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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
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Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
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Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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How can I help my family to cope with my cousin's cancer?
Q. HI Aunts and Uncles I've just had a close cousin diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. He is only 46 and we are all pretty devastated about this diagnosis. His father (my uncle) died 3 years ago from complications with his lungs. His death hi...
A. 4 October 2010: Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss. It is so hard to lose someone, especially when they had so much living still to do, for themselves and their family. I do so hate cancer.
Let's all take a moment to appreciate the blessings we have in our lives, and ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 11 July 2010: "i was yelling and crying for someone.. ANYONE to help me"
Sweetheart. This has gone on long enough. Tell your parents and his parents. Don't try to solve this by yourself. You can't.
Get the professional help you need now. Because you need it ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes me to do things I don't really want to do
Q. My boyfriend likes me to do somethings during our alone time that sometimes I just don't particularly like but it's hard for me to say no, especially because I have done it a few times before when he had asked. I love him and don't want to hurt his ...
A. 6 July 2010: How old are you and how old is he, and how long have you been intimate? What are those things that are troubling you?
It's good for couples to be able to talk frankly about things that go on betweent them. "Honey, I have something that's diff... (read in full...)
He cheated on me while I'm pregnant and now the other girl is pregnant too!
Q. I need help to try and get peace with myself. I'm currently 7 months pregnant from my boyfriend who cheated on me a little over a month ago. This girl he went to meet up with in another town is now saying she's pregnant. He stated that he only did ...
A. 6 July 2010: You do need to be seen by your gynecologist to make sure this doesn't impact your baby. There are some infections that can be spread during childbirth and your doctor needs to know all the things you might have been exposed to.
Sorry, but try to b... (read in full...)
Someone please help me with my husband!
Q. [Mod note: Combined two questions as they are both about the same marriage.] i am a 22 year old mother of two i have been married to my husband for over a year now we have dated since high school for the past eight years.in 2007 he gotten inca...
A. 6 July 2010: Then you are dealing with an abuser. Contact this organization for a local referral:
http://www.ndvh.org/
National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Phone 1-800-799-SAFE (1-800-799-7233)
If he is threatening you then he is an abusive man. I hope y... (read in full...)
How do I tell him things aren't going to work out?
Q. I have been divorced for three years. Recently decided to date on line. Was just looking for a friend, but found a really nice guy. Three months after we started dating he found out he needed a bone marrow transplant. I visited him in Florida three ...
A. 6 July 2010: There's some wishful thinking going on here, I think. He's 48 and has had a bone marrow transplant? I believe that involves some treatments that would make producing sperm unlikely for a while.
Additionally, he's trying to build a future with some... (read in full...)
Help me with my girlfriend and getting her to talk to me please!
Q. Could someone please help me with me current situation with my girlfriend!? We've been going out for almost 3 months and everything has been going great! Until now! Recently she has suddenly stopped sending as many messages to me and when she does, ...
A. 6 July 2010: What did she say when you asked her face to face?... (read in full...)
Does becoming FWB destroy the chances of becoming something more?
Q. I have become fwb with an old flame who i have liked for a long time, problem is i want more but dare not say anything! we have only been together twice but he stopped all night and cuddled me, stroked my hair held my hand and kissed my forehead ...
A. 5 July 2010: I agree with Vintage; what have you got to lose by asking? At best, he tells you that something more could develop. At worst, he says his heart will never be in it. Either way, you know where you stand before you sink your heart into it too ... (read in full...)
My husband has a problem with hygiene!
Q. Hey all, quick question. My husband has a problem with hygiene, such as I have to "tell" him to brush his teeth, or to take a shower...I find it disgusting, and a HUGE turn-off. I don't want to be rude about it, but I want the problem to be fixed. ...
A. 5 July 2010: "Sweetheart, I love you. I'm a bit concerned about something and I need your help. I'm not your mother and I don't want to feel like your mother. I'm your lover and I want to stay your lover.
"This is really hard for me to say, so have some pati... (read in full...)
Thinking of ending my marriage for someone else.
Q. Dear cupid, I met my ex boyfriend when I was just 16. He was 34! I lied to him about my age and he broke it off with me because of my age. He told me to call him whn I turned 18. There was a definite spark between us and a feeling I have neer felt...
A. 5 July 2010: Why aren't you working on fixing your marriage? What happened to it? You chose to marry this man and have a child, what about the future you envisioned when you got together, have you simply abandoned that?
I think you may lack some stic... (read in full...)
