Like what
she writes?
... Add *isha-1 to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *isha-1 a private message | | | *isha-1's profile:Hi there!
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal.
I heard this quote recently: ""The truth is like castor oil. It’s difficult to take and hard to swallow, so we get them to laugh and while their mouths are open, we pour a little in." -Harold Clurman
If you have an urgent question, please post it on the main page. Real life keeps me busy and has enough going on to keep me from being on here 24/7.... I hope yours does too! ;)
Current book recommendation: Untethered Soul, by Michael Singer. A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. The Power of Now, also by Eckhart Tolle. Really powerful stuff in there about not letting your runaway thoughts take over your life. Be present in the Now. You have what you need, right there, right inside yourself. Do yourself a HUGE favor and read these books. They may lead to an important and fundamental shift in your well-being. "Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are cause by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of nonforgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence." --Eckhart Tolle
All time fave relationship figure out book: A Fine Romance, Judith Sills, PhD. Buy if you are stuck and can't figure out why he won't commit, or why you keep picking guys who can't commit.
"Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck." -The Dalai Lama
"Most people are doing the best they can, given what they know and understand. Including you. If they knew more and were aware of more, they would do things differently." -- Louise Hay
"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." -Mark Twain
I like these links right now: http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-4593/A-Simple-Way-to-Let-Go-of-Our-Negative-Patterns.html
http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
So here's the thing. Asking for help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness. Weakness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Actually, according to Albert Einstein, that's the definition of insanity but I think that's a bit of a strong word choice.
“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -The Dalai Lama.
The choices you make may affect others. Think about the consequences, intended or unintended, before you do something that you may have to explain later. Imagine you are standing in front of a group of people and have to defend what you chose to do.... if you can't manage to do it well, that's a fairly plain indicator it's a bad idea.
If everyone who loves you hates your partner, there might be a problem. If you only have your partner, there IS a problem.
http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-8202/12-signs-youre-in-a-toxic-relationship.html
If he’s mean to you now, he’s only going to get worse. Some people are energy vampires; they feed on the pain they inflict on others. They are broken. They will break you. Get out. Don’t fool yourself into thinking you can fix him. You can’t.
You have my permission to say “no.”
If you are depressed, think of it like an illness. You have to treat it. Medicine can help. Talk to your doctor. If you’re drinking a lot, you’re already self-medicating. You might as well get some prescription-grade pharmaceuticals to help you get to a point where you can figure out why you’re self-medicating.
There’s a reason it’s called ‘junk food.’
Yoga is good for the body and the mind as well as soothing the spirit. Try it. Brisk walks are great too.
Don't eat crap. Canned sugary beverages or canned diet beverages are NOT good for you, they have no nutritional value and set you up for a lot of bad stuff. Don't drink them. Water is good. Decide if you can tolerate coffee or tea (I love them both) and then drink those in moderation.
Life is nasty, cold, brutal, unfair, and crappy. It’s also amazing, beautiful, uplifting, awe-inspiring and fun. You choose how you’re going to approach it every day.
I have a few soapboxes that I tend to haul out: I don't like to see people put their health or future at risk and I REALLY don't like to see them put other's health or future at risk. I feel strongly that not providing good sex education or keeping sex education from children is a form of child abuse. It's like sending them out into the world not knowing how to buckle a seatbelt.
I love this video from plannedparenthood.org (How Pregnancy Happens): http://websrvr40nj.audiovideoweb.com/avwebdsnjwebsrvr4501/portal/media/media-050516-pregnancy.html
More good information from plannedparenthood.org on the various methods of birth control:
http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/birth-control//birth-control-effectiveness-chart-22710.htm
I don't have any expertise in abusive relationships, but I do think there are some common sense basics that people who are in one might be missing. Find out more here: http://www.mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171
Be brave, Tell the truth. Be kind. If you can do that all in the same sentence, you will be an amazing agony aunt. Sign up. I'm still trying to reach that ideal. |
|
| Latest articles: Questions to ask before getting married!
No replies yet... 24 March 2016: I just read a great article in the New York Times online. "13 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married” It was written by Eleanor Stanford and posted March 24, 2016. http://www.nytimes.com...
