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*oot-In-My-Mouth agony aunt

*oot-In-My-Mouth

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*oot-In-My-Mouth's profile:

What qualifies you to help people?

My ability to call a spade a spade. And my genuine interest in other people. I'm an unapologetic feminist. Take it or leave it.

Where do you live?

India.

What makes you tick?

Politics, activism, wildlife, forests and travelling.

What's your relationship status?

Committed.

12345678Next > [8 pages, 279 answers]

Is it normal for me to feel turned off by my bfs porn use? The porn is always portrayed with younger women

Q.   Is it normal for me to feel turned off by my bfs porn use? Knowing that he is watching and getting off to younger women who nearly always look perfect seems to affect my sex drive with him and I can't seem to feel sexy . I am a healthy woman in...

A.   4 May 2015: You have no obligation to put up with porn use in your relationship. Porn affects a relationship much more than we imagine. Read "Pornland" by Gail Dines to see what I mean. If he knows that you don't approve of porn use and that it affects you, but ... (read in full...)

The smell of smokers is a turn-off for me. Was it wrong of me to reject her? What else could I do?

Q.   I am a guy who doesn't seem to have problems attracting girls. I can't stand girls when they are drunk or smokers, also both because of the smell. The drunk ones are not an issue, as I tell them that when we meet, she should refrain from drinkin...

A.   4 May 2015: I'm a smoker myself but I understand that a lot of people don't like the smell of smoke. It's just a choice you have to make. Do you like her enough to be with her in spite of the cigarette smell or is the intolerance to the smell more of an issue? ... (read in full...)

Do I walk away and not look back?

Q.   I was dating a woman for about 7 months. I thought things were great. I'm working on a law degree and I work, so I'm extrely busy. I spent as much time with her as I possibly could. In fact, I spent most of my time with her during the semester, ...

A.   3 May 2015: If you think that you have it in you to forgive her and try to re-build the relationship, then give a chance. Otherwise, walk away.... (read in full...)

Has "nice guy" become a derogatory term?

Q.   It seems like when you call someone a "nice guy" it seems as if it has some sort of negative connotation to it as if it is synonymous with loser, wimp, geek/nerd, pushover etc. basically anything that would be viewed as unattractive to the opposite ...

A.   3 May 2014: Agree entirely with person12345. A genuinely nice guy is nice because he is that way and not because he thinks that will help him get something from someone. And being nice is never out of fashion. Everyone appreciates genuine niceness. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me and has no reason for doing so

Q.   I am so devastated, I am not sure what to think or what happened. I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are the same age, we both have children (no children together) but out of the blue.... he broke up with me. I asked for a reason he had ...

A.   3 May 2014: I agree with the female anon too. I also think that he's inconsiderate about your feelings and you might want to think whether you really want him back. People don't do this to people they love, you know. But anyway, don't show the fact that you're ... (read in full...)

Help for giving a second chance?

Q.   So, my ex and I have decided to give things a second chance after being apart for about 7 months. We both recognise we made mistakes and both still feel strong for each other, even if it's not quite how it was when we first got together. We both ...

A.   11 February 2014: You know what, the success or failure of this depends on the reasons why you broke up in the first place. If infidelity was involved, it will be very difficult for it to work out this time. So it's hard to tell unless we know why you moved away from ... (read in full...)

I went to the movies with a male friend. Was that cheating on my boyfriend?

Q.   I've been friends with this guy for 2 years and 2 weeks ago he told me he's never had a gf before and that I was the first girl that got close to him and he developed feelings for me, I reminded him I have a boyfriend that I love, he said he was ...

A.   2 January 2014: I don't think you've cheated on your boyfriend but you should have told him for sure. It's very important to keep all channels of communication open. And please don't encourage this friend of yours who clearly wants you for himself. I know it's very ... (read in full...)

It bothers me that my boyfriend is not more consciencious about his appearance

Q.   Hi, I am 24 years old and in a relationship with a man for 9 months,he keeps me very happy and he's head over heels in love with me,I like him too but as superficial as this sounds I always wanted my man to dress smart wear nice watches,...

