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*anniepeg agony aunt

*anniepeg

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I am 34, married a second time. My son is 9 years old and 2 cats. He keeps me busy. My hobbies are movies, recreational games like xbox games, darts, badminton and dear cupid of course. I used to play the piano but stopped. I have been here for 6 years. Every year I see myself change. Every day is a surprise, an opportunity for growth while some days are just coasting along wondering what the point is. My relationship views are a mix of traditional values and modern, open minded ones. I still believe in long term monogamy as it feels right to me. Other than that I feel there are too many rules in a relationship that I would like to get rid of. Dearcupid is a source of my learning about relationships. I am too young to form a conclusion of what love is. I guess I will grow old with this site.

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My husband likes watching other women and I like other men watching me

Q.   My husband uses porn he says to meet his need for visual variety . I on. He says porn is just his sexual kink he’s not doing anything wrong or breaking any marriage vow and it makes him feel good The other hand like to feel desired and like to ...

A.   3 November 2019: You can't go tit for tat with a man. You can't win. He feels justified with watching porn because other men are doing it, so it's normal. This won't change unless we live in a society where social media is restricted. So porn will always exist. What ... (read in full...)

No one seems to like my daughter

Q.   My 12-year-old daughter is constantly being rejected and I'm sick of it! When she was 6 month old I sent her to an in home sitter so I could actually get work done. (I'm a medical transcriptionist). I sent her w expressed milk, cloth diapers, and ...

A.   3 November 2019: Your daughter might have gotten some traits from her father. Society shuns people who try to be different and elite. There is discrimination against single mom families, even in the west. I do think your daughter is high maintenance. She has the ... (read in full...)

On the first date she said she loved me, then made love to me and said she doesn't remember a thing.

Q.   Would love ya’lls thoughts on the following story. This is part one of 2. I’m currently feeling drained and completely destroyed by a woman. Please help me decipher the type of woman she is and where I went wrong. Me: 38yrs old, above average...

A.   25 October 2019: Not much happened with this woman and you are already feeling drained. She sounds mentally unstable. She has the ability to go inside your mind and play games with you. I think that's what she wants with people. Your mind wants to continue this to ... (read in full...)

Do you think he’s met someone else or just gone off me or is he busy?

Q.   So I'm very confused and wondering what you would do? Should I just forget him and move on (I dont want to) or ask him where we stand or do nothing? Or any other advise... So I met this guy we just hit it off...I'm newly quite single and not s...

A.   4 September 2019: It sounds like he was falling for you but being cautious because he doesn't want to get hurt. He knows that by continuing the dates, this is going to get serious. He is taking some me time to clear his head then to decide if he wants to go ahead and ... (read in full...)

Girlfriend still hanging with ex-FWB

Q.   I have been with my girlfriend for 6 months. In the beginning of our relationship she was still seeing her FWB, but 2 weeks in we decided to become exclusive. She originally wanted a relationship with the guy before, but he didn't. They weren't ...

A.   4 September 2019: I would not focus on whether they are still having sex, because there is no way to prove and you would continue to hope that they are not, to hang on to this relationship. I would cut her off because she is not devoted to you. Giving up does not ... (read in full...)

How do I be there for both my fiancee and my soon to be stepson?

Q.   Am I doing something wrong??? I am engaged to an amazing woman, who is also a mother. I also am a woman, no kids though. Our relationship for the most part is beautiful. We are approaching 3 years and an upcoming wedding. The problem is my fiancee ...

A.   4 September 2019: I am a single mom and my son will be 14 in two months. I can totally relate. I have talked to other parents about the woes of raising teenagers. The conclusion we come to is that we do not take it personally when a lot of anger is directed at us. ... (read in full...)

Wife lied, she wasn't a virgin. What do you think? What should I do? 

Q.   Ever since my wife and i met she has always been a very conservative virgin girl, her choice and she was very string that it was important to her. I knew she had a BF before me but she insisted she was a virgin and it was very important to her. This ...

A.   30 August 2019: I do think it's a big deal. I think she and her ex had sex at the time he took the photos. She lied and made up lies that she's a virgin to cover up the lie that she's still involved with her ex when she met you. Or they had an on and off thing, and ... (read in full...)

Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?

Q.   Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...

A.   19 August 2019: Now delete this before she sees it.... (read in full...)

Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?

Q.   Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...

A.   19 August 2019: Starting installing secret cams around the house and document any abuse or threat. If you don't have friends, cams would be the only witness.... (read in full...)

Do I leave a 10 year relationship? Or settle for her?

Q.   Hello all. This post is as much venting as asking for others input. The sad truth is that I have nobody to talk to. So sorry if it is long. The big life question I have is: break up with my girlfriend, or settle for her. It is more than just...

