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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi popeye, it sounds like you have managed to overcome your RJ in a very successful and positive manner. I certainly know no one WANTS to feel RJ or suffer from it; it is not a conscious choice. I guess though that your example and that of other ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi idea, I'm sorry I've just seen your comment here. If you have a question, it's a good idea to post it on the site here: http://www.dearcupid.org/ask
Otherwise, just take a look around and scroll through the questions in various categories. You ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 28 July 2011: Thanks for the new additions to the thread, I really think this is a good way for these topics to be covered in a respectful manner. I often see anons posting such bitter and angry words, using the words 'slut' and 'whore' and would invite them to ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 July 2011: I just HAD to copy/paste this answer to another thread. It was a personal distillation by an anon poster as she struggled to come to terms with her boyfriend's RJ. I really like how she breaks it down into concrete chunks so we examine each piece of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend prefers cyber sex to me, Emotionally detatched
Q. So I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I am 22, he is 29 and this is his first real relationship, I am basically his first real love. When we first got together I was going through some medical issues and couldn't have sex for the ...
A. 18 January 2011: It sounds like you have a man who for whatever reason cannot engage in a sexually intimate way with you. Some of what you've written about him suggests there may be a deep underlying reason for this dysfunction in him. My gut feeling is that he is ... (read in full...)
I'm really in love with him but don't want him to put his hands on me in anger again
Q. ok me and my husband have been together for 5yrs now we have a daughter and everythang..will he has slapped me choked me and throw me cross the room,an not only throw me a cross the room but im late on my period like 2weeks late so i mite be ...
A. 18 January 2011: Please go to this website http://www.thehotline.org/ and ask for help, or call 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) 1.800.787.3224 (TTY) (Anonymous & Confidential Help 24/7).
Please post back AFTER you have made that call. You have to keep yourself safe, you are ... (read in full...)
Should I Start My Family?? Or Wait??
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 18 (bday in May). My boyfriend of a year and a half is 24. Iam a dental assistant and he is a personal banker at Wells Fargo. Since my boyfriend is older he already wants a child of his own and start his family. I know I want kid...
A. 17 January 2011: Was there a problem with the decision that you felt the need to ask people for their opinions? And then when you got them, you restated your starting point?
If you want a baby, have a baby. It's your decision. If you don't want people to give you ... (read in full...)
I am insecure about certain parts of my body
Q. I have an insecurity problem about certain parts of my body - my wife says she doesn't care about them and they make no difference to our relationship. I have asked her to show me some extra love if possible when I am a little down or reminded...
A. 15 January 2011: Was she a prostitute? I think I remember your story. She was an 'escort' and you became romantically involved. I think I asked if it was a good idea for a man insecure about his size to be involved with a former prostitute. Penis size has very ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 14 January 2011: Hi somewhatdamaged, it sounds to me as though you should seek counseling immediately if you are having suicidal thoughts. I would recommend that you see your physician and get an appropriate referral immediately. There are treatment modalities ... (read in full...)
Upcoming Marriage Anxiety / Commitment Issue
Q. Once upon a time (1997 - 2001-ish), I was married and had two children. This marriage was one "forced" upon me by my parents due to accidental pregancy (I was 18 years old at the time and didn't feel like I had any other options and they were ...
A. 14 January 2011: Excuse me, but what is it you feel for your fiancee? What kind of love?
And I think you should be honest with your fiancee (she's not just your girlfriend, you have a wedding scheduled with her, she's your fiancee), she knew you had another inte... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 14 January 2011: No, you're not the typical lying cheating scumbag. You are much more verbose than the usual ones.
"I am still a victim of my basic male animal instincts." Once you stop painting yourself as a victim, maybe then you'll realize that you are where you ... (read in full...)
Should I Start My Family?? Or Wait??
Q. Dear Cupid, I am 18 (bday in May). My boyfriend of a year and a half is 24. Iam a dental assistant and he is a personal banker at Wells Fargo. Since my boyfriend is older he already wants a child of his own and start his family. I know I want kid...
A. 13 January 2011: When did he propose, if he's all fired up to have a family? ... (read in full...)
I want to break up this couple
Q. I have decided to fight for the girl I love even though she is in a relationship with someone else. I understand I am doing something extremely unethical and horrible but I just could not persuade myself to stand there like an idiot and watch ...
