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*irtball agony aunt


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Hello DC. Some of you may be wondering where I were I went. My life has taken a turn that has taken me away from here for the time being. I'm not really answering many questions at this time. If you PM me, I will respond, but it may be delayed a week or two. I had many problems dumped on me of my own, so I don't have much energy for the problems of others. I'll be back, but it just may be a while.

Wow, been away longer than anticipated. To sum it up, life sort of sucks for me at the moment. Not looking for pity, just letting you know why I haven't been around. I still hope things will get better soon, but who knows.

ALERT: If you're sending me a PM in regard to advice I've given you, please reference the thread or specifics so I can be on the same page. Lately I've been receiving lots of PM's with an answer to some question I asked, but since the question was from an Anon poster, I have no idea which answer it was in regard to. I give a lot of advice here, so I'm very sorry if I don't immediately recognize you. The question title or a link would be most appreciated. Thank you!


Hi, I'm the bad bad charming sweetheart dirtball. Although recently I seem to have picked up the moniker "Dirty Balls" despite making sure to clean them thoroughly each day. Anyway, I love this site. I have a BA in Psychology which is part of the reason I think I like this site so much. I posted anon for quite some time before creating my profile. I took to the brutally honest approach which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but for the most part has gone quite well. I enjoy helping people and at times challenging them when I think it is appropriate.


I've been getting lots of great feedback on my advice and I appreciate it, even if you didn't like it. With that said, I'd like to add a segment here I'll call (drum roll please)


Men don't befriend women who they are not interested in sexually. What do I mean by this? I mean that men will not actively seek out friends of the opposite sex unless they would like to make the friendship progress further at some point. Plain and simple, that's how we operate. Are there circumstances where they are actually just friends? Yes, those would be times when you are forced together in some way. Examples could be; fellow employees at work, a regular customer at work, shared friend circle. The key to watch for is if he looks to spend time with her alone. That's usually the sign that he has a romantic interest in the relationship.

Long Distance Relationships don't work. Go ahead and tell me your success stories, I don't care. Most of the time it is just way too hard for the parties involved. Too much doubt creeps into the relationship. Plus, can you really call it a relationship if you only get to be together rarely? I think not.

Once broken up, you should stay that way. Make up/break up relationships don't work. Why do you always feel the need to break up? It's because things aren't working. Then you miss each other and get back together, only to have the very thing that drove you apart last time do it again. It is a cycle that doesn't get better. All you're doing is preventing yourself from finding someone who will actually make you happy.

People only change if they really (and I mean REALLY) want to for themselves. Changes for the benefit of others are temporary. True change is very hard to make. It requires diligence, effort, and support.

Communication is the most important part of your relationship. So many times we have people here asking about how they should handle a situation when the solution is simply to talk to your partner about it. We forget how important this is. It affects everything. If you are feeling upset about something, it is best that you discuss it with your partner instead of burying it and letting it brew. Later it will explode when it could have just been a calm discussion if addressed right away. Communicate with your partner. If you never talk, why are you even together?

People can love each other and not be right for a relationship. This kind of goes back to the make up/break up rule from earlier but it extends to present partners or exes as well. When someone is part of your life, especially for long periods of time, it is natural that part of the love you carry for them will always be there. Just because you love someone though, that doesn't mean you should be together. That's the case with most of my ex GF's as I'm sure it is with many other people. Sometimes you need to consider if love is making you do foolish things.

You should set ground rules in your relationships. Let your partner know about deal breakers. Deal breakers being defined as things they would do that would cause you to end the relationship. It is good to get these out of the way when you are getting serious. That way, you can refer back to them if your partner does something against said ground rules. An example that I tell all my girlfriends (including friends who I'm not romantically involved with) is that I will never answer the question "Am I fat" or any variation of it (does this make me look fat, does my butt look big, etc). I explain why too. It's a trap question. Answer yes, and that's obvious. Answer no, and "you're just saying that." So I won't entertain that question. I know, silly, but this works for the bigger picture too. Figure out what's important enough to you that you'd be willing to end a relationship. Tell your partner what these things are. If they want to be with you, they should know.

When one person in a relationship has a problem, it's a problem for the relationship. You're not alone in your relationship, and dismissing your partner's problem doesn't solve anything. It makes them feel devalued and unimportant. Why don't you care enough to address something they think is a problem? It's because you know it's a problem but want to hide. Don't hide from it. If you do, it won't go away.

When a relationship ends, you need to give yourself proper time to grieve it. Like dealing with death, you go through the same stages. Denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and finally acceptance. This is part of the problem with rebound relationships. Take the time you need. Don't be afraid to wait.

Let the past be the past. It's over, it's done, and there is nothing that can be done to change it. There is no use dwelling on it because there is nothing that can be done about it. Don't worry about things that cannot be changed. You can't drive a car by only looking in the rear view mirror.

I'm sure there will be more to come, but these are the few I've seen myself repeat a lot in my rather short time here.


