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*vyblue agony aunt


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What qualifies me to help people…? Well to be honest I don't really know. I consider myself to be a life long learner therefore far from knowing everything. I believe the "outsider looking in" kind of advice can sometimes be the best because it can be the most eye opening and honest response that you will find.

Where do I live…? I sometimes wish I lived in the land of LaLa but for the time being I live in the Land Down Under.

My family makes me tick. They are my motivation for most things that I do choose to do.

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A girl he has never met sent my boyfriend a video of her boobs.

Q.   My partner of 2 years has been amazing but in December I sadly found a girl had sent him a video of her showing her boobs and it really hurt me Cos he saved it and he promised me him and this girl were just mates they never met up but still it hurt ...

A.   7 February 2020: I smell a rat! that rat perhaps your BF? What kind of 'mate' sends lewd photos and what type of 'mate' keeps it a secret from their real mate, that 'mate' being you? I doubt there is much truth to them never have been in contact either. The red flag ... (read in full...)

I'm scared I'm just wasting my time with this man

Q.   Background: Approaching 30, been together 1.5 years, known each other for years before that. Generally great relationship, we share a lot of interest and have a similar sense of humour and have a great sex life. Issue: he has never brought up ...

A.   7 February 2020: Then I guess its time to really take control, not only of the conversation but your future. He may not be able to be straight with you but thats not stopping you from being that with him. Be direct and if its a timeline you are willing to set with ... (read in full...)

I'm scared I'm just wasting my time with this man

Q.   Background: Approaching 30, been together 1.5 years, known each other for years before that. Generally great relationship, we share a lot of interest and have a similar sense of humour and have a great sex life. Issue: he has never brought up ...

A.   7 February 2020: Just about how long are you prepared to wait? Have this conversation with yourself first, make a list of milestone goals and then present them to him for further conversation. Set some personal deal breakers and stick to them. At the end of the day ... (read in full...)

My partner and I are arguing a lot more since our baby was born.

Q.   So I had a baby boy 7 months ago and myself and my partner have argued more since having a baby than we have in the 6 and a half years we’ve been together! I’m really struggling with becoming a mother as I am not very maternal, I also lost my mother ...

A.   2 February 2020: Oh sweetheart. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE be KIND to yourself. My kids 17, single mum and I still have days when I think Im a shit parent and have know idea how to handle issues when the arise. So with all my years as a parent..there you go. If only they ... (read in full...)

How do I explain my poly relationship to my sister and others?

Q.   I am in a poly relationship with two men and have been for nearly a year now. Everything is great although we keep it quite hush hush as we want to live our lives in peace. We all live together so we just say that one of the guys is our roommate. ...

A.   31 January 2020: Time to rip that band aid off. There is nothing much to explain IMHO. Point them to the internet and hit GOOGLE as far as the 'what are polygamous relationships' line of questioning. However the who, where why and what is the one I guess your most ... (read in full...)

My foster child refuses to attend school.

Q.   I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...

A.   9 January 2020: Permitting a child not to attend school or have exposure to some sort of education is a form of child abuse. An agency having policies like that is certainly eyebrow raising. Has the child ever been at school whilst in your care, but now refusing, ... (read in full...)

Why would a 45 year old man post topless pictures of himself?

Q.   Hello- My boyfriend of a year is 45 and I’m 41. He is a nice guy very smart professional and caring. He has been dealing with depression for some times now and I have tried to be helpful. He goes to these lost phases and goes quiet . I know he ...

A.   9 January 2020: creative flair comes straight to my mind. From what you write there is nothing lewd of secretive about his actions. He hasn't told you because perhaps you haven't asked. ... (read in full...)

My Ex Girlfriend has told me the only person who will raise our son is her.

Q.   The mother of my child and my ex girlfriend got a new boyfriend. We’ve been broke up since October 28, of last year. So roughly 14 months ago. About, May of that time period, only a month or two after our son was born. We were at my senior ...

A.   29 December 2019: I think its time to come realise this cant be about you and your ex anymore, in a romantic sense that is. From what you post, really not a good fit for each other however you need to be a good 'parenting' fit this much you have correct. I feel there ... (read in full...)

Would I be judged for not wearing a bra?

Q.   I would like an honest opinion please I don't find bras comfortable. Would i be judged by men or women if I was to be without a bra in public I'm only small up top and I know it's my choice but even tho I'm small up top, to put it simply, ...

A.   26 December 2019: you can by flesh coloured nipple covers, buy them and be free :)... (read in full...)

If a man says degrading things to one woman or rapes a woman, do you think he thinks poorly of women in general?

Q.   Before coming to college and then entering the “real world”, I never really encountered men who were rude, gross or overly forward with women. I guess they were all on their parents' leashes in high school. Anyway, I had one guy in particular text ...