Found items which may mean my husband is masturbating, he denies it, what do you think??
Q. please help me, about 3 months ago i found two socks under our bed with what looks a lot like semen stains i questioned him about it he said its not semen! and the other day i found another one screwed up in the wardrobe which again looks like dried ...
A. 5 July 2010: They do it because every now and again they need some alone time and a simple physical release where they don't have to think about pleasing anybody, or letting anyone down.
Aren't you overthinking this just a bit? Is your sexlife okay? Are you happ... (read in full...)
My flirtation with a 49 year old man!
Q. How much does age have to do in a relationship because lately I have started a flirtation with a 49 year old. He is a very young 49, he dresses young, and he is my mums friends son. We have known each other for three years and really I have on...
A. 5 July 2010: Is he married or single?... (read in full...)
Could her friends be wrong? Am I right for her?
Q. I recently dated a woman who is also dating another man. Mutual friends of her and the other man set them up. I asked her to explain her current situation because i was unsure why after 3 months she would be dating someone in addition to him. She ...
A. 4 July 2010: I'd stick it out. Obviously, back off a bit and let her sort out the other guy, but if she put herself back on the dating market, she didn't think the mutual friend was right for her. Not a crime, not a tragedy, just reality. They may have common ... (read in full...)
I want to donate a kidney so my mother can have another couple of years
Q. hi..ok i know this isnt about relationships but im desperate. my mum is currently on the waiting list for a kidney, both of hers are failing and we are running out of time, we've been told she won't get one in time so we need to consider being ...
A. 4 July 2010: What did they say about dialysis? I know many people who for many reasons cannot have a transplant but do well having dialysis, including the peritoneal dialysis previously mentioned.
She frankly doesn't sound like a very good candidate for a kidn... (read in full...)
Possible heroin addicted boyfriend
Q. my boyfriend used to be addicted to heroin before I met/started dating him. I believed that he had quit since he went through rehab and such, but he has rather large abscesses on his arm that he's going to get lanced. there are no cuts or...
A. 4 July 2010: Thank you nightingale and Q, for those excellent points. I didn't make my answer long and complete enough. The lancing drains the abcess but he would still need antibiotics taken systemically to deal with the micro-organisms left behind. Why didn't ... (read in full...)
Possible heroin addicted boyfriend
Q. my boyfriend used to be addicted to heroin before I met/started dating him. I believed that he had quit since he went through rehab and such, but he has rather large abscesses on his arm that he's going to get lanced. there are no cuts or...
A. 4 July 2010: If he's a cleaned up former addict, he'll understand why you'd be concerned about this and took a break from dating him. I think part of recovery is accepting that people need to come to terms with your addiction.
http://www.na.org/
Why isn't he... (read in full...)
Help! I don't want to be a pscyho gf!
Q. Hello, I have been daatingmy boyfriend how's in the military for almost two years. About a year ago I found some stuff that I thought to be unfaithful. (in my book) 1. He was texting another female friend (that he had already revealed to me th...
A. 4 July 2010: He lost me at "suck my dick" and responding to Craigslist ads for casual sex. Yuck. Seriously, yuck.
He's 22? I think you are expecting too much from a guy who thinks it's cool to say to girl friends "suck my dick". Who is clearly looking for casu... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: I sincerely wish you well, happy and healthy future for you. I am concerned that you think simply making up your mind will change things--you have a great deal of work to do to process the bad stuff that's happened in your life and this coping ... (read in full...)
Should I go on holidays with a pedo uncle?
Q. Hi, I wrote on here before about my uncle. This is the link to it. This tells you everything from the beginning. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/inappropriate-touching-from-an-uncle.html Well it hurts me so much that my pearents are on his side...
A. 4 July 2010: I couldn't tell if you have managed to tell your parents that he is touching your breasts and bum. That you have asked him not to and that he has continued, is that correct?
Pedos operate by scaring their victims into silence. If you speak up and ... (read in full...)
Why would he want a special friendship?
Q. I have met this guy and I really liked him (because there's no reason not to like him) but from the very start, he made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship right now and that he is being friends with me and nothing more. But most of the ...
A. 4 July 2010: He doesn't want the full commitment but he wants you off the market for other men. He's selfish, basically. By engaging you in this "special friendship" (does it include sex, that isn't entirely clear here, what are "special times"?) he has ... (read in full...)
We've tried everything and I still cant orgasm!