A.   2 January 2014: You want to end the relationship because of the way he dresses? Yes, I think you should go ahead and break up. He deserves better!... (read in full...)

Husband said he was just looking for friends, but I'm suspicious

Q.   A little background of my situation. I have been married for almost 6 years. After about a year of happy marriage I found my husband talking with and exchanging nude pictures online. I confronted him and he apologized and promised it would never ...

A.   2 January 2014: Your husband is not only bisexual/homosexual, he's also a cheat. Do you want to be with someone who repeatedly cheats on you? Do you think he values you enough? If I were in your shoes, I'd end it, no matter how painful. I couldn't live my life ... (read in full...)

Can't get this man out of my mind. .Will I ever be able to get him out of my mind??

Q.   I really need help - for the last four years I have been on and off with a guy whom I am in love with. I feel that it is going nowhere however due to many reasons (lies/trust issues Etc) hence why we have been on and off. I really want to m...

A.   2 January 2014: Yes, you will eventually get over him. We have all been in your position, trust me. It will be painful, heart-breaking, you'll wet your pillow for nights...and in the end, time has a way of mending things. All you can do is wait for time to work its ... (read in full...)

Troubled relationship with my daughter leaves me feeling very blue

Q.   I have what most Mum's would regard as a great relationship with my daughter. She lives a five hour train journey away, visits maybe twice a year. For financial and other reasons I've not been able to visit her this year, but usually I would and ...

A.   1 January 2014: I'm afraid my response won't be of much help because I'm probably closer to your daughter's age and it would be difficult for me to place myself in your shoes. What you wrote made me very angry and desperately sad at the same time. I think you're a ... (read in full...)

My husband never seems to notice hot women.....EVER!

Q.   Hello, I am in my 20s and my husband is great, perfect even. He takes me out, listens to be me, we have a great sex life, we hardly fight. It's wonderful. However.... I recently began to notice that he never seems to notice young attractive...

A.   29 December 2013: You should thank your lucky stars. And if you want the type who ogles at women and watches porn, then find someone else and let me have your husband please. He seems so nice! :-)... (read in full...)

He would rather masterbate on me than have sex with me

Q.   HI There Please help me im going insane. my partner of a 1yr and I are living together, sex has never been often im lucky if I get it twice a week and it lasts about 5 minutes. In the begining I told him I was not happy about this as I have a heal...

A.   22 December 2013: I think he might be a porn addict. He's basically using you as an object to jerk off. He doesn't know what it is to make love. I think this portends an awful relationship ahead with selfishness, coldness and possibly, porn addiction as a regular ... (read in full...)

I promised my girlfriend to never kiss or do anything sexual with her or masturbate, any comments?

Q.   I have no idea what to do or dont do. I made a few promises to my girlfriend and two of them are to never do anything sexual to her (including kissing) and never masterbate. Since my girlfriend thinks sex is gross and painful, I respected her ...

A.   22 December 2013: Is your girlfriend asexual? Sounds like it. Maybe a victim of sexual abuse? The point is, are you unhappy? What do you feel about the way you've modified your life in accordance with her wishes? Do you think you could live like this? ... (read in full...)

Please help - I found dodgy photos on my boyfriend's computer.

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm a bit confused and any insight would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone else about this. My boyfriend is a sweet guy, I always knew he had a Pervy side but all guys do and that didn't really bother me.... Until I found pic...

A.   10 December 2013: I have one small piece of very pertinent advice for you..."RUN"!!!... (read in full...)

I'm considering changing my personality to become a jerk in order to date!

Q.   So, I've recently, after the same bullshit of "I see you more as a friend", decided to change myself into the complete opposite of what I am now, knowing that it will take a long time. Today I behave like a Gentlemen when dating, red roses as a ...

A.   10 December 2013: No, I don't agree that women like jerks. Everyone wants and likes a genuine person, a true gentleman/lady and don't let silly generalisations make you think otherwise. You cannot change your personality. Either you're a genuine gentleman or you're a ... (read in full...)

