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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 1 December 2011: I'm sorry you didn't reach the conclusion you wanted with your wife but at least you are on the road to your own happiness. It sounds like you're doing fine and will come out of this a bit wiser. I hope you find someone who will make you happy! Good ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 29 July 2010: Just blank him. Blank face. Blank bland replies. Blank blank blank. I found this great link which might explain why you're feeling that rollercoaster thing you described. It's a chemical addiction problem, you see, and you just need a little t... (read in full...)
How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 26 July 2010: So did you actually talk to someone about the 'ducks'? Or was your comment more meant to keep me from asking more? What concrete steps have you taken to protect your interests, financially?... (read in full...)
My mom found my birth control!!!
Q. Yesterday my mom found my birth control. She's very upset about it however, I am 22 and I don't see the problem in taking it. I am her only child and she has always been very overprotective of me, I don't think she realizes how old I am. I've never ...
A. 17 July 2010: "Thank you for your concern, Mom. I'm 22 and it's now my job to take care of myself. I'll take it from here. Love you!"
... (read in full...)
Women are psycho???
Q. Men are all the time saying that women are crazy and psycho, but are they unaware that their behavior or certain acts on their part often times is what stimulates women to act irrationally? ...
A. 17 July 2010: I have not heard any men I know saying that women are psycho and crazy. So I actually disagree with your statement that "Men are all the time saying" that.
It sounds to me that there is ONE man who has said this to you and you are upset and angr... (read in full...)
Can my fiance lose her virginity by being fingered?
Q. I am 20 and so is my fiance she is still a virgin and wants to wait til we are married. We still do stuff like oral sex. She is wanting to go further but remain a virgin i was wondering if fingering her would pop her cherry or not? ...
A. 16 July 2010: If you are asking if inserting your finger into her vagina tear her hymen, of course it could. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the vaginal opening. It is easily ruptured by mechanical means, such as inserting a tampon, or vigorous ... (read in full...)
Is it right that he leaves me hanging like this?
Q. My long distance boyfriend and I meet over the internet to talk. We had a huge row about a week ago, and we didn't talk for about a week. Then yesterday we got to talk again and things were fine. I had my hopes up that things were going better ...
A. 16 July 2010: Does he know that you had this whole raft of things to tell him?... (read in full...)
My father touched me inappropriately when I was younger and now its hurting my relationships!
Q. When I was younger I was always scared of the dark. In result, I always ended up sleeping in my parent's bedroom. When I was 5, I soundly went to sleep in between my mom and dad only to wake up in the middle of the night with a hand down my panties. ...
A. 16 July 2010: If this past incident is causing problems in your present life with your boyfriend, then it's time to address it. I think you need to seek professional help. The aunts here are amateurs and may not be specifically trained to deal with the ... (read in full...)
Dr. sent me home to rest I was very ill but b/f went out and left me alone and didn't even check up on me!
Q. I just want some opinions on whether I have the right to be annoyed with my boyfriend or whether I am being a typical girl and overreacting. Ive been with my partner for almost 3 years and we live together and are both in our mid twenties. The ot...
A. 16 July 2010: Of course you have the right to be annoyed and angry. Does he not think so?... (read in full...)
In love with a married man and not sure what to believe!
Q. Hi, I'm in love with a married man and i need to spell it out! At first i didn't know he was married. we dated for 6 months and then i found out he was married. At that time I couldn't even suspect that he was married since he was spending al...
A. 16 July 2010: I don't know about all the legalities, but this guy is certainly NOT making himself available for a wedding/marriage with you.
I think the problem is that he doesn't want to marry you. If he really wanted to marry you, he'd make it happen.
I thi... (read in full...)
Can I put sperm inside me and get pregnant that way after we have sex?
Q. if my husband cums on my stomch can i use my fingure to but the sperm inside me will i be able to get preagan if i do it that way?...
A. 15 July 2010: Basic biology would suggest that it's possible to get pregnant that way. Are you wanting to get pregnant and he is trying to avoid it? Because then we launch into a whole other area of discussion.... (read in full...)
