Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: "I have alot of friends who are now married and the men are very much in love and there is no problem with worrying about thier womans past."
Of course. No one is arguing this effects everyone. Only that it's surprisingly common, and given th... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 5 February 2010: I've been contributing to and reading this site on this specific issue for quite a few years now. I'd agree with k_c100's points.
This tends to bother men more than women, although it can occur to both sexes.
When it does occur, it tends ... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 3 February 2010: "the evidence against evolution is that there is no evidence for it."
Arguing for or against evolution is not the subject of this article. So I won't do it. Other than to say there is more evidence for evolution than any other theory ever discover... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 2 February 2010: Evolution is one of the two best supported scientific theories (in terms of volume of evidence) that humanity has ever discovered. The other is quantum mechanics. There is no 'extreme evidence' against it, just some highly flawed 'intelligent ... (read in full...)
I feel like dumping her as she finds him attractive!
Q. i recently asked my girlfreind if She would ever have sex with this guy, i know she thinks is good looking, although she told me she is not intrested in anybody but me. She told me she doesnt just sleep with anyone, the fact she has only spoken t...
A. 27 October 2009: " he is 100x better than me, even though i dont let her know this"
This is your problem. You have some kind of inferiority complex with this guy that's making you insecure and jealous.
She's not into him. Your question was a trap that wasn't... (read in full...)
My wife lied about her past and I feel like I want to leave her!
Q. My wife told me she only ever had one boyfriend before me and she only ever slept with him twice. After 23 years together i discover that she was in fact in a sexual relationship with him for 2 years and then with another guy for 6 months. Having ...
A. 23 October 2009: Sorry, I have to comment on this from quiet echo:
"Daresay you'll get some responses from men claiming it's so much harder for men to accept a woman's sexual past than it is for us women because of some genetic hardwiring, but it's pure nonsense... (read in full...)
My wife lied about her past and I feel like I want to leave her!
Q. My wife told me she only ever had one boyfriend before me and she only ever slept with him twice. After 23 years together i discover that she was in fact in a sexual relationship with him for 2 years and then with another guy for 6 months. Having ...
A. 23 October 2009: This is commonly called retroactive jealousy. And it's a common 'condition', it happens to many men. Since it comes up here so often, I'll point you to a few previous questions, hope they help:
http:... (read in full...)
PCOS is ruining my life!
Q. So basically PCOS is ruining my life. I've been diagnosed for a year now but my doctor couldn't put me on the pill because of my acid reflux and Im still suffering form the horribly symptoms. It's affecting my reltionships with people and how I feel ...
A. 23 October 2009: There is lot you can do with diet to improve the symptoms of PCOS. My ex-wife had it, and working with her doctor she figured out a diet that led to major improvements. You can google 'pcos diet' to find information about this.... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend lying when he says he doesn't want me to get a boob job?
Q. Okay I want an HONEST answer from the guys here. I have small breasts, like B cup or so. There is enough there for a bit more than a handful, and I can make them look bigger with a push up bra but I hate to do that because I am aware that I am ...
A. 23 October 2009: As a guy who has has a girlfriend with a boob job, I can tell you I really don't like them and would never want my partner to get one. I'd also think seriously about having a relationship with someone who has had one.
So, at least to me, your boy... (read in full...)
How do I 'move in for the kiss'?
Q. This may sound stupid, or a waste of time but, ive been going out with a girl for almost 2 months now, im really into her, the thing is im not sure how to move forward because we have only really just been taking it easy, hugs, pecks all that stuff, ...
A. 19 October 2009: I have had success with the direct question: "Would you like to kiss me?". Keep eye contact whilst you ask (and of course ask at a suitable moment). ... (read in full...)
Why does this girl keep bringing up our past, she sleeps around!
Q. I just need to Vent a little... I really can't believe how rotten some people can really be... I was seeing a girl for about 5 months in said time she just put a good game on and really is a terrible manipulative rotten person.. Slept around ALO...
A. 14 October 2009: That sounds horrible.
I suggest your next course of action is to ignore her: don't reply or respond to any of her advances. She'll eventually lose interest.... (read in full...)
Does sex play a huge role in dating?