Need Christmas or other holiday gift ideas? Look here!
No replies yet... 3 December 2013: Every year, DearCupid sees an influx of questions asking "What should I get for my boyfriend/girlfriend/significant person? Help!" This question has been asked so many times, we suggest our posters use the search feature of the site here: ...
A little primer on women and sex...
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
11 November 2011: A Primer on Women and Sex Look, we girls are funny. We don't sexually mature all overnight, our first sexual experiences are often painful, crappy and frankly unfulfilling on many levels. We don't know how to give blowjobs, most of us don't grow up ...
Valentine's Day Gift Ideas
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 January 2011: Each year, we here at DearCupid see many submissions asking, "What should I get my boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/lover/partner for Valentine's Day?" I think it would be great to consolidate these questions and some ideas into one place, so I've ...
Retrograde jealousy
This question has 102 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 July 2010: DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
Advice to young men about young women
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2008: I posted this as an answer to a young man, a virgin, who wanted to know about his young girlfriend, also a virgin... First, I know it's hard to believe but a girl her age may not know her body very well. She may not know what is sexually stimula...
More than one way to get up the Duff!!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 March 2008: Some us ‘Aunts’ have been entertaining ourselves with fundamental questions about various ways pregnancy occurs…. I remembered that there were strange stories surrounding the births of some of the gods and goddesses of ancient myth, and I had a ...
|
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 14 October 2011: You mean she has caught you out more than once? Did you promise never to do it again and then went and did it again?
I think I know what the problem is.
She is more stubborn than you are. She is out-stubborning you. You can't win a stubborn... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 14 October 2011: Remind me how she found out? And how did you react when she confronted you the very first time?... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 14 October 2011: You keep saying you didn't cheat. I think that you're trying to rewrite HER history of your actions. You think you didn't cheat. She thinks you did. You think she's wrong. You are trying to force her into YOUR frame. You can't win this argument ... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: I'd be interested to hear how you advise this other "tb" poster: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-is-he-talking-to-women-online-and.html
Perhaps you can explain to her why you did it? I'd be interested to see your response to this ques... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: ""i know she is busy but im pretty sure she must have 1 second to reply." Of course she does. She chooses not to reply. Pay attention. She is keeping you away because you are being annoying.
You're like some emotional vampire that needs her bein... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: "Why would you wanna be apart from the man you loved, struggling with 5 children and being alone?"
I can think of lots of reasons.
No drama. No man pestering you for anything, one less meal to worry about, no wondering where he is and what he might... (read in full...)
Should I end this relationship or keep being patient?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a year now. I am 23 and he is 36. I know that his past relationship was serious and his girlfriend left him because her father wanted her to marry someone with money. I have been extremely patient with him. It ...
A. 11 October 2011: Hi Chelsey, I think your question sounds like a good one to ask him. It signals that you want more intimacy from him and are prepared to be patient.
The thing that worries me is that his depression may not actually be managed. If he spends all his ... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: You may have decided she's the one. It sounds like she doesn't believe in "the one" thing.... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: Have you been to counseling? Have you made a couples counselor appointment for you and her?... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: If you apply your last paragraph to your statement that you left your first partner, it pretty well destroys your own argument. Why didn't you stick around and try to make that work?
You've decided she is the one. She's decided you are not. If you ... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: It doesn't sound as though she believes in destiny in the way you do. Many people do not, it's not an unusual or unreasonable point of view. She must be more of a practical person and less of a dreamer.
The girls' father moved on beca... (read in full...)
I'm hurting from the breakup, I texted her boss and she broke it off!
Q. I looked in my girlfriends phone and found a text from her boss and started returning the texts as if i was her telling him that I love my partner This has made it hard at work for her I also lied to her and said i didnt do but the told her...
A. 11 October 2011: That was my question, why would you text him back pretending to be her? Was there something odd or weird about the text from the boss?
It was low and sneaky of you to do what you did, if there was nothing going on with her boss, you may have cost... (read in full...)
Should I end this relationship or keep being patient?
Q. I have been dating this guy for a year now. I am 23 and he is 36. I know that his past relationship was serious and his girlfriend left him because her father wanted her to marry someone with money. I have been extremely patient with him. It ...
