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*ammi star agony aunt

*ammi star

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Hey :) I'm 25, in a relationship with someone who I knew for years before we got together and have an 8 year old daughter from a previous relationship. I've been through some really tough times but I'm in a good place right now and feel I can use my bad experiences to advise others. Feel free to message me, honest advice always!

Latest articles:

The answer to all your problems (well most) right here!

This question has 17 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

21 January 2011: I don't know about you guys but there are some questions I see time and time again. How 'bout we answer some of those questions right here and hope that anyone about to post the same question has a quick look at the articles first? 1. Why won't h...

All I want for christmas...

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

16 December 2010: I hold my hands up to usually being quite shallow at christmas. Yes, I know it should all be about spending time with the people you love and while that's something i enjoy and look forward to, I'm sure I'm not the only one guilty of failing to ...

Think before you jump, because there might be a good reason

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

23 February 2010: Okay so this valentines was the first one for my bf and I. I've known him for years but we only got together 10 months ago and I was determined to make it special. So valentines week comes around and he's having serious money problems (as was I to...

Why are women labelled as "shallow" if they voice their opinions on their partners appearance yet men can judge women entirely on their looks?

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

24 November 2009: So my bf knew I didn't like facial hair on guys and found it unattractive. He grew a beard. I had to admit though that with his messy mop of dark hair it actually really suited him and he looks great. My bf knows I hate long hair on guys. So he an...

Becoming more than FWB

This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

15 September 2009: I see a lot of questions on here about people who are stuck in the FWB situation and often they want to know if there's a chance of becoming more. Most of the answers tell them that no, there isn't so I wanted to share my story. When I was in my la...

The reality of being a teen mum

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

20 August 2009: I see a lot of young girls on here who want to become mothers so I thought I'd share a few thoughts on the reality of becoming a teenage mum. I was 16 when I fell pregnant, my boyfriend 18. I'd just finished my GCSE's and planned to go back to schoo...

Being yourself :)

This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

6 July 2009: I only wrote an article a little while ago but I like sharing little bits of life so here we go with another one! And by the way, I'm talking about men but obviously the same applies with women :) I often ask my male friends for advice. Every so...

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Why is he being so tepid in bed?

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend since October. We started having sex often and regularly a month into the relationship. He's not that great in bed. I thought this would change as we got closer, playing and developing a sense of what the other likes. ...

A.   10 June 2014: I don't think you can lump all guys into one group and assume they all like the same thing. He's obviously a little intimidated by your experimental approach to sex. Maybe talk to him about how you're feeling? You don't have to approach it so that ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend shows no intimacy or romance when he initiates sex. What can I do to change things?

Q.   I really don't know what to do about my situation, and would really appreciate some advice. My sex life with my boyfriend is really getting me down. I really want intimacy and to feel like my boyfriend desires me sexually, but this is usually...

A.   18 January 2013: I know you said you've tried refusing sex but you really need to try harder! If he goes on at you then leave! It's as simple as that. Tell him again that you're not going to stand for his way of initiating sex anymore and that he needs to make you ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend creates all my present. Is he cheap?

Q.   My boyfriend has a strange attitude toward gifts. He has never bought me anything, but rather creates all his presents for me himself. I don't have a problem with handmade things. They are wonderful and thoughtful. My problem is, the quality of m...

A.   18 January 2013: Home made presents are the best, they're personal and show the persons really thought about you. Usually. Doesn't sound like he's putting much effort in though if the pictures he's giving you are ripped and stained! What sort of presents do you give ... (read in full...)

Was I too quiet at a work dinner party? I'm older than them and the're cliquey. Or were they mean asking me to sit alone at a table, as I'm vegetarian?

Q.   We had our work post Christmas party last week, at a restaurant. I arrived slightly late but a few people came after me. I'm older than 80%-90% of my colleagues, didn't bring a partner, (as I have none) and I have a little bit of social anxie...

A.   9 January 2013: You really need to stop worrying about how you came across and what you can do now. I actually think that they were really rude not to come talk to you, especially if you made an effort to try and join in the conversation when you could. I'm sure ... (read in full...)

He thinks we're in a relationship, but we haven't had a date yet! How do I deal with this?