Q. How long do you wait for sex with a guy so he doesnt think you are a hoe or slut?...
A. 12 October 2009: Depends on the guy.
More importantly, how long should you wait to sleep with a guy so you don't feel like a hoe or a slut?... (read in full...)
How can I deal with girlfriend's past
Q. My girlfriends past bothers me alot. I know so much about her past and I always get these images that pop into my head of her doing things with other guys and its all I think about. Just looking at her kills me sometimes. The one time that has ...
A. 29 September 2009: This is commonly called retroactive jealousy. And it's a common 'condition', it happens to A LOT of guys. Since it comes up here so often, I'll point you to a few previous questions, hope they help:
http:... (read in full...)
Her fancy dress nights from the past are getting me down.
Q. Hi, I'm in a loving relationship with a wonderful girl and have been for almost a year. However I have an issue. I can't get over the fact that when she was single she used to love dressing up on fancy dress nights and Halloween etc. Obviou...
A. 18 September 2009: Well done for recognizing that these issues are being amplified by your own negativity during your time at college.
It's completely natural for a man to find the knowledge of his partners former sexual activities unpleasant. However it can (and... (read in full...)
My husband is obsessing over everything I might have done
Q. I just got married 4 weeks ago. My husband and I were both virgins on the wedding night. I am 27 and when I was 15 going on 16 I had a boyfriend. We did a lot of things, but never sex. My husband did nothing, he only ever kissed a girl. Now he can ...
A. 5 September 2009: This comes up frequently here. These might be helpful:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-would-not-have-married-her-had-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html
http://www.dearcupid.... (read in full...)
Dumped by my bofriend because I slightly lied about my sexual history
Q. I need men's advices. My boyfriend with whom I have been with for 6 great months dumped me 3 days ago because I decided to be honest and admit I had lied to him regarding my past sexual history (I told him I had slept with 10 guys instead of 13). ...
A. 4 September 2009: "Would you dump your GF you're in love with because she slightly lied on her sexual history and then tell you the whole truth after a few months"
Sadly the answer to this is yes. It's probably because he was in love with you that it hurt so much ... (read in full...)
Is there a way to fake your virginity?
Q. hi i would like to know if there's any women out there that have lied about being a virgin (especially if anyone's married a Muslim guy) but really they were not and have had to come up with a way to fake loosing their virginity to a man on their ...
A. 28 August 2009: My advice on faking your virginity would be... don't do it. Tell the truth.... (read in full...)
Male Vs Female; A Debate On The Male Obsession With A Woman’s Past
Q. After recently seeing a large number of posts on this site from men asking how to deal with a woman’s sexual past, I wondered why men were so concerned with something that at the end of the day, cannot be changed. So I entered into a conversation ...
A. 28 August 2009: The arguments being given are based on evolutionary psychology. The idea that we can understand much of our behaviour by looking at our evolution, and in particular whether certain behaviour made our offspring survive and multiply more readily than ... (read in full...)
The dreaded past...
Q. Hello. I was wondering about something. Lets just say my current girlfriend has slept with around 30+ guys/girls. She used to be into group sex, threesomes and one night stands. I ask her why and she said she was heavily intoxicated or under ...
A. 28 August 2009: This is a very common problem, it comes up here almost daily it seems! So you're not alone, and your reaction is not weird. I have some suggestions:
First you need to decide whether you want to stay with her. It's not going to be easy to get over... (read in full...)
When I tell guys I'm dating that sex is important to me, they laugh! Is what I'm saying weird?
Q. Hello So, i have been single for around six or seven months and it does not bother me (right now), i get alot of attention from guys and go on many dates, the problem is if im not sleeping with the guy on the third/fourth date or time i see t...
A. 24 August 2009: Guys your age can be very single minded about getting sex as soon as possible. When they're not understanding, it's perhaps that they just don't want to understand. Because understanding means waiting and they just don't have the patience. Well, not ... (read in full...)
Women aged 20-29 - please answer this!
Q. I've been seeing my gf for about 4 mos (I'm 39- shes 25) I know big gap. Anyway, about a month in -- we had "the talk" ---and I found out about her not so innocent past. It made me sick to find out she had slept with 15 other guys before me. ...