Q. I can't orgasm. Plain and simple. We've tried everything. Oral, intercourse, fingering, vibrators, lube, anal. He even bought the mother of all vibrators. The stupid thing wouldn't go in. I was wet ready to go. So we poured a ton of lube on it. S...
A. 4 July 2010: Re: Masturbation, "It feels good but I dislike it." Please expand on this a bit. Honestly, if you can't give yourself one there's no way in Hades that he's going to be able to do it for you. That's the crux of it. And Q is right, this isn't a ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 4 July 2010: That must be very hard for you. That's not a nice feeling to have to feel. :(... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 3 July 2010: Okay, I wondered what the session was like for you. I guess you were okay? And he was... what, accepting?
Knowing how you feel is a big thing. Not many people do, I think. I do yoga, and there's a part of the practice where you just kind of chec... (read in full...)
Is she lying about her sexual past?
Q. So I need a bit of help playing detective to determine if my GF is a bit more promiscuous than she lets on. First off, she did not start having sex till she was 30. I have proof that is true. She is now 40, and claims to have had sex with 4 g...
A. 3 July 2010: I think it's probably best to stop trying to figure this out. You're going to need closure on each and every guy and incident and I simply don't think you're going to get it.
Let go as gracefully as possible and move on.
Good luck.... (read in full...)
Married but toying with fantasy of affair with colleague
Q. Wife and Work Colleague Hello everybody. I'm new around here and I need some non judgemental advice from you. (I posted this last night but in the wrong place, I think). I've been married for 15 years and we have two children. Our sex life has nev...
A. 3 July 2010: Did you ever actually work on your marriage, or did you just kind of hope things would get better?
I think you missed an opportunity to make things really good with your wife, but then, it's not my marriage. I mean, if you'd gone and got prof... (read in full...)
How can I help my family to cope with my cousin's cancer?
Q. HI Aunts and Uncles I've just had a close cousin diagnosed with advanced liver cancer. He is only 46 and we are all pretty devastated about this diagnosis. His father (my uncle) died 3 years ago from complications with his lungs. His death hi...
A. 3 July 2010: I agree with C. Grant. People tend to run for the hills when there is a devastating diagnosis like the one your cousin had, simply because they don't know what to say. I think for the most part, the family will want as much normality as possible. ... (read in full...)
Poll: How many times in a row do you men orgasm?
Q. A poll for the men: How many times in a row have you been able to have sex, orgasmed, and continued to have sex without going limp for more than a few seconds or maybe a minute? Can be any kind of sex, but not masturbation. Doesn't matter h...
A. 2 July 2010: For some reason, this question brings to mind images of fireworks for the Fourth of July...... (read in full...)
Husband won't stop chatting with another woman.
Q. This was my question in April 2009 My husband has a job that is very boring and he is allowed to chat on his cell phone. A month ago he complained that I don't talk to him enough so he has to talk to "Rebecca". At the time, a month ago, we es...
A. 2 July 2010: You told him what you were willing to tolerate and he apparently isn't willing to conform to your wishes. You said a year ago that this was a 'deal-breaker.' You feel there's something off about this relationship and you don't think he's cheating, ... (read in full...)
I asked her for sex, she is shy and said no, what can I do??
Q. i m very much attracted to my cousin sister she was really close to me so i asked for sex but she refused and we both are not talking to each other now but we meet daliy eveen she is feeling shy to talk to me now so plz tell me wat should i do now ...
A. 2 July 2010: She said no. No means no. There is nothing less appealing than a man who has asked for sex, been told to go away, and persists in trying. It's called being a "sex pest" and it is VERY unattractive.
It is time for you to let her go on about her busi... (read in full...)
Is it a loser thing to go on vacation with your parents at 30?
Q. Hey aunts! I'll be 30 in a few months. I have bf, a house of my own and a great job. My parents asked me to go on a 10 day trip together- on them! I said hell yeah! After all, it's a free vacation, right! And I love them. Then I thought... is it a ...
A. 2 July 2010: We expect a postcard. :D... (read in full...)
Could oral sex make a pregnancy test positive?
Q. Just a little help needed. Today my girlfriend took a home pregnancy test with pregnancy stick and it came positive. She had symbols of pregnancy such as constant precum leakage from vagina and cramps in legs and tummy from last 15 days. It all ...
A. 2 July 2010: A little help? That's an understatement.
1. A physician would have to answer this question. I don't know.
2. It's extremely unlikely that the components of semen would contain pregnancy hormones, unless you have some very unusual physiolo... (read in full...)