A.   15 December 2019: what a pig!!!Hardly respects himself behaving like that. Bit like the Madonna -whore complex I suppose. ... (read in full...)

Our friendship has got to the point I don't want to be her Maid of Honour.

Q.   So I’ve been friends with this girl all my life. We lived quite close when we was younger so we spent all of our childhood together. We was inseparable best friends, however as time went on we drifted. We still spoke and still do now, just not as ...

A.   24 November 2019: thank her of course, however inform her perhaps with a new baby and all you cant commit to the time nor the funds needed to give her support she needs. ... (read in full...)

I don't know how to let my co-workers know that I appreciate their kindness

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have trouble socialising with others.I recently joined a new company and everyone there has been very welcoming to me. I am not able to reciprocate as I am really awkward around others. I tend to mind my own business and not disturb ...

A.   17 November 2019: How about making a cake or some cookies taking them in for morning tea and simple say just a little something for making me feel so welcome ... (read in full...)

Don't like to see the signs of the girls he's been with in the past

Q.   In love with my boyfriend of a year sex and love life is great but I feel like I can’t fully give my self to him he has so many back scars scratches from another or other females in the past I hate seeing him in the light with no shirt seeing other ...

A.   6 November 2019: Bit like a tattoo of an ex I suppose however, it is what it is.. nothing much you can do about it. If you love this guy and your relationship you have to dig deep and move past this before you ruin a good thing. Im guessing, him not being the first ... (read in full...)

Nowhere to relieve tension living in cramped quarters. What can I do?

Q.   My mom, my three sisters and me live in the upstairs of our pastor's garage. People from our church built it into an apartment for us when they found out we were living in a family shelter. That was nice of them but it's got a real narrow kitchen ...

A.   29 October 2019: Take a radio in to the shower ... (read in full...)

Co worker body shames customers

Q.   I began a part time job at a fast food place where my son works to earn extra money and to keep an eye on him. (He's mildly autistic and often misunderstood). This isn't the problem. The problem is my co-worker "Xena". Yesterday, a man came in an...

A.   29 October 2019:  Remind her that it's their money keeping her employed. One day she will get over heard by a customer and what ever comes of that will hopefully teach her a lesson. Horrible woman she is... ... (read in full...)

Is there a way out without destroying several lives?

Q.   My former college girlfriend, who I have never stopped loving, contacted me at the end of August. Said she had left her husband of five years and planned to divorce him. We spent Labor Day weekend together at my house. After the holiday, she decided ...

A.   25 October 2019: Who knows what the truth of the story is as far as their marriage goes. The consequences of her lies are her problem to deal with. While her husband may be a nice guy, not your concern. Both victims of her bullshit. If there is any truth to the ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about going to the spa with my husband since he's so into porn

Q.   I have been married 23 and have had a lot of trust problems with my husband. he as looked at porn for years and i have found dating sites on his phone. i myself have cheated due to me feeling i was not good enough for him and i would never have a ...

A.   19 October 2019: What a shame you are having these feelings when you should be looking forward to enjoying such a thoughtful and generous gift from your children. The spa, I think, the least of your problems. I think you have to take some ownership that your ... (read in full...)

I can't get third dates - Am I doing something wrong?

Q.   I feel very discouraged from online dating. I have high self-esteem, and try to be open-minded while sticking to my values and boundaries. I look like my online photos. In fact, one guy i went on a date with commented that it was refreshing t...

A.   4 October 2019: Hi OP. I dont think you are doing anything wrong, unfortunately I put a lot of the issue with the bloody online dating. So many people to be in contact it's like revolving doors. People are in a prime position to keep putting out the feelers, bit ... (read in full...)

I want to end my relationship with a married man

Q.   I am in a relationship with a marrired man for past 8months. We had known for last three years. I am truly in love with him though its wrong. I don't have any intention to destroy his beautiful family. Hes got a heart of gold. I wanted to end the ...

A.   2 October 2019: Life is about choices. When you make a choice its something you have control of. So end it. Simple. No contact by you and block and dont engage with him making contact with you. Let his heart of gold do the right thing by his family and by you... (read in full...)

I want your opinions on how I handled this situation?

Q.   Hello members of DC, I'm here to seek your opinion on the following. A bit of history - My ex husband and I have been separated for 9 years. Financially, my ex and I split our children's tuition and living expenses in half and we keep in contact ...

A.   27 September 2019: I would be absolutely furious with that teacher. Where is her head at? 1. An inexperience driver carting her her most prized assets around and 2. As a parent themselves, not having the decency and common sense to discuss this with you before hand. ... (read in full...)

My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it!

Q.   My best friend is having my boyfriend’s baby and I can’t deal with it. 7 months ago they slept together behind my back. He ended up making her pregnant as well. I’ve forgiven them both and am trying to move on and rebuild relationships wi...