A. 23 August 2009: This comes up here a lot, you're not alone. I have experienced the same thing and found that unless someone had been in that situation it was very difficult to feel they had empathy.
Talking about 'averages' is a red herring. It has nothing ... (read in full...)
Past is the past right? I'm concerned by the number of her sexual partners!
Q. Hi Ive been seeing a new partner for a few months now.. i did the old fashioned courting, but eventually the moment came to have sex. The night was fab..no problems there, but while lying there chatting.. the topic of how many partners we ha...
A. 14 August 2009: Be careful. You don't want it sitting in the back of your mind too long, or it will find pernicious ways to come to the front of your mind. If you find yourself dwelling on it, try to change the subject in your head. The more you think about it, the ... (read in full...)
To the men out there - do you get excited by the idea of seeing your wife having sex with another man?
Q. I would like to see my wife having sex with another man, the thought excites me. Does any other male have this feeling....
A. 13 August 2009: I'm really curious about why someone would want this (I find the idea horrifying). This was the closest I could get to a good understanding:
http://www.nerve.com/dispatches/ma/cuckold/printcopy.asp
Anyway, as the article suggest, you are... (read in full...)
I don't believe in true love so I want my friend to pop my cherry!
Q. How can I convince my friend to pop my cherry before I go off to the college? I really don't believe in "True Love", so I'm not waiting for the right man....
A. 7 August 2009: True love is very real. It will happen to you one day, and when it does you'll likely wish you hadn't convinced your friend to pop your cherry for whatever reason you have now.... (read in full...)
I've been avoiding sex because I'm afraid of being compared to her other 30 partner!
Q. I have a girlfriend and we have been official for just over a month now. I've known her for 3 years prior to getting involved with her. She is a lovely person, and I'm so glad we are together, but she recently confided in me that she has slept with ...
A. 1 August 2009: Having been in a situation not unlike yours, here's some advice from what I learned:
- Ask her to stop giving you information about her past partners (names, details etc), and resist the temptation to ask her yourself. The more you know, the more... (read in full...)
I found my 40 year old husband in bed with a blonde 20 year old!
Q. What would you do if you found your husband who's 40 in bed with a girl between the ages of 18-21? The girl being young, blonde everything he would like, he gets paid about 4K a month and his credit card bill was higher than usual so i dont kno...
A. 27 July 2009: Seems like everyone is telling you to divorce without knowing much background information. It may be nothing more than sex to him, and being caught may shock him into reforming his behaviour. Unless you want out of your marriage, I'd suggest some... (read in full...)
When is it ok to sleep with a guy?
Q. When is it ok to sleep with a guy? first date, second? a month......just when i like a guy i get so sexually frustrated i want sex with them as soon as.......
A. 24 July 2009: It's ok to sleep with a guy whenever you like. As long as you are safe and responsible.
But understanding male psychology is worth doing if you're looking for more than just a one night stand.
Guy's (most of us) separate women into two categor... (read in full...)
How do I get over this? My self-esteem is crushed!
Q. I feel very bad. My first boyfriend of almost 3 years broke up with me. Basically, once he heard about my past, he thought I was a whore, and because I lied about the past a couple of times, he lost his trust in me. Now, I know lying was wrong, but ...
A. 24 July 2009: His abusive behaviour is not acceptable.
Having said that, his reaction is not unusual. If a guy learns that his girlfriend has lied to him about her past sex life, it's a common reaction for him to freak out like this. Right now he'll feel he ... (read in full...)
Everything was going great until we had sex! What do I do now?
Q. ok i met this guy at work and he was into me and i was too. he was real nice and sweet. until we had sex thats when everything went wrong. he started to treat me bad. until one night he called me when he was drunk. he was telling me he liked me and ...
A. 23 July 2009: It's possible he was primarily chasing sex, and once he got it started treating you badly to create a situation where he didn't have to see you anymore. Hoping you'd get rid of him so he doesn't have to dump you. It's cowardly but some guys do it.
... (read in full...)
It bothers me that she's slept with so many people. I value sex, and she has just been giving it away
Q. my girlfriend is 19 and so am i. She has had sex with seven different guys, including me, while i've only had sex with her. Ever since she told me about that, i haven't had the same respect for her and i feel like i cant see her the same way. a lot ...