4 years and no sex! Who else would put up with this?
Q. my boyfriend n i have been together for 4 years. we've never had sex. for the first year he kept puttin it off by blaming drink tiredness or not in the mood. truth was he's so nervous, he's afraid he won't be able to keep it up. after i found th...
A. 15 July 2010: Actions. Words. Actions. Words. Observe the difference between these... your guy has a problem with being intimate with you and doesn't appear interested in working on it.
You know where you stand after 4 years, the cold sad truth is that you are ... (read in full...)
My husband said he thinks sex is dirty, but I still want to have it!
Q. Hi, Iam 30 years old and have been married for 6 years. have 2 beautiufl lil girls.three year old and 2 year old. I have had issues with sex ever since i got married. It has improved with time, but my husband told me last night that he thinks s...
A. 14 July 2010: He doesn't like you being aggressive, and you think the solution to this problem is that you continue to be aggressive?
Look, you two seem sexually incompatible. You can't force someone to do things they don't want to do and shouldn't have to "dom... (read in full...)
I don't think my fiance is fit to be a father... but how do I tell him?
Q. When I accepted to marry my fiance I knew that I would be giving up the family I have always wanted to have. Our parenting styles and ideas are too conflicted. I love him so much I'm willing to give this up, but recently he has started talking ...
A. 13 July 2010: I guess the question is why you think you gave up the option of parenthood when you accepted his proposal? Why did you accept his proposal in the first place if you are so incompatible?
I guess I'm a bit astonished that he doesn't know this abou... (read in full...)
My husband said he thinks sex is dirty, but I still want to have it!
Q. Hi, Iam 30 years old and have been married for 6 years. have 2 beautiufl lil girls.three year old and 2 year old. I have had issues with sex ever since i got married. It has improved with time, but my husband told me last night that he thinks s...
A. 13 July 2010: Are you 100% certain he's straight? He may be a gay man in the closet who got married because he didn't want to have to go through the world with the label "homosexual" or even "bisexual".
Was he ever considering joining the priesthood, is he from... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: Your choices were these: to be with her prior to the surgery, my guess that she's not terribly comfortable and might be on pain meds and wouldn't be a whole lot of fun just yet.
To be with her a little while after the surgery, she'll be still nurt... (read in full...)
How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 13 July 2010: Thank you for the update. How are those ducks?... (read in full...)
I really want revenge on this shameless, unthankful liar...help?
Q. I was unhappily married for 13 years.I still respect my wife but love was just not there anymore.We have together three beautiful kids.I was more and more sad by time and didn't know what to do.Then two years ago I meet new love of my life.I am 35 ...
A. 13 July 2010: Haven't you wasted enough time on her? Every minute you spend obsessing, stalking, thinking about her is a minute you will never ever get back.
Purge her from your system, delete her from your memory banks, 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind... (read in full...)
How do I tell my girl how much this frustrates me? which it does... immensely without sounding like an ass?
Q. Hey, I have been in this relationship with my girl for several months now (long distance) it isn't often that we get to see each other (month or 2 ) I took a week of leave off of where I am to go see her, so we can see each other, have fun...et...
A. 13 July 2010: What kind of surgery is she getting? And how old is your girlfriend? I'd need that info before giving you my advice.... (read in full...)
Women only: Do you like the "wife beater" t-shirts on guys?
Q. Dear Aunts, My boyfriend and I have made a bet. He says girls think guys look sexy when they wear those "wife beater" t-shirts. I say they look very tacky; especially worn without a shirt over them, and most girls think as I do. So this is w...
A. 12 July 2010: Um, 'wife beater' t-shirts in most contexts are tacky. Seriously tacky. The message it sends is, "don't take me seriously, I'm just a muscle-head who thinks this is appropriate attire outside the gym. I'm too lazy to figure out a better outfit. Oh, ... (read in full...)
Found dirty texts on her phone - is it reasonable to ask for more access?