A.   19 August 2019: You have put up with her for 10 years and you are in denial of how bad things really are. If finding a girlfriend without anger issues is hard, then just stay single. You are not too far from having no intimacy anyway. When do you get citizenship? I ... (read in full...)

Should I confront him or break it off?

Q.   I have been seeing him for just over two months. We have a great connection, the sex is amazing and we can talk for hours. We are comfortable around each other. It’s really great most of the time. I noticed when I started seeing him that he had ...

A.   19 August 2019: From what you wrote it is enough to conclude that he is not a good match for you. No need to dig into details about his ex. You know your worth and should not feel less about how he deals with other women. His social media life is a façade to hide ... (read in full...)

There's less passion with this relationship and I am wondering what that means

Q.   I'm seeing a girl now for the last few months on/off. We met on a dating app and went out a handful of times before I got injured and wasn't able to drive for about 2-3 months. We kept in contact and now things are getting more serious now that I ...

A.   19 August 2019: Conservative people look for stability and someone you can spend a life with. Others want passion and without it, they would rather be free and not caged in a relationship. It depends on what you want. Being secure and safe does not have to be ... (read in full...)

Does it sound like I disrespected him or is he overreacting a little bit?

Q.   So my husband and I live here in England, but his family still live in Ireland so he goes over there a few times a year. Sometimes I go with him depending on if I can get time off work or not. He’s planning to go over in November but I won’t be ...

A.   12 August 2019: You sound like a very sensitive and caring individual who would apologize before an argument starts. So the problem must not be you. Your husband must be going so some sort of crisis that he hasn't talked about. He has some kind of insecurity that ... (read in full...)

Taking care of stray dogs is taking a toll on me emotionally..

Q.   Hi. This isn’t a dating question but I was hoping to get some advice here . I have rescued a lot of animals in my life and it’s not easy to get help/vets in this part of the world, especially for poor stray animals. I won’t even talk about the anim...

A.   12 August 2019: It's a sad reality that animals die in nature, whether there's abuse or not. There's really not much you can do. Draining your financial resources and emotional energy would not be practical for your life. A better thing to do is to encourage or try ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend betrayed me in front of my family. Was I justified in dumping her?

Q.   My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it...

A.   6 August 2019: No, I think she showed herself as a great girlfriend who acted as a wife. Just looking at the title I was thinking something about infidelity. Her only mistake was not knowing how fragile your ego was. She did not buy the presents, take care of you, ... (read in full...)

I think my girlfriend is bored and prefers living away from me.

Q.   I'm worried my girlfriend is getting bored with our relationship. We've been together nearly 4 years. She keeps asking questions like "Do you ever feel like we're more like friends than a couple?" or "Do you ever wonder if we're a normal couple?". ...

A.   6 August 2019: Her questions make me feel she is not experienced in relationships, so she does not have a reference point to compare. 4 years is when a relationship hits a plateau and you start to feel comfortable with each other. There is the good and bad about ... (read in full...)

My husband wants us to go to a psychic and I think he's lost his mind.

Q.   My husband and I went through some trauma and conflict lately. Well after work last week, he decided to see a psychic. He told me everything they said except the relationship part. I said that he could tell me and it's ok if the psychic said we ...

A.   28 July 2019: People who go through trauma will reach out to sources that will give them life's toughest answers, help them heal and move on. There are real psychics but many fake ones. To pay an expensive fee to take a risk getting a real one may not be worth ... (read in full...)

I never get what I ask for from my husband

Q.   My marriage is in trouble and I need help. I have been married 4 years and we have a little boy together. My husband is a nice man, does provide, makes tea and tells me he loves me. But, he doesn’t listen or take action. For example, we have...

A.   10 June 2019: I think it's a problem of him not wanting another child and also poor time management combined with making promises he can't keep. Him having other children that he can't have full time makes him hesitate about having another child. His other ... (read in full...)

Why can’t he say that promise when I’m having an anxiety attack?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. We we've been together since school. We live each other very much but last year my anxiety got worse which nearly resulted in us breaking up. When this happened I went through a period of ...

A.   16 May 2019: The only thing to fear is the fear itself. I can assure you, the worst thing in life is not being single again. It is anxiety attack itself within or without a relationship. We can tell you to take deep breaths, meditation or whatever, but sometimes ... (read in full...)

Is he backing off to give me space to deal with father's illness or backing away completely?

Q.   I met a guy 6 weeks ago and it was a bit of a wonderful whirlwind, he was very keen and just pretty damn perfect from the get go but things are now starting to feel different. About a month before we met my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and things a...