Why does he keep on liking and then disliking my Facebook posts?

Q.   Long story short, I'm 18, I dated a guy for about two months this summer, our relationship ended by him blocking me on facebook (still have no idea why and still kind of like him). A month ago he added me back because we had to talk about a school ...

A.   10 December 2013: Do you really care about such immature conduct? He's either upto some silly game involving other women or he's just an idiot. Either way, he doesn't deserve your attention. ... (read in full...)

Why would two grown men want to play a video game as nothing but sexy dressed characters if it wasn't for the sexiness?

Q.   I've been with my bf for 3 years. We're both in our 30's. We don't live together. Anyway, sometimes I feel he's a pervert. lol. I know this sounds silly, and especially at my age, but almost every thing we watch together has T and A in it. He also ...

A.   3 December 2013: He doesn't seem to care that this weird, immature habit of his bothers you. That is what bothers me because if you've told him that it bothers you, it's only natural for someone who loves you to address the issue and at least try not to ... (read in full...)

What am I doing wrong?

Q.   I think I am doing something wrong when it comes to dating. Every time I am with a girl I seem to screw it up or the circumstance won't let me advance further. For example, the other day I was in a party and I was hanging with a girl who seemed to ...

A.   3 December 2013: Yes, you're certainly doing something wrong. You firstly need to begin respecting women instead of "making a move" or trying to "pick up". Your language itself betrays your disrespectful stance and women probably sense it and lose interest in you. ... (read in full...)

I want to use him the way he used me

Q.   I've been living out of the country (I still am) ... i met this guy a couple of years ago where i go to school. At the time i was still dating my bf, whom just broke up with me. I met this guy in my finance class and we exchanged numbers because he ...

A.   3 December 2013: You just might be in love with him. Beware! I'd suggest you either tell him how you really feel or else just make a clean break and make a genuine effort to not bump into him, including making small changes in your daily routine etc. ... (read in full...)

Husband and I agreed to break off our affairs but now his mistress is pregnant!

Q.   I am 41 and I have been married for 6 1/2 yrs..been with my husband for 11yrs total. We have no children together..both our children are all adults. I found he was cheating on me in April so I confronted him. He lied to me that he wouldn't do it ...

A.   2 December 2013: Why are you still married to this louse? Is it financial dependence or something else? Don't tell me it's love, please!!... (read in full...)

Why do many people find atheism offensive?

Q.   Why do many people find atheism offensive? When I'm asked about my religion, I say that I'm not religious. When I'm asked further, I simply state that I'm atheist. If the asker is religious then they seem put off. Yet they asked. It's not something ...

A.   2 December 2013: If your atheism offends someone, that's a clear sign that they're close-minded, narrow and probably stupid. Great way of finding out how people really are, isn't it? Unfortunately, society tolerates much religious nonsense but has little patience ... (read in full...)

Is it weird that I'm really sexually attracted to loads of guys?

Q.   is it weird that im really sexually attracted to loads of guys? most of my friends either have crushes or boyfriends and the fact that i think about sex so much is strange to them because ive never actually had it but ive come pretty close and i ...

A.   2 May 2013: The stereotype that men want and desire sex all the time and women don't is rubbish...plain and simple. You're a normal, healthy girl with hormones playing their games. Enjoy this phase but don't do anything rash, don't sleep with just anyone unless ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend still texts his ex. I don't like it!

Q.   So my man and I haven't been together long. Hes a sweet man and takes care if me (we both work) but I mean he does things for me no other man has done. My issue is, when he first moved in with me he was on the phone with his ex (apparently we ...

A.   1 May 2013: You're not overreacting. He obviously wants to keep his options open and that means she's more important to him than you are. He's broken a promise made to you. Now he's contacting her on the sly. All this doesn't bode well for your relationship. I ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong that I'm falling for my step uncle?