Q. I found dirty texts from another guy and responses from my wife in her phone. Now my question is should i just leave it be and is it okay for me to want her to be open with her phone and email and facebook and let me have access. Or is that over the ...
A. 12 July 2010: I think it would be reasonable for you to ask for transparency in her electronic devices. I guess the real question for you is will that extra checking on your part fix the situation? I mean, why did she decide that dirty texting was okay, was a ... (read in full...)
Do you think there's anyway we could possibly salvage this marriage?
Q. I've been marrie 5 years. My husband has progressively become obese and a lousy lover. I have always been the initiator and in the last year we've had sex about 6 times. He has his orgasm but doesn't give me a chance to nor does he seem to care if I ...
A. 12 July 2010: Did you say those words you asked to your husband? So he knows that you've got one foot out the door? In other words, have you let him know how dire the situation is for you?
Did you say to your husband: "Do you think we can change things so that... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is guilty... what can I do?
Q. hi, Me and my boyfriend dating seven years. He never ever lies to me. last year he became friend with his co worker(female). They traveled together. He found that is more than a friendship with her. she feels same way. He talk to me about that hon...
A. 11 July 2010: I don't know what he's waiting for. Maybe he's simply given up on your relationship. Maybe you are clinging too hard and he is feeling suffocated. Maybe he has realized that he would prefer to be single.
Why is that you've been dating seven year... (read in full...)
What can you do when someone changes?
Q. I was engaged to the woman of my dreams. Suddenly she was no longer the person I was in love with. Emotionally unavailable, distant, rarely affectionate. No will to seek out employment, no will to play music. She suddenly is no longe...
A. 11 July 2010: Ask her to go see her doctor, be evaluated for depression as well as assessing her physical health. Go with her if she needs the push.
What's her alcohol intake, is she taking care of herself, eating right, exercising?
Communication is very imp... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 11 July 2010: "i was yelling and crying for someone.. ANYONE to help me"
Sweetheart. This has gone on long enough. Tell your parents and his parents. Don't try to solve this by yourself. You can't.
Get the professional help you need now. Because you need it ... (read in full...)
He's begging to come back but I just don't have the strength. Any comments?
Q. I have been married for almost 17 years, but have been separated for the last 12 months. I separated beacuse I just could not take anymore, the lies, the secrets, etc... He just was not a man, I mean in taking care of the house or me. nor was he a...
A. 10 July 2010: If you know it is the wrong thing for you, don't go back.
What has he done--other than talk--about making reparations for his behavior? Actions, not words, tell you what kind of man he is.
I think you know what you need to do for yourself... (read in full...)
Is it possible to lose 10 lbs in 3 weeks?
Q. This isnt a relationship question but im just curious. Is it possible to lose 10 pounds in 3 week..?...
A. 9 July 2010: I think the better way to do this is to just be sensible about your diet and exercise. Crash diets usually set you up for fast weight gain once your body goes into 'starvation survival' mode.
Cut out all sugary drinks, drink nonfat milk and go for ... (read in full...)
He refuses to stop smoking pot. How can I get him to stop?
Q. my boyfriend of 3 years refuses to stop smoking pot. we have argued and argued about it. when we got together he had only smoked it a few times and so had i so it was fine. then about a year ago he started smoking non stop. all day it seemed like, ...
A. 9 July 2010: "and also when i said its me or pot he acted like it didnt matter. how can i get him to stop?"
Just to add to all the other excellent advice and observations here, I need to point out the obvious. He picked pot. Not you.
You can't get him to stop,... (read in full...)
Texting a girl during work, why does my co-worker seem nosy about it?
Q. Alright, well there's a girl I work with who I've been trying to get with for the longest time. She's older than me, but we always talk and flirt and whatnot. Yesterday I was working and I was texting on my cell phone to another girl that I am ...
A. 9 July 2010: ~~"Are you working?" To which I responded, "Yes."~~
Um, actually, you weren't working. Which she knows. If I were you, I'd start getting the resume in order, because you'll probably be looking for a new job soon. If she's suspicious, then mana... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend a bisexual or gay?