Is it a loser thing to go on vacation with your parents at 30?
Q. Hey aunts! I'll be 30 in a few months. I have bf, a house of my own and a great job. My parents asked me to go on a 10 day trip together- on them! I said hell yeah! After all, it's a free vacation, right! And I love them. Then I thought... is it a ...
A. 2 July 2010: When your parents are dead and gone, you will be so happy that you chose to spend good quality time with them, making happy memories and just enjoying their company. Go have fun, and don't think twice about that!
My parents would rent a beach hous... (read in full...)
Can my parents really press charges?
Q. ok so im 16 and recently lost my virginity to a 20 year old and am now pregnant! well my parents dont approve and said that they were goin to press charges for statutory rape! but in arkansas the legal age of consent is 15 so can they really press ...
A. 2 July 2010: He'll need legal advice, none of us aunts are attorneys in Arkansas, I think. I did find this for you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_North_America#Arkansas
It looks like they cannot press charges based on this information, but then... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 2 July 2010: It's good to hear that you both went to the appointment. You sound very carefully neutral on this. Are your feelings all over the place or are you happy, sad, upset? And how is your husband taking this. He can't be too happy and I would imagine ... (read in full...)
Does this make me a racist?
Q. dear cupid, me and my girlfriend were talking and i said asian people (like japanese, chinese) have stupid names/stupid-sounding names. she then called me a racist and was extremely upset and hootin' and hollerin'. i kept on telling ...
A. 2 July 2010: Some where in Asia, there is a young couple sitting having a similar conversation. The young man has just heard your name and has told his girlfriend that it's funny that Westerners choose names for their children that sound like "elephant nasal ... (read in full...)
Semen in his boxer shorts!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 18 mths now he has lied about his past to me ie sexual partners ect, a few months back i found a pair of boxer shorts behind the tv unit in our bedroom with small semen stains in them, but just about a week later he ...
A. 2 July 2010: Or dick batter? I think we could put them all in as variations. Etymology unknown. ... (read in full...)
Semen in his boxer shorts!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 18 mths now he has lied about his past to me ie sexual partners ect, a few months back i found a pair of boxer shorts behind the tv unit in our bedroom with small semen stains in them, but just about a week later he ...
A. 2 July 2010: My guess is that he doesn't want to have to tell you that he masturbates. It would be like having your mommy catch you with your hands in your pants and it wouldn't be the best power position in the relationship.
It's like being a naughty litt... (read in full...)
We've tried everything and I still cant orgasm!
Q. I can't orgasm. Plain and simple. We've tried everything. Oral, intercourse, fingering, vibrators, lube, anal. He even bought the mother of all vibrators. The stupid thing wouldn't go in. I was wet ready to go. So we poured a ton of lube on it. S...
A. 2 July 2010: Your clitoris has been stimulated, or has all the focus been on the inside of your vagina?
You probably are now so stressed about this that your brain is causing the problem. Remember that your clitoris is the seat of your sexual pleasure, not the ... (read in full...)
He cheated because he was drunk and I cant get over it!
Q. Okay, so me and my boyfriend have been going out for 9 months...we started going out sept.7, 2009 and its now June.30, 2010... Back in Feburary he decided to throw a small party when his mother was away and get drunk...( one girl and 4 guys) well ...
A. 2 July 2010: Yes, you are being naive. This guy is a creep. He may be a goodlooking, handsome, charming creep, but he's still a creep. A cheat, a manipulator, a control freak. He views girls as sexual commodities. You may have the been the girl he took home to ... (read in full...)
Could he have given me an orgasm without my knowing?
Q. Heey. so me and my ex boyfriend are friends and we were talking about our relationship last night and the subject went to sex. he said "Did you know I've made you come before?" and i just laughed because i dont think he did... was he lying or did he ...
A. 2 July 2010: You'd know if you had an orgasm. I think the question for your guy is this: "How do you know I had an orgasm?"... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's actions make me wonder if he is being selfish
Q. I am trying to be patient about this.. But, I would like to know how I should be feeling and what not about this. I leave for Texas tomorrow and will be gone away from my boyfriend for 5 days. Yesterday, a friend and I went over to my sisters ho...
A. 2 July 2010: "Sweetheart. I am sorry that I left my car keys at my sister's house. Believe me, it was unintentional and I am finding it very inconvenient.
"What isn't helping is that I feel you are somehow angry with me for doing this, yet you won't help me f... (read in full...)
I want the right boyfriend...
