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Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
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| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
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Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi popeye, it sounds like you have managed to overcome your RJ in a very successful and positive manner. I certainly know no one WANTS to feel RJ or suffer from it; it is not a conscious choice. I guess though that your example and that of other ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi idea, I'm sorry I've just seen your comment here. If you have a question, it's a good idea to post it on the site here: http://www.dearcupid.org/ask
Otherwise, just take a look around and scroll through the questions in various categories. You ... (read in full...)
Is she trying to brush me off or maybe she's playing hard to get?
Q. Hi everyone, I've written various questions of a theme about a married woman at work to whom I am very attracted, and her attempts to brush me off, ignore me etc (successfully i might add) I had a fairly off the wall thought in relation to this...
A. 29 August 2011: It's a bit sad that you are so obsessed by this woman. Maybe you should take her hint and leave her alone. Life holds more than this fruitless and pointless obsession, you know. See your GP and get some counseling as it appears to have taken over ... (read in full...)
How I can I work around my feelings so that I don't end up fired?
Q. Hello, I started a new job a little over a month ago. I love it a lot and definitely do not want to have to quit. However, I am extremely attracted to one of my managers ( the one that hired me no less!!) Whenever she's around I can feel my hea...
A. 29 August 2011: Absolutely stop asking if she loves you. It will lead to the end of your job if you keep that up. If you were a guy, your write up on your employee evaluation would indicate that you had a potential for sexual harassment and they would be building ... (read in full...)
How do you treat someone with a phobia?
Q. hey i need help my boyfriend I mean my Ex-Boyfriend has some psycologic problems he suffer from Philophobia ( love phobia ) he Told me he's afraid when i asked him of what he said afraid to fall in love with u i told him falling in love is not ...
A. 29 August 2011: The best way to treat him is to let him go find his own treatment and don't spend any more time worrying about him or his ex. Guys who say things like that are either serious, in which case you are far too young to become a nurse, mother and ... (read in full...)
Is she trying to brush me off or maybe she's playing hard to get?
Q. Hi everyone, I've written various questions of a theme about a married woman at work to whom I am very attracted, and her attempts to brush me off, ignore me etc (successfully i might add) I had a fairly off the wall thought in relation to this...
A. 29 August 2011: I think it's extremely unlikely that she's ignoring you because she secretly likes you. It's far more probable and likely that she's ignoring you because she wants you to leave her alone.
... (read in full...)
I hurt her, I cheated, I was embarrassed, but I want her back!
Q. II ended it with my girlfriend and now she won't take me back. We have been going out for 2 years and she has been the best girlfriend anyone could wish for. I on the other hand have been a terrible girlfriend, i've cheated twice, ended it with her...
A. 16 August 2011: Would you want to be with you? I doubt it. Look, it sounds like you're experiencing some pain and upset, which isn't nice, but I think you probably will benefit in the long run from this.
My observation about your post is that you are all about your... (read in full...)
Is there a time limit for how long I can keep a sugar Daddy interested?
Q. I turned 29 a fortnight ago. I will be 30 next year at this time. Throughout my 20s I have had several sugar daddies, older men who supported me financially whilst I was pursuing my musical aspirations. They've been good chaps over all, tho of cour...
A. 15 August 2011: "Is [there] a proper age limit for a sugar daddy relationship, past which it is either infantilizing or just plain pathetic?"
Infantile or pathetic to whom? Other people or yourself? If it's other people, some will think sugar daddy rela... (read in full...)
How can I deal with this online guy who seems to want nothing but sex?
Q. Okay so I met this guy online through a dating site, he seemed nice but never really spoke about himself much, which always bothered me, then we chatted online with web cam but he wouldn't let me hear his voice at first, later he told me he doesn't ...
A. 15 August 2011: Don't feel too sorry for him. He's pretty focused on sex and doesn't spend too much time getting to know you otherwise, so that's an extremely clear signal that's what he's there for. Just let things die down; you don't have to explain anything, ... (read in full...)
I don't understand his text message
Q. I received this text off a guy. But this was part of the text. It said "I feel bad coz I enjoyed the flirting with you and that's why I haven't been talking to you..." What did he mean??...
A. 8 August 2011: He's got a girlfriend and shouldn't be flirting with anyone. File him under "ignore."... (read in full...)
I'm tired of hearing about my co-worker's relationships problems!
Q. This girl that I work with so annoying. She is constantly complaining about her boyfriend, his cheating ways and how he always wants her to pay his cellphone bill for him since he refuses to get a job. I try to be nice and empathetic to her rega...