Q.   I agreed to a blind date suggested by a mutual friend of myself and the gentleman in question. We spoke in person just long enough to arrange the date, but haven't actually gone out yet. I've just learned that he changed his Facebook status t...

A.   9 January 2013: If he thinks you're in a relationship after arranging a date then what's he going to do when you actually get on the date?! Propose?! He sounds weird to me, like something a 12 year old would do. If it were me I would cancel as he really doesn't ... (read in full...)

Guys: Is the amount of xx's in a text an indication of how much you like someone?

Q.   Silly question but I'm intrigued...GUYS Is the amount of x's in a text an indicator of how much he likes you?? This guy I'm texting at the moment usually puts 3 x's... then less often 2 x's and then less often 1x and the least often 4x's. IM...

A.   8 January 2013: I hope not, my partner never remembers to put a x when he texts me! :)... (read in full...)

Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies

Q.   Nollaig na mBan: A day for the ladies You may or may not know that in Ireland, the date of 6 January is known as Women’s Christmas (Nollaig na mBan). On this day, the tradition (still strong in parts of the country) is that men take responsibil...

A.   7 January 2013: I didn't know about this, I think we might make this a tradition in our house from next year! How lovely :)... (read in full...)

How to stop Boyfriend taking advantage?

Q.   Lately, i've been feeling like my boyfriend is taking advantage. He never seems to give me any notice for anything - always assumes i am free and just demands it instead of asking. If he wants to stay over mine on a friday night (he doesn't alwa...

A.   22 October 2012: He is treating you like this because you allow him to. He's never going to change while he's got you running around after his every whim. I think the answer is simple. Talk to him and let him know you need to be treated with more respect and then ... (read in full...)

How do I get my boyfriend to clean up after himself?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years. I live by myself and he still lives with his mom. He comes and stays from Fri-Sun/Mon. Before he comes over, i usually give the house a bit of a clean if it is messy. WHen he leaves, it is like a bomb that ...

A.   22 October 2012: This is an age old issue! He really needs to grow up. 31? I thought you were gonna say he was 21! He probably is used to his mum doing everything for him, maybe you could have a word with her about getting him to take more responsibility at home? ... (read in full...)

Is what I do a fetish? Or am I am exhibitionist? My wife says people stare at me in public when I do this

Q.   Am I wierd, I dont like to wear underware sometimes and when I go camando in shorts my package sometimes is noticeable. My wife says people keep staring but I dont see them I think she is just worried my junk will spill out at the wrong time. I ...

A.   21 October 2012: There's nothing wrong with the fact that you like this, each to their own. But don't you feel most people will find it offensive if you've got everything on show? what about any kids that may happen to be around? I agree with aunty bim bim, you're ... (read in full...)

How do I make her feel comfortable about having sex with me again?

Q.   long story short, i pressured my gf into sex because i wanted to catch up to my buddies that had all done it. i felt left out so i pressured my long-time gf (2 years) and she gave in, even though i knew she wasn't ready (hence 2 years without any). ...

A.   30 September 2012: You can't MAKE her want sex with you again. Did you not learn the first time that this kind of pressure is what's causing the problem. The more impatient you become, the more anxious she will feel and that will only make her pull away from you even ... (read in full...)

I found a lot of disturbing things on his pc and I'm worried about my children

Q.   Hello i really need help with this its killing me. Ive just moved my boyfriend in and he bought his pc wellni looked at it and found loads of lolicon on it. It was horrible and my head is so messed up, we have been friend years then i started dating ...

A.   30 September 2012: I can't believe you're even asking this! There's not a chance in hell I'd have my girls within a million miles of this guy! Chuck him out and ring the police. I don't see that you have any other option ... (read in full...)

Do you think my wife has forgotten what losing her virginity felt like?

Q.   My wife lost her virginity to one man (had sex just once before me) and I have been fucking her three times a week for over twenty years. Has she forgotten about that first experience by now or will she always remember how it felt the first ti...

A.   18 September 2012: Why would you even care if you've been together over 20 years? Of course nobody forgets losing their virginity...have you? ... (read in full...)