A.   27 September 2019: Holy shit, I feel for you girl. From what you post I think you severely under estimate just how strong of a person you are given you have made a choice to have them again be part of your life after such an emotional kick to the gut. You can try try ... (read in full...)

I feel like I pushed my parents out of their home!

Q.   Hi guys, i’m not sure where to begin but here goes, I’m an only child and very very close to my mum and dad, they are like my best friends and we’ve always had a real close bond. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, she has 2 children, and ...

A.   17 September 2019: What a fantastic opportunity you find yourself in. Totally agree with Honeypie that the home stays in the family. I highly doubt your parents would make such a decision other than knowing just how special the home means to you as much as it did to ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel let down by my friends?

Q.   I've just had my 60th birthday. I feel very let down by 2 friends.Both sent me a brief text message on the day (one just said "happy birthday!" and nothing else). One of them hasn't phoned me or sent me a card (he's a male friend I've known f...

A.   9 September 2019: Overreacting, no I dont think so. Personally I think life long friend could have made a bit more of an effort. I dont believe in gift giving at my age however a phone call/card is not that much to ask. TXT is just so impersonal and two words, lazy ... (read in full...)

Second cousin is pregnant with my child. How do we tell family, and what about the doctor?

Q.   My second cousin and I always been close. We are the same age (I am six months older). When we were teenagers, we did experiment with each other sexually. But that never impacted our relationship in a negative way. We always hung out on the weeke...

A.   3 September 2019: Try not let the small mindedness of others be of your concern. I think people blur the lines when hearing the word 'cousin' and immediately jump to the judgemental 'ew' factor. There is enough degree of separation being second cousins to be excited ... (read in full...)

Do I gain weight to please him?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for two years. We have a child together. When I was pregnant he told me that I better get the weight off after delivery. He said “fat girls don’t get love”. So I did it. I lost all the baby weight within 11 ...

A.   31 August 2019: This is not only about weight but control and abuse. It comes across as he is the master and you his puppet. His attitude towards you is down right ugly! You were not put on this earth for that kind of loving honey. My suggestion is to keep that ... (read in full...)

Nervous about returning to abusive husband

Q.   When my husband gets jealous he sometimes assaults me and becomes very intimidating and threatening to me and I get very scared. It’s even worse when he’s been drinking alcohol. I have been with him for nearly 8 years and he had jealous rages wi...

A.   20 August 2019: You've have made the break and thats the hardest part. But you have done it. Please please please dont go back to this horrid man. I shudder to think what this man is really capable or how far things will go ONE day.That one day may well be your ... (read in full...)

I think my parents are treating me unfairly for shoplifting

Q.   do you think I desrve to be punished this severely for shoplifting ? 3 days ago I got caught shoplifting,as the shopkeeper knows my mum he called her instead of the police he told her he expected me to be punished, my mum promished the shopkeeper I ...

A.   17 August 2019:  I really enjoyed reading this post. Are you kidding? Nobody likes a thief. Consider yourself extremely lucky. If you hate it so much perhaps its time you thought about just what its like in juvenile detention- FOR REAL- ya know the place where not ... (read in full...)

I think my parents are treating me unfairly for shoplifting

Q.   do you think I desrve to be punished this severely for shoplifting ? 3 days ago I got caught shoplifting,as the shopkeeper knows my mum he called her instead of the police he told her he expected me to be punished, my mum promished the shopkeeper I ...

A.   17 August 2019:  I really enjoyed reading this post. Are you kidding? Nobody likes a thief. Consider yourself extremely lucky. If you hate it so much perhaps its time you thought about just what its like in juvenile detention- FOR REAL- ya know the place where not ... (read in full...)

Will he come back to me again after taking space?

Q.   I met a wonderful guy a few months ago and we hit it off immediately. He told me that I was everything he ever wanted in a relationship and I felt the same. He has a young son (3) with his ex girlfriend and I was introduced to him a couple weeks ago ...

A.   17 August 2019: This guy has been really unfair to you and his son for that matter. Introducing you to each other so early on in the piece is really irresponsible as a parent especially when his head is all over the place. From what you post you sound very much ... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and sick, and by husband shuts the door on me!

Q.   Im pregnant and when I brush my treeth it triggers me to throw up. Most of the time I manage not to throw up, but I will still caugh a lot. I have tried to not put the toothbrush too far into my mouth, and then I am fine, but wont be able to clean ...

A.   11 August 2019: Ahhh...the joys of being pregnant. I feel you are being a little sensitive and your hormones are kicking in. The craziest things set you off and you find yourself with heightened emotions. I remember every time a particular ad came on TV I would ... (read in full...)

Do I confide in my husband's sister that he's having an affair?