Q. Hey. How come boys which are really bonny and have a good personallity dont like you? I try my best to impress them. i always wear makeup and wear nice clothes and i have got told i have a lovely and loving personallity, how can i get a nice lad ...
A. 1 July 2010: I met the best guys when I was engaged in doing something I was passionate about, and was utterly and totally myself, without having to worry about hair and makeup and dressing up. I have to admit that I was very athletic when I was younger, so ... (read in full...)
Something new in our D/S play
Q. I am a 30 year old married woman. Point blank, my husband and I are in a D/s relationship with him being the top and he spanks me whenever I have done wrong. Recently, he was spanking me when I was laying naked on the bed. I began to wiggle ...
A. 1 July 2010: Sounds like he's added bondage to the mix. Why don't you discuss it with him?... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 1 July 2010: I'm thinking of you today as you go to your appointment. I hope you're doing well.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 30 June 2010: I did see your post about when you drink. :/
A lot of "anyone else" actually don't drink much at all. And most don't drink till they can't remember what they say. That's drinking to excess. I know there's a youth culture that likes to 'party' and ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Oh that's good news. I'm thinking about you and hope it is a good start for you. ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Q understood my point. Which is that under the influence, you tell people what's bothering you. Like the comment to your in-laws, which then has triggered this set of events. Or that last message which so clearly showed the battered-wife thinking ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: "Maybe I don't think it's a big deal because my brother raped me when I was in fifth grade, I've been kidnapped, illegally put up for adopted, then physically and emotionally abused by my adoptive father. It's like.. this is just how it's supposed ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Where is the baby when both of you are drinking?... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: That's it, Q got it. This last post was indeed by a battered woman. It's time to start the healing now.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: You've absorbed the painful and wrong lessons of your childhood and you are playing them out in this skewed thinking.
Call that number, tomorrow, first thing.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: There's what has to change. Right there. You blame yourself. That's just wrong and the fact that you can't see that means you need the help you are trying to fight off.... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Wait, he was deployed? He was in combat? There are lots of people who come back different, there's no shame in that. They just didn't realize that things were bad that way.
Sweetheart, you are caught up in the very early stages of this. You have... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: Do you think their motives are bad? Do you think their hearts are in the wrong place? Or are you feeling bad and just want them to go away and leave you in peace?
Only the 'peace' is with a guy who roughed you up, forced oral sex and verbally abus... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 29 June 2010: I think Q is right. They are concerned and the only way they know how to check on you is to see you.
The thing is out of the bottle, you can't put it back, alas. It IS uncharted waters. You are going to have to take it one small day at a time... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: The point is to help you. I for one would like to be kept up to date on what's happening for you, as this progresses. But I don't want you to wake up tomorrow morning with a vision of my little avatar standing there, saying "tell me tell me tell me ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You know the phrase, "you're your own worst enemy"? This kind of applies to you here. You fight the process that could help you because you don't want to have to face the feelings.
This is like getting cancer. It's not fair, it sucks, it is a crap... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: AA stands for Alcoholic Anonymous. There's also Al-Anon, which is for family and friends of alcoholics. I've been to those meetings when a good friend of mine was struggling with alcoholism. I haven't been to an AA meeting but I would imagine they ... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 28 June 2010: You're having dreams like this because you feel trapped and helpless and it's about the sexual assaults you've experienced as well as trying to create defensive mechanisms to cope with them.
Q is right in that it's not going to be 'solved' over... (read in full...)
I accidentally told my husband's family that he abused me and now everythings messed up, how can I fix this?
Q. Hi. My husband recently has gotten a little physcally abusive, and has forced blow jobs on my a couple of times when he was drunk.. I guess I wanted to get it off my chest, but I was just going to deal with it. I already forgave him. But then las...
A. 27 June 2010: This isn't your fault and unfortunately, you can't see that just yet. You are filtering things through faulty settings, due to the abuse you've experienced. You HAVE to have an outside trained therapist help you through this, or your daughter... (read in full...)
Married but toying with fantasy of affair with colleague
Q. Wife and Work Colleague Hello everybody. I'm new around here and I need some non judgemental advice from you. (I posted this last night but in the wrong place, I think). I've been married for 15 years and we have two children. Our sex life has nev...
A. 23 October 2009: Hi, you have managed to get yourself into a very dark place in your marriage, haven't you? Look, I think you need to face the fact that having an affair (yours or hers) has done and will do nothing to fix the fundamental problem: you and your wife ... (read in full...)
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