A. 5 August 2011: "Susie, I feel like we're having the same conversation about the problems with your boyfriend over and over again. I appreciate that you are having a tough time with him but I need to concentrate on the job right now. I can talk to you about him at ... (read in full...)
Thoughts only why I'm called a slut and 19 months along enough time to wait to loss virginity?
Q. okay well i lost my virginity to much boyfriend of 19 months at the time. he was a virgin also. i was just kinda wondering was that a good about of time to wait. i thought so but just wondering. also why do you thik people call me a slut when ive ...
A. 5 August 2011: Either you're talking about the sex to your friends or he's been talking to his friends. My guess is that he's been talking about having sex with you and that's why you're being talked about. This is what happens when immature people have sex before ... (read in full...)
Thinking sexual thoughts causes me to have a shock in my stomach. What is that?
Q. Whenever I'm having sexual thoughts, I feel a shock in my stomach. I kind of twitch and it feels somewhat like an orgasm. I shiver afterwards. But it can't be right? Because I've experienced orgasms before and usually it takes me a while to get to ...
A. 5 August 2011: Could it be you're getting a little shot of adrenaline? ... (read in full...)
Does this young woman just like to tease and torment me?
Q. Ok, so theres this girl, she 22 and im 41, huge age gap I know, but then again I dont look 41 more like 28 and I kinda act like im 28 to. And now it gets even stranger, her family and mine are very close, 30 years close, I didnt grow up with her but ...
A. 5 August 2011: If she's a grown up and you're a grown up, you can have a grown up conversation.
"Hannah, I feel like this flirting thing we have going on is really not a good idea. It's giving me ideas and it's making me uncomfortable. Let's just tone it down and ... (read in full...)
Three years together, then we have sex and he breaks up with me the next day!
Q. My partner (who is 37) left me (mid twenties) after having sex with me. I had been with my partnr for three years and last week, we finally had sex. At first I wanted to wait, as I had never had sex before and was afraid it would hurt and I wasn't ...
A. 3 August 2011: This relationship was *off* from the start. Aren't you the poster who would give him daily blowjobs? And he never would touch your genitals or try to pleasure you?
He's got something else going on. My guess is he's a closeted gay man or he expe... (read in full...)
He's cheated on me 5 times, constantly lies and disrespects me but he has my heart and I want him back....
Q. Dear Cupid How can i get over a guy whom i've been with for over 2 years now who has cheated on me 5 times, who constantly lies to me, who disrespects me, who doesn't show any affection or that he cares, who ignores me, doesn't communicate whenever...
A. 31 July 2011: Your self-esteem and backbone are apparently not healthy enough for you to take care of yourself. I think from the sounds of this post that you need to get yourself some kick-ass professional help. Talk to your doctor and get a referral.
Go in and ... (read in full...)
Is it okay for a beautiful woman to be narcissistic, rude and conceited?
Q. Right so I have this friend who is a woman. She's gorgeous. At first I fancied her a bit, but we soon realized it would not work. So we've remained mates. Thing is, she gets very conceited at times. She tells me these stories about guys she date...
A. 31 July 2011: No, I have gorgeous friends, who are beautiful inside and out. I tend to drop the toxic friends; not worth my time and energy. You're just mates with someone who's shallow, selfish and self-absorbed. Why are you friends with her again? Oh, right, ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this before?
Q. Its been a week after my period and I feel off an on emotional and achy legs and some fatigue here and there. I had (anal) sex 12 (almost 13) weeks ago. He didnt ejaculate in me.... had 3 periods since so we can cross off pregnancy. ...
A. 30 July 2011: I don't know, I'm not a doctor.
OP means "original poster." it's an abbreviation the refers to the question-asker.
Please consult a doctor for an exam and a proper diagnosis. Good luck.... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you ever approach an average looking girl?
Q. I am wondering if there is anything that an average looking girl could do to grab a guys attention? Is there a (non-slutty) way she could dress? A specific perfume? Any behavior? Something she could say? Have you ever developed an attraction fo...
A. 29 July 2011: Are you talking about attracting guys in general or is there one specific guy you have in mind? Are you talking about a shotgun approach (that is to say, broad and vaguely targeted) vs. an individual approach.
Generally.... make sure your hair is c... (read in full...)
How come it's much harder for a man to to find someone to cheat with?
Q. Statistics show that the number of both attached men and women that cheat on their significant other are about equal. If this is true, how come it's much harder for a man to meet a woman to cheat with than it is for a woman to find a man to do the ...
A. 29 July 2011: Who told you life was fair? And you believe it is? Whoa.
Men ALWAYS have to settle for what they can get. It's in the rule book. The same one that said life is fair.
Maybe you can fund a study that determines if only super-attractive people g... (read in full...)