A. 11 October 2011: I'd say that after a year, at his age, he knows whether or not he wants to be intimate with you. Based on what you've written, I think there is some impediment to his being able to do this.
One thought I had is that he's gay, but doesn't want to b... (read in full...)
Dated him, dumped him, cheated with him, dated him again, I found out he was cheating, dumped him, then decided not to try again. But what if I should have?
Q. i liked this guy who use to be a player until he met me i dated him for a month, loved every min of it, and then i dumped him for my x.....a month later i ended up cheatin on my boyfriend for this guy, and then we ended up datin a month after that ...
A. 11 October 2011: It's extremely unlikely that he is the one. Really. I wouldn't worry any more about that and go on enjoying your youth and don't tie yourself down before you are really ready, okay? The amount of drama that has already unfolded indicates that you ... (read in full...)
How can a handle family members commenting on my health/weight?
Q. Ok. I have a question about family. So I am sitting at my nieces bday party. Once again the subject of health comes about. I have health prob related to my being overweight. Once again I hear advice from those "well meaning" family members ...
A. 11 October 2011: It sounds like you are an emotional eater. Find out how to tackle that particular issue. I love food too, in a big way. I just learned that I couldn't eat everything I wanted. And some foods are just bad for you....
I used a simple app that trac... (read in full...)
Emotional affairs...
Q. via text, emails, pictures and dating sites, women, is it really that bad when a man does it? even after a year my ex still goes on about it when i ask her to start again and see how we get on. silly cow isnt interested and just uses these as an ...
A. 11 October 2011: I've re-read some of your previous posts. I have a suspicion that she was looking for a reason to dump you and you handed it to her by the acts you chose to engage in. She's not taking you back because she's moving on. Sounds like she's managed to ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi popeye, it sounds like you have managed to overcome your RJ in a very successful and positive manner. I certainly know no one WANTS to feel RJ or suffer from it; it is not a conscious choice. I guess though that your example and that of other ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 10 October 2011: Hi idea, I'm sorry I've just seen your comment here. If you have a question, it's a good idea to post it on the site here: http://www.dearcupid.org/ask
Otherwise, just take a look around and scroll through the questions in various categories. You ... (read in full...)
How can a handle family members commenting on my health/weight?
Q. Ok. I have a question about family. So I am sitting at my nieces bday party. Once again the subject of health comes about. I have health prob related to my being overweight. Once again I hear advice from those "well meaning" family members ...
A. 10 October 2011: I too was overweight by 40 lbs. How overweight are you? Twenty? Forty? Sixty? A hundred? More than a hundred? Because that does matter in this. If you are morbidly obese, there should not be any damn donuts in your diet, at all, ever never.
If you ... (read in full...)
Not happy with our open relationship anymore, but then again I would rather him not cheat on me if we went exclusive! What should I do?
Q. Hi, I'm 17 f in a 9 month open relationship. To start with I was completely fine with this- wasn't anything serious just getting to know eachother more etc. But 9 months later I am serious about being with this guy and it hurts to see him texting ...
A. 10 October 2011: So how many other men are you seeing?
Personally, it sounds like you aren't really boyfriend/girlfriend, you are just one of many women in his life. He must be an extremely smooth talker, to have convinced you that an open relationship is a good... (read in full...)
Flatmate problems....
Q. I've just moved into a shared student flat in a convenient location near the uni I've just started a course at. It's an ideal location. I moved in a bit later than two of the other people in the flat because I live within an hour and waited until...
A. 10 October 2011: First, talk to your other flat mate and get the name and pronunciation of this offended flatmate. Then when you see her again, have a little speech prepared.
"Angelikakopoliaiwan, I would like to start off again, this time on the right foot. My name... (read in full...)
Am I having a mid life crisis? It seems so important to increase the number of woman I have sex with. So would paying for it be a quick solution?
Q. I am single and am no spring chicken anymore, although Im not exactly geriatric either. In my life I havent really had many girlfriends and can count the number of sexual partners I've had on one hand. Im starting to feel that 'I've missed out...