I am reluctant to leave my four year old daughter in the care of my younger sister while I'm away

Q.   Hallo guys. I dont know if i am worrying over nothing. My husband is outside the country. And i am going to be visiting him soon for a whole month. My worry is my daughter who is only 4 and is in nursery. I plan to leave her with my kid sister wh...

A.   18 September 2012: Can't you take your daughter with you? Or maybe cut the trip shorter? Even if your sister is perfectly capable of looking after your daughter you're going to feel anxious no matter what. There's no way I'd want to be away from my kids for a whole ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a cheater to end up happy with the person he cheated with?

Q.   My boyfriend of six years cheated, and left me for the woman he cheated with. Although I'm past the hurt, sometime I wonder is it possible for a cheater to be happy with the person he cheated with.I wish him and her the best and hope he is a better ...

A.   20 August 2012: She will always be wondering in the back of her mind if he's going to do the same to her. She knows better than anyone that he's capable of it. Good for you moving on and not holding onto anger and resentment. ... (read in full...)

After nine months, and after hearing it from me, my boyfriend still hasn't said he loves me!

Q.   OK I have a lovely boyfriend who treats me great, generous, affectionate goes out of his way to drive 2hrs to see me every weekend , invites me to family events and I've even been invited me to his friends wedding next year! But after 9 months he ...

A.   20 August 2012: It sounds like he already does. Is he the kind of guy who has trouble showing his emotions? He obviously cares about you so I'm sure he'll say it in time.... (read in full...)

What else can I do? Worried I might be infertile, but the Doctors have said come back later. Do not want to test me yet.

Q.   Hi. I know this isn't a health forum but I have run out of solutions. I am worried about my fertility and the doctors won't do a thing until I am "trying" (which won't be for a good few more years!). By then it could surely be too late? I started ...

A.   20 August 2012: I completely understand why you'd be so worried about this but your symptoms aren't neccessarily anything to worry about, I think you've just got yourself too worked up over it. The fact that you started your periods late doesn't mean a thing. Also ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my boyfriend get jealous when other guys look at me?

Q.   So I was wondering whether I am right to be concerned that my boyfriend never gets jealous of other guys looking at me or get jealous at all, why? Is it because I'm a virgin? ...

A.   29 July 2012: Jealousy is not a normal part of a relationship. The fact he doesn't get jealous just because someone looks at you shows that he trusts you and is mature enough not to fly off the handle about it. You should think yourself lucky!... (read in full...)

Is it normal to fantasize about your partner being with someone else well your masturbating?

Q.   I was wondering is it normal to fantasize about your partner being with someone else well your masturbating? I dont understand it because when im not doing any thing sexual the thought of him being with someone else kills me but during the heat of ...

A.   26 July 2012: Trust me, there is no such thing as 'normal'... your fantasy is pretty tame compared to some!... (read in full...)

I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?

Q.   Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...

A.   26 July 2012: I think chances are she'll offer to go halves with you anyway and you'll have been worried over nothing. Most women don't expect or want men to pay for everything, we like to pay our own way! Pay for her this time (it's only a coffee after all!) and ... (read in full...)

How do you bring up mental illness in a delicate way?

Q.   I always thought something was off with my BF until recently when I found out for sure there's something very off. I found tiny, secret cameras hidden in small holes all over our apartment, my mail was opened by him, and I think he records my ...

A.   26 July 2012: I have to disagree with ciar saying he didn't do this due to mental illness. As someone who has had a lot of experience dealing with a paranoid schizophrenic (a close family member) this sounds like exactly the kind of thing he would do. I'm not ... (read in full...)

Why does sex hurt me so much?

Q.   I was reading a post about a girl that wants to lose her virginity and she got a few answers saying sex shouldnt hurt. Sex often hurts me, practically every time. Im engaged, have children both vaginal births, and am in my early 20s. I have been ...

A.   23 July 2012: Even though you've had examinations and been told nothing is wrong I would strongly reccomend you go back to your doctor and insist they investigate further. Sometimes the reason for pain during sex is psychological but bleeding is never normal and ... (read in full...)

Why would a man not talk about his girlfriend and keep her a secret?

Q.   I would like to know why a guy would not talk about his girlfriend around you. Ever. If you ask him a question about her, he will answer with one word, go silent and change the subject. He goes out of his way to tell you that he is alone on a Friday ...