A.   9 May 2019: I think you need mutual understanding so you can have peace to just concentrate on your family without worrying that he would lose interest. He might be the type of person that needs a lot of space and cannot commit to a relationship when one family ... (read in full...)

Why does married man come on to me do I look like I date married men?

Q.   Dear Cupid I am single and been single for a very long time. Today at work I ran into a guy friend I use to work with at the one company and he always tells me how beautiful I am but he is a married man Im thinking to myself nope I will never stoop ...

A.   6 May 2019: I think they ask how come you are not in a relationship as a response to hearing that you are single. It's better to say out loud that, "good, now we can flirt and I can possibly give you some loving." There is no "I date married men" look. Any ... (read in full...)

I just want to know that I am sane. He made me feel crazy

Q.   I have posted about this particular man some years back. I met this European man on a dating website. For almost 4 years of whatsapp messages, we have only video called on Skype twice, the first video call was both our ideas and the second video ...

A.   1 May 2019: He could be talking to an American because he's fed up and done with European women. It seems like distance serves a purpose in masking unknown issues. You cannot use this Danish guy as an example that he's more mature than American men. His ... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my husband's weekend depression?

Q.   Hello, So my husband seems to be currently suffering from weekend depression. He works hard, split shifts, and is exhausted. He is stressed about money too. During the week, apart from being tired and complaining alot - he seems to be ok. But when...

A.   26 April 2019: It's hard to feel compassionate when you are at the receiving end of verbal attacks. The first is not to take any insults personally. He was projecting his insecurity onto you. You need to ask him how he is feeling. If he is not speaking with an ... (read in full...)

Is it possible that a man could be so nervous that he can't stop shivering around women?

Q.   I've been seeing this man for about 2 months, everything was going great but I'm not sure how can i make him more comfortable around me whenever we are on a date. I have more experience with men but he claims that I'm the first girl who went on a ...

A.   26 April 2019: It's not a good sign that he can be so nervous. It's possible that he has some neuorological disorder or he is suffering from alcohol/drug withdrawal. A blush, flustered look on the face can be cute, but not when someone has no control over their ... (read in full...)

Are these warning signs after a second date? Should I give it a go or run?

Q.   Hi all, I am mentally quite stuck and would really appreciate some advice. A bit of background. I am 35 years old and have had 2 relationships in my life. One for 3 years from the age of 24 and one for 6 years from the age of 28. Both were fl...

A.   11 April 2019: I think you are asking the next question which is how to break up after two dates. Seems like you already decided. I think you should break it off because you will be used as therapy and an emotional punching bag. She is pushing for emotional ... (read in full...)

Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young children?

Q.   Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young boys (2 and 3 years old)? He's 6 years older than I am and from the moment we met, there was an instant connection. He treats me much better than I've ever been before and I believe ...

A.   9 April 2019: I think one of the greatest blessings in the world is to have people care about you besides your parents, so don't undermine your potential position as a step mom. In a world where everybody is isolated in a little bubble between walls (even more so ... (read in full...)

How can I resolve these emotions with my parents?

Q.   How can I put this bad episode in my life past me? I am in my early thirties and am living at home hiding my life from my family and everyone around me . I grew up in an old school Italian family where appearance was everything . My parents ...

A.   9 April 2019: Your parents may not want to hear about your struggles, and you don't feel safe telling them. I bet your emotional struggles are what preventing you from forming relationships with men. I am betting your parents are worried that you may have a ... (read in full...)

I don't believe my b/f is going to start becoming thoughtful after 3 years together but it bothers me

Q.   My Bf and i settled down very quickly into our relationship when i found out i was pregnant. My pill wasnt effective due some medication i was on and aboetion was not an option i wanted to take. But we were in love and happy and in ok jobs so we ...

A.   1 April 2019: I don't think having a child together is going to make someone fall out of love unless he didn't really love you. It is easy to fall in love, to have a connection with someone but having a long term commitment is a totally different thing. It sounds ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend gets angry when I talk about being committed

Q.   I live whith my bf at his place, he can be 2 different people sometimes, one nice warm and kind the other not so. We have been together for about 3 years but when I ask about being more committed to each other he gets angry . I want children and he ...

A.   1 April 2019: Him getting angry is a way of dodging an important conversation. You entered into an arrangement with him without proper commitment. I don't know how much rent you pay. It seems like he is nice to you when he wants you that night. When he wants ... (read in full...)

Wife hides her family and past from me

Q.   I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...

A.   18 March 2019: There is nothing you do on your part. This is not about you but her family. Ideally couples share everything because they have trust. This is harder for families especially of Asian descent or those who had taken an oath of secrecy. I can relate to ... (read in full...)

His ultimatum makes no sense! What do I do?