A. 9 October 2011: So if it's something that needs to change in your head, why not simply tell yourself you had a wild time sexually in your younger years and then behave as if you do? All you need to do is smile knowingly, as this woman apparently did, and you will ... (read in full...)
He NEVER will talk to me in public! Am I just his booty call? PS: he also has a girlfriend
Q. So, there's this guy. I really really like him, and he seems to like me back. But he NEVER talks to me in public. Only when its just me and him. He has this girlfriend that he claims to love. But when he's with me he says he doesn't even care...
A. 8 October 2011: You are just a booty call. Sorry. He's taking advantage of the fact that you like him. That makes him a user. He has a girlfriend. That makes him a cheating user. Sorry you've fallen for a bit of a creep. He may be charming but that doesn't negate ... (read in full...)
Love my job, but! Married Boss is badgering me to have an affair. What's the best realistic thing to do in this situation?
Q. I have been at my job for about a 18 months. about 6 months ago, my married boss started badgering me for sex. I emphatically told him I wasnt interested because he had a wife. plus he is not my type-- although i couldnt say that to his face beca...
A. 7 October 2011: Document EVERYTHING, every comment, inappropriate contact, text, email, whatever. You are building a background to take to your boss's supervisor. If he is the ultimate boss, you are making sure that your rights are protected under the law of the ... (read in full...)
Burning "down there"- Help!
Q. Hiya, i've just started university a few weeks ago and during freshers week I had a one night stand (actually it happened twice) and the condom split. Now i'm on the pill anyway, so that aspect is ok, but since then i've had a burning down below. ...
A. 7 October 2011: http://www.nhsdirect.nhs.uk/en/CheckSymptoms/SATs/femalesexualhealth I ran your symptoms and it suggested you should call and set up an appointment within 36 hours. Type in your postcode in the appropriate box on this page and it will help you fi... (read in full...)
No sex in months in an otherwise turbulent relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. Quick background...We met online on a dating site and after 3 weeks we moved in together. Sex life was great. Then it started slowly down. At that time I thought 2 months without sex was a ...
A. 7 October 2011: Time for counseling. If you think this is a healthy relationship, as you've described it, um, it is not. Please take care of yourself and don't ever tolerate any time of mental or physical abuse.
Best wishes to you.... (read in full...)
Love bites: sexy or disgusting?
Q. Love bites, "hickeys", do you like giving them? Do you like receiving them? Do you find them a turn on or romantic? Or do you think they're silly or a way of "marking your territory"? Do you think they're hot or just plain gross? ...
A. 7 October 2011: When I was 14, they were the absolute height of sexual scandal. "Did you see Marybeth has a HICKEY on her NECK?" Lots of giggles and laughing about them.
Now, they are just tissue damage on sensitive neck skin. So the age range of your resp... (read in full...)
Am I having a mid life crisis? It seems so important to increase the number of woman I have sex with. So would paying for it be a quick solution?
Q. I am single and am no spring chicken anymore, although Im not exactly geriatric either. In my life I havent really had many girlfriends and can count the number of sexual partners I've had on one hand. Im starting to feel that 'I've missed out...
A. 6 October 2011: So you are measuring yourself by her yardstick? Is she your current arbiter of your worth as a sexual being?
Would you feel better being able to say, "oh yeah, I had some reeeeaaaaallllyyyy wild sexual escapades back in the day" when you are 60, ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 6 October 2011: Again, it goes to expectations. He expects more of the 'wb' part, you want more emphasis on the 'f.' Men (and women, for that matter) are not mind-readers. Be clear what you expect of your 'f' part of the deal, that's not bullying, that's speaking ... (read in full...)
No sex in months in an otherwise turbulent relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. Quick background...We met online on a dating site and after 3 weeks we moved in together. Sex life was great. Then it started slowly down. At that time I thought 2 months without sex was a ...
A. 6 October 2011: Did you read ANYTHING anyone wrote to you? ... (read in full...)
My FWB is being far too casual with me. Is he losing interest?
Q. I don't understand my FWB guy. He seemed really into me and said that he just wanted "a bit of fun" I am fine with this. But what I don't get is that I just hardly ever hear from him. If I text him he doesn't always reply we're supposed to be m...