A.   22 July 2012: He obviously doesn't want to acknowledge that he's even in a relationship therefore leaving himself open to dating other women by making himself seem available. Someone to steer clear of I'd say... (read in full...)

I lost my best friend because of lies but I want her back

Q.   This is about me and my best friend. I didn't act like a best friend at all. I lied to my best friend about my life, I made up stuff about myself that wasn't true that I told 3 people and when I met my best friend in February I planned on not lying ...

A.   22 July 2012: You're obviously genuinly sorry for your lies but your friend probably feels as though she can't trust anything you say anymore. Send her a letter explaining everything one last time and letting her know how much you value her friendship. Tell her ... (read in full...)

I have no sexual feelings for my partner

Q.   Hi, me and my partner have been together 6 years with two children. The poblem is I just have no sexual feelings towards him atall. I dont want him near me,or to have sex ( maybe once every 2 months) and i hate kissing him. I feel terrible as he is ...

A.   10 July 2012: You already know what you need to do you're just looking for someone to reassure you. You're completely right in everything you say, to stay with him isn't fair. He probably knows this deep down aswell he just hasn't been able to accept it yet. I... (read in full...)

should I just bite the bullet and tell my parents that I’m gay

Q.   A few months ago I took a huge step by telling one of my friends that I’m gay. She was the first person I told. The risk paid off as she confessed that she was also gay, which I had previously suspected, and we talked about it. I recently had my ...

A.   10 July 2012: It sounds like you have a good relationship with your parents and you clearly want them to know instead of having to lie to them. I understand actually saying the words must seem terrifying but once it's out there I'm sure you'll feel a huge sense ... (read in full...)

If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal?

Q.   If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal? We are both in mid thirties, been together going on 2 years. When is it time to walk away in search of finding someone who will wanna get ...

A.   10 July 2012: There is no 'reasonable' amount of time. It's different for everyone and a highly personal choice. You're obviously thinking about it now when you haven't been together quite 2 years. For me personally that would be too soon. You say ever... (read in full...)

I feel like my friends and I are growing apart.

Q.   Okay, hey! I feel like my friends and I are growing apart, we have almost nothing in common anymore (once I decided I was too old for watching Disney Channel, Justin Bieber and whatnot). Every conversation we have is rather forced and they call sa...

A.   10 July 2012: People rarely keep the same friends for life. There may be one or two who we always have a connection with but it's common to grow apart from school friends. If you're 16 I'm guessing you'll be off to college soon? You'll meet plenty of new frie... (read in full...)

I'm having little sister trouble, I need some advice!

Q.   Hey! So, my little sister is 4. I'm 13. She is always messing with me and giving me dirty looks and hurting me (most common injuries, scratches, pinches, hard kicks, suffocation (she sits on my face.), hair pulling), she calls me stupid and lots of ...

A.   10 July 2012: At 4 years old she should be outgrowing these toddler tantrums and your parents shouldn't be allowing her to continue behaving like this. As for everybody saying 'she's only 4 she can't hurt you that much' I completely understand that she can! My s... (read in full...)

Can young people be faithful?

Q.   I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old. Between us everything is good. However, many of my friends, most of my family, and even casual acquaintances who are aware of her age keep giving me warnings like: "Be careful, she's young, it's not likely ...

A.   7 July 2012: It's all about the person not the age. For everyone to assume she will cheat based purely on the fact she's young is just disrespectful. It'd be different if you were getting married and starting a family but you're just working on making a ... (read in full...)

I have a question about birth control.

Q.   Oh, someone please help me! Nobody has answered my question, not even Google. This is about birth control, I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this question, but it's the only place I feel comfortable turning to. Okay so, I got ...

A.   7 July 2012: I think maybe this pill isn't working for you. Not all pills are suitable for all women. I would go back and speak to your doctor who will probably try you on a different one. There are so many it sometimes takes a while to find the right one for ... (read in full...)

Fathers in the delivery room: who should have the final say?

Q.   I had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend earlier about fathers in the delivery room. I'd like to find out what others make of the issue! My boyfriend said he'd rather not be in present, but if the mother wanted him there he'd compl...

