. See, I grew up in a broken home, and though my mum loves me unconditionally, I was never really taught 'how to adult' or how to look ...

A.   12 April 2020: First, those people you mention who say "every guy cheats" guess what, as a cheated upon woman I would categorically say that is a whole line of BS. All guys DO NOT CHEAT, got that? Now, to your question, which is a bit of a novelette you ask... (read in full...)

A guy I met on a dating site says he is going to talk to other girls..

Q.   I met a guy I a dating site. We chatted and exchanged numbers. He was calling and texting me everyday. He came to see me twice. We had sex. He kept calling and text for a few days. Then it just stopped. I looked at his Facebook. He was flirting with ...

A.   10 April 2020: Rhiannon, you don't actually say that you went out on a date, you chatted, he text then he came over and boom! sex! You are not in a relationship with him, neither of you have spent any time getting to know each other, you haven't spent any qual... (read in full...)

Can I help the man I love, or will he never change?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I 26 am seeing a man who is 29 whom I have known for 10 years. he does nice things for me, he does his own washing, cleans up after himself (present) but here's the thing... 10 years ago when we were younger I was still in school, I...

A.   8 April 2020: If he ripped up the contract for repaying the loan, if, when you try to discuss the issues he says you are being condescending, if he isn't doing anything to help himself, if he doesn't recognise he is already a "loser dad" then there is no hope for ... (read in full...)

Can I help the man I love, or will he never change?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I 26 am seeing a man who is 29 whom I have known for 10 years. he does nice things for me, he does his own washing, cleans up after himself (present) but here's the thing... 10 years ago when we were younger I was still in school, I...

A.   7 April 2020: It doesn't sound as if he is managing his "anxiety" properly, it sounds more like depression to me, not that I am a qualified medical professional or anything. You might need to be firm with him, he needs to be properly diagnosed and treated ... (read in full...)

My husband has locked me out of the bedroom and refuses to talk to me

Q.   Dear Cupid My husband of 3 years is refusing to talk to me, i understand with pandemic and staying indoors all the time everyone are frustrated and depressed. But locking me out of master bedroom, is not solving any problem Yesterday during lun...

A.   1 April 2020: The Corona Virus is making life difficult for everybody, and even MORE difficult for some. Your husband is not treating you right. You cant change his behaviour, however, you can use your time wisely to research counsellors in your area, an... (read in full...)

My father moved on very quickly after my mother died and I don't like his partner

Q.   Dear Cupid. So my mother passed away almost a year and a half ago, (November 2018) I’m an only child and still very hurt over it for reasons. 4 months after my mother moved out of the family home in 2016 he met a woman and she moved in quit qu...

A.   1 April 2020: Your dad had already been living with his partner for nearly 2 years when your mother passed away, so really, if you were expecting some sort of mourning period from him after she died you were being a bit unrealistic. From personal observat... (read in full...)

My husband has locked me out of the bedroom and refuses to talk to me

Q.   Dear Cupid My husband of 3 years is refusing to talk to me, i understand with pandemic and staying indoors all the time everyone are frustrated and depressed. But locking me out of master bedroom, is not solving any problem Yesterday during lun...

A.   1 April 2020: At the moment you are very dependant on your husband, because you have no family to talk to. When you husband refuses to talk and locks himself in the bedroom and lets you sleep cold without blankets he is attempting to isolate you even more. I... (read in full...)

Could you date a social media addict?

Q.   Could you date someone who spends a lot of time on social media or is a socialite? I met a guy who is nice but he seems to have a social media addiction. He comments and likes lots of posts on his friends profiles and public pages. He seems to like ...

A.   1 April 2020: Has this man asked you to go on a date? Have you met online or in person? ... (read in full...)

What is everyone doing with their free time being cooped up?

Q.   Hello again! I've posted several times and everyone's been very helpful and empathetic. Thank you! I hope all you aunts and uncles are safe and healthy (and your loved ones too)! I'm under the impression that at least one of the aunts here is ...

A.   26 March 2020: I'm currently in total lockdown due to having returned from a trip overseas just before our airports closed. My bathroom has never sparkled so much. I have somebody shopping for me, it gets dropped at the gate and I then transfer the mon... (read in full...)

I don't want my partner back but he says he cant live without us.

Q.   I split up with my ex after discovering his infidelity. We have 3 children together who he still sees every other weekend and we have stayed amicable. 2 weeks ago he went silent for about a week. He told me yesterday he is struggling with his ment...

A.   25 March 2020: He said if he hadn't been caught he would not have given up the other woman …. He made his choice when he said that, let him take his mental problems to her, after all she helped him to get where he is now. You made the right call in ending i... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's health worries me. Should I break up with her?

Q.   Been dating a woman 10 years younger than me for almost 9 months. We are in love but her health really concerns me. I have a job which requires me to maintain my fitness and I work out several times a week. My girlfriend is overweight (not an ...

A.   25 March 2020: Your girlfriend needs to be the healthiest she can be before becoming pregnant. Her diabetes will need to be properly managed and the reasons for her monthly visits to doctors clearly understood and also managed. Your girlfriend will need to ... (read in full...)

Man I'm dating still lives with his ex and won't tell her about me

Q.   I have invested time in a man but I can’t work out whether I’m being too trusting or whether I’m being naive. We’ve been seeing each other about 5 months. He lives in another state and is in my area 4 days a week for work. When we first started ch...

A.   20 March 2020: DING! DING! DING! That's the alarm bells going off. I've heard of couples no longer in a relationship still living together for a variety of reasons, cost of housing, children, etc and it sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. In most cases... (read in full...)

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