This is, hands down, the best conversation I've seen about porn yet on this site:


Dirtball Rants:

1) What the hell happened to punctuation and grammar? I blame text messaging for the trash I see people write. It's not the content but the way it's expressed that makes me wonder what's happening to society. I realize that we're a multinational forum here, and I give a complete pass to someone who is doing their best despite the fact that English isn't their first language. But the crap I see from Americans, the British, Canadians, and Australians often makes me sick. If any of you read this, your posts would be much easier to read if you used paragraphs, sentences with punctuation, and whole words instead of abreviations like U, cuz, or wut! Quit being so fucking lazy if you want help.

2) There is a difference between the words your and you're. "Your" denotes ownership. "You're" is the contraction of "you are." Saying something like "your lame" is wrong wrong wrong! The same goes for there, their, and they're. "There" is used for things like places (look over there). "Their" denotes ownership (they wanted their cookies back). "They're" is the contraction of "they are." An example, "they're going to the service station over there to pick up their car which was just repaired." I bet that just blew your mind.



I use a lot of abreviations when I type advice so I'm going to start a list of the most common ones I see for use as a reference tool.

OP - Original Poster, the person asking for advice.

BF - Boyfriend

GF - Girlfriend

SO - Significant Other, your BF, GF, Fiance, or spouse in other words.

BTW - By the way

FWIW - For what it's worth

TBH - To be honest

IDC - I Don't Care

IDK - I Don't Know

IMHO - In My Humble Opinion

IMO - In My Opinion

IOW - In Other Words

THO - Titty Hard On (erect nipples)

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A.   2 March 2013: It's tough at first, but is a great life experience that will help you going forward. When I was in college, I found a few ways of making friends. One way was going to parties. Lots of fun and the alcohol often helps you lose a little of your ... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriend have a crush on his buddies wife?

Q.   My boyfriend had gone to his friends wedding several months ago and when he returned from the wedding he was gushing about his friend's wife. While I didnt know why he took such a huge interest in her, cause it makes no sense, but he was bringing up ...

A.   2 March 2013: Like I said, crushes just happen sometimes. In this case it was probably due to the attention she was giving him. Everyone gets flattered when someone shows them attention. It's just part of human nature. It's likely that at some point you'll ... (read in full...)

How do I get to the point where I can trust my fiance again?

Q.   I dont mean to keep repeating myself, but im living in complete agony. Ever since I found out that my fiance flirted with a girl on a jobsite and got her number. And then text her and called her beautiful. Him and. I have been together seven years ...

A.   2 March 2013: Trust is easy to lose and very difficult to regain. The only thing that can rebuild trust is time. You didn't do anything wrong. This was something he did, not you. You must not blame yourself for what he did. Now, you also need to quit tor... (read in full...)

I don't think I've ever had an orgasm but I make alot of noise. Is this wrong?

Q.   Hey all, So whenever I have sex or fool around with my boyfriend, I moan. Alot. Soetimes I even scream I'm a very talkative person in general, so I don't know if that's part of it. Because the thing is, I moan with pleasure, but I don't have an ...

A.   2 March 2013: There is definitely nothing wrong with you if you like to moan in pleasure. Moaning can often heighten your sexual experiences and help you focus on the pleasure you're receiving. As for not having an orgasm, I'm not sure what to say. You may ... (read in full...)

I've been dreaming of this woman since 1974. Should I look for her?

Q.   I´ve been in love with Tessie since 1974, Tessie and I began a few moths relationship, we broke, after 7 years, we started a new relation, By then I was married man but somehow Tessie and I kept together for 5 years. In 1989 I got sick with can...

A.   2 March 2013: Tessie has become a fantasy. Don't give up what you have for a dream. If it was meant to be it would have happened the first time.... (read in full...)

Does my boyfriend have a crush on his buddies wife?

Q.   My boyfriend had gone to his friends wedding several months ago and when he returned from the wedding he was gushing about his friend's wife. While I didnt know why he took such a huge interest in her, cause it makes no sense, but he was bringing up ...

A.   2 March 2013: Based on what you've written, it's pretty obvious they dig each other a bit more than is appropriate for either of their relationships. Crushes happen, we can't really control who or why sometimes. Still, no matter how you push, it's not a qu... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest and beastiality. Should I worry?

Q.   My boyfriend has been reading stories about incest (father/daughter) and stories about girls having sex with dogs, I don't know what this means or if I should even worry about it. Help?...

A.   1 March 2013: Guess I'm a sick fuck then too! I've read incest stories (i.e. erotica) and been turned on. So what? Have I ever had, or will I ever have incest? Hell no. That's the fun part about imagination land, especially when it's written stories. It ... (read in full...)

I feel suffocated in this relationship! I don't know what to do

Q.   I have been dating my bf for 6 months now, when i first met him he had lost his gf of 7 years due to terminal illness, he was a total mess and pretty depressed obviously. I made it my mission to somehow bring him back to "life" and went through a ...

A.   1 March 2013: The others are right in that he DEFINITELY needs therapy. He didn't properly grieve the loss of his last GF or their relationship. It's a really bad double whammy that will only get worse. The way I see it, he was a pet project of yours. ... (read in full...)

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