Any advice on this situation? because I can't stop these tears from falling, but this isn't the first time
Q. Hi. Well my boyfriend, who's my ex now, has been treating me terribly. We've been through so much, well i've been through so much with him 'til it doesn't matter what he do, i'll take him back. He has been caught cheating numerous of times, 5 times ...
A. 29 July 2011: You are showing the classic signs of a woman in an abusive relationship. The thing you need to find out is why you feel so poorly about yourself you are willing to tolerate physical, emotional and psychological abuse.
I would highly recommend you ... (read in full...)
Is this normal? Has anyone else experienced this before?
Q. Its been a week after my period and I feel off an on emotional and achy legs and some fatigue here and there. I had (anal) sex 12 (almost 13) weeks ago. He didnt ejaculate in me.... had 3 periods since so we can cross off pregnancy. ...
A. 29 July 2011: Pain in the leg on birth control pills could be a sign of a blood clot. Get yourself to the doctor, like TODAY.
What you have written doesn't sound normal. Get it checked out. Be smart. Someone here could tell you this is all normal and surp... (read in full...)
I need your opinion on wedding invitation protocol.
Q. I need your opinion on wedding invitation protocol. My wife has this male friend, who for a short time was her boyfriend, and they still stayed friends, even now. When my wife and I got married 3 years ago, we invited him (big of me I know), but ...
A. 29 July 2011: I'd assume the married-couple-to-be is so down on their luck and cash-strapped that they need to resort to stratagems to get wedding presents without having to pay the caterer for the guest. Also that the guy is a forgetful boor. I rather think they ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's tattoo of his ex wife's name on his neck - is it unreasonable of me to want it removed or covered?
Q. I'm 29 and he is 37. We have been together for just over 3 months but i'm already in love like never before. He was with his ex for about 12 years and a few years ago got her name tattooed on his neck in large letters. He has said he thought they ...
A. 29 July 2011: He had the tattoo when you started dating him, right? So you were able to look past it then. Why has it become a problem now?
Whatever blinders you had on then, can you put them back on now? Do you know what allowed you at that time to ignore the ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has aftershave that ex gave him and I don't like it
Q. I know this sounds ridiculous, but my boyfriend has this aftershave that his ex-gf bought him and when he wears it it makes me really angry inside. He obviously doesn't know this because I would look like a joke. He's wearing it more and more and it ...
A. 29 July 2011: This one's easy. Tell him he smells like your father when he wears it. That you read so-and-so loves it--making sure that so-and-so is an older, stodgy celeb. Basically, make it uncool.
Or have an 'unfortunate accident' and drop the bottle in the ... (read in full...)
How can we help our son?
Q. Our 19-year-old son recently "came out" to us, and we both told him that we would accept him whatever - gay, straight, bisexual. However, he's told us that although he knows he's gay, he told us it's innate, he wants to get rid of his homosexu...
A. 28 July 2011: I think he would need to speak to someone with experience in this. I would suggest you look for your local chapter of PFLAG http://www.pflag.co.uk/ and start there. If you are supportive of him as he comes to grips with the reality of his sexual ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 28 July 2011: Thanks for the new additions to the thread, I really think this is a good way for these topics to be covered in a respectful manner. I often see anons posting such bitter and angry words, using the words 'slut' and 'whore' and would invite them to ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to get through to my father
Q. Hi everyone, I really need some advises from you guys to help me to improve my relationship with my parents. I don't understand why my dad always over worries about me and he always try to suck extra economic and political knowledge into m...
A. 25 July 2011: "I don't understand why my dad always over worries about me"... you really don't know why your dad is worried about you? After your choices about school?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-stupid-for-passing-up-this-chance.html
I think there ar... (read in full...)
Should we still just be fooling around at 7 months or should we be taking it to the next level ?
Q. I've been messing with my guy bestfriend for a while now, about 7 months. We normally text everyday, from the time we wake up til the time we go to sleep. (Normally he falls alseep first so in the morning he responds to the text from me the previous ...
A. 25 July 2011: If you want a relationship, don't settle for 'messing around.' That's all this guy really can offer right now, he hasn't outright lied to you but he's let you know that you are not boyfriend and girlfriend, that he WILL go out and 'mess around' with ... (read in full...)
Any tips for my first meeting with my online boyfriend?
Q. I am taking all the precautions, being safe, public place, telling my friends etc etc. My question is, is it normal to be so unsure of everything? I like him a lot, but I feel nervous, that he wont like me at all, that maybe we aren't meant to ...
A. 23 July 2011: The reason you're nervous is that you've labeled him as a boyfriend before you actually met him. So you've got a lot of pressure on.