A. 13 January 2011: How would you define 'last moment' here? When she's 95 and her husband finally dies?
Fighting for what you want sounds like a noble thing, but a wise person knows when to fight and when to retire gracefully to the sidelines. A fool wastes his time... (read in full...)
He says he wasn't thinking of me when he did things, but I couldn't get him out of my head
Q. I'm a 20 year old girl who has been in a relationship with a guy for about 3 years! He is 21. We had troubles in our relationship and we broke up (at the time he was living with me for about a year). He moved out and he became very nasty to me! My ...
A. 13 January 2011: You're emotionally attached to a guy who isn't really interested in being faithful to any one person. He's certainly sowing his oats, from what you've written. You have two choices. One is that you continue to see him and have your heart stomped on ... (read in full...)
(Why) do women prefer bad boys?
Q. I've got a new question for you, inspired by another post... One for the ladies, and one for the men :) When I range my friends on a scale from bad-boy til decent, and compare it with their success with dating (not necessary including happy ...
A. 13 January 2011: When I was young and immature, 'bad' boys were intriguing because they were unpredictable and made the heart pound. They were also usually very handsome, so they were nice to swoon over.
The thing about 'bad' boys is that they tend to be extr... (read in full...)
Is this a mental condition? Or from the hardships of a relationship?
Q. A bit of a mental/relationship question:: My boyfriend and i have been going out for almost two years and before i was with him i suffered from bouts of depression. this fall, because of college, we were forced to live 4 hours apart. I now suffer ...
A. 13 January 2011: It sounds to me as though you may be having some physical manifestations of anxiety or panic disorder and depression. I'd say why not be as healthy, emotionally, mentally and physically as you can? Why live in misery? Go see your doctor and describe ... (read in full...)
How long will a woman chase a man by phone only?
Q. How long will a woman chase a man if the chasing can only be done by phone? How can I shorten the chase and how can I drag it out if needed? Please at least let me know if you are male or female....
A. 13 January 2011: Depends on the woman, obviously.
The 2.36 number would come into play if the starting day is a Thursday. Then you get into the weekend issues, and if she hasn't asked you for brunch on Sunday by then, you are toast. Otherwise, I think 3.2 would be a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is immature and I always cave in and contact him after a fight
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a little less than 2 years so here is the quickest timeline I can possibly do..... beginning: everything was cute, we would go on dates, things were good. about a month in, he starts becoming super insecure about m...
A. 13 January 2011: Gosh, I dated a guy like this once. He would throw temper tantrums and try to make me 'sorry' for whatever transgression he imagined I'd done. He even got angry with ME for a comment HIS friend said to me about my butt! HIS friend said I had a 'nice ... (read in full...)
Upcoming Marriage Anxiety / Commitment Issue
Q. Once upon a time (1997 - 2001-ish), I was married and had two children. This marriage was one "forced" upon me by my parents due to accidental pregancy (I was 18 years old at the time and didn't feel like I had any other options and they were ...
A. 13 January 2011: I'd say postpone the marriage. You are far from certain that this is the right choice for you. You're going to wind up married and feeling as though you were forced into it again. I'd advise some couples counseling, to work through the inevitable ... (read in full...)
I am insecure about certain parts of my body
Q. I have an insecurity problem about certain parts of my body - my wife says she doesn't care about them and they make no difference to our relationship. I have asked her to show me some extra love if possible when I am a little down or reminded...
A. 13 January 2011: "I just need to know that I am better than anyone else she dated, anyone else she has made love too, anyone else she has been with - all I want is for her to tell me so - why cant she?" She can't because you aren't better than anyone else right now ... (read in full...)
Why my wife feel pain when fingered inside?
Q. My wife loves when I finger her clitoris. But when I try to finger inside she feel pain even when it was a gentle touch. Is this a common problem? Is there a way to avoid the pain? Thanks in advance....
A. 13 January 2011: Does she actually WANT you to finger her inside? Maybe she doesn't really like it and the easiest way to get you to stop is to tell you it hurts. Men often think the vagina is like the inside-out penis, that the sensations we get from having it ... (read in full...)
Re all women this hard to read?
Q. I know that women have since the beginning of time been hard for men to understand but I keep having a relationship with this girl who baffles me. I wanted to ask you, Wise Agony Aunts, if this is "normal" female behavior or whether it is unusual. ...
