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My boss told me that several co-workers have complained that I smell. I'm clean! How do I take care of this?

Q.   Not a relationship question...but this place has never failed me when I need help, so here we go. About a month ago, I started a new job. Yesterday, my boss called me into her office and informed me that she has received complaints from ...

A.   15 January 2021: The other aunts have given great advice! I can give a couple of other possible suggestions: Do you either eat a lot of garlic or take cholesterol medication from over the counter? Do you take ANY prescription medication? That can make you sme... (read in full...)

My boss told me that several co-workers have complained that I smell. I'm clean! How do I take care of this?

Q.   Not a relationship question...but this place has never failed me when I need help, so here we go. About a month ago, I started a new job. Yesterday, my boss called me into her office and informed me that she has received complaints from ...

A.   15 January 2021: The other aunts have given great advice! I can give a couple of other possible suggestions: Do you either eat a lot of garlic or take cholesterol medication from over the counter? Do you take ANY prescription medication? That can make you sme... (read in full...)

My husband's anger and ranting has become unbearable

Q.   Things haven't been going well with my husband these past few months; lockdown's been very stressful. He's been ranting about everything. Getting up in the morning? He's ranting. Having breakfast? It turns into a rant about the cereal indus...

A.   15 January 2021: Hi Paula, I noticed something about your post. You are a good writer! In your case, the best way to handle your husband is to write him a letter! He can read it when he sobers up and can’t talk over you and interrupt you in your writings... (read in full...)

My FWB partner now wants to get serious with me but I turned them down

Q.   Hi So I met a friend with benefits last summer, we both agreed we wanted nothing serious and were free to meet other people if we wanted to. We both really didn't want anything serious so this worked fine for us. As some time passed, i felt ...

A.   29 January 2020: OP - your gender is male, and you perceived that we'd answer from a double-standard and you wouldn't get good advice? You believe that by being deceptive to us, our advice was more sympathetic? First of all, we operate on trust here! It's ins... (read in full...)

We broke up after 10 years. How long will I be hurting?

Q.   Hi Just wondering if anyone could give me some advice.. Here is my story. Last year I broke up with my partner of 10 years not my decision I wanted to work through any issues.. There was no violence or cheating or drug abuse. It hit me hard and I ...

A.   21 January 2020: I'm really glad Honeypie asked you about the marriage issue, because that was also the first thing that crossed my mind! If you loved her so much, why didn't you put a ring on her finger? Relationships HAVE expiration dates where they either go ... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend cross a line or did I overreact?

Q.   Hello agony aunts, I broke up with my boyfriend about 1 month ago we didn't talk for 2 weeks and he was already dating and talking to other girls (I saw him in the university with them), he came back to me again and told me that he wants me back. I ...

A.   16 January 2020: You don't understand: When you break up with someone, it's a NUCLEAR event, meaning you ENDED your relationship. He's free to go have sex with 40 girls within 24 hours of you breaking up with him and you don't have the right to say squat! ... (read in full...)

My FWB partner now wants to get serious with me but I turned them down

Q.   Hi So I met a friend with benefits last summer, we both agreed we wanted nothing serious and were free to meet other people if we wanted to. We both really didn't want anything serious so this worked fine for us. As some time passed, i felt ...

A.   16 January 2020: To the other aunts: Friendly reminder to watch the pronouns. The OP is referring to her FWB with the "They" pronoun. To the OP: You did the right thing to a point. Your FWB has developed feelings for you and has requested a relationship... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I loaned my b/f money because I wanted to help him?

Q.   Hello everyone. I need help figuring out something. My boyfriend and I both in early 40s. He has a full time job, teaches at a university but financially in trouble because of divorce and some business investments. He has a potential as he is an ...

A.   16 January 2020: If you lend or give him any money, especially a large sum like this, you will destroy your relationship. NEVER EVER allow money to be part of your relationship. You may think that you can afford it, or you're helping, but it will destroy all ... (read in full...)

Why am I still afraid to make him mad?

Q.   My ex kept calling every week. He called once or twice a week and would show up randomly. He always wanted sex. He didn’t really wanted to see our daughter. The last time he came over he said he still loved me and wanted to work it out. I have been ...

A.   14 January 2020: I don't think that it's about not wanting to make him mad, at least that's not the core issue. The core issue is that you're in a rut. You broke up with him because his direction isn't the same as yours. However, he's familiar, you have a child ... (read in full...)

My hypochondria and fear about the health of my loved ones is driving me up the wall

Q.   I desperately need help for something that's gotten out of hand. I am a total hypochondriac and always assume the worst when it comes to health issues. The last year has been particularly bad. I thought I had breast cancer (turned out to be a harm...