Q. I have a boyfriend who lives in a gay village in montreal, He stays with a 60 year old guy (apparently gay). But according to my boyfriend that this guy has been a very good friend of him for years now, and that they're just friends like a family. ...
A. 9 July 2010: This is wrong on so many levels I can't even start to be diplomatic. Run screaming the other way, as far and as fast as you can. You are dealing with a con man. Run run run!... (read in full...)
Wife wants attention of strangers
Q. We've been married about 25 years and have had our problems like any couple usually does. I adore my wife and have eyes only for her. My wife is still very good-looking, very shapely, but lately, she says, has had doubts about herself and when, out ...
A. 9 July 2010: Have her get a physical too. Someone I knew died of a brain tumor and had acted out some odd behavior prior to diagnosis. Another relative is going through the changes associated with Alzheimers now. It's not nice.
There's an assessment that a neur... (read in full...)
I feel I want and need closure but there is no closure needed. Why am I feeling this way?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, I would like to seek for your help but please don't pass judgments on me. I had an LDR illicit affair of 4 yrs with a man who was 30 yrs older than me. Because of my past issues in life (my Dad and family abandoned me ...
A. 9 July 2010: The amount of pain, confusion, worthlessness, hopelessness and anguish I read in your post tells me that you need professional help. Contact a local mental health clinic or ask your physician for a referral.
While you wait for your appo... (read in full...)
How do I let her down gently without hurting her too much?
Q. So first off i am only 20 years old, and very mature for my age, and i have been with my girlfriend, who is turning 21 this year, for almost a year, at first i was sketchy about even dating her because she was so different in personality than i ...
A. 9 July 2010: Just to chime in a bit late, it sounds like you're a nice guy and genuinely don't want to hurt her more than necessary. I think it might help you if you understand the process she's going to be going through.
A break up is the death of a rela... (read in full...)
Is it possible to lose 10 lbs in 3 weeks?
Q. This isnt a relationship question but im just curious. Is it possible to lose 10 pounds in 3 week..?...
A. 9 July 2010: Maybe the better question is "Is it wise to try to lose 10 lbs in 3 weeks?"... (read in full...)
I don't think our sex life is healthy, but he says I have just got sex on the brain!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend just over a year and live with him at his parents. There is always a problem when it comes to sex. I have to wait months each time. I've tried alsorts to get his interest and nothing works. He told me last nig...
A. 9 July 2010: He's simply not interested in sex in the same way as you are. I assume you've ruled out the obvious possibilities (he's not straight, or he's got another on the side, or he's physically unable) so you're left with this. He's basically established ... (read in full...)
I don't understand what she wants!
Q. i'm in love with 15yrs old girl, but she don't say anything after proposing her, she only say i don't want to say anything about that matter. and previously we just looking at each other but after some day she inform to her brother about me. so what ...
A. 9 July 2010: You don't understand a "no" when you see one?
She's basically told you to stop bothering her. It sounds as though she is not interested in you. I guess if you want to win her over, you're going to have to win over her brothr fist. Talk to him abou... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I'm lying about my virginity?
Q. I'm 16 and I've only had sex with two people; only a few close friends of mines know (which is only 2 people), but I regret having sex with them because neither one was my boyfriend (I'm not in a relationship at all) and I didn't love them; when ...
A. 9 July 2010: Quite frankly, it's no one's business whether or not you are a virgin, except you and a potential love interest. No one else needs to know anything.
Just say "That is an intrusive and unwanted question. I find it rude and you know something? It's... (read in full...)
Why do some men prefer "a good friendship" over a loving commited relationship?
Q. I understand some of the usual excuses... loss of freedom,been hurt before, loss of space, one lover for the rest of their lives, etc but I just can't wrap my head around the emotional aspect from a man's point of view. I have been told that the ...
A. 8 July 2010: I'd find it insulting and instructive. That entire little rationalization he has going on there is fascinating. Fascinating but unworkable for you, I'd say.