A. 12 January 2011: I agree with Daniel.
She sees you as someone she can hit on for a "loan," the kind of "loan" that never gets repaid. Take the finances out of the equation, and that includes your unpaid labor on the graphics, and I'll bet she'll simply drop you from... (read in full...)
Cialis, first experience & side effects?
Q. I was wondering about using Cialis to get a firm hard erection. When I get excited, my penis does get hard a little but it doesn't point upward or straight. And I feel real embarrassed when it happens. I read about Cialis and want to give it ...
A. 12 January 2011: Please consult your physician for prescription drug usage and dosage instructions. It may or may not be appropriate in your case, and you should have the benefit of an exam to be certain you will be able to tolerate the drug.
Take care.... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 12 January 2011: Hey, I just read your other question: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-everything-she-has-done-to-me-is.html and had one more comment. This supports my assessment that you are not good at evaluating whether a woman is compatible match for ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has an irrational fear of pregnancy, even though we never had sex!
Q. My girlfriend has an irrational fear of pregnancy I'm afraid. It's not a matter of sex even though, she gets super freaked out about touching my penis in case it somehow got her pregnant. She is even acts worried in the hot tub about over exciting ...
A. 12 January 2011: This isn't something you can fix. She has to do it for herself. Frankly, she sounds as though she's not really interested in any type of sexual contact. Maybe it would be better for now to avoid situations where you find yourself alone with her. ... (read in full...)
Two long-term girlfriends, both in love, one pregnant - looks vs. personality
Q. I am in a bit of pickle situation and it's pretty deep and I don't know what to do now. I thought I could handle it and that the answer would present itself by way of circumstance, but this hasn't happened and now I'm in desperate need of help. ...
A. 12 January 2011: I haven't taken the time to read every single post here, but I have a couple of thoughts to share for your forward planning purposes. First, you're in this situation because you put yourself in this situation. Obviously, you are aware of that, I am ... (read in full...)
I tested my boyfriend and he failed!
Q. so i had my friend send my bf a message on myspace to see if he would cheat on me she sent him a message asking him if he had a girlfriend and he said no. I found a different reason to break up with him and after i broke up with him i asked him why ...
A. 11 January 2011: Every single thing you said to him, everything you texted to him, every single action you took with regard to him shows him that you do not trust him, you do not want him, you are doing EVERY SINGLE THING you can to push him away. Why on earth would ... (read in full...)
My wife thinks I messed up, but I don't think it's a big deal.
Q. I need some advice. My wife thinks I messed up, and I think that what I did was no big deal. I was out with a bunch of work people after work. I occasionally take my team out for after work drinks/appetizers when we make a project goal. Th...
A. 11 January 2011: Apologize. You talked about your wife's sex life (!) at a work-related function (!). Inappropriate on so many levels, if you can't see it, you simply need to keep your personal data to yourself. And ESPECIALLY keep your wife's personal info to ... (read in full...)
Since when did this marriage become polygamous?
Q. This is such an awful situation I'm in, I really don't know where to begin. My husband and I have been married for almost 6 years and we have 3 children. We recently bought a new house. In October of 2009, I found out that he had been seeing someone ...
A. 7 January 2011: His solution to your lack of sex drive was to start a love affair? Wow. And he's basically blaming you for driving him to it? Wow again.
Look, a lack of sexual intimacy could be a deal-breaker for someone but you should at least have been given some... (read in full...)
I don't want to go to my husband's father's funeral because the women he had an affair with will be there, is this wrong?
Q. My husband has been having an affair with a friend of his family. This has been going on for a while and although my husband is sorry I am still trying to come to terms with it. This lady is well liked by his family and I have never met her. My ...
A. 5 January 2011: What is the funeral custom there? Could you arrive very early, pay your respects to the deceased, make sure you sign whatever guestbook they have, talk to the officiant, basically make sure it's known you've been there, then leave, letting the ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps coming to me, then going back to the ex, again and again, why?
Q. I need help LADIES please answer this one, as you're the only ones that can... So I've been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since I was so persistent, I guess she gave me a chance perhaps as a payback to her ex. My question is ...
A. 5 January 2011: I have to laugh a bit here. Someone who is having sex with a person with no morals isn't really in much of a position of moral superiority himself. You date other women, she sees other men. Her "other" appears to be her ex. If she was concerned ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps coming to me, then going back to the ex, again and again, why?
Q. I need help LADIES please answer this one, as you're the only ones that can... So I've been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since I was so persistent, I guess she gave me a chance perhaps as a payback to her ex. My question is ...