Q.   My husband is having an affair. Do I confide in his sister? His sister is 10 years older and raised him. She knows him the best and I think it would bring me a lot of comfort. I don’t expect her to take my side as this is his family. I also normally ...

A.   7 August 2019: No. It puts her in an awkward position and thats unfair. My advice is Id be confiding in some sort of counsellor, either in person or via telephone just to get it off your chest. If you know 100% he is having an affair then your next move is to talk ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend deleted his ex girlfriend's texts

Q.   I've been living with my bf now for almost 2 years. Recently, his ex texted him again. I know because he told me that she did. I asked to read the texts a few days later, but was told that they had been deleted. I asked why he had deleted the...

A.   2 August 2019: seems he has been rather up front about it. He probably deleted it for the very reason he said he did- not to up set you and isnt worth it. Stay cool for the moment and give him the benefit of the doubt. You could ask him to txt her to stop and see ... (read in full...)

Do I have to invite this person to my party?

Q.   I'm having a birthday party soon.I have to restrict numbers because of budget. Some of the people coming are frinds of my gf- I've been with her for 10 years. There's one particular guy I can't stand. He often makes digs at me, and although never d...

A.   30 July 2019: I agree with Aunty BimBIm however I think calling this guy out when he speaks of things you find offensive is well over due. Not suggesting you have a go at him but just make it known you don't appreciate it. Hope your birthday is an an enjoyable ... (read in full...)

Is it ok to have a relationship, but keeping my goals first at the same time?

Q.   Hey guys! Despite my usual posts in here, I have a pretty calmed down question/need for advice. I was in a 6 year relationship from 18 to 25. I am now 27 and after a slew of some flings and single dating, I was able to find a really great ...

A.   23 July 2019: Dam girl...why can't you have both? Relationships can be flexible to meet the needs of both, it's not like you have to rush out and buy yourself a ball and chain. Have goals and keep them. Any man or woman worth having around would be supportive as ... (read in full...)

I've really had enough of my lazy partner

Q.   Hi what do you do when your partner is so lazy we both work he is a labourer and I am a carer we’ve been together for 5 years we have a 3 year old son I came home from work this afternoon been up since 5am came home hoovered the house dusted ...

A.   15 July 2019: If he acts like a child perhaps start treating him like one, in the sense of drawing up a roster of some sorts. Negotiate it together so there is no excuse for not following through on the expectation. Might help save your sanity not having to keep ... (read in full...)

How can I make my boyfriend realize how awful he's been to me?

Q.   My boyfriend has been horrible to me lately and I'm really upset that he doesn't feel bad for treating me the way he has. Last week he asked me to book a last minute holiday, I don't know why he couldn't do it himself but just text me his card...

A.   15 July 2019: How do you make him see...? You leave him and dont take anymore of his crap or lame excuses even if he can acknowledge his disgusting attitude towards you. Calling you a cunt- really! There is just no excuse and that really is the pot calling the ... (read in full...)

Our marriage has gone stale after 2 years

Q.   Hi everyone? I would really appreciate othet opinion's on this as maybe I am being too sensitive. Here goes... I got married 2 years ago now- the first year we were living with my in laws and it had a massive strain in our marriage. His mo...

A.   30 June 2019: Thats just horrible! Horrible horrible horrible. "I should have never married you and done what I brother did and waited for the right one." Is beyond nasty and maybe something you your self should give some serious thought to. Did you marry the ... (read in full...)

Getting over an affair before marriage

Q.   I have been married for 13 years and in a relationship 9 years before that. We have 4 daughters and everything has been going well in our marriage. However we’ve been together since high school and had a rough patch during 4 year span in college ...

A.   28 June 2019: Do you still love your wife? If the answers yes- leave this bone alone. It was 12 years ago and you know about it. You did the same thing one night stand or not. You say it was a one night stand and expect her believe you so why cant you do the same ... (read in full...)

I'm scared I won't be a mother because of climate change.

Q.   My whole life I have wanted to be a mother. I love kids – I worked as a nanny and a tutor for several years, and I have nieces who I adore. My own mum died when I was a kid, and I think a part of it is that I want to have a mother-child relationship ...

A.   28 June 2019: I actually totally get where you are coming from and a really tough question to answer however I do have one child who is 17. I worry, like yourself not only about how climate change is looking in the future but the current social climate we live in ... (read in full...)

Do I give up my baby dream

Q.   I joined a dating site last year and after a few bad dates i found a guy that was perfect we had several dates loads in common enjoy each others company but he decided to tell me hed rather be friends with benefits. I agreed but now im unsure what ...

A.   21 June 2019: While your wasting time on this dude your missing out on finding someone who wants the same as you. Put your time and energy into finding that someone. People start families later in life and so be it if thats what suits them. I have a few friends ... (read in full...)

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