A.   24 December 2019: I noticed your age, and that's very common to "feel your own mortality" when the aches and pains of entering middle age set in. And, you have loved ones you're awakening to the fact that nothing in this world lasts forever. As we all know, th... (read in full...)

Married 40 years and not once has my wife given me oral sex. She refuses to

Q.   I have been married for forty years to the same woman. She has never given me a blow job in all those years. I have gone down on her for years, but she refuses me when I ask her to do the same on me. When we were first married we had good sex but ...

A.   8 November 2019: I'm not going to jump all over you, because I can guess that you are a porn watcher. And as both a giver and recipient of oral sex, sometimes it's better than intercourse itself. You cannot change your wife. What you can do is change your own... (read in full...)

My husband is extremely self focused and highly sensitive

Q.   How do I help my husband whose overly sensitive (and this is an understatement!) when he gets stressed communicating with people? When he thinks that others do not react to his jokes or look away when he’s answering the question THEY asked or pr...

A.   4 November 2019: I don't know about you, but I wouldn't let him use you as a punching bag OR a therapist, because he'll never get respect if he can't even respect his own wife. If his shrink isn't helping, he needs to either get a new one OR start being honest w... (read in full...)

Should I return the call of my estranged aunt?

Q.   Hi All, I've been estranged from my father's family for over twelve years. It's a very long story but in short, after he and my grandmother died, there was a lot of anger, resentment and accusations. Because he and my mom were separated at the...

A.   4 November 2019: I agree -- you should call her back. I know that your sticking point is that you feel you would betray your mom if you were to reach out or respond favorably to the reaching out of your father's side of the family, but as you are starting to reali... (read in full...)

Accidentally held up an Ambulance and can’t forgive myself!

Q.   Tifu accidentally held up an ambulance Accidentally held up an ambulance, feel awful So today as a fairly new driver, I was driving along in the left hand lane, in rush hour. traffic in the right lane queued up at some temporary lights that on...

A.   23 October 2019: If your 25 second delay of an ambulance was THAT important, the patient would more likely be being airlifted by helicopter instead of ambulance. Ambulances inside are giving patients care already, whether its CPR or IV fluids or assessme... (read in full...)

What can I offer that porn doesn’t when porn offer endless variety

Q.   I know this may seem trivial to many people but I have struggled with the issue of men and porn for many years . I have no problem with my partner noticing someone attractive we all do that but when I’m with a man and he feels the need to master ...

A.   23 October 2019: NEVER compare yourself to porn. That's the same as a guy who doesn't like it when his wife uses a vibrator or a showerhead or her own fingers or anything else to get off. It is an impersonal stimulative tool. There are guys who become insecure... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend lie about his sister?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for a year and he told me all the time that he's the only child of his mom, and I recently found out that he has a sister that he never told me about because until recently he was so upset and he had to tell me about this ...

A.   23 October 2019: In this case, you should tread carefully, and when I say "carefully", I mean REALLY carefully. Is his lying an issue here? I would give a qualified yes, which is "yes" with an asterisk. You've been dating for a year, and if there is an undesira... (read in full...)

Is it normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex?

Q.   is is normal for a man to become nasty and aggressive over not having enough sex because that is how my boyfriend is and I give him lots of sex five times a day every weekend. I feel like his constant pressure is starting to put me off him and sex ...

A.   9 September 2019: Demanding sex and becoming aggressive and nasty is NOT normal behavior, especially that many times per day. That shows more along the line of a sexual addiction. He is using you to nurse that addiction. During the week, is he this aggressive ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend still hanging with ex-FWB

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. In the beginning of our relationship she was still seeing her FWB, but 2 weeks in we decided to become exclusive. She originally wanted a relationship with the guy before, but he didn't. They weren't ...

A.   6 September 2019: She is a real jerk who is using and abusing you. She WANTS this other guy, not you. You are who she is using to try to make this guy jealous enough to commit and start a relationship with her. She's using you to make HIM jealous. She wants hi... (read in full...)

My husband wants me to dress up as a horse!

Q.   My husband wants me to dress up as a horse ?! We have been married nearly 20 years and had a “normal” sex life with regular loving sex. The most adventurous we do is phone sex and I do enjoy it. I ride horses and wear jodhpurs all the time - he jok...

A.   6 September 2019: You gotta love this site! Once in awhile, among the "my husband likes porn more than me" and "my sister is having an affair with whoever", we get a few unique ones. I *will* answer this one seriously, because I believe you, but I must admit to... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend might be married. What should I do?

Q.   I think my new boyfriend might be married and I have no idea how to bring up the subject. We've been together for almost three months and while things have been good, some of his behaviour has always been a bit off. Nothing I can put my finger on, ...

A.   2 September 2019: You could ask him straight out, but if he wants to keep playing around with you, and he's a good liar, he could spin a "I'm divorced" or "We're separated" yarn and you'd swallow it because you want it to be true. Right now, you've uncovered the ... (read in full...)