A. 6 October 2011: You don't understand why you don't hear from him? He's more about the sex than about being a friend. He's more of an "Acquaintance with Benefits."
If you don't want to sit around waiting for him, make some plans with other people! If you want him ... (read in full...)
Am I having a mid life crisis? It seems so important to increase the number of woman I have sex with. So would paying for it be a quick solution?
Q. I am single and am no spring chicken anymore, although Im not exactly geriatric either. In my life I havent really had many girlfriends and can count the number of sexual partners I've had on one hand. Im starting to feel that 'I've missed out...
A. 6 October 2011: Catch up to whom, exactly? Is there some round number in your head that will make you feel better about yourself? What if you hear about the next guy who has been with hundreds of women? Will your next goal be to get a comma into your number?
I... (read in full...)
How should I control my jealously and this shock that my girlfriend defeated me in a game of soccer?
Q. Six months back, I started teaching Soccer to my girlfriend. We have been together two years. Two days ago, we had one-to-one match and I got shocked to death that she beat me by 6 goals to 3, out smarting me in every aspect of the game. It got ...
A. 6 October 2011: Say hello to your ego. "Hi ego!" Just because someone has been doing something for a long time, doesn't mean that he is going to be better at it than a naturally gifted athlete. Just because that other individual is a girl, doesn't mean that you ... (read in full...)
Am I setting myself up for heartbreak yet again? 17 and in love with my possibly lesbian teacher.
Q. Okay, so I will get right to it. I'm 17, female, a lesbian, and in my senior year of school. Lately I've been having feelings for a teacher at my school (also a female). Firstly, let me just clarify that I've never been in a proper relationship, ...
A. 6 October 2011: Lesbian/gay/straight, it doesn't really matter what your orientation is, nor what hers is.
What matters here is that she is a teacher and you are a student. You may not be able to help your feelings but it sounds like you are setting yourself up t... (read in full...)
Women: How important is sex to you?
Q. WOMEN ONLY QUESTION............how important to you is sex? 1. I could take it or leave it 2. I love it 3. I only have sex as my partner wants to or 4. I hate it...
A. 6 October 2011: Married.
In my 20s, I could take it or leave it, alternating with I love it.
In my 30s, I love it.
In my 40s, clinical depression make it I could take it or leave it with bouts of I love it and indifference.
In my 50s, back to I love it with som... (read in full...)
My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 6 October 2011: I've just re-read your questions. Your expectations of "normal" and hers are different. Despite popular porn depictions, anal sex is NOT "normal" for most women. It is not "fun" or "exciting" or "special" for a lot of women. It can hurt like the ... (read in full...)
My husband has given me STIs!
Q. I have been treated three times for STI's in the past five months. My husband claims he knows nothing of it. I have not slept with anyone else except him. I now insist we use condoms and he complains its not proper for people in marriage. Should i ...
A. 6 October 2011: As this is an anonymous site, could you tell us which STIs you have been treated for? Some could be from his previous partners from before you were married.
I think taking him with you to the doctor for a frank and open discussion might not be a ba... (read in full...)
My wife was adventurous with men in her past but I have to beg her for sex
Q. Can someone explain why is it that my wife could have sex in every sort of way possible with different men and now that I am her husband I am stuck with just nothing. I literally have to beg her for sex...she never wants to experiment like she did ...
A. 6 October 2011: Aren't you the guy who wants anal sex? She had it in the past and didn't like it. She says 'no' because it hurts.
If you cannot cope with a lack of anal sex then you need to move on and find another woman who will be willing to accommodate your 'nee... (read in full...)
What is this co-worker up to? Telling me I'm the first to know he's getting a divorce?
Q. Dear Cupid, To summarize briefly... I just started my new job and one of my co workers was beginning to ask me to dinner and spend time with him only on my second day. I felt really weird because I found out he had a wife and I just ignored him...
A. 6 October 2011: Is this you? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/an-employee-is-sending-me-texts-asking-me.html
You are his supervisor? Okay, do not ask any more personal questions about him. No comments, just hello, and only work relevant details.
Did you ever go ... (read in full...)
With an unfaithful guy...What should I do?