Lost cause. Say bye-bye and let him wreck some other woman's life.
... (read in full...)
Ex will not give me permission to take our child away. Should I just do it anyways?
Q. I want to take my child away for a few months but Ex will not give permission. Should I just go and face the consciences when I get back? We are seperated but not legally. He is on the birth certificate. If anyone has been in this situation...
A. 8 July 2010: Have you been in contact with Womens' Aid, to see if they can help guide you to some local and appropriate help?
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp
I think the way to approach is to look at it from the standpoint of the child. What is in the b... (read in full...)
Wife to be mentions wants to buy a paid woman to orally service us during an encounter
Q. Hi recently my wife to be has said one of the things that turns her on is the idea of her buying me a working girl to Partake once in our love making. Her interaction would be strictly limited to oral sex and breast work and fingers, with no ...
A. 8 July 2010: Whoop! Red flag just went up.
This is something you two have to decide on together. If you've said it makes you uncomfortable, you don't like the boundary-blurring, and are worred about the irrevocable changes that might occur and she still want... (read in full...)
At what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why?
Q. Hey Guys: Just for curiosity's sake, at what age do you figure you will want to be married at and why? And for those of you married already, at what age did you tie the not? What made you want to get married and was it more about the person or about ...
A. 8 July 2010: When I was 14, 24 sounded perfect. When I was 24, 30 looked pretty good. When I was 30, I realized there was no point in setting a goal. I married at age 34.
I wasn't conscious of being incredibly picky about a mate, but I just never felt like gett... (read in full...)
Do I still have a hymen?
Q. I had sex for the first time, and I bled a little bit, but we were interrupted and didnt finish, so is my hymen still intact a bit? because it was still hurting then and it hurt next time to have sex too. so have i broken my hymen or might it still ...
A. 8 July 2010: Actually, the hymen can be torn or ruptured by sexual or other activities. http://women.webmd.com/picture-of-the-vagina
It may be only partially torn at this point, or it may be completely torn. My suggestion is that you go see a gynecologist if y... (read in full...)
is it worth this to make my self-sacrifice and marry him even I know I won’t have life what I dreamed of?
Q. I have Muslim bf... almost 3 years we are together, but it can`t be said "together" because we live in different countries, I live in country in the Balkans and he is from Turkey. Our love story began on internet, I even cant describe how it began, ...
A. 8 July 2010: I think you know that you would be making a big mistake marrying this man, no matter how strong your feelings are for him.
You have too many doubts, there are too many red flags about this relationship. You aren't really that compatible. You have... (read in full...)
Is there REALLY an age limit on love???
Q. Hi! My boyfriend of almost six months is 19 turning 20 in August and I`m 15 turning 16 in September, I look older for my age and I`m also more mature than most 15 year old girls. I know a lot of teenagers say that, but, no, I REALLY am. I`m going to ...
A. 8 July 2010: My experience with "mature" teenagers is that they never actually do come back and address the valid questions that adults ask of them.
OP, keep in mind that we were all teenagers once too. I think we are all pretty much in agreement that we all ... (read in full...)
Is there REALLY an age limit on love???
Q. Hi! My boyfriend of almost six months is 19 turning 20 in August and I`m 15 turning 16 in September, I look older for my age and I`m also more mature than most 15 year old girls. I know a lot of teenagers say that, but, no, I REALLY am. I`m going to ...
A. 8 July 2010: It sounds as though you two are a very nice couple. As you are so mature for your age, let me ask you this. Why do you think society sets age limits for sexual activity? Do you think it's some sort of evil plot to keep teenagers down and subjugated ... (read in full...)
How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 7 July 2010: It occurred to me that she might be keeping tabs on you through other people and knows more about your state of mind than you think. If you've been open about your feelings of desperation, then she knows you're still off balance from this.
I want... (read in full...)
How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 7 July 2010: My husband says I'm a lateral thinker. Whatever that means. But I just started wondering about mutual friends. Who were her friends here in the US, are you talking to them and are they in contact with her?