A. 4 January 2011: This isn't something I ever did, but I do think she likes keeping her options open. She's got you hanging around.
Let me ask this, does she drink heavily? Does the ex drink heavily? And what is your reputation there, if you are the bartender who ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps coming to me, then going back to the ex, again and again, why?
Q. I need help LADIES please answer this one, as you're the only ones that can... So I've been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since I was so persistent, I guess she gave me a chance perhaps as a payback to her ex. My question is ...
A. 4 January 2011: If he doesn't know she's seeing you, that's not much of a "take THAT, I'm flouncing off to my boytoy" lesson, now, is it? Sort of the tree falling in the woods parable, does it make a sound if no one is there to hear it? Not so much, you need the ... (read in full...)
This girl keeps coming to me, then going back to the ex, again and again, why?
Q. I need help LADIES please answer this one, as you're the only ones that can... So I've been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since I was so persistent, I guess she gave me a chance perhaps as a payback to her ex. My question is ...
A. 4 January 2011: So John has been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since he was so persistent, I guess she gave didn’t have a better fallback, so she goes out with him when she and Matt are on a break. Because everytime Matt calls her telling ... (read in full...)
Why does he ask me out but never actually come through?
Q. I can't figure this guy out and I don't know why I'm even bothering to do so. Normally I'm not this patient, if a guy shows signs of disinterest, then I move on. Which is fine, not everyone is going to fall in love with me. But with this guy, h...
A. 4 January 2011: Maybe he has a drinking problem? Maybe he isn't emotionally ready to date again? Maybe he's agoraphobic?
"Nice talking to you, Bradley, but I'm really not interested in a date any longer. You have proven to be unreliable and I'm just not up for that... (read in full...)
Whats going on here? Have I lost him forever??
Q. This guy and I were communicating on Skype as friends b/c we are Long distance. We've known each other for 4 years now since we met in person. We used to email before then we turned to Skype and he erased me from his contacts so I thought he cut-ted ...
A. 4 January 2011: It sounds as though he's changed the way you two would be in contact. It doesn't sound as though he's making any effort to stay in contact right now. Maybe he's busy, maybe he has found someone and cannot chat on Skype any more. Perhaps your ... (read in full...)
In love with a bad boy: Should I give him more time to change or am I being too caring?
Q. Alright so, I figured I'd try a website like this out so I could get the opinions of people that arent biased. I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months now, and makes me happy, He's an overall good boyfriend, and never ceases to try to make m...
A. 4 January 2011: He is waving a whole pack of red flags and you are not paying attention. You are indulging in wishful thinking, I'm afraid. You are being naive and trusting if you think he is changing for you, or that he will.
It's pretty simple. If you don't want... (read in full...)
Why won't my boyfriend let me see him naked?
Q. Hey, My boyfriend and me have been dating over a year, neither of us are sexually active yet but we both really want to. Me and him do foreplay etc but hes started to ask me for Bjs etc. But he wont take off his top or bottoms so I can help satisfy ...
A. 2 January 2011: You're 13-15? Presumably he is too? Both of you should wait a couple of years, then when you're older, and more mature and hopefully more confident, he'll be able to talk about it and you'll be able to ask him directly.
You are underage for sexu... (read in full...)
How to talk to a grieving friend?
Q. Hi everyone, My friend's dad died a couple of months ago and I am seeing her for the first time in a few days. I'm lucky in that I've never had to deal with a death of a loved one so close so I'm not sure what are the best things to say are? I...
A. 29 December 2010: My theory on this is that you make sure she knows you are there for her, and that you respect her need to grieve however she needs to. Don't make her feel guilty for nt responding to your attempts at contact. Beyond that, there's no set script to ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to get pregnant without penetrative sex?
Q. Ok I have heard a lot of what I think are myths but I want to be sure about the subject of unplanned pregnancy. My question is if is really possible to get pregnant without even having intercourse. I have heard about the guy cummin on you and gett...
A. 29 December 2010: Apparently, cases have been reported of women becoming pregnant without penetrative sex. If semen containing sperm make it to the vulva, which is moist and warm, those little guys can swim up and in. They are very good swimmers, just think, they ... (read in full...)
So I fancy this boy who messed me around and ended up playing me, then he lost his virginity to some other girl, then we got back together, then he told me he was bored with me, now he wants to have sex with me. What do you think?