Q. I need advice for my friend, She is madly in love with this guy and he makes her happy but then when she hangs out with him and his female friends he acts like she doesn't mean a thing to him all because her ex bf lives with her and they have been ...
A. 6 October 2011: Some people just have to learn the hard way. Tell her you are happy to spend time with her without him around and that you have a maximum amount of time you will spend discussing him. Say 20 minutes?
Sit her down once and let her know your conc... (read in full...)
What is this co-worker up to? Telling me I'm the first to know he's getting a divorce?
Q. Dear Cupid, To summarize briefly... I just started my new job and one of my co workers was beginning to ask me to dinner and spend time with him only on my second day. I felt really weird because I found out he had a wife and I just ignored him...
A. 6 October 2011: He's up to no good. Avoid avoid avoid.
He's asking you out on your second day and now has a dramatic announcement for you?
Huge red flags waving brightly around this guy.
AVOID!!!!
... (read in full...)
No sex in months in an otherwise turbulent relationship
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 18 months. Quick background...We met online on a dating site and after 3 weeks we moved in together. Sex life was great. Then it started slowly down. At that time I thought 2 months without sex was a ...
A. 6 October 2011: What you are doing wrong here is sticking around to take this guy's abuse, his rap and his ruined credit rating.
You've got a big-time loser on your hands. If you stay, you will only be here in a few months asking for help again.
I'd start with cut... (read in full...)
Too much too soon!
Q. So things are going well with my new boyfriend been almost two months. But - I lived on my own and have worked from home most days, for over a year - which has suited me fine as I absolutley adore my space. The new man is wonderful, but assume...
A. 6 October 2011: No, of course you are not wrong to want some 'me' time. So he has expectations and you have expectations. Time to talk about them, and why not make it a fun and upbeat conversation?
"Brian, I love spending time with you, so so much! The thing I need... (read in full...)
I am flattered but is it too early for him to be saying all these things? We've been dating 7 weeks....
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 7 weeks now. things have been really good and we get on so well. He works away mon-fri after getting a job promotion and is doing really well. He told me about his childhood and how traumatic it was.. His mum was ...
A. 5 October 2011: It sounds like you are getting good advice already; I'll just add a few things to consider.
First is that because of his bad childhood, and the things he's described to you about what he sees as his future, he may have certain expectations abou... (read in full...)
I think I might be falling out of love with my boyfriend, but I don't want to hurt him. What do I do
Q. I'm in a dilemma and really need some help. Although I have a boyfriend, I've started to fall for a different guy, which sounds really shallow I know, but please read my explanation of the situation. I truly don't know what to do. :( I'm 19, a...
A. 5 October 2011: I think this is a case of the real displacing the virtual; I think you know that the on-line relationship isn't sustainable over time. His iffy past of sexy chat with on-line strangers suggests he has a pattern (at age 50, we definitely have ... (read in full...)
Not being able to breathe during sex scared me!
Q. I've been talking to/dating someone for a few months and last week we finally had sex. I am attracted to him physically and mentally. He used to weigh 400lbs and lost weight (not sure how much). Well, I'm no skinny chick, but he's heavier than I am ...
A. 5 October 2011: "Babe, I really like you and am totally attracted to you. I am thrilled that we are finally physically intimate. Here's the thing, I simply couldn't breathe with your full weight on me. I can't wait to go to bed with you again, I just want us to try ... (read in full...)
Husband goes away for extended periods of time. I don't think this is fair!
Q. I need advice. Me and my husband of 9 months have been at item for 8 years. In this last few years he did a bit of backpacking with his mates and i guess you could say he got a bit of the travel bug. Im not a big fan of travelling to farway places ...
A. 5 October 2011: It sounds like you two are in different boats rowing toward different goals. If you can't get in the same boat and row as a team, your marriage will not survive.
He has to understand this as well as you. Did you discuss your future life, how it woul... (read in full...)
Should I tell my ex that I aborted his baby?
Q. My ex broke up with me through email in August to reunite with his former girlfriend in another country (I had no knowledge of her existence until he mentioned her in the email as the reason for leaving me). He dumped me in August this year and left ...