If you call him simply a friend, a guy you are looking forward to get to know, it'll take the pressure off.
Basic... (read in full...)
My girlfriend who used to be a slut is now a prude in bed!
Q. My gf used to be a slut and was used by many men in the past as an object, which in turn lowered her self esteem even more. when i met her she was sexually open but now she has worked through her issues with self esteem is truely a bit of a prude in ...
A. 22 July 2011: Have you asked her why those things are off the menu now?
Maybe she never liked doing them and only did them in an attempt to keep the guy interested. Maybe she tried them and has had enough of them and isn't interested in them anymore.
Maybe... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about asking her out, and wondering what she means by 'don't get too clingy'!
Q. I have a crush on this coworker, who I have known for nearly a year now. The problem is that because I only started liking her a few months ago, we were already friends. She gives me all the signs of liking me but I think its just her way of showing ...
A. 20 July 2011: Ah, that makes it clearer. She may have had a clingy boyfriend at one time, so was warning you not to do that when you get into a relationship, as you said.
Based on what you've written, keep hanging out with her. See if you can raise your date... (read in full...)
Is cybersex cheating?
Q. I have a cybersex habit. I had it before I met my wife and I still have it. I have a very high sex drive and my wife just doesn't keep up with me by any stretch. To me it is just a step beyond jerking myself off. In fact, that's what it is. Some...
A. 20 July 2011: Why did you hide it from your wife?... (read in full...)
Did he demonstrate that he will never be able to move on?
Q. This is a 9 month journey of now would be horrid turmoil. I met a man online through a date site. He had divorced on his profile, mine separated. He mentioned his children, I mine. He mentioned non drinking, non smoking, no drugs. I as well. ...
A. 20 July 2011: Get the hell out of that relationship. That's what I would tell a friend who was dating a guy and had this story to tell. You've invested enough time and it's not fair to your children to expose them to his drama. Run.... (read in full...)
Should I marry someone that I know has cheated more than once?
Q. I am 25 years old and engaged to be married. I have been with my fiance for about 4 and a half years and we have a 3 year old child together. About 9 to 10 months ago I found out he was cheating on me. I don't think the relationship was at a ...
A. 20 July 2011: I'd need more than some words to convince me he'd reformed. This one has shown he's capable of deceit and I think I'd insist on some pre-marital counseling and institute some rules about access to emails and phones and all that.
I don't think play... (read in full...)
Is cybersex cheating?
Q. I have a cybersex habit. I had it before I met my wife and I still have it. I have a very high sex drive and my wife just doesn't keep up with me by any stretch. To me it is just a step beyond jerking myself off. In fact, that's what it is. Some...
A. 20 July 2011: Yeah, you're cheating. Pillow talk with lovers? You really don't think that's cheating? Wow. Maybe it's time for a discussion about boundaries.
The fact that it was a habit prior to marriage and that you didn't disclose it--okay, let's face it, you ... (read in full...)
Trapped in a sexless marriage for almost 20 years, wife won't have sex and won't say why she doesn't want to. Should I leave?
Q. I have been with my wife for almost 20 years now. We have had a sexless marriage for most of that time. We were arguing about it even just 1 year into the relationship. It's not that we never, ever have sex, but we go years in-between having i...
A. 19 July 2011: The others have given you great advice. I have nothing to add but suggestions as to why she is the way she is.
One is she suffered from sexual abuse and hasn't dealt with it.
The other is that she is a closeted lesbian and cannot connect sexually... (read in full...)
He asked about my sexual history and now he's become extremely jealous.
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for coming up on 5 months. We love each other very much and have been discussing moving in together. However,last night we had the conversation of 'past' relationships/flings etc. Before I was with this guy, I was married ...
A. 19 July 2011: We see this problem fairly often here on DC, what your boyfriend is struggling with is something called retroactive or retrograde jealousy. I started a thread on it here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retrograde-jealousy.html
I don't know how ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 July 2011: I just HAD to copy/paste this answer to another thread. It was a personal distillation by an anon poster as she struggled to come to terms with her boyfriend's RJ. I really like how she breaks it down into concrete chunks so we examine each piece of ... (read in full...)
If we are just "friends", why did she get all dressed up to go out with me?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I know this girl and I like her, but she said she just wants to be friends. I was heartbroken at first but then said to myself, I like her enough so why not just be friends. So we made an arrangement last week to see a movie...
A. 19 July 2011: I just got myself dressed up to go out to dinner with some friends of mine. They're a couple. I just wanted to look nice. I wore lipstick and did my hair and wore a nice outfit. It doesn't mean I want to date them or anything. I put a great deal of ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have a clue of what his intentions might be?