A. 21 July 2009: The article linked to below this is very harsh, although it does contain some grains of truth. But it seems it's not going to help you do much other than break up with her.
He is right that the primary cause of the 'double standard' is biologic... (read in full...)
Is it true that men will have sex with any female who is willing?
Q. Is it true that men can have sex with any female. If female is willing and approaching them , they never say no. Even if they love their partner, but for sex they everready for any female. Male readers plz answer this question...
A. 20 July 2009: No, actually I find a woman hitting on me to hard a major turn-off... (read in full...)
All the guys I date get too serious with me when all I wanna do is have a bit of fun! How can I stop this?
Q. ok so I'm 14..gonna be a sophomore. I can't seem to figure out why every guy I date "falls in love" with me. I mean I'm still young and I don't wanna get all serious with anyone but every guy I date about a week later theyre like I think I really ...
A. 28 June 2009: At your age boys tend to confuse lust with love. Meaning, when they say they are in love with you, they are really in lust with you. Saying 'i think i love you' is often a prelude to wanting to become increasingly sexual.
There's probably... (read in full...)
Do I have to tell my boyfriend everything about my past?
Q. I have a serious question that I need advice on. I am in a long term relationship and I'm starting to get the feeling that my boyfriend is going to propose. I love him very much and definitely want us to get married. I have two things that I have ...
A. 28 June 2009: It depends. If there is a chance he'll find out about either, then I believe you should tell him. It will be much worse if he accidentally finds out one day, he'll feel you lied to him and it will be potentially disastrous. For example, if some... (read in full...)
We split up and I've become promiscuous, why?
Q. Hi Me and my ex split up after 5 years. The reason for the split was because he cheated and was physically abusive, at the time of the spilt i was 21 he was 27. It was not an amicable split due to finance and our property, but we finally sold tha...
A. 22 June 2009: Like the others have said it's normal behaviour. It's like a 'rebound' relationship, or in your case a string of them. You feel rejected and so are needy, and at least sex with these guys is giving you something, although as you are finding out: not ... (read in full...)
Why don't men get it?
Q. Why dont men understand? If men were the ones who had the babies and their bodies stretched and scarred how would they feel if their women were masturbating over buffed men 20 years younger than them...? I still don't get how men seem to think ...
A. 19 June 2009: "Porn is completely natural" (from the comment above)
From the dictionary:
Natural: existing in or caused by nature, not made or caused by humankind.
Porn may be harmless (personally I don't think it is, since it is addictive and can damage... (read in full...)
G/f threw me out because I laughed when her bikini top got pulled off
Q. My girlfriend (of 2 years) is really mad at me for not covering her up at a pool party when my friend pulled off her bikini top and all I did was laugh and well me and my friend (we were both pretty drunk at the time) played monkey in the middle ...
A. 19 June 2009: Ouch. You broke the most important rule of being a boyfriend: protect your girlfriend! Her image of you as 'her protector' is now broken and lying shattered in pieces on the floor.
I suggest you do several things:
- Write her a letter that is i... (read in full...)
He's driving me nuts with his constant questions about my past work fling!
Q. Dear Cupid, my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me about a year ago. After a couple months of not talking, he decides he wants back in my life as a friend at first. So we start talking and i revealed the fact that i had "gotten ...
A. 19 June 2009: Don't answer any more of his questions about this. The more you tell him, the more upset he'll get. Every bit of information and detail will just give him extra stuff to criticise you over, and extra stuff for him to obsess over and get angry ... (read in full...)
Why don't men get it?
Q. Why dont men understand? If men were the ones who had the babies and their bodies stretched and scarred how would they feel if their women were masturbating over buffed men 20 years younger than them...? I still don't get how men seem to think ...
A. 19 June 2009: I think men understand that. But they also see porn everywhere: you can hardly turn your head without seeing something pornographic. With it so present, it's hard to argue that it's wrong, since our eyes are telling us quite the opposite. It's like ... (read in full...)
Is ignoring someone a good way to break up with them?