A. 5 October 2011: What would be the purpose of telling him? To have him share your sorrow over the termination of the pregnancy? To hurt or wound him in some way? I think the key is to work out WHY you feel the need to tell him. Is it for informational purposes or ... (read in full...)
Why are so many people homophobic? Is it fair to hate someone for something which they have no control?
Q. I was at work today and two male coworkers came in to install new lights. I was alone. I'm a lesbian and i haven't disclosed that to anyone at my job. And I look very feminine. These guys also think I have a boyfriend, I guess bc an attractive smart ...
A. 5 October 2011: As far as shutting off their comments, which is also important, just say, as part of establishing the boundaries: "I'm sorry, I don't like to engage in bashing people for their race, sex, creed or sexual orientation. Please do not make comments of ... (read in full...)
Why are so many people homophobic? Is it fair to hate someone for something which they have no control?
Q. I was at work today and two male coworkers came in to install new lights. I was alone. I'm a lesbian and i haven't disclosed that to anyone at my job. And I look very feminine. These guys also think I have a boyfriend, I guess bc an attractive smart ...
A. 5 October 2011: I think you need to establish some clear boundaries with these guys. You may need to get Human Resources involved to help with this.
First of all, they should not be hugging or caressing you at all if it has a sexual context, which it sounds it does... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 28 July 2011: Thanks for the new additions to the thread, I really think this is a good way for these topics to be covered in a respectful manner. I often see anons posting such bitter and angry words, using the words 'slut' and 'whore' and would invite them to ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 July 2011: I just HAD to copy/paste this answer to another thread. It was a personal distillation by an anon poster as she struggled to come to terms with her boyfriend's RJ. I really like how she breaks it down into concrete chunks so we examine each piece of ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 14 January 2011: Hi somewhatdamaged, it sounds to me as though you should seek counseling immediately if you are having suicidal thoughts. I would recommend that you see your physician and get an appropriate referral immediately. There are treatment modalities ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 19 December 2010: You're welcome! Thank Yos and other aunts who came before you and made me realize I did not know how to help. So here's the safe place to discuss it. I'm delighted to have been of help to you. A real day-brightener!
Best wishes to you and your girl... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 20 August 2010: This actually kind of illustrates one of the things I wrote in the original post:
"BUT, it must be respectful of the aunt holding a differing viewpoint. You must keep in mind that you may disagree with another aunt, but keep it cordial. If you can'... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 9 August 2010: @Stonemason, thanks for posting. No, your situation wasn't one of the ones I was referring to. I've been on DC for a while now and the situation I see again and again is the man who posts that he's just found out his wife wasn't a virgin, or that ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 31 July 2010: PM, thank you so much for contributing that good insight about the loss of trust issue. This is definitely something that people have to work through and it's not made easier by unspoken assumptions. I hope that anyone reading this has a good think ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 27 July 2010: @Serpico, no problem. If you don't think that this will be helpful to anyone, there's no need for you to link here.
It's like Q just said, we have seen post after post turn into unhelpful and possibly hurtful debate, rather than focusing on the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Q and Miamine, you both understand what it is I'm trying to create here, thank you both for your help and input and insight! It is much appreciated.... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: "a person deserves the chance to choose, say one partner was a molester ten years ago wouldnt you want to know the whole deal so that what ever consequences that come from it, it was your choice?"
I agree that a person deserves to know whether the ... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 26 July 2010: Some good posts on this thread about the topic: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-forget-about-my-wifes-past.html
... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: "what if the partner lies before marriage about sexual past?" Good question! What if that happens? What should the question be back to the one who lied?
"Why is it we always come up excuse that they must have had a good reason for lien to there part... (read in full...)
Retrograde jealousy
Q. DearCupid sees many stories about men and women who find out after they are married that their partners have more sexual experience or partners than was initially understood. It is a very real problem for the one who is devastated to discover the ...
A. 25 July 2010: Just to add to the original article, when I first read posts about people troubled by their partners' sexual pasts, I had the same initial reaction as many people. That is "get over it, that was long ago and doesn't have any bearing on your ... (read in full...)
| *isha-1's friends
These are mutual friends, so *isha-1 has
added them and they have added *isha-1!
|
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png){kind=small}