Q. Hello, I am new to the site, and have a question regarding a new date I had. I met this man online, who seems to have the qualifications I want a potential mate to have. We met once last month at a restaurant. It went quite well. He gave m...
A. 18 July 2011: RedAthena has given you great advice. I'd like to add a thought here.
If you force someone to give you a solid yes/no answer before they are entirely sure, you will get a 'no'. The point of dating is to see if there's a compatibility and some... (read in full...)
Boyfriend ruined my expensive pot, should I make him replace it?
Q. When I moved into my first apartment I invested in a really expensive ($200) cooking pot. My mom has several that I grew up cooking with and they have lasted her almost 30 years each, still going strong. I LOVE mine and treat it carefully. I now ...
A. 18 July 2011: Would he leave an acidic substance on the surface of his car?
Of course he should replace it, he ruined it. If he had held to his side of the bargain, there would be no need to replace it. It was careless and thoughtless.
Does he take care of ... (read in full...)
How do I catch THAT fish?
Q. The saying 'There's plenty of fish in the sea', followed by 'I dont care, I want THAT fish!' My problem is that the above saying very much rings true to my situation at the moment (in regards to a girl). Any suggestions on how one catches T...
A. 18 July 2011: Is the fish in someone else's net already? Does the fish swim in a large school or is the fish a solitary type, hiding in a reef?
Has the fish sniffed the bait and swum away, or does this fish have no idea the bait even is interested?
Some fish dis... (read in full...)
Looked at boyfriend's phone.....now I'm struggling to trust him.
Q. Once I read my bfs phone (I know, but don't judge me, I did have valid reason) and read some really inappropriate stuff to a girl he once dated (photos, sex talk and other stuff you don't say when you have a gf - it was his relationship with her ...
A. 18 July 2011: You decided to try and move on. Well, it looks like he's unable to succeed in staying trustworthy, so it's really time to move on, from him.
He isn't trustworthy, he's hiding things and he knows this is a problem for you.
Why stick around for the ... (read in full...)
I'm nervous about asking her out, and wondering what she means by 'don't get too clingy'!
Q. I have a crush on this coworker, who I have known for nearly a year now. The problem is that because I only started liking her a few months ago, we were already friends. She gives me all the signs of liking me but I think its just her way of showing ...
A. 17 July 2011: It's not a good sign, her telling you not to get clingy. How did she arrive at that conclusion, anyway? What did you tell her about your previous relationships? Maybe she is seeing something in you that caused her to warn you, maybe she doesn't want ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 14 January 2011: Hi somewhatdamaged, it sounds to me as though you should seek counseling immediately if you are having suicidal thoughts. I would recommend that you see your physician and get an appropriate referral immediately. There are treatment modalities ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 December 2010: You're welcome! Thank Yos and other aunts who came before you and made me realize I did not know how to help. So here's the safe place to discuss it. I'm delighted to have been of help to you. A real day-brightener!
Best wishes to you and your girl... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 20 August 2010: This actually kind of illustrates one of the things I wrote in the original post:
"BUT, it must be respectful of the aunt holding a differing viewpoint. You must keep in mind that you may disagree with another aunt, but keep it cordial. If you can'... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 9 August 2010: @Stonemason, thanks for posting. No, your situation wasn't one of the ones I was referring to. I've been on DC for a while now and the situation I see again and again is the man who posts that he's just found out his wife wasn't a virgin, or that ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 31 July 2010: PM, thank you so much for contributing that good insight about the loss of trust issue. This is definitely something that people have to work through and it's not made easier by unspoken assumptions. I hope that anyone reading this has a good think ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 27 July 2010: @Serpico, no problem. If you don't think that this will be helpful to anyone, there's no need for you to link here.
It's like Q just said, we have seen post after post turn into unhelpful and possibly hurtful debate, rather than focusing on the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Q and Miamine, you both understand what it is I'm trying to create here, thank you both for your help and input and insight! It is much appreciated.... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: "a person deserves the chance to choose, say one partner was a molester ten years ago wouldnt you want to know the whole deal so that what ever consequences that come from it, it was your choice?"
I agree that a person deserves to know whether the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Some good posts on this thread about the topic: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-forget-about-my-wifes-past.html
... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: "what if the partner lies before marriage about sexual past?" Good question! What if that happens? What should the question be back to the one who lied?
"Why is it we always come up excuse that they must have had a good reason for lien to there part... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: Just to add to the original article, when I first read posts about people troubled by their partners' sexual pasts, I had the same initial reaction as many people. That is "get over it, that was long ago and doesn't have any bearing on your ... (read in full...)
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