Q. okay heres my story.. i fancied this boy for a while since back in march 2010, i was absolutely obsessed with him.. (im 14 and hes 15) he messed me around abit and ended up playing me, luckily all i did was kiss him.. about 6 months later we ...
A. 29 December 2010: He sounds like an extremely bad bet for a first time sexual partner for you. Obviously, you are too young, and the fact that you're even considering this guy tells me your judgement isn't really the best. I think the best thing for you to do is to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend likes anal sex but it hurts
Q. My boyfriend and I have been talking about anal sex since after we had vaginal sex. So, it's been about six months now... We had anal sex (barely) once before and it hurt like hell. I ended up crapping blood for a couple days after that. That was ...
A. 29 December 2010: Your boyfriend injured you enough to make your anus/rectum bleed and he wants another chance? Really? One thing on these anal sex questions, is that it's something that can be a two-way street. He has an anus and a rectum as well, so he can experien... (read in full...)
Please help! I need to break up with my boyfriend fast and avoid any questions!
Q. This may sound weird, because I heard that mostly men have this problem. The thing is that I am very inexperienced but not virgin and my boyfriend has a colorful past. It really bothers me to the point that I want to break up with him and give ...
A. 29 December 2010: "Bob, I have enjoyed getting to know you and you are quite a colorful character. It has been a lot of fun but I'm afraid that my heart isn't into it. It's just not going to work out, the chemistry isn't there for me and there's just nothing I can do ... (read in full...)
My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. How do I forgive him?
Q. My husband of 14 years had an affair with a stripper 4 months ago. I just found about it 2 months ago. He paid her $200.00 for sex in a motel room. (Isn't that protitution?) I also found recepits where he bought her jewelry three different times. ...
A. 23 December 2010: What has he done to address your concerns? Does he know you still think he's hiding something?
I believe if one spouse has been unfaithul and sincerely regrets his actions and wants to repair the damage done, he/she opens up completely to the othe... (read in full...)
Why did she lie to me when she had actually moved in with another guy?
Q. Why is it that the good guy ends up the jackass? My gf broke up with me telling me she loved me but was overlaod with work, her son so on and so on. I am such a sucker. My best bud sister is her friend and everyone's talking behind my back about how ...
A. 23 December 2010: Sometimes the good guys don't realize they've chosen poorly. Sounds like you picked a woman with some baggage, you mentioned a son, so at least one ex, and I can guess that there were probably other red flags you might have seen but either didn't ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 December 2010: You're welcome! Thank Yos and other aunts who came before you and made me realize I did not know how to help. So here's the safe place to discuss it. I'm delighted to have been of help to you. A real day-brightener!
Best wishes to you and your girl... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 20 August 2010: This actually kind of illustrates one of the things I wrote in the original post:
"BUT, it must be respectful of the aunt holding a differing viewpoint. You must keep in mind that you may disagree with another aunt, but keep it cordial. If you can'... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 9 August 2010: @Stonemason, thanks for posting. No, your situation wasn't one of the ones I was referring to. I've been on DC for a while now and the situation I see again and again is the man who posts that he's just found out his wife wasn't a virgin, or that ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 31 July 2010: PM, thank you so much for contributing that good insight about the loss of trust issue. This is definitely something that people have to work through and it's not made easier by unspoken assumptions. I hope that anyone reading this has a good think ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 27 July 2010: @Serpico, no problem. If you don't think that this will be helpful to anyone, there's no need for you to link here.
It's like Q just said, we have seen post after post turn into unhelpful and possibly hurtful debate, rather than focusing on the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Q and Miamine, you both understand what it is I'm trying to create here, thank you both for your help and input and insight! It is much appreciated.... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: "a person deserves the chance to choose, say one partner was a molester ten years ago wouldnt you want to know the whole deal so that what ever consequences that come from it, it was your choice?"
I agree that a person deserves to know whether the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Some good posts on this thread about the topic: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-forget-about-my-wifes-past.html
... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: "what if the partner lies before marriage about sexual past?" Good question! What if that happens? What should the question be back to the one who lied?
"Why is it we always come up excuse that they must have had a good reason for lien to there part... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: Just to add to the original article, when I first read posts about people troubled by their partners' sexual pasts, I had the same initial reaction as many people. That is "get over it, that was long ago and doesn't have any bearing on your ... (read in full...)
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