Q.   I think im falling for my step uncle. Is it wrong? and his uncle is my step dad. Its complicated. But no blood whatsoever....

A.   1 May 2013: The point is...does he love you too? If he doesn't, everything else becomes irrelevant. ... (read in full...)

Caught Him in the act. Now what?

Q.   About 2 years ago I came home early and found my husband making out with her in my car in the driveway (we have a long country drive) He seemed devastated and vowed to go to therapy and never ever do that again. Found out at counseling it had ...

A.   21 March 2013: The others have given you all the right answers and suggestions and I agree that your husband needs to be dumped as soon as possible. I'd also like to add that your first counsellor needs to have his/her license taken away. What a loser!... (read in full...)

How do you know if a guy likes you, or if he just wants sex?

Q.   Hi to anyone who can help me figure this out. Male agony "uncles", your views are wanted the most. What I wonder is, when do you know if a guy actually likes you, or if he's just after sex? I have this kinda complecated "thing" with a friend of...

A.   21 March 2013: He's obviously a turd. You've been sleeping with him because you have feelings for him and you hope that he too will reciprocate your feelings. But he's a man-slut and just wants to sleep around. He is obviously not a man of character and integrity ... (read in full...)

He has become 'best friends' with a female co-worker, they text all the time and go to lunch together. If I get upset about it he calls me insecure, but don't I have a right to be in this situation?

Q.   My husband and I have been married for six years and he has always had the same job.. Well recently he has started talking about a coworker all the time telling me how great she is. He goes to lunches with her alone and they text back and forth ...

A.   21 March 2013: I tend to feel the same way as Sarcy24 about this whole thing. I think he's treating you shamefully. I can tell you a lot about this situation because I have been in the position of his female co-worker. I used to be (and still am) very close f... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's reluctance to add me to Facebook has made me suspicious

Q.   I never thought I would be writing to DearCupid about this kind of question. Usually when I see questions about facebook, my advice is to just get over it because it's just facebook. Relationsips shouldn't be based on what he/she liked on someone ...

A.   9 March 2013: I personally fail to understand her reluctance unless it's something to do with sporting a different persona online, possibly a flirtatious one. Some people like attention on the internet and hate revealing that they're not single. That seems the ... (read in full...)

We have sex 3 times a week but this isnt enough for me, any suggestions?

Q.   I have a very healthy sex life. I loe to explore and try new things. I could have sex several times a day if my partner would let me. I have never had a man turn me down for sex before but my current partner stops me from touching him sometimes. He ...

A.   29 November 2012: You do have a higher sex drive than average, and he doesn't. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or want you. People have different sexual needs. So fly solo! And respect his preference. ... (read in full...)

We were planning to meet then all of a sudden he stopped talking to me! What can I do?

Q.   hello i know you have answered this similar question many times but i honestly need help to let this go! i met this guy on face book. 2months ago.he seamed so amazing. we talked a lot, exchanged many photos and videos, called each other all the ti...

A.   29 November 2012: Well, it's just his way of telling you that he's not interested anymore. I wish he'd had the decency to tell you honestly and directly. But he's changed his mind, chickened out or maybe felt that things were getting too serious. I understand your ... (read in full...)

I ended up in bed with my friend's dad last week. Should I tell her? 

Q.   Dear Cupid, I ended up in bed with my friend's dad last Thursday night. Basically, I do some secretarial work for him at his office a few days a week, and last Thursday night we were working late and after I joined him and a few of his colleague...

A.   25 November 2012: Are you sure you weren't raped? If you were drunk and he had sex with you without your consent (since you were in no condition to consent), that is rape. Either you file a report against him or stop working for him and avoid him like the plague. He ... (read in full...)

With holding of sex

Q.   why is it when my girlfiend with holds sex its okay but when i do she gets mad about it?...

A.   25 November 2012: Maybe she just doesn't want to have sex all the time? Thought about that? No one is always in the mood. So when you don't want to have sex, she shouldn't get angry and vice versa. Play a game of scrabble instead, or just cuddle and go off to sleep. ... (read in full...)