Is feeling desired by your partner a valid need?

Q.   Is feeling desired by ones partner not a valid needs . I posted a question here about whether it was reasonable to expect to feel desired by my partner . I mentioned my age ( 50) and that he seemed to have an interest In porn with much younger women ...

A.   29 August 2019: Your need IS valid! Who WOULDN'T want to feel like their mate is attracted to them?! In your case, if your partner is gravitating toward porn and "barely legal" women and it's affecting your sex life, that means he has an addiction to porn! His ... (read in full...)

Should I talk to my friend about her childish behaviour?

Q.   one of my friends can be really child like at times , acts silly , quite embarrassing and doesn't seem to think that her behaviour is child like . part of me thinks I should talk to her about this , but I feel she may not respond in the way I wou...

A.   29 August 2019: Let's talk this through, shall we? Even if you had this long conversation with her, spelled everything on the line, and she were to accept what you said and broke up with this guy, changed her ways, and from this point forward never had an ... (read in full...)

Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?

Q.   Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...

A.   26 August 2019: You're making me miss my cats! My second Himalayan, Samson, (Sammy), he was like a dog too! He actually came to a whistle! It was a specific whistle, but wherever he was, he would come running. He played fetch with a Nerf bullet too where I'd ... (read in full...)

Am I being an overprotective cat mom or is it cruel to leave my little kitten at home alone when I go to work?

Q.   Hey i just bought the most divine cutest himalayan kitten, he is 2 months old and has been taken away from his mummy and daddy, and his other 2 brothers in the litter my friend and her husband took the 2 brothers! I absolutely ADORE him he is the ...

A.   24 August 2019: Awww I love kitties! I grew up with two Himalayan cats (not at the same time...one and then another) who we got as tiny fuzzball kittens and had them until they lived a ripe old age (one at age 19, the other at 16). Cats, even as young as 2 mon... (read in full...)

How to deal with my feelings when I see the friend I lost

Q.   I still miss someone who I used to be friends with and it has been two years , I just want advice on how to deal with my sadness when I see her . she never told she didn't want to be my friend any longer but it was our mutual friend who told ...

A.   24 August 2019: One more thing -- the average UK marriage age you cited also takes RE-marriage into account, like second, third, and subsequent marriages.... (read in full...)

How to deal with my feelings when I see the friend I lost

Q.   I still miss someone who I used to be friends with and it has been two years , I just want advice on how to deal with my sadness when I see her . she never told she didn't want to be my friend any longer but it was our mutual friend who told ...

A.   23 August 2019: I think it was immature for your friend to have another friend tell you why she didn't want to be friends anymore. A true friend would talk to you personally about it. There's another component to this as well, and a happier one I think. If you ... (read in full...)

He's ready to settle, but I love having my own life. What can I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 years. We met at uni. When I met him, I had just come home from New Zealand. It was the 3rd country I’d worked in in three years, and I was ready to settle in one place for a while and study. We were ...

A.   23 August 2019: I fully agree with the others, especially Honeypie -- you can't have both. You must CHOOSE. But I need to point something out that perhaps others haven't said because the reality is pretty chilly and unfortunately carries a double standard... (read in full...)

We've broken up but he talks as though we're still together

Q.   Hi I’ve recently broken up with my partner due to a few reasons we split up nearly 2 weeks ago but he is acting as though we are still together he won’t talk to me about any problems we have this is one of the reasons I ended it but now he’s talking ...

A.   15 August 2019: Before I answer your question, I have one for you that I hope you come back and follow up on. I'm going to answer this as I currently see it, but I have a sneaking feeling that I may be close to the mark here: My question to YOU is: Would yo... (read in full...)

How to approach her obsession with her looks

Q.   Wife bought waist trainer corset. When I first saw it on her, she looked super sexy; tiny waist with huge boobs (DD; what a dream. I made the mistake of telling her how hot she was and as a result, she started wearing it all the time. Over time, she ...

A.   15 August 2019: I recommend that you step back and admire the fact that you have such a trophy wife! This sounds like more of an insecurity issue for you rather than an "obsession" for her. You say that you "made the mistake of telling her how how she is". WHY ... (read in full...)

I can't get over my ex but I know he's an ex for a reason

Q.   I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the ...

A.   8 August 2019: You've got to FILL THE VOID! You ended things with him, so you have a gaping hole in your heart and in your time! Well, fill your TIME with other things to do! Become so busy, make your life rich and full, so that you don't have time to think ... (read in full...)

Do I confide in my husband's sister that he's having an affair?

Q.   My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally ...

A.   8 August 2019: I wouldn't until you decide to divorce him and she asks why. You would hamstring your relationship with your husband if you choose to rebuild your marriage, and that stuff gets around to everywhere, and unfortunately, families tend to stick with ... (read in full...)