A.   6 July 2012: I'm due in 4 weeks and would be devastated if my partner left me to go through labour without him! However, if he was dead against it then I wouldn't force him as I'd worry it might make it more difficult for him to bond with the baby. Last time... (read in full...)

My partner wont let me touch my own baby girl! How do I get him to stop this?

Q.   me and my man just had a baby girl about 3 months ago. he will not let me touch her,i have held her only 2 times since she was born and fed her once and that was at the hospital. last night i thought he was asleep so i went to her crib and picked ...

A.   5 July 2012: How was he before the baby was born? Has he always been controlling? If this is out of character for him then it's possible he's suffering post natal depression. It's hardly ever acknowledged in men but it is possible. You should speak to a health ... (read in full...)

Is it worth it to have my parents put their house in my name now?

Q.   can someone help me please with a bit of advice on what to do about parents house. my parents in their 60s but own their own house. im live with them but cause im not working at the moment and finding it hard find work i cant move out. im on the ...

A.   5 July 2012: Speaking from experience, if you own a home you won't get any benefits. They count property as savings and regular income. You could stay on the housing list but you would be at the very bottom and considering even people nearer the top of the list ... (read in full...)

Am I jealous because my fiance talks about sex, his exs and things he could have done?

Q.   I'm 19 and my fiance is 22. He went to uni for 3 months before I meet him and has had many sexual partners and situations, whereas I have had 2 sexual partners including him. He has also had many girlfriends whereas I have had 4 boyfriends, only 2 ...

A.   21 June 2012: Everyone has a past and it's not something we can help. What he can help is banging on about it all the time! Tell him how you feel. Explain that you'd rather concentrate on what the two of you have now rather than hearing about the other girls he's ... (read in full...)

Am I actually bi-sexual? Or am I only feeling this way because I cant get a girlfriend?

Q.   I have been really confused lately. I'm 19 years old, I'm a virgin, never even kissed a girl. This is because every single girl I like doesn't see me the same way. I'd understand if it was a few times but it has gone on for years. I don't know what ...

A.   21 June 2012: Lots of people can apprecaite the same sex without being gay or bi sexual but only you know the answer to weather you actually are or not. It's natural to experiment and as long as you feel safe and comfortable in whatever you do then go ahead and ... (read in full...)

Is it really possible for him to change after everything he has done? How do I learn to trust him?

Q.   Hey, I'd love some perspectives on whether people who betray the trust of others ever regret it or change? Basically, I've been with my bf nearly 2 years and we're looking for a place to move into together, as suggested by him. At 7 months, ...

A.   21 June 2012: I do believe people can change but your bf isn't really doing much to show you that he's serious about treating you better. Once can be a mistake, more than that is a concious choice. He saw how hurt you were the first time he was caught sext... (read in full...)

I want to watch my boyfriend have sex with another woman in front of me, is this wrong?

Q.   Is there anything wrong with the fact I want to see my boyfriend have sex with another women in front of me. I want a 3 sum but don't want to part take in it so much i rather look on and see him at work . I love his sex and I just want to see him at ...

A.   21 June 2012: No, there's nothing wrong with you, this is a common fantasy. But often fantasies are better left at just that. Once you make it a reality it probably won't live up to your expectations and you'll likely be left feeling jealous.... (read in full...)

My family wont accept my boyfriend!

Q.   I am 26 yrs old, my partner's 28, yet my parents will not and cannot accept him. He's Black Canadian, I'm Canadian by birth but my family is of Lithuanian descent, so that makes us Lithuanian-Canadians. However, they won't accept him AT ALL....

A.   29 September 2011: You are old enough to make your own choices. It's difficult when our families don't like the people we care about so much but don't let that cloud your judgment on the relationship. Don't try and force your bf onto your family, just accept that for ... (read in full...)

Mother in law interference....

Q.   Hi. My mother in law is so controlling. She wants to tell me how to give her money, when to phone her and how many times. She practically wants to run every facet of my life. How i am raising my children. Apparently i am staying with two of her ...

A.   29 September 2011: Your husband should be standing up for you and telling her that her behaviour is unacceptable. If he won't then you need to speak to her yourself. Next time she tells you how you should be doing something just kindly but firmly tell her that while ... (read in full...)

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