Help me to be reasonable and rational about this matter please? My Bf wants me to use Birth Control Pills but I think it's risky.

Q.   I have been seeing this guy almost for a year. We are thinking about starting to have a future together soon. We are no longer use condoms every time after we became exclusive and came clean to each other about STD history and all. We sometime...

A.   25 November 2012: I think it is selfish when a man wants a woman to mess with her hormones for his pleasure. A condom is a physical contraceptive device, it doesn't go inside his system, but pills do. I don't ever take pills and if a guy doesn't like using condoms, I ... (read in full...)

How can I get over someone I still love? And did I make a terrible mistake?

Q.   Hi all Ive been with my partner for four years now- its been a distance relationship..seeing each other weekends only and it has not always an easy thing. But we have had amazing times. Neither of us were willing to give up good jobs that w...

A.   18 October 2012: Things are different in developed countries, I suppose. In my country, a two hour commute each way isn't really a big deal, to be honest. I do it myself. Many people commute 3-4 hours each way when they come into the city to work and return to their ... (read in full...)

How can you stop from gagging during oral sex?

Q.   how do you avoid gagging whilst giving blowjobs? i dont know how to "relax" my throat and i always feel lik im going to throw up....

A.   18 October 2012: Don't put the whole darn thing inside your mouth, just the head of the penis. Porn isn't a good guide for these kind of things, you know. And never let the guy push deeper. It's your mouth. Gagging is NOT a part of oral sex. Do it the way YOU feel ... (read in full...)

How do I get my friends and family to see that the relationship I have with younger girl friend is real and that she's not a gold digger?

Q.   How do I get my friedns and family to see that the relationship I have with younger girl friend is real? I am 39 and a very successful business man. After breaking off my long time relationship with my ex I started dating a much younger 22 yr ol...

A.   16 October 2012: I wouldn't assume that she's a gold-digger simply because she's a lot younger than you are. And whatever she may be, it's none of your family's business really. You have to take a firm stand and tell them to stop humiliating your girlfriend in ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to stay with a woman, even if you do not see long term potential?

Q.   Basically, my GF of 2 years cheated on me with a stranger. She denied cheating and lied to my face until I confronted her with circumstantial evidence that eventually made her confess. Although she denies having sexual intercourse, she...

A.   16 October 2012: To answer your central question, yes, what you are doing is morally abhorrent and it makes you no better than her. You are planning on cold-bloodedly using her till you find someone better and then leaving her out cold, thereby extracting revenge. ... (read in full...)

Lost my baby to SIDS in Feb. My husband is totally unsupportive to me and only wants sex. Is it time to leave and take my daughter with me?

Q.   hey guys i have been married since 2007 we have a 3 yr old girl. When i met him i was so in love but then came him being outside all day with the guys. We lost the relationship we had He never has interest in finding a job to support us. It'...

A.   13 October 2012: Yes, I think it is time to leave, if you have means to support yourself. I cannot believe that a father can be so callous about the death of his own baby. To top it all off, he is ruining your self-esteem. I would have suggested therapy but since he ... (read in full...)

Why didn't he accept me on facebook? He acted like he liked me

Q.   Hello, i recently filmed a movie for college with some people and someone brought along one of their friends to play my boyfriend in the scene. We had to take loads of shots of us kissing and stuff and it was all really good. He kept making excuses ...

A.   10 October 2012: Why don't you just ask him why he hasn't responded to your friend request?... (read in full...)

Why didn't he accept me on facebook? He acted like he liked me

Q.   Hello, i recently filmed a movie for college with some people and someone brought along one of their friends to play my boyfriend in the scene. We had to take loads of shots of us kissing and stuff and it was all really good. He kept making excuses ...

A.   8 October 2012: These could be the possible reasons: 1) He's playing hard to get. 2) He isn't interested in you or thinks that you're moving too fast. I tend to think it's the former. Whatever you do, don't give him any more attention at all. In fact, cancel ... (read in full...)

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