Why does my stepfather treat me better than my own mother?

Q.   I don't know my biological dad and I have never been really close to my mother, she doesn't seem to care about me a lot. She does the basic parental obligations - feeding me, etc.- but she doesn't care much what's going on in my life and how I feel. ...

A.   8 August 2019: Without more to go on, all I can do is guess. However, I've got a good guess, based on what I've actually seen on more than a few occasions in my life with my own friends. My own cousin is treated like this by his own mother while treated well by ... (read in full...)

Weed consumes his whole life

Q.   Hi I’ve got a problem hopefully you can help me with my partner is a heavy weed smoker this drives me mad when we first met he had the odd joint now and again fast forward to 6 years later and he spends hundreds on it each month never has any money ...

A.   29 July 2019: The question at this point shouldn't be "Should I leave him?" The real question is "Why haven't I ALREADY left him?" You're in your 30's, and I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that he's in the same age bracket if not a little older, es... (read in full...)

How do I succeed in getting a job and moving out of my parents home?

Q.   Hello, my question is this: how do I succeed in getting a job and moving out of my parents home? When I was in high school, I wanted to get a part-time job and start driving lessons so I continued onto community college (I rode the bus each day...

A.   11 July 2019: First of all, stop looking to your parents for either validation or permission to live your life the way you choose. You will never cut that leash even if you move out unless you make your choices now. Second, if you're finished with school, ... (read in full...)

My insecurities are making me wonder if I should make things official with him or just break up?

Q.   I've been dating a guy for about 9 months who's 20 years older than me. I've been taking it slow because I was married for 7 years before this and I've been a bit nervous about a new relationship after my husband cheated on me (resulting in the ...

A.   25 June 2019: You're doing the right thing by taking it slow, and in the getting to know him, you've discovered that he has an issue with ego. He's got just as many insecurities as you do if he NEEDS an entourage of female friends that he desperately wants you ... (read in full...)

I'm trying to be a good brother but do I need to tell my parents what my sister is saying?

Q.   I am 15 years old and my sister is 14 years old. She is a cancer survivor and has been in remission for two years. The other night when we were home alone, she started crying and her room so I asked her what was wrong. She said she felt bad for...

A.   5 June 2019: No, do NOT tell your mom what your sister said. She said nothing serious that requires "reporting", such as wanting to do self-harm or harming someone else. She was pouring out her heart to you, and you're going to honor her words in confidence. ... (read in full...)

I feel my husband is using me financially

Q.   I don’t have anyone I can ask for advice that won’t be bias in either my favor or my husband’s favor. This might be long, but I’ll try to condense this. My husband and I are both in our late 20s. We have a daughter together. We’ve been together a ...

A.   2 June 2019: Whoops! Accidentally hit "add your answer" way too soon! So does that mean that a WIFE who stays at home taking care of the kids is using her husband financially?? When you marry, there is no more "My Money" and "his Money". It's "our money"... (read in full...)

I feel my husband is using me financially

Q.   I don’t have anyone I can ask for advice that won’t be bias in either my favor or my husband’s favor. This might be long, but I’ll try to condense this. My husband and I are both in our late 20s. We have a daughter together. We’ve been together a ...

A.   2 June 2019: Hold on a second! You called this man YOUR HUSBAND, right?? So does this mean that if he starts working and you became a Stay-At-Home mother, ... (read in full...)

She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious

Q.   I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...

A.   2 June 2019: I'm not saying that you *ARE* a beta, OP. I said that emphasizing your "gentleman" strategy can have you "come across" as beta. If I actually THOUGHT you were beta, then I'd say so! As such, you should be YOU, not worrying about how you dress, or ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is illegally in my country, wants to marry me so he can stay on and is planning our wedding which is going to happen in a week!

Q.   Hi everyone, I have a situation. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and he does everything for me and my kids. We first met online, he had come from a far country to visit me and he decided not to go back to his country. So now he has ...

A.   2 June 2019: YIKES! There was just a huge alert in Canada to beware of marriage scams, and you already were hit by one! This guy is pressuring you, and he "does things for you" not because he loves you, but because you have something he doesn't. Once you tie ... (read in full...)

She thanked me, said she had a good time but also said she is not looking for anything serious

Q.   I matched and got talking to a girl on a online dating app.. Few messages later went out for dinner. Holy smokes she is stunning. I don’t have a clue how it went. She kept thanking me and saying she had a good time. But also said she is not looking ...

A.   31 May 2019: I think you're jumping the gun!! She said she wasn't looking for anything serious. Are YOU? If I were you, I'd have responded something like "Damn, guess I'll have to take the engagement ring back to the store now!" as a joke. Dates ARE NOT ... (read in full...)

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