Q. I am breaking up with my girlfriend. I plan on doing the whole ignoring treatment. I stopped talking to her, I stopped calling and I am ignoring her txt msgs. She has a feeling that I will be doing this. Is this a good method and what would...
A. 17 June 2009: It's a cowardly way to break up with someone.
The 'only' proper way is to meet up and do it face to face. Be kind when you do it, remember the good times you had together and emphasise the positive.
But be honest about why, without attackin... (read in full...)
Should my past not matter to him?
Q. this guy and i have been together for about 8 months but never officially dating. its driving me crazy that i want to be his actual girlfriend. we act like we are anyway. he's always asking me about my past. i dont have a good sexual reputation and ...
A. 14 June 2009: It does matter to a lot of guys, and it's something that tends not to go away over time (at least not without a lot of effort on the part of the guy). For him it may well be a 'good' reason not to date you. If this has been going on for 8 months ... (read in full...)
Why doesn't my girlfriend want to add me on her facebook?
Q. I invited my girlfriend to my facebook 3 days ago she still hasn't added me. I noticed after inviting her that her ex is on there. I asked her why she said its nothing. Well she still hasn't accepted me and I told her I'm going to delete ...
A. 8 June 2009: Does sound a bit suspect. There is no 'good' reason why your gf would not want you on her facebook. I would recommend not putting your relationship status on FB, but being listed as a 'friend' is appropriate.
I suggest just asking her outright... (read in full...)
Tempted to cheat 2 years into a relationship, is this normal?
Q. i no you probably think I am being stupid, but I am such a worrier!! i have been tempted to cheat on my partner (a year ago)! has most people if not everyone in long term relationships been tempted to cheat at least once? and would this be something ...
A. 28 May 2009: There is an interesting scientific theory about the 2-3 year 'hump' and not uncommon desire to either cheat or look for someone else at that moment. I don't know if it's correct or not, but it's plausible.
The theory states that we naturall... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 28 May 2009: It sounds like you handled that as well as you could. She's of course not going to like to hear it, but you did the right thing in telling her it's your issue not hers. That's the most important thing.
I recommend not discussing it too much mor... (read in full...)
Has anyone ever left their girl because of her past?
Q. Has anyone ever actually had enough courage to leave their girlfriend or fiance because they couldn't cope with her past? I'm stuck between walking away from someone I love for my own sanity, or having a loving loyal wife but having to deal w...
A. 27 May 2009: Plenty of people have, yes.
You need to recognise that this issue is your issue. If you're jealous of your current partners past, you're likely to be jealous of any future partners pasts, if they have similar pasts that is.
So it partly depend... (read in full...)
13 years old and pregnant. Unsure of what to do?
Q. This will be quite long so lease bear with me. I came from a good loving family and has good reputation. My mom, my aunts, all the ladies in my family were married first before sex. Except for one, my aunt who was left by the man who didn't know ...
A. 27 May 2009: Abortion is your choice at the end of the day. If you want to do it, you should do it even if your boyfriend does not agree. I guess that when you are at home each night looking after the baby, he will often be out having fun with his friends. So he ... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 25 May 2009: should i talk to her more deeply about this?
No. Well, it is good to tell her what you are feeling so she understands why you're behaving strangely. But don't question her about her ex any more, or criticise her past behaviour, or make her feel... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 25 May 2009: A: will it get easier with time and if i try my best (distracting myself)?
- Yes, but it takes patience, determination, and there will be setbacks. But it's worth it.
B: will these feelings pass if i have sex with her?
- No. And they can in... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 20 May 2009: "so what youre saying is i need to change my thoughts?"
Yes, kind of. You can't change your initial thought, but what you can change is how you react to your thoughts. One thought leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another.... (read in full...)
How do I accept her past?
Q. i think my other question was rejected so im asking again. ive recently found out my girlfriends ex boyfriend used her for sex and blowjobs... alot, and pretended to love her, she was a virgin before him. im 16 and a virgin and i had always wante...
A. 20 May 2009: "...he took a part of her she can never give me. he ruined something i wanted in my life. it was so close to perfect."
You have to stop thinking in those terms. Your jealousy towards her ex is twisting your logic, you're not really making sense.
... (read in full...)
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