I'm sorry, the fact that she's gone home... (read in full...)
How can I change her mind? My wife has unexpectedly said she wants a divorce!
Q. My wife and I have been married for four years. I thought these were happy times for her, because we had just recently purchased a house together. I am attending school again, and working. We both are making good money and everything is was good. ...
A. 6 July 2010: I know I'm late to this discussion, but have you seen a divorce lawyer yet?There's a lot of things that could sneak up and surprise you financially. I'd go just to develop a strategy to maintain the best financial outcome for you. Plan for the ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: I sincerely wish you well, happy and healthy future for you. I am concerned that you think simply making up your mind will change things--you have a great deal of work to do to process the bad stuff that's happened in your life and this coping ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: That must be very hard for you. That's not a nice feeling to have to feel. :(... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 3 July 2010: Okay, I wondered what the session was like for you. I guess you were okay? And he was... what, accepting?
Knowing how you feel is a big thing. Not many people do, I think. I do yoga, and there's a part of the practice where you just kind of chec... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 2 July 2010: It's good to hear that you both went to the appointment. You sound very carefully neutral on this. Are your feelings all over the place or are you happy, sad, upset? And how is your husband taking this. He can't be too happy and I would imagine ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 1 July 2010: I'm thinking of you today as you go to your appointment. I hope you're doing well.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 30 June 2010: I did see your post about when you drink. :/
A lot of "anyone else" actually don't drink much at all. And most don't drink till they can't remember what they say. That's drinking to excess. I know there's a youth culture that likes to 'party' and ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Oh that's good news. I'm thinking about you and hope it is a good start for you. ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Q understood my point. Which is that under the influence, you tell people what's bothering you. Like the comment to your in-laws, which then has triggered this set of events. Or that last message which so clearly showed the battered-wife thinking ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: "Maybe I don't think it's a big deal because my brother raped me when I was in fifth grade, I've been kidnapped, illegally put up for adopted, then physically and emotionally abused by my adoptive father. It's like.. this is just how it's supposed ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Where is the baby when both of you are drinking?... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: That's it, Q got it. This last post was indeed by a battered woman. It's time to start the healing now.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: You've absorbed the painful and wrong lessons of your childhood and you are playing them out in this skewed thinking.
Call that number, tomorrow, first thing.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: There's what has to change. Right there. You blame yourself. That's just wrong and the fact that you can't see that means you need the help you are trying to fight off.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Wait, he was deployed? He was in combat? There are lots of people who come back different, there's no shame in that. They just didn't realize that things were bad that way.
Sweetheart, you are caught up in the very early stages of this. You have... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Do you think their motives are bad? Do you think their hearts are in the wrong place? Or are you feeling bad and just want them to go away and leave you in peace?
Only the 'peace' is with a guy who roughed you up, forced oral sex and verbally abus... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: I think Q is right. They are concerned and the only way they know how to check on you is to see you.
The thing is out of the bottle, you can't put it back, alas. It IS uncharted waters. You are going to have to take it one small day at a time... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: The point is to help you. I for one would like to be kept up to date on what's happening for you, as this progresses. But I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning with a vision of my little avatar standing there, saying "tell me tell me tell me ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You know the phrase, "you're your own worst enemy"? This kind of applies to you here. You fight the process that could help you because you don't want to have to face the feelings.
This is like getting cancer. It's not fair, it sucks, it is a crap... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: AA stands for Alcoholic Anonymous. There's also Al-Anon, which is for family and friends of alcoholics. I've been to those meetings when a good friend of mine was struggling with alcoholism. I haven't been to an AA meeting but I would imagine they ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You're having dreams like this because you feel trapped and helpless and it's about the sexual assaults you've experienced as well as trying to create defensive mechanisms to cope with them.
Q is right in that it's not going to be 'solved' over... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: This isn't your fault and unfortunately, you can't see that just yet. You are filtering things through faulty settings, due to the abuse you've experienced. You HAVE to have an outside trained therapist help you through this, or your daughter... (read in full...)
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