Q.   I'm in a dilemma - my long distance boyfriend and I have spoken about marriage and he says he wants to marry me. However, he at first didn't want a child and then agreed to have one with me "because he wants a life and marriage with me". We hav...

A.   11 March 2019: You may think where you live has no bearing on whether to have a child. His reasons could be that he wants to have a lot of savings for the future, like a child's education and living expenses will be cheaper where he lives than in a big city. He ... (read in full...)

Am I fighting a losing battle? She is still speaking to her abusive husband!

Q.   So... there's a woman I've been talking to for a little over a month. And when we're together, things are good for the most part. The problem is... this woman is married to a man that she has been involved with for a few years. He has threatened h...

A.   20 February 2019: The only future with this woman and her husband is that she and maybe you too will get beaten up so badly. It is not hard to get out of this. She has to apply for divorce and restraining order from him. What is her living situation? I hope she is ... (read in full...)

He played games with me and I need your help to understand why!?

Q.   I am a mature person (not perfect and have many flaws, I am only human), I met this guy who was 10 years older than me 4 years ago, I told him I did not want not want to go out with him as my previous relationships have broken down and they have ...

A.   20 February 2019: No one would say you caused his cheating and the breakup, but you did allow this game to continue for 4 years. Sounds like he wants to be the opposite of what you expect him to be. You first did not want to go out with him. He would not accept ... (read in full...)

How do I show this man that I'm worth having a relationship with?

Q.   How does a woman show a man shes worth having a relationship with, ive been on quite a few dates with a guy but he said he wants to sort himself out a job , own place then maybe a relationship with someone. The words he used were someone he didnt ...

A.   16 February 2019: What is a guy doing out there looking for women but not ready for a relationship? He is probably looking for free sex with women who are too easy, desperate or demanding nothing. A man would never admit to that. He never said he is going on dates ... (read in full...)

Were my comments racist?

Q.   Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...

A.   15 February 2019: I think your friend might not be in the best mood that night and was looking for an argument. Whatever you answer could be considered racist. It's almost as if you had to say you prefer dark skin to lighter skin in order for you to not be a racist. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is preoccupied with his size and performance

Q.   Recently my B/f has become paronoid about not being able to please me. He ususaly lasts a min or two and then that is it. Plus he worries that as he isnt as big as he would like to be that I might not be enjoying our love life as much as I could. ...

A.   10 February 2019: There is enjoyable sex, and there is also mind blowing sex. Not every woman hankers over mind blowing sex, but your boyfriend has the curiosity of seeing you reacting in one. Vaginas are built so that they are able to squirt when there is enough ... (read in full...)

Money, my relationship, my girlfriend's friend and her boyfriend "chipping in". How do I deal with all of this?

Q.   Hey, I been with my gf for 3.5 years. We are living apart due to finances. Throughout our relationship I have been supporting and providing. Recently I have not been able to due to my work, our meeting has been suffering, we are unable to do ...

A.   7 February 2019: You are the more mature one in the relationship. You see that her idea of happiness is being able to go out and drink. You and her may have different value systems. You may think it's a double standard that she doesn't want you to go out with your ... (read in full...)

I'm going out of my way to be good to his children as well as taking care of our family but all I'm reduced to is a mom and waitress.

Q.   Hi I love my husband more than anything. He is a great dad and works really hard. However I am trying to think of ways to save our marriage as he just doesn’t see things from my point of view and very rarely listens to me unless it’s in an argum...

A.   4 February 2019: Oh, you shouldn't end a marriage over this. Your husband could be more sympathetic though. You've never been a step mom before, and he has never dealt with your situation either, so he doesn't know how sensitive you got. His children is young. On ... (read in full...)

Do I have cold feet or am I overthinking? I feel marriage is a huge responsibility that I want but I'm not ready for

Q.   My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years, and engaged just two months. We've always had a great relationship. I was so touched when he said yes and soaked up all the engagement bliss during the first month. During the sec...

A.   30 January 2019: Maybe you expect your marriage to be perfect and you feel stressed that you won't be able to deliver your best. Allow yourself to be imperfect and allow your fiancé times that he can't be romantic and organized. The purpose of marriage is for deep ... (read in full...)

He's coming on too strong, talks about sex a lot, has a child with an ex. Should I ignore these red flags?

Q.   So about 6 months ago I met this attractive guy.. we met in a cute way as I got him lost accidentally by trying to help with directions, and he later gave me his number and name, which I hadn't asked for. I added him on Facebook and he messaged me, ...

A.   25 January 2019: My first thought was with the others then when I saw Youwish's post I agree with her too. The thing he did wrong was to mention sex when there was no talk about relationship status. He went ahead of himself, knowing that you won't give in until